Oh Shagging Gods Grant us our Wish, A Newborn so Tiny to Squish, By Shagging like Stars, Or with Jizz in our Bras, To the Disco in a Petri Dish...it's JS 53!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 52 (The one where we recruited) is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2443514-Come-one-come-all-to-the-shaggers-ball-theres-fanjo-flags-and-party-bags-well-laugh-a-lot-and-well-get-our-tots-so-legs-in-the-air-for-the-shaggers-extraordinaire-Recruiting-YOU-on-JS52?msgid=56323474#56323474" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2450166-Were-growing-babies-stomach-beards-and-nipple-pubes-its-pregnancy-glamour-galore-with-humongous-tits-medicinal-prunes-and-praying-for-poo-on-JS-Grads-37" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2444058-Just-Mumming-Thread-7-the-grads-grads-cope-with-walking-own-rooms-and-have-little-time-for-shagging" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a> and a bit out of date now <strong>La</strong> has done a baby.

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Justme go with whatever you both feel comfortable with. If you decide to use opk's then get the cheap ones and try to use them regularly for a few cycles to see if they help give you a better picture of your cycles. It can take up to a year for the pill to get out of your system so your cycle may be still messed up a little.

Do you remember that girl I said was pregnant with twins? She had them yesterday. She got booked in to have them delivered by cs. My Facebook is currently covered in pictures of newborns. I may have to block her for a while.. not keen on her name choices. But squishy newborn pics are making me feel quite jealous... especially as I know this was an accidental pregnancy... Grrr.

Really struggling with the whole sleeping thing again tonight too. This is now nearly two weeks worth of not sleeping properly (by my standards as I am not a good sleeper anyways). I have my first counselling session in 7 weeks tomorrow so something to bring up..

Hate this stupid mobile site!

feathered congratulations. Hoping this one is sticky for you. I keep telling myself that mc in first pg is common and that plenty of ppl who mc go on to have healthy pg's and healthy babies. Go to the grads when you feel ready but do stick around here of you need to. I know how little comfort the strength of the line on frer is. Maybe ask gp for a beta hcg blood test to check your levels are where they should be if you're worried?

just for you. You have to remember these norons and their miracle babies have no idea what we are going through because they haven't been through it. They would probably feel awful if they knew the pain they caused.

The woman at counter in homebase the weekend was making small talk while we were waiting for a stock check and thought it was ok to ask of we were planning to have kids next as we were doing our house up. I refrained from reducing her to the size of a 5p piece with my 3year ttc + ivf + mc story. Stupid bitch.

Don't feel bad those not DTD since bfp. It's the one reason I'm glad dh gas a low sex drive, I know he won't pester me for sex during ivf/ after bfp!

Though nfmv: just for fun shag yesterday morning and it was great!

chat I'll put before and after pics on fb page when it's all done for you. Furniture coming Friday and being fitted next week. Still praying to be sorted by ec so I can veg out in new room.

And I've realised my scan is Wednesday not Tuesday grrr. Never mind. I'm sure I can wait another day after waiting this long.

Meant to say, yoga book the flight. If I'd put my life on hold for ttc I'd have missed out on Crete, cape Verde, Cyprus, Ibiza, new house. Dh didn't get a new sports car because we were planning a baby and expected to need a sensible car. He could've had that new sports car for 3 years by now and really regrets not getting it. Of course it helps he didn't to pay for the ivf but I'm sure we'd have found a way to pay for it anyway!

Uh I keep. Remembering other things I've read! Who was going to test Wednesday cos of wonky cycles. My advice is with black don't test. I'd wait to get to your longest previous cycle length before testing unless you have significant symptoms before that. And we approve those symptoms and give you permission to test!

Thank you for the replies. I spoke to DH who apparently doesn't have any issues in us doing eod funny that so we'll try that going forward and see what happens.

Aw, just catching up and congrats Feathered, chuffed for you! sticky bean!

Sorry if I'm skipping over what others have been discussing, thought there's no hope in catching up!

That woman in Homebase sounds a moron Lil I got a lift with a friend I'd not seen for a while this weekend, whose wife is pregnant with their second baby, very shortly after their first. We were discussing the merits of gaps between kids and he threw in the 'well, waiting wasn't a question as wife will be too old if we did.'

*(&^TUIHKJ.

Huff. I know he didn't mean to offend over sensitive me but I was gritting my teeth on the inside as I'm already older than his wife and old enough (much to my denial and horror) to be on the scary side of those statistic graphs for declining old age and fertility! I can't even imagine second baby when first is nowhere to be seen!

