Oh Shagging Gods Grant us our Wish, A Newborn so Tiny to Squish, By Shagging like Stars, Or with Jizz in our Bras, To the Disco in a Petri Dish...it's JS 53!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 52 (The one where we recruited) is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2443514-Come-one-come-all-to-the-shaggers-ball-theres-fanjo-flags-and-party-bags-well-laugh-a-lot-and-well-get-our-tots-so-legs-in-the-air-for-the-shaggers-extraordinaire-Recruiting-YOU-on-JS52?msgid=56323474#56323474" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2450166-Were-growing-babies-stomach-beards-and-nipple-pubes-its-pregnancy-glamour-galore-with-humongous-tits-medicinal-prunes-and-praying-for-poo-on-JS-Grads-37" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2444058-Just-Mumming-Thread-7-the-grads-grads-cope-with-walking-own-rooms-and-have-little-time-for-shagging" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a> and a bit out of date now <strong>La</strong> has done a baby.

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Hello poppies waves

just sounds like your presentation went well. Even if you did need a throat sweet.

feathered

I am tired again. And again I can't sleep. I did fall asleep earlier for about an hour or so. DH woke me when he came to bed. He didn't mean to. I'm a light sleeper. He's now asleep and has been for a couple hours whereas I'm awake and tossing and turning..

Oops hello poppies!

NFMV:spotting last night and full flow af this morning with major cramps.

This whole ttc shit is just one huge head fuck. Feel so so stupid for even getting my hopes up, I really did believe that this was our month - why would I do that? It hasn't been our month for the last 21 so why would this one have been any fucking different?

Ooh extraordinary births you say? What channel? Might try and catch up on that later!

X post. black I'm so sorry lovely. Sorry if we got your hopes up too.
and for you.

sorry the witch got you black, next cycle is another chance. We need to have our optimism, it just fucking sucks when it doesn't work out.

Black I'm so sorry. It's hard enough to keep a pma but when this happens it's really tough to sustain. Lots of for you

I nearly unleashed the crazies on DH last night. We were watching tv and ppl were talking about all these things they 'needed' for a baby but weren't pg yet. I said that freaked me out because it's like tempting fate. DH said he agreed with them and they were just being prepared. I then let out in a voice only dogs can hear well where's our baby!? DH looked slightly aghast

Sorry black have lots of wine and cake.

Sorry black

black I'm so sorry. I've been there, around the same sort of way down the road too. I was only a day late (and genuinely late from the temping/opks) so started to think we'd finally done it, we could be one of "those" couples that get pg just before treatment. Then she fucking showed up. I was so distraught its the one time I cried down the phone to my mum, who knew we were waiting for ivf dates at that point. Gave a good cry and be good to yourself today.

tink glad you goes are back on the up. It is hard when they don't want to think/talk about it but its constantly on your mind.

just glad first day went well. Hope ur feeling better this morning.

feathered the frer's really made me lol. I'm hoping a bogof will come up between now and test date but seems I'll have to be quick.

Nfml (legs): Bored of injecting now. I want it to be Tuesday so I can start the fun ones!

Sorry Black and
Oh Feathered you poor thing! That is fucking funny though, I'm imaging your face as you trotted back home! for making your friend laugh. Me and DH shared a lot of very dark jokes during our MC and the laughter really helped. I would've loved some good old toilet humour.
pud join a commune?

So sorry to hear of your disappointment Black. Hope you manage to keep your chin up and that you find lots of ways to be kind to yourself today.

Feathered - good on you for putting your (ahem) shitty situation to your friend's benefit and making her laugh through tough times. I've never been in her position, but usually when life is bleak it's the people who are most able to keep being normal with you who are the most succour. Not suggesting, of course, that toilet troubles are your normal!

Those of you who've seen your GPs and more about TTC - do you know if they will help couples where the woman is overweight? I read that the NHS won't support fertility treatment if your BMI is over 30. Currently mine is 35. I've lost 3.5 stone in the last year but I haven't shifted any weight in ages. I hadn't really intended to medicalise all this until the new year, but I had a bit of a melt down in front of the nurse when I was signing up for a new surgery last week and she booked me in to see a GP at the end of the month. It's suddenly made everything seem very real... not just something DH and I were hoping for in secret...

Thanks for all the welcomes. This seems like a great place to hang out!

The birth programme was great! What a bunch of cray-crays. I actually rather liked dolphin lady! Although I doubt the dolphins would have been able to do anything if the mother had a ruptured placenta/needed an emergency section.

What got me was how convinced they all were that they were going to have the births they wanted - as if they felt they could control their bodies/babies. I guess most of them did, which is great, but they should acknowledge that as good luck more than anything.

