Yo yo!! Calling all Ladybros over 30 TTC #1. Join the Berries aboard the Charabanc of lurrrve. Bring real Champagne, from the actual Champagne region. No Colombian builders allowed.

[happylass]

The small print:

The Berries have strict entrance criteria: TTC #1 for 12 months+, over 30, NO instadiffers, must have a special pimping pot and absolutely no mention of baby dust/dancing. Not that we're fussy

Current passengers

WildflowerMarmalade 40 - TTC for three years. FET done in June with immune treatments - waiting for result... Six embryos in the freezer after two freeze all cycles.

Minx 35 in August - TTC 2 years. Stage 4 endometriosis, both tubes blocked, 1 buried ovary, IVF booking in appt in July, hoping to start IVF soon after

Smidge 39, TTC since Jan '13. Unexplained. IVF#1 Short protocol July '14 BFN, IVF#2 Nov'14 and IVF#3 Feb '15 both Long protocol BFNs. High NK cell immune treatment. Natural FET in June '15, awaiting result.

Happylass, 37, TTC since Aug 2012. 2 failed ICSI cycles and 1 failed FET. Hoping to start long awaited NHS cycles in late August provided pesky smear test is sorted by then.

Beaky 35, ttc coming up 3 yrs, 2x failed iui 1x long protocol ivf cancelled 1 BFN following IVF

Tigerdog, 34 (soon to be 35) TTC since Jan 2013. Unexplained. IVF#1 May 2015 resulted in a chemical pregnancy. Now transferring clinics in the hope of a second round of IVF on the NHS and considering an NK cells biopsy in July/August.

barkingtreefrog 36, ttc 3.5 years. clomid bfp summer 2013 then mc @7 weeks, iui bfp summer 2014 then mc @6 weeks. Factor V leiden thrombophilia diagnosed at the repeat mc clinic. IUI bfn Jan 2015, IVF bfn April/May 2015. Currently awaiting nk cells results before a FET possibly in August/September.

Lumen, 35, ttc since Nov 2011, unexplained, two IVF cycles in 2014, both bfns, waiting for lap&dye and results of numerous bloods, aiming for one last IVF cycle.

Kuma - 40. TTC 2.5 years. Low AMH high FSH - DH antisperm ABs. Failed IVF June 14 and March 15. Looking to change clinic and try another natural cycle in June 2015.

Lucieloos, 35, TTC 18 months, low AMH & sperm motility. 1st ICSI in Czech Republic in April BFN.

Rain, 33 ttc since March 2012. unexplained. mystery bfp oct 13, MMC Nov 13. NHS IVF starting in June

Hello berries. I've been away for a while (from the thread I mean, not on an exciting trip). Trying to get some headspace. Not really working yet. I am still flitting between being really angry at nothing, being cruel (generally just in thought, but occasionally letting out the odd nasty cruel mean and unnecessary comment) bursting into tears in random places (literally just walking down the road - god knows what the locals must think of me). I hate it! I don't want to be nasty or bitter - and actually I've generally thought I'm not - I don't even get upset at the pregnancy announcements, but now I seem to just be being nasty about anything, not baby related! Must be a weird coping mechanism I guess. Hopefully my outbursts will start to wane.

Did I mention that the annoying secretary rang to tell me AliG is on holiday now for two weeks so the next appointment I can get with her for a follow up isn't until the 29th July. This was after she asked me if I even wanted one, and whether I wanted to try again... I pointed out that clearly I need to see what AliG says/advice she gives me before we make a decision, so funnily enough yes I would like a follow up appointment please. Grrr.

In the meantime IVF Australia are having an open evening (tonight) so I signed MrSmidge and myself up for that. Even though I know it will be aimed at people trying IVF for the first time and probably be a complete waste of time. But I was kind of hoping we might be able to get a few minutes at the end to talk to a consultant and see if they would recommend anything else. Thankfully I've just received an email from them saying that as a special offer if we attend tonight we will get a free initial consultation with a specialist so maybe it will be worth it after all.

I went to my GP yesterday to ask if she would prescribe me with antibiotics just in case there is an infection causing my issues - showed her a study I'd found online that showed a massive improvement in IVF outcomes for women over 37 who tried this, (and also mentioned that some uk clinics prescribe as a matter of course wild I'm looking at you!) but she wouldn't do it. Pah. Doctors and their ethics! . She did update the referral and mentioned in it that she would like AliG to discuss/consider whether it would be helpful and that if she OKs it then she'll be happy to prescribe even if we don't do another round. She also read the study to have been likely to have improved success for women who already did have chlamydia but just hadn't been tested for it beforehand - whereas I was tested and cleared. So maybe the antibiotics wouldn't make a difference anyway.