Anyway, people fling these silly comments into conversations without realising they seem smug and highly annoying. Ooooh. I'm annoyed all over again writing that!

People don't think do they? for lil and pee for restraint.

Dr surgery wouldn't give dp print out of results, he has to wait til Friday for an appointment. Does that mean anything?

I had to work the day my MC started to kick in badly (my choice - not the best choice) and a supplier I had awarded a substantial contract to felt it appropriate (he was way too chummy) to tell me all about his little boy finishing with "are you and mr feather going to have children? They are amazing you know. Do you want a family?"

People are just weird. Mind your own beeswax, douches.

I'm guilty of having asked about people having children in the past. Ohh how I have learned. Never again!

The questions for me are constant! Was moaning to another collegue about the time off I need to take for my appointment without mentioning it's for an appointment as it looks like I won't be able to get the time off my work for it. She goes and asks if its for a scan.. No.

It means nowt just. Apparantly they can't possibly read out a simple sa result over the phone, doctors have to give you those. Tossers performing scans, however, will happily make you think you're about to die with all the gasps and long words they give you even though they are supposed to send a report to your doctor for analysis

No one we know asks us anymore, they all know. Strangers that ask get told "yes we would love children but it doesn't come that easily for everybody" that soon shuts them up. It happened recently with some folk we met in a restaurant, she spent ages moaning about her 5 kids then asked me the dreaded question. i gave her the above response and she looked really shocked. I also love the "one day" response, what you're really saying is fuck off and mind your own business without running the risk of getting barred from the pub!

Belly I think I'm with you there A friend of mine can't have children and just says now "I can't have them" when ppl ask. She said it's either tell them the truth and let them deal with it or she feels bad.

Ok good! Was panicking! I have had that with scans before, bloody terrifying!

Mind your own beeswax, douches

Just I feel like you need a hand gesture with that!!

I felt the hand gesture was implied! Thank feathered for the beautiful words.

God, new job is kicking my arse, so tiring being nice all day

Feathered congrats, all the best for a sticky bean.

Lil argh I hate that. As DH just got a tenure track job and we brought a house everyone asks now. We usually just say "eventually"

Anyone testing a week today?

Nfmv - non, still getting positive opks due to trigger shot.

Today is a holiday here so we finally started on the gardening.

feathered I think I missed the BFP announcement but I gather there has been one?! Congratulations!!

There has been a BFP Keep but not getting too excited yet. Tiredness kicked in this morning and the need to pee all the time. Super early symptoms.

Going to do as you suggest Lil and speak to GP about concerns and ask for regular progesterone/HCG bloods.

Good god, the man I'm sat next to on the train absolutely stinks. Like horrible damp washing that hasn't completely dried. Urgh.

Ouch Feathered sounds like you did well to hold it together when that colleague dropped the nesting bombshell. What bad timing.

Tink Good on you with the come back. People mean well but if friends don't talk about it they probably don't want to and seriously, what response do people want or expect to get back? YEAH! We are shagging loads THANKS SO MUCH FOR ASKING!

I think Mumsnet need to include some ruder emoticons than cake and flowers. Fanjos and hand gestures please! Maybe some of the ones you get on the period tracker app, discharge and sore boob icons!

Think everyone knows we're trying. No-one asks how it's going or if we're shagging loads though - little mercies.

I'd be broadly supportive of a few more appropriate emoticons. MN, pretty please? We may even agree to tone down the wude-ness if you agree

Thanks for the pizza dough recipe Yoga. I'm seriously considering buying a breadmaker - anyone have one?

I've got one you can have chat
...have had it years and probably used it max 20 times, but i think it's one of those things you can get really into...a guy at work uses one to make his own bread at least once/week and consequently is v good at it and it warrants the space on the worktop ;)

Yep I've got one chat use it once per week through the winter. Usually on a Saturday morning so we've got fresh bread for the weekend. Try and avoid bread in the week anyway, and in summer there always feels like there is something better to do.
It's at least 15 years old and was a fancy one in its day. I would recommend a bog standard one though as I only ever use the turbo setting, it works for all recipes. I would recommend you got one with a separate hole for the seeds/nuts/fruit etc. that way they get evenly distributed.

Gross story of the day: went to a public loo earlier and streaked across one of the loo seats was someones pant snot!! [sick face] < yy to discharge emoticon!!

Gross tink!!!

Btw purple just did a baby

Hoo-urgh! (In place of vomit emoticon!)

yuuuuk to gross public loo story tink blegghhh!!

Congrats to purple

That pizza recipe looks yum! I've never attempted my own pizza dough, or bread.