The commune is gathering for a sacred BFP! We are worshipping our womble conkers and admiring penis statues, but we're still remembering to jump our miroids at every opportunity! It's Just Shagging 54

[jellypi3]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 53 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2457521-Oh-Shagging-Gods-Grant-us-our-Wish-A-Newborn-so-Tiny-to-Squish-By-Shagging-like-Stars-Or-with-Jizz-in-our-Bras-To-the-Disco-in-a-Petri-Dish-its-JS-53?msgid=56749960#56749960" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2444058-Just-Mumming-Thread-7-the-grads-grads-cope-with-walking-own-rooms-and-have-little-time-for-shagging" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

It took my mother 13 months to have me- not sure how long with brother and sister.

We've only DTD once so far this cycle and I think I should be ov'ing today / this weekend.... So when we wakes up, tonight, tomorrow morning, tomorrow evening and Monday morning should suffice

He shouted at me last time as I didn't role over and stick my legs in the air for 15 minutes! how true is this anyway?!

He shouted at me last time as I didn't role over and stick my legs in the air for 15 minutes! how true is this anyway?!

With DC2 we had been trying for 4 months, then someone told me about this. I stood on my head for as long as I could after dtd and sure enough that was the time it worked.

Probably just coincidence, but you've just reminded me so I'm going to be standing on my head from hereon in!

haha! The things we do when TTC! I might have to try it then...DH seemed to be quite upset that I went to the bathroom afterwards! (Okay I was knackered and wanted to freshen up before going to sleep!!)

I am honestly gutted about that dream - it was very realistic, I had two tests - ic and frer and both had nice dark lines! Then I woke up and remembered it was just a dream.

I spoke to a friend this week who told me she couldn't have children due to her health/condition and her DH had low motility.

She now has a healthy 8 month old.

We are still waiting for our appointment date for the FC I'm very impatient

DH are both working hard at getting healthier too - obviously I'm doing stoptober and he's also doing sober October. Although I've told him he can have one night off as its our 2nd anniversary this coming week.

Which brings me onto my next hope -

We got engaged 11/10/12, married 12/10/13 and nothing last year. It would be nice to conceive this weekend (10/10/15 / 11/10/15) to keep some sort of pattern going

Hello runner, don't lurk, join in yours and hope's df's sound awful

My dm took 8 years to get pg with my eldest sibling. She was 29 when she finally got there. I'm on yr 6

chat nfyv?

Hi Tink I'd love to as you ladies are hysterical but I'm only sneaking in to get tips and have a giggle at the moment as not TTC until December. I will most definitely be back to join in then

runner we don't discriminate, join in. December isn't that far away :)

keep gx for the pattern!

tink stay positive. The fact your DM did get there in the end should give you some hope. I know it doesn't always feel that way tho.

Ill HOOYA, 9dpiui is too early! I didn't get anything on ic when I tested daily with ladt ivf until 10days and that was t anything convincing until 12. The opk is a good sign but do a frer in 3 days and see what it says. Gx

Runner unfortunately it does sound that way! Your poor dm I bet she was so relieved when you were ok.

Ill good sign and gx but too early!! Exciting though and I'd have probably done the same.

Tink, as lil says, frustrating as it is that's hope for you

My name is lil and I'm addicted to poas. This is day two my sobriety. I need to get through today, then it'll be easy not to poas tomorrow cos that was when it went wrong last time, and I'm allowed to do a frer on Monday no I'm not clinic send no more testing!

Keep me sane viroids.

Lil don't test! I keep testing and comparing lines and am driving myself so crazy I'll soon need to be committed. Just don't do it to yourself. I started to feel better today as I did two tests in the same pee and they had different results even though it was the same brand and the same pee out of the same packet. DONT TEST! DONT TEST!

Repeat testing is the work of the devil!

Just I just snorted at your comment about riding your cat around the neighbourhood in a pram.....that's exactly what we used to do with our old family cat! (In the garden). She bloody loved it! Rode around in that pram like the Queen! Even my dad used to push her around in it. Funniest thing ever was when we got new neighbours... Despite a huge garden, there was one point by the back door where they could see into our courtyard from their bedroom window. Yep, within a week of them moving in, the wife had spotted my mum talking the to cat in her pram from that window.