Ain have you seen the GP about your lack of sleep? Would you consider taking something to help? I didn't sleep much last night (uneasy as DH away) and I feel absolutely terrible today - and I don't have to face a class of 5 year olds

Black Optimism is the only way forward with this whole ttc/pregnancy malarkey I think...otherwise it would be too easy to be in tears permanently and be unable to feel any sense of excitement at all. Hope you have a nice Friday night planned and that it involved a long bath and a few glasses of wine.

Lil what happens next week, once your leg injections are finished?

Thanks for the support viroids - you are all great

I'm just trying to hold my shit together as I'm working from home and the cleaner is here I make no apologies for having a cleaner, I work hard and hate cleaning, she is ace once she is gone I will probably have a mini meltdown and throw my toys out of the pram for a bit, then I will get over it, locate my pma and keep going.

Got one more cycle before fc appointment, although the letter does say that the consultant has to review our case before appointment is confirmed so I guess there is a chance it may not happen as by all accounts there is nothing fucking wrong with us

Hello Poppies!

Feathered Te he! Hope you didn't need to get the bus home smiling innocently out of the window and agreeing with everyone there was a funny smell but you had no idea where it was coming from.

Black I have recently got a cleaner, she's like a fairy who makes my house look like a hotel, for all of ten minutes before we mess it up again but so nice coming home to a freshly hoovered carpet that I didn't hoover! I can tell my Mum thinks I am a fallen woman who can't look after herself. Apparently in her day they'd call such women sluts. Think the meaning has changed a little through the generations.

Just it's OK to unleash the inner crazy from time to time. I am pretty sure DH thinks I've lost it a bit.

I have an exciting evening of OBEM and that crazees birth programme to further fuel my more or less constant thoughts of babies. DH off out. YESSSSS!

black I'm sorry the bitch has paid you a visit

I've had my results for the 21 day bloods - my progesterone levels are only 23 and should be 30... At least that is one box ticked. It was the nurse who told me this while taking a 2nd lot of bloods, so I need to wait until all results to see doctor to talk through the next steps.

We got rid of our cleaner in the summer. I still had to do the same amount of cleaning anyway because of the pet hair, we don't really miss her. If she would have just come and deep cleaned the bathroom and kitchen and hoovered I'd had kept her but she just couldn't leave everything else alone and then ran out of time every week. I quite like not having to tidy up before she comes now too!

I've also learned optimism is the only answer. You can't help wanting a baby, you can't just switch it off, so until the day they tell you it's not going to happen you just have to force the pma. Wine helps I also have myself geared up to adopt, I think a plan B is a brilliant thing to have, so in the darkest hours you can console yourself that there are other options and you'll get there eventually one way or the other. Would anyone on here consider surrogacy if it came to it?

keep sounds like you are part way to getting some answers. Are you confident they took those bloods at the right point in your cycle?

Well... It was based on the fact AF was due on Tuesday... But the bitch didn't arrive until Wednesday PM (spotting) then properly yesterday. I'll make the doc aware when we go in to see her.

Keep reading conflicting things online - some say 23 isn't too low to ovulate and others say it needs to be above 30. Confused.com!

tink I'd definitely adopt and this is something DH spoke about years ago (that if it came to it we would definitely consider). I've not considered surrogacy to be honest!

as in would i consider my body for surrogacy or would i consider using a surrogate? if the former then i'm not sure, before getting pg i'd have said yes but now, having gone through the stress and pain of the first trimester and now getting the excitement of the second trimester I'm not so sure i could carry a baby for 9 months and then give it away. I think it would take a very special person to do that.

Oh I read it as in would it be considered if all else failed...

In an extremely selfish way I wouldn't consider doing it FOR anyone else. I know, having been through the last year, I wouldn't be strong enough to have a baby for anyone else.

No i meant would you consider paying a surrogate if you couldn't have your own. My heads switched to "what if we got to plan b and got refused, what then?" The crazies never leave do they?? I'm not sure tbh..

Feathered that was proper friendship, that. No one I know would go to such lengths to make me smile

Ah JustMe that make me smile in a teary sort of way. Embrace the occasional mad moment, I'm sure it keeps us sane.

Lil how long now? Excited for you.

Sorry Black, look after yourself. You have to allow yourself to hope. I agree with Tink, nobody is going to be able to turn off wanting a baby in you, nor how much it matters when another months drifts by without one. Have a cuddle. I also love my cleaner

I would have been a surrogate until this year. The reality of knowing that the same could happen again and for it to destroy two other people's dreams would be too much for me to bear, or to risk. I would seriously consider using a surrogate though, and think they are wonderful people. I would also very seriously consider fostering little ones or adoption (but from babyhood, I would want to do the early years too). One of the stillbirth mamas is a two-time surrogate and I admire her so much.

NFM life: DD is four. She asked for a baby for her birthday next year. Told her I'd do my best.

ah i get you tink, yeah i think i would use one if i was struggling to adopt to be fair. can't be an easy decision and women that do it must be so brave!

chat big hugs. Your DD is so sweet