Oh why isn't there an obvious solution?? Happy I'm not really surprised your consultant thinks it is just a numbers game for you. Your egg quality seems great (your number of blasts from fertilised eggs is way above average) so I am really hopeful for you. Not sure that's really the case for me unfortunately. Overall I've had 5 blasts from 20 fertilised eggs I think, and apart from one, the blasts were at the low quality end of the scale. I think AliG is likely to mention donor eggs again and I'm not sure we're keen on that idea. Sports cars and travel do hold some interest, but I'm still at the 'what's the point in life if there are no children to teach/hand things down to' etc mental block.

Question for the London clinic berries. Do they have any facilities to have scans/blood tests outside of London? When we come to England next year we'll be living in Windsor, and daily trips to London for scans and blood tests sound pretty difficult to manage. I might have to get myself a motorbike again to avoid the traffic! (Reminds me of a scene in Maybe Baby after the lady had a dildocam and then stops suddenly on her moped and just slides forward on the seat )

Ok. This has been a mega long me me me post. Sorry for that.

In other me news, I had a haircut this morning in an attempt to bring me a new lease of life. Unfortunately I hate it! After all the failed treatments I wasn't planning on the haircut making me feel even less feminine and sexy. And old! But it has. Boo hiss. I've had short hair plenty of times and now looking at old photos I see I generally look better with longer hair. What have I done?! I think I'm going to have to plaster on the makeup and hope that after a home wash without all the straightening (flattening) of the hairdresser it will breathe some life back. I will have to find some young girly outfits that can offset the old barren woman that I now look!!

Pah. Tiger were you having a new do? I hope yours has been more successful!

Hey smidge big love to you your post really resonates with me - how you feel sounds very familiar. I've definitely had my bitter moments and tearful periods. I think from memory we've been ttc for roughly the same length of time, and that's a long time to manage disappointment and fertility treatment. I'm sure your hair looks lovely, and you don't look like a barren old woman. I'm hoping the same applies to me as I seem to look increasingly tired and haggard and I really think that the ttc business and the worry has aged me. I am going to get Botox! My hair turned out alright - I got a long bob after having long hair for ages and it's not bad, also had very subtle highlights put in. Nothing too exciting! I often despise my haircut at the salon, and then like it after a day or so....fingers crossed you will be the same. Mr T thinks I'm officially bonkers when it comes to haircuts! A different docs opinion sounds like a good plan.

jellie might know about scans - I might be wrong but I have it in my head she lives out that way.

beaky I thought the bloods were best done on day 3 but day 2 also fine. I had thyroid and full blood count plus a few others that I cant remember. Are you off on holiday soon? I can't wait for mine! Massive deadline tomorrow so been working hard, and then Weds I'm done. Hope you have the most wonderful time.

Funky haha at your clematis antics! I bet you can't wait for DH to come home.

Oh that's so annoying clem how can they be so thinly staffed - what about those that require scanning for crucial parts of ivf? Presumably those have been covered? Lack of frontline staff all too familiar in hospitals these days as funding gets cut. Did you hear when you can go back yet?

blue I've done shitloads to try and invoke the law of sod, booked loads of holidays, taken jobs on the other side of the country...couldn't stretch to a Porsche sadly!

barking you are really having a rough time of it . Tight squeeze and a paw hold from me. I too will be interested in your FET plan once you've has your appt this week.

Minx I'm thinking you must be a very lovely person to manage this arrangement with your ex. Grrr to the preggo girlfriend. Tips for the car negotiation is to do your research and find comparable deals, so that you can barter them down to the lowest deal rather than drive to a dealers miles away. Same with part exchange - I rung other garages and asked them to email me with various bits of info. I had a very satisying banter with the manager and came away with a deal that was lower than any I'd seen and a reasonable deal on the part exchange - oh and things like free mats. Afterwards he said he would love to employ me, at which stage Mr T piped up with 'you couldn't afford her'! Not sure if I should be flattered or worried that I have car salesmen qualities!!

Ha at prof lucie who defintely wins the prize for most knowledgable Berry! So funny that you and happy were at the same place at the same time.