Luckily they gave us a chance and made my DM and DF godparents to the children they had - they liked a bit of eccentricity!

Lil what are you doing?? To make you think twice about POanotherS - I did ONE pregnancy test this time.

One.

Just one.

And we know what I'm like for POAS.

You are preggo

keep I had a very vivid dream last night too but nothing to do with ttc. The out building of our house got broken into and everything was taken except three bikes. So DH Vespa scooter, a weights bench and weights, a pressure washer, plus the shed was completely cleared but two road bikes and another mountain bike were left up against the hedge. There was no sign of a break in so somehow they had got into the house to get the outbuilding key.

I was disappointed that the cat hadn't stopped the burglars by attacking them or wailing loudly to wake us up. I also couldn't work out how to call the police as it wasn't important for a 999 call and I couldn't work out how to contact them other than through 999.

When I woke up this morning I had to look out the window to check the out building was fully in tact and everything was still there.

Know idea what it all means

NFMV: nothing - approaching fertile week so mentally preparing for all the shagging

Major x post as the phone rang when I started writing....

lil step away from the sticks. Repeat after me... I will not poas, I will not poas
I will lend you some of my will power - I've not poas since March

In other news I caught my cleaner talking to the cat yesterday

In my town there's a lady who pushes an old fashioned pram full of little yappy dogs. I actually think she's pretty cool.
Lil I can't judge, I did 4 tests this time. Can't say they were that reassuring but they were there in the cupboard looking at me.

Gx the opk is a good sign ill. We are here for hand holding to get you through the next few days.

What pregnancy tests are you using Ill? Last time got pregnant I got a positive opk at 11dpo but the pregnancy test that was the same sort of Internet cheapie one had such a faint line first thing on the same day I was the only one who could see it and nothing at all later in the day. Fingers crossed for you.

London is it the Harmony test you are talking about?

Black our cleaner used to do that Cat chatted back too...

Ill how exciting! GX

Step away from the sticks Lil, that way lies the madness.

Hope you're right of course

Hi, Runner!

NFMV: still spotting, bit heavier, feel crap. DH being particularly helpful and asking why don't I know what's going on? I think I'm out, don't think it's doing my head any good to think otherwise.

FuzzyOwl Harmony is a company that do the NIPT. I'm going with Panorama as their blood analysis technique can be done earlier and is slightly more accurate. There are several companies who do it, though I think Harmony are the only UK lab.

Here is information and stats on both Harmony and Panorama. St Thomas use Verifi to do their NIPT testing.

www.thebirthcompany.co.uk/non-invasive-prenatal-test/

Sorry to hear you think you are out Chat. I hope you are wrong but can understand it is easier to believe you are.

Thanks for that London. If I do manage to get pregnant again, it is something I definitely intend to do (although it means I have to get over my fear of scans which is a whole other conversation).

Thank you for the hooyahs, totally needed that.

Fuzzy I used an ic and a frer, I know overkill.

Keep sorry you had a crappy dream, I hate ones that feel real, so disorientating.

Gx for you Ill

Hi runner. (Are you a runner?)

Lil step away from the pissy sticks! What did we talk about on FB? Don't think you can get away with confessing on the undergrads, I'm watching here too.. (Mwahahaha, evil laugh).

Totes do a FRER on Monday though. But you are not allowed to freak out if the line is lighter, London has proven my point about that not being an actual thing!

Hi Pud the mahoosive running machine in my living room would suggest I am a runner... The inch think dust on it would suggest that I'm also very lazy

you all make me very jealous that I have to wait 2 months before obsessing about poas

Finally donned my cape this morning. Think I might have iced already though as got skittle tits . Would be rather early though but can't see why else I would 've sore of book.
We did shag last night but dp jizzed on my tits, forgot apparently

*sore of boob even!

just you need to stop this!

I donned the cape also this morning and about 2 hours ago felt like my bazongaz were quite sore... Meaning I would also have iced early.

Oh. My. God. I think you might be my sister by another mister or something.