Welcome to Bumsnet-home of talking crap, speculating about Blairgowrie & hopefully a few BFPs!

[Nomio230]

Whether you have just started trying or been at it for years. Using IVF, AI, or just good old fashioned shagging, all are welcome.

Come join our crazy bus of laughter, tears and friendship on our way to BFP land.

Dizzy I've sent you a pm I think anyone on the page can add you

dizzyn any of us can import you but an admin needs to approve you I know eskimo is one of our admin peeps.

Boris have you tested yet ?

DizzyN That makes complete sense lovely, I struggled after my mc and though I was still on it was a much more dormant member. I know it can be painful. Big hugs to you x

So, DP and I had cross words last night.

One of his mates is a nurse who's had experience in the past with fertility or has done some sort of study into it. He'd been chatting to her the other day over coffee about us ttc, which is fine because I'm pleased he's taking an interest into why it's taking us a little while to conceive. However, he came home with all these ideas about what we should be doing which are at odds with my own ttc plan

His friend fell preggo a couple of years ago after four months of trying, at the time I believe in her late thirties. So naturally DP thinks her method will work for us.....yes, it worked for her but we're a different couple and it doesn't mean it will work for us!

All I want is to dtd eod and preferably on the day of ov, which I identify by cm and cp, starting from around cd15 as I never ov earlier from this.

DP now things, having spoken with his friend, that we should dtd every 3 days from cd7 and that this frequency would be enough because sperms lasts inside for 7 days......(that would mean shagging 5-6 times and I've pointed out that he's usually bored after we've dtd more than 2-3 times during fertile week

I disagree with this for the following reasons. Firstly, I doubt many people get upduffed by dtd more than a couple of days before ov. Secondly, my shifts mean we can't follow a rigid plan, sometimes we need to do it two days on the trot to take advantage of being together. Also, we have no idea what the quality of his sperm is....I think it's hugely ambitious for a 36 yr old with a bad diet to assume his sperm will last more than a couple of days! I also don't see the point in starting to dtd so early on when cm isn't even fertile and my cervix isn't even open to welcome in the sperm!!

He's so annoying! So last night he refused to dtd, saying that we'll next do it tomorrow morning (can't do it today because of work) having not dtd since Tuesday!! I could well ovulate today which I think leaves me with pretty much zero chance of catching the egg

Sorry to rant on, I just needed to get this off my chest. Why oh why can't he just do it when I ask him to? I'm sure this is why I'm not pg yet. Every single month without fail he gets bored halfway through the week and starts to dictate what days we do it on, meaning we always miss ov day!! He has no idea how my body works and what's more, I can't even explain to him because "it's tmi"!

Men...........

Sorry for the monster post.

thanks boris/beaut

Thanks for understanding mummy, i didn't want to offend anyone by leaving, but it is hard feeling left behind when you so desperately want to be a fully fledged member of the group! Hopefully I'll be back very soon xx

boris I didn't realise we weren't already fb friends! beaut I've added you!

eskimo can you approve me whenever you see this? Hopefully you'll recognise me from before!

DizzyN did you just request me in fb just making sure it's you without giving out any personal details after what's happened but pretty scenery picture?

I completely get what you mean re DH mine is the same. He told me this month that he doesn't want to be pressured and that we 'do it' way more than most of our friends. Hmm not sure how he knows this. Anyway I told him that yes we may well but we have to dtd at the right time and quite often during my fertile week it's not often enough. His reply was that "you can get pregnant other than in your fertile week you know". Aargh yes dear maybe a highly fertile couple can but after almost a year of trying we are no longer a highly fertile couple and breathe. He drives me insane sometimes haha

dizzym are you now on facebook?

Beaut read the thread back doh

DizzyN I added you to the group and its just waiting admin approval

Yes beaut that was me! Thanks for the add

boris the grads managed to persuade dizzym to sign up!

Added you DizzyN Sorry for the rows with your DH- hope you resolve the issue soon. How infuriating that he wouldn't consider DTD last night

Pikz!! Massive congratulations! So pleased for you

Sammy Hurrah for canine companions!

Thanks eskimo!

I think he's hoping dtd every three days will keep the spark there. We had really crap sex on Tuesday night, he says he only just managed to deliver the goods. I don't think every three days is enough though. There's hardly any charts on ff which show a pregnancy occurring with sex 3/4 days before ov. Although in theory I suppose as long as we could stick to the plan we would be doing it less than 2 days before or 3 days plus day of ov....if that makes sense.

I'm also annoyed as it's now cd23 and still no temp rise. Hopefully not another anovulatory cycle, it would be my third this year I think.

DizzyN give DH a slap! Ignore his silly friend, do the plan you think, every 3 days is not enough, even the NHS says you have to DTD at least 3 times a week and more if you can, every 3 days is twice a week – nowhere near enough unless you happen to be very lucky that month. If he wants to do something he should improve his diet and up his vits (can’t remember if he takes some already but he really should)

dizzyn my doc told DH that DTD every 2-3 days through your cycle should be enough. And it seems to be general nhs advice that eod is the best to refresh sperm and make sure they are in place. Sorry you can't agree on your plan though. It's tough when sex makes you argue.

Thanks for confirming about dizzyM I added her as a friend on fb then worried it was a hacker wanting to read more about my private life... Paranoid much?!

Ignor me, go with mummy's advice as it sounds more effective. Issue a slap!

dizzynorthern

boris she doesn't have a profile pic if that reassures you. Hopefully she'll be here soon to put your mind at rest!

To be fair to DP when I spoke to my GP she also said every three days throughout my cycle....I remember thinking she was so wrong!

I'll probably struggle to get him to change his mind now. He's so bloody stubborn. I told him that we'll have been trying 9 months next month, and that he can look forward to another 9 months of crap sex seeing as him refusing to do what I want Is clearly what's holding us up. That's when we started arguing, oops

Oh well, on a positive note I've still not ovulated and he's promised sex tomorrow so we'll keep on at it.

I'll ask him whether he's prepared to take some vits as he doesn't currently. He does eat fruit but his diet falls down because he eats way too many takeaways and consumes too much sugar daily imo, plus he does zero exercise. But I do cook healthy dinners with plenty of greens and sneakily pass him the Brazil nuts when I'm scoffing them

Ok I think I'm officially out this month. The negative test and now heavy spotting all seem to point to one conclusion. I'm gutted. I really allowed myself to hope that our lovely holiday week might have done the trick :(

boris I'm so sorry.

Boris sorry we are due a BFP soon so next months your month

So sorry Boris x

I'm so sorry boris. It's definitely your time so fx next month is the one.

Dizzyn I can understand and I wouldn't have been comfortable either around the grads. It just makes it more painful. Re your DP i think you dealt with it well and also think every 3 days isn't enough and you could completely miss your fertile window. Is there any articles you could show him about ttc and how the fertile window works? I also think he needs to start taking some of the burden of ttc ie take his vits and dtd when asked rather than adding to your stress. Hope it all works out for you both.

Boris I'm not a hacker, promise! I don't do Facebook and only joined the bfp group as they didn't mind if I didn't add a profile pic. I'm really paranoid and was wondering who was sending me friend requests but accepted anyway as I don't have any personal info there! I'm extremely paranoid about Facebook so don't give anything away.

That's a good idea dizzym I could show him some of the articles on fertility friend, although deep down I think he's just looking for reasons not to have to do it eod....hes already admitted that it's too much for him .