I'm on the stupid o clock train to London. . only two days of work to get through though

HI all
Big hug for you smidge, you poor thing. Give yourself plent of time and don't give yourself a hard time. you feel how you feel. It will pass.
Also re blood tests, you'll get them done at local GP, or local hospital, no need to go into central london (pm me if you want to talk about london some more)

hallo new people also, sorry you find yourselves here, but welcome.

Berries, I am having a very weird and busy couple of weeks. I have lost my voice but found a new job hooraayy also Mr Nol is home in 4 sleeps, amazing.

Smidge it does totally turn you into someone you're not eh. I find the bitterness and resentfulness really difficult as I'm not normally like that. Re bloods and scans for London clinics - It does seem to be the case that you can use your local clinic (and pay them) for bloods/scans but how well that would work, I don't know. I am thinking of doing something similar but am based in the north east. Don't stress about your hair, I bet you still look lovely and it's just that overall you're having a rough time so are feeling down. Massive hug anyway.

Tiger thanks, I'm here now and she's agreed to order then so having them taken today. She asked a lot of questions though and I got really nervous! Very impressive skills with your negotiation! I would say it's a massive compliment and you are clearly way better than a car salesman already. Not long til your holiday now too!

Nol congrats on the new job! And woohoo to MrNs big return! So pleased for you with the job, when do you start? Is it closer to where you live now?

Minx thank you, I went for it as the dr said day 2-4 was ideal. They should be back in a week. Not long til your appointment now, are you prepared for it?

tiger good work on the bartering!! I really must book a haircut. Last cut was in October when step MiL treated me while we were in Turkey... It's now bad enough at the ends to be annoying me.

beaky Annoyingly, AF showed this morning. I'm guessing that even if they could have squeezed me in this cycle, if they want to do anything medicated it's going to be one day too late if they don't see me until tomorrow afternoon . It was probably wishful thinking to be able to get started this cycle anyway. trying to manage expectations

smidge sometimes everything just gets too bloody much to cope with rationally. Scream and let it all out.

Nolly excellent news on both the return of dh and the new job!

smidge - sorry to hear this is all getting you down at the moment, think sadly its all too common, that this gets to us all every once in a while... keep venting in here, if it makes you feel better...thats what we are here for . Ref. the haircut (having recently had short layers cut into my hair...which I very much regret now, best thing I can suggest (assuming its long enough to do this), is get yourself a curling wand...I recently invested in one, and love it...soft waves/curls hid a multitude of sins (and according to every magazine/website at the mo, the wob (wavy bob) is proper trendy ). I'm usually terrible with lack of patience with my hair, but I've stuck with it, and love it now.

tiger - they called me back after I chased them yesterday, and I am now going up there for the follicle tracking tomorrow morning. will be glad to get it done, but having to get upto the hosiptal for 07:00/07:30 is a killer...not to mention I am likely to have to go up there multiple times this week. early night for me I think.

Exactly Smidge - if only there were clear, obvious answers to TTC woes. I agree with what the others have said about not being hard on yourself for feeling bitter and angry. It's horrible to have live with it, so look after yourself the best you can. I hope the hair sorts itself out (I've been hoping this about my hair for the last 25 years at least). Hairdressers are a liability if you ask me. Listen to the others on hair advice, I cannot help you as I am rubbish at it. DH constantly takes the piss out of my hair.

Ref. London clinics having sites outside the capital, ARGC has a satellite clinic in Oxford and another one at Champney's I think. As far as I know they just do bloods and scans.

Thank you for your clematis tips Funky. I'll be following them closely.

Congrats on the new job Nolly. Very well done indeed. And MrNoll home soon. I bet those Colombian builders will be pleased to see him. They need a break.

Good work on the car deal Tiger. Have you taken to wearing a sheepskin coat and talking like Swiss Tony?

That puts you in a funny place Happy with the clinic saying to go with the same treatment plan. It does sound like you have good embryos and that's half the battle and there's reason to be hopeful. It would be interesting to know what they say if they were looking at the results from your two cycles though.

Barking I'm sorry to hear everything s still piling onto you. That feeling of never catching a break is such a heavy one. Hope you have at least been able to see your dad. That ward sounds horrible.

Beaky Hope you got all your tests done ok. I'm slightly jealous of you and Minx having this famous corridor to moustache. Sounds like fun. If you do it please post photos.

Ew! To those early starts Clem. Hope you get scanned ok tomorrow, finally.

I have booked in for the first scan a week on Friday. DH is coming too, I mean obviously he is but the whole thing just seems really weird. It's because I still sort of don't believe it.

