Yo yo!! Calling all Ladybros over 30 TTC #1. Join the Berries aboard the Charabanc of lurrrve. Bring real Champagne, from the actual Champagne region. No Colombian builders allowed.

[happylass]

The small print:

The Berries have strict entrance criteria: TTC #1 for 12 months+, over 30, NO instadiffers, must have a special pimping pot and absolutely no mention of baby dust/dancing. Not that we're fussy

Current passengers

WildflowerMarmalade 40 - TTC for three years. FET done in June with immune treatments - waiting for result... Six embryos in the freezer after two freeze all cycles.

Minx 35 in August - TTC 2 years. Stage 4 endometriosis, both tubes blocked, 1 buried ovary, IVF booking in appt in July, hoping to start IVF soon after

Smidge 39, TTC since Jan '13. Unexplained. IVF#1 Short protocol July '14 BFN, IVF#2 Nov'14 and IVF#3 Feb '15 both Long protocol BFNs. High NK cell immune treatment. Natural FET in June '15, awaiting result.

Happylass, 37, TTC since Aug 2012. 2 failed ICSI cycles and 1 failed FET. Hoping to start long awaited NHