TTC after MC (#7) - fx for better times ahead

[CarrotVan]

Support, shoulders to cry on, virtual gin and the best cheer leaders MN can offer you. We've been there and it's awful but we'll help each other through to better times.

White they aren't stupid at all. Wait for the negative then you can try, no need to wait until af though it does make dating a pregnancy difficult if you got your bfp cycle 1 post mc. But that didn't stop most of us trying!

Paws I remember you telling me about your neighbour! How upsetting that she is pregnant. Maybe they will move house? A friend/neighbour of mine who was pregnant before my mc (not trying, didn't want more DCs, gleefully told me she was expecting when knowing how much I longed for another) got really chummy once I was pg too then didn't support me at all during my mc then found a reason to fall out with me was rushed to hospital the other day at around 20 weeks with contractions. My first though was at least she will know what I went through. It's awful I know but they have given her drugs and everything is ok. Which is great news.

Hi all, hope you're all having a good evening.

Welcome white. I'm sorry for your loss. I know how you feel about having to have a million and one scans before having mc confirmed. With both my mc I had to have 7/8 scans before they confirmed I had lost my babies. Was heart breaking...hated walking into that epau as there were lots of pregnant women with bumps and at one point a woman with her new born.

I'm having a rough day. My sis is pregnant. She's been doing my head in asking questions about pregnancy/labour....normally I wouldn't mind answering her questions but it's only been 3 weeks since I mc and I'm finding it difficult. Spent the day laying on the sofa looking through pictures of my LO as a newborn and sobbing. Sorry...just feeling really low at the moment. My hormones are all over the place. One minute I'm excited about ttc and wanting to dtd and the next minute, I'm yelling at my OH and telling him to pee off. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Ah reebok, that's really tough. Hope you're not too low - such a difficult time and sounds like you've really been through it. Having a good cry can be a good thing. You need to let it out I guess

reebok oh bless you my love, I'm the same with being positive and excited one minute, then flipping out at dh for minor things! Maybe just be honest with your sis, if she's any sister she'll understand and want to be there for you, I would sit her down and calmly ask her how excited she is about her pregnancy, ask her all the plans she's made, what she thinks he/she will be named....then say, now imagine one day you lost all of that.....
Obviously I mean saying something like that in a very calm, quite and respectful manner, I just think for people who haven't been through it and are pg asked question after question not being sensitive to your situation, needs to 'imagine/picture' what it feels like. I hope you are feeling better soon hun, we will all get there in the end, we all will, wether its next week, next month, or next year...we WILL get our babies! Xxx

mummy those feelings are normal, not bad (what I keep telling myself)
So don't beat yourself up about it, perhaps she will be a little more sympathetic towards your previous situation given what she has just experienced and nearly lost! Xxx

adventure welcome back hun, go for it! Good luck, fingers crossed the holiday works it's magic Xxx

white I had a d&c a month after my mmc (retained products - I hate that word) and my period came exactly 28 days later. With my second mc (last month) I have just come on again, exactly 28 days later!
But every one is different hun, you may be on time, you may be a few days or weeks out, it may be light and short, or heavy and long....mine was light one day, heavy for two, then stopped very suddenly. It was uncomfortable (as is this one I'm having now) but again, yours may be completely different... I'm afraid only time will tell...Xxx

Aw hun! We've all been there! It is only normal to feel like this! Don't be hard on Yourself!

Oh god I just read that back about how to handle pregnant women firing questions at you...sounds so bad! I really don't mean to 'upset' them, just get them to think about how 'you' may be feeling for one minute. It's difficult though, as I don't think anyone can truly understand unless they've been through it themselves!

Thanks ladies. Don't really have anyone in rl to talk to about it so helps to have you all.

I definitely agree that you have to have been through it to understand what it feels like. I've had people who have been through it though tell me that my mcs can't have been that bad as my baby wasn't fully formed get and their one was at 4 months. Made me feel like crap. I wanted to shout and scream that it doesn't matter when you mc...it's still your baby that you have lost.

That's right, its the dreams and hopes we lose....which means it doesn't matter how far along you were, its everything attached to being a mummy that we lose! Senseless woman! I wouldn't have been able to bite my tongue! ... But that's just me, I tend to speak my mind if I feel I need to, doesn't always work in my favour, but its better to say what you feel rather than bottle it up...if we dont express our emotions they can creep out in ways we don't want them to!

We are always here to talk to hun, don't forget that...and you can certainly speak your mind here! Xxx

Thank you Paws. Appreciate your kind words. Wish I could be more like you and actually say something when people say horrible things. I just cried and cried for hours after she said it privately.

Btw is anyone getting a sort of bubbly popping feeling across their pubic bone? Can't really explain it. Wondering if it means I'm ovulating...pre mc I was on the pill so didn't ovulate so ovulation symptoms are quite new to me.

I doubt you would feel ovulation in that area hun, its a twisting cramping pain on left or right side, sometimes both sides.... Only about 30% of women feel ovulation, I'm lucky as I do, was on the pill for 13 years so never experienced O pain until I came off it and started ttc. Perhaps get some opk's if you're trying to pinpoint ovulation? Its cheap and easy! Fertility friend is a good ap to use on your phone too for tracking bbt, cm, ovulation and symptoms etc! Xx

Paws I had that cramp on both sides around 5/6 days ago. It subsided and now it's just these odd bubbling sensations...maybe it's gas lol
Keep feeling like I'm going to start bleeding as quite wet below (sorry tmi!) and having lots of discharge. Boobs ache like mad and bad lower back ache...if AF is going to rear its ugly head, it had better hurry up!

reebok it could be implantation. About 5-6 days after ovulation would be on the early side but still possible

Hmmm wouldn't that be too soon carrot? I only miscarried 3 weeks ago so I'm assuming I will ovulate much later.

I think it would be too soon indeed. Depending how far along you were hcg needs to get back down in order to get the ovaries working again. With my 2 mc I was told to test 2 weeks after and indeed I had bfn and af came 3-4 weeks later. It would be implantation during a normal cycle but I can't think of implantation 3 weeks after a mc.... It might be though ovaries kick starting...

Have had my definite bfn 2 weeks after mc so hopefully it means ovulation is starting again.

Who knows reebok...all i can say for sure, is that a 'wtf' cycle can be exactly that 'what the f**k'! You may feel all sorts of strange things going on down there, I had sore boobs like being pg this cycle, and I am in a wtf cycle too! Was convinced I was pg, but came on 3 days ago after a few days of brown and red spotting. As our body's try to readjust and reset themselves after mc, our hormones go crazy causing symptoms like strong pms, boob ache, cervix cramps, headaches, uterine pulls and pressure, and other similar pregnancy symptoms (hence why I was convinced for the second time that I had fallen pg in a wtf cycle) but sadly not the case, although it can happen, so I'm afraid it's just a cruel waiting game now hun! Xx

It's so frustrating! On top of all the other crap, I also have constipation (sorry tmi) which is probably being caused by crazy hormones and my multivitamins. Arghhhhhh the things we have to go through as women! Not fair!

Sorry to jump in with out doing personals
I have posted a few times on this group I just can't keep up with the postings and haven't had much news to share, and prior to that I was on a group bus before my mmc in may. I'm due to meet a good friend who doesn't know about my mmc or ttc, we choose not to share our sad news with anyone as we didn't want to disclose that we were ttc for lots of personal reasons but the main one being that our ds has a medical condition and we had to do a lot of soul searching to try again
Anyway I digress. I've been try to arrange a meet up and she's been difficult to get hold off. Finally managed to get a date for Tuesday and (all by text) she apologised for not getting back to me and said she'd been off work ill but would explain all when she sees me!!! They are her exclamation marks. I should add that in context she is recently married so I kind of expected this news would be coming at some point, but my heart dropped when I read it and I feel I need to steel myself if my feelings are right. I feel really anxious about meeting her now. I really want to be happy for her as she is a lovely friend and so kind to my ds etc, I just wish I could be on that same journey with her. Hope you don't mind me off loading here, I don't have anyone in rl to talk to this about other than my husband and I'm afraid that he'll think I'm being neurotic because she hasn't even told me anything yet!

Could you text her and be truthful? Just say 'looking forward to meeting you but if your news is baby related I'd like to know in advance. We've been having some problems and I'd appreciate some time to manage my feelings. I will be genuinely pleased for you if it is baby news'

I second what carrot says Autumn. Hearing a friend's baby news is always going to be horrible once you have mc...but if you can be prepared in some way it may help a little. Can completely relate. Someone at work will be as far along as I should have been in September when I go back to work so I'm dreading seeing her.

How's everyone else's day been? LO was unwell so couldn't enjoy the weather. Feel odd anyway to be honest...still constipated as hell (sorry), have bad indigestion, cramps and I feel like I'm getting a cold. Just so run down.

Can I join? 36, 1 MMC earlier this year, TTC #1.

During my pg they discovered I have some large fibroids but we've been advised by consultant that they didn't cause the MC so I'm booked for MRI in November to see more and they said we could carry on trying meanwhile. So this is cycle #1. Think I need a bit of hand holding...

I'm also constipated reebok and very tired. I'm also testing every day and my line is getting darker but I'm still very anxious. I'll be a bit better once I get past Wednesday (the #dpo when I had the CP last month) and better again once I get to the reassurance scan at the end of the month.

Welcome Manatee sorry for your loss. What do they do about fibroids? Is it surgery?

Carrot - they may recommend surgery for the fibroids depending on their size and shape. I'm not keen as they strongly suggest you have ELCS if you get pg after a myomectomy. But if it will increase my chances of carrying to term then whevs. I suppose I have till November just TTC and we'll see where we are then. It took 6 months last time.

Thanks for replying carrot and reebok. I don't think I can say that for two reasons. Firstly I don't want to bring down her announcement by mentioning my mc, it shouldn't be the first time she hears about it. I don't think I can say something vague like we have had problems without her guessing what. don't think that's fair on her. And secondly I'm still stuck with the original problem that telling her about the mc will blow our cover about ttc, and whilst she may be understanding, in the scheme of things I can't tell her when we haven't even told immediate family and risk them finding out second hand because that would cause lots of damage. I'm not saying she would say anything deliberately but all it would take was for her to mention her pregnancy and some coded reference to me in front of my sister and I'd be blown. I know I'm going to have to suck it up and be practice my happy face. It's so bloody complicated. I am lucky to have her as a friend and don't want to undermine any of that. In a way I'm glad I've read into the text a little as it's given me time to arrange my feelings.