Thanks for the understanding and the hair advice peeps. I had another dream last night where I dreamt I was pregnant (the lines on the pee stick were huge & thick!). Uggh. So disappointing to wake up and discover it was just a dream

MrS and I went to an ivf seminar last night. They didn't say anything we don't already know obviously, but the chap was a good speaker and kept us entertained. We had a little chat with him and he suggested DHEA for 6 weeks before EC and apparently it's on prescription here. We can also have a free initial consultation with him if we get a GP referral, so I want to do that. He did say there's nothing really that they could offer that our current clinic wouldn't already have done but it still seems good (mentally) to get a second opinion. He was English - is it wrong that I think i partly warmed to him coz of the familiarity of that?!!

He also said he doesn't believe the different drugs make any difference and if it works after changing drugs it's just luck and that it would have worked that time anyway. He's seen trials with 3 goes of exactly the same protocol and the number of blasts achieved each time varied hugely, so he reckons it's still worth trying again.

Congrats on the new job Nolly.

The scan will make it seem real Wild, I'm sure. It's so exciting! I find it so amazing how this pregnancy thing is so all or nothing... One minute you're not pregnant and then wham, you are, and suddenly things can all move forward! It really is v exciting and I think that's why the hope doesn't go away.

wow, just scrolled through to read all the clematis tips. So helpful funky love the garden skilz

barking i really hope your summer picks up soon

smidge preg dreams are the actual worst. Poor you

when do you get your results beaky?

new job a commute away but most importantly far, far away from knobhead arse boss and his stupid ego. I can, and will, be plotting his downfall from afar. mwahahahaha. seriously it's been killing me tho.

i can't WAIT for mr nol to get home and start pulling his weight with the house admin. I mean have some romantic time together.

smidge - I know how horrible pregnant dreams can make you feel...I had one, years ago, but I remember to this day, how happy and content I was in the dream, and then I woke up and realised the reality and it was just gutting {hugs}

so I went for my lovely follicle tracking app this morning , all went okay, follicle's are a tad smaller than she would expect to see, but we had a chat, and because I have a slightly more erratic cycle than 28 days (can be anywhere between 27 and 35 days), then she was happier with the size.

I have managed to get a cyst on my ovary (apparently a side effect of clomid), so she is now talking about pulling me off clomid for a month, to see if it goes away (I am wondering tho, if that happens, whether that means I won't go back onto clomid at all).

why is nothing ever straight forward

hope everyone else's day is going okay.

aw smidge I hate those dreams. They are such a mindfuck.
As well as the ARGC having satellite clinics, Create has got one in Elstree in Hertfordshire, and one in Wimbledon, which would both be an easy drive from Windsor, or an easy train to Wimbledon

Nolly Love your priorities there! Has he got a list of chores to do? (item one: Nolly)

clem Keeping everything crossed for you and the pesky cyst

barking You remain the toughest of all the berries, but I really hope things improve soon. You don't deserve all this.

So our letter from FC went into the GP last week to support our application for getting NHS funding for another round at our clinic. It is a new-ish thing they've introduced to cut the waiting list, because it was up to 3 years at one point. The GP has no idea how long it will take to hear back, so feel in total limbo again, and am just counting down the days until the appointment at ARGC. I feel really helpless to not be doing anything productive at the moment. Will channel some of that into losing weight, getting fitter and drinking less, but I hate that we are 'wasting' months

minx - she didn't really say about it going (I should have asked), she basically just said it was in the way and so blocking her view. I'll ask her about this on friday (I've checked the all knowledgable google on this, and its basically saying these should go away on their own...however if it starts to become painful, will need to be monitored, cause if it bursts, its apparently incredibly painful, not to mention worst case is you could lose an ovary). I'll check with the doc on friday ref. whether to stay on clomid, or stop it altogether.

sparechange - sorry to hear everything is moving so slowly for you (horrible feeling to be powerless to move things along)...hope you hear back from them soon.

minx - hope all goes well for you tomorrow.

nolly - pmsl ref your "I can't WAIT for mr nol to get home and start pulling his weight with the house admin. I mean have some romantic time together"...sad reality of life, that its not all grand reunions, long hugs and loads of quality time. If you're anything like me, I'd be nagging him to unpack his suitcase/not leave a trail of stuff all over the house now he's back . p.s. congrats on the new job.

clem cysts usually go away on their own. I had one in my 20's that burst though. Fuck, it was painful! Ended up in an ambulance with the paramedic setting up a line to give me morphine on route .

spare hope it comes quicker than you might think.

