We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

just sorry to hear you don't feel more in control

Perhaps once things get going in a few months it'll feel better.

Our record when TTC was 6 days in a row, with a twice a day shag on one of those days.

Now we've shagged twice in 6 months...

Sorry for the bfn kez. But as others have said, a) you don't know when you iced so can't predict how many dpo you are and b) you used a clear blue without fmu which are notoriously shit and not accurate.

just sorry you are feeling disappointed.

Aww just I completely missed your post, so sorry

Unmumsnetty hugs for you. Your in the system though, it's a start. Try not to be too disheartened about it this coming from someone who is cursing her hospital as she types. Have some and a

I'm dreading all those questions, especially the one about health

Although I would just like to say I've not had one fag in 22 days all I want to do at the minute is eat though.

I do think she's on route - spotting when I went to the loo before leaving work

Sorry just hopefully once things start happening to will feel better about it. It's a start though at least.

Yup! She's here

Is today classed as my CD1 then... Or should that be tomorrow?!

Oh no kez :(

Cd1 is your first full day of flow before mid day I think

Ah Kez I'm sorry

We mostly do EOD. Trying to convince DH to have an extra when the pant snot appears but he doesn't like the pressure. Think he'd rather be blissfully ignorant of women's stuff. We haven't given out a SOTM award recently.

That sounds pretty standard, Just. Glad you didn't waste time doing bloods that would have been repeated anyway...once the dildoscanners call you I expect things will move forward.

Just occurred to me that would have been more appropriate there

Oh wow I can't stop crying. Just been looking at pictures of my baby nephew.

Emosh fuck wit.

Aww, sorry kez :(

Sorry kez . Horrible to get you hopes up when af is late. Massive unmumsnetty hugs for you.

Thanks all.

I've well and truly had enough of this now.

Me me blah blah me blah me

So sorry kez. Its totally shit!

Sorry kez

just at least you're on the FC bus now!

I'm stressing so much about my really low iron. I can't step away from Google and there's so much about how very low iron counts make foetus abnormalities much more common.

I know I iced this month and we dtd all the right times. What if my low iron has caused a problem?? Can't get in at the docs until Tuesday which is unheard of for my doctors too. Typical.

Sorry Kez. It's a toughie, I felt weird meeting my niece, a mixture of being totally in love, like a big fat failure for being five years older than sis in law and no idea about how you care for new borns or how to make one and FEAR about the realities of a newborn baby and all the responsibility! Don't blame you for sobbing!

YB don't panic about the iron. And stop googling, there's lots if crazy stuff out there. Speak to the doc and see what they say before you madly panic or anything.

Just your next app will one round quick I'm sure and at least you've taken steps to get where you want to be.

pee that's how I feel about my nephew. Totally in love but bone crushingly jealous.

yb stop stressing and stop googling. Start getting those levels up, take vit c to increase absorption, take the tablets and eat spinach and steak.it will be fine. My sister had very low iron throughout her pregnancy and before but she has a healthy 5 month old.
Get some floradix.

kez so sorry lovely. It is shit. It will happen though. Take your anger out on the hospital appointments office

YB gentle hooyah. It's easy to get fixated on blood results - there's a constant feeling of "if I can just get these numbers right, then everything will work!" They're really just part of the picture. There are things you can do to help, but no guarantees for any of it. I get a bit cynical about some of the tests private clinics run, which come back showing deficiencies in x, y and z rare vitamins or micronutrients, which conveniently the clinic happens to sell, but which may not be proven to have any overall beneficial effect on fertility.

Sorry FC didn't go as well as you'd hoped just, fingers crossed things will get moving soon.

Wasn't really disappointed with how it went. Thought they were good actually. Just feeling a bit blah about it all!

Haha London we usually dtd twice a day and much more at weekends holidays etc think I must have really high sex drive there has been one day we didn't dtd before bed as exhausted and I practically pounced dp when he got home was very distracted at work all day cause I was so horny! It did occur to me at one point that maybe we do it to much and possibly that is the reason I'm not getting pg we did try eod for about a week once and we were both miserable!
kez
just when we went to fc first couple of times I found it frustrating like things seemed a bit groundhog day but then all of a sudden things progressed once they gave me a prescription for clomid I started to feel like I was taking control a bit more

Just - know how you feel, I have good days and bad days after fc appointments, just depends on how much progress I make.

Cori were your dh test results ok? Do doctors know you do it that much? What did they say? Are you doing iui and clomid?

NFMV - first day of Doctor enforced contraband, negative. Scan on Saturday with possible trigger Saturday evening for a Monday iui if no natural surge before then. DH is ill so no shag tonight :-( was actually looking forward to it as well.

I went oddly zen about the iui a couple of days ago and have completely accepted that this is unlikely to work. Has kind of taken the pressure off. DH and I have decided adoption, surrogacy and donor is not for us so if this doesn't work we are on to Ivf once we have saved up for it, he doesn't like the idea of doing it in Europe so we will have it here which is a lot more expensive. Might see if I can look into doing it private in uk as then we can do it in the summer holidays.

Dh and I had a screening of all the back to the future films yesterday, timed the jump exactly for the moment they jump to 2015. DH and I met at a science fiction society in uni.

Hi ill we are just doing the clomid at present they told us to come back in 6 months if I don't get upduffed in mean time and then they are going to discuss iui / ivf when dp had first sa it showed his motility was slightly low but everything else normal then the second one had improved slightly but was still just short of what consultant described as normal don't really understand all the numbers and what not but he told us it was 28 the first time and 30 the second and that normal was 32 don't know how they assign the number it wasn't a percentage they asked us if we had regular sex but didn't actually ask us how often so at the time we never told them as didn't seem relevant!

Morning ladies.

Just sorry your appointment wasn't as successful as you had thought.

Kez

Has anyone used Evening Primrose Oil? I read it was good to help improve your CM?

Cori, how old are you? In my prime DH and would shag multiple times a day but that was a long time ago. To be fair, we do still shag more or less every day when we are on holiday just not in every day life . Was your DH's sperm count okay then? I've read that optimal sperm quality comes for DTD every 2 days or so-- it allows the count to build up but not so long that the quality goes down!

Ill sorry to hear you missed you evening shag! Why do you have to do IVF privately? Is it not covered by the NHS where you are? I hope you get luck before having to go through all that expense. GX for you

Well, I'm coming off the pill early so I can finally be more than a lurker!
Technically still not trying until December but to be honest we're also not going to be that careful.

I'm so excited, it's really hard not to talk about it with everyone. Just want to jump up and down all the time