Nolly dh is away for almost 4 weeks soon. I'm more concerned about having to cover all the dog walking myself, he usually does all the early morning stuff...

And speaking of DH being away, nurse appointment today went well. We're having a natural cycle so no injections. I'll start taking aspirin tomorrow due to the thrombophilia, and I'll have progesterone after transfer due to my LP issues (apparently they don't give this as standard on natural cycles). They will monitor with bloods and scans and deposit the embryo 5 days after ovulation (as it's a 5 day blasto, so that matches the time). As I don't need to be scanned until near ov, we're starting this cycle. Gulp. Which means I'll be doing it all by myself as DH leaves in less than 2 weeks, and I go in for my first scan after that. Didn't want to wait, but I've no idea how I'm going to cope when things don't go to schedule (they haven't done for the previous two iui and ivf cycles so I don't see why they would when they're relying on my natural cycle!) and more importantly, not only will OTD fall when DH is still away, he won't even be contactable, and he won't be back home until 11 days later...

Is this is really stupid idea?

Congrats on the new job nolly! And hurrah to Mr Nol being home very soon. I hear you on the house admin front, one of the perks of being away mid week is that Mr T has to do more on that front. I'm a control freak and not very laid back so I usually end up doing everything because I'm so impatient!

Oooh, great tip on the wob clem. I could do with being a bit more 'on trend' ha. Can never be bothered to do anything with my dead straight hair. Sorry to hear about the cyst but hopefully it buggers off asap. Good that they are monitoring you closely - other who have been on clomid have had naff all monitoring. Do you have a specific problem to do with ovulation?

wild it is completely mad - I'm not surprised it is hard to believe. I think of it as like a gust of wind that suddenly catches a kite - one minute you're running along and nothing happens and then suddenly whoosh - you're off! I feel like I've been running and waiting for the magic moment for so long!

Beaky wishing you very happy holidays! Very much looking forward to our little break this weekend.

barking if you feel ready then go for it! We'll be here for every step, promise!

spare come and join me on the chaise longue of limbo. Very annoying by fingers crossed for a positive outcome for you soon. I'm waiting for my referal to come through any day now then I'll be back to the usual ttc focus.

Good luck for tomorrow minx. Mind has gone blank about what to ask, will have a think.

Knackered after a late night - will be squeezing in a power nap before mr t arrives!

All this hair talk prompted me to book a long overdue appointment at the hairdresser on Friday. How much of a snob would I be to admit I was concerned when my appointment was confirmed with 'Chelsea'

Just did a huge post then the stupid hotel wifi crashed. Argh. Anyway,

Minx best of luck for today, I'd say just chat to them about what they can do for your personal circumstances, they are lovely and you get to talk to the embryologist too if you want to.

Barking woohoo to getting started, all appendages frossed for you, you've been here too long now. looks forward to seeing Barkings new towie do after Chelsea gets her mits on it

Wild how are you feeling? I'm really excited for your news twinnies after your scan! Loving Tigers new coat by the way

Tiger we currently have all the X factor contestants on round the pool. Hopefully you'll have much better music on your hol! Have a fab time!

Spare I hope your referral goes through ASAP. Will you ask the current clinic to do whatever ARGC recommends?

Funky have you started your FET? Hope everything is going ok.

clem I always have cysts- I have been put on the pill before to get rid of them but usually I get to go ahead now.

Nolly lol at MrNol's jobs to do Nollyon his return! I'm so pleased for you getting a new job away from dickhead boss Brent. I should be able to get the results after I get home from hols, hopefully I won't need an appointment this time.

Smidge for that dream, they are the worst. That's great that the consultant doesn't think any differently to AliG and must be reassuring, although we all still wish there was a magic solution. What did he recommend the dhea for? Quality? Will you try it do you think? Happy that must be reassuring to you that it's on prescription in Australia! Also when do you break up?

Kuma if you're around, I'm thinking of you.

minx how did the appointment go? For the destination of my DH think very large mountain ranges .

beaky hope your holiday is better than the soundtrack .

I feel like shit today, baaaad period pain woke me up and kept me awake last night. Exhausted and full of a cold today. I told a friend about the ivf and she thought my body was reacting to the emotional stress. Hmm. Perhaps. I emailed my lovely woo lady and she said she'd be there any time I wanted to give her a call and gave me her mobile number . I think I'm going to have weekly acupuncture as much to keep my stress levels down as to support the cycle.
Going to head to bed as soon as I've watch the Tour highlights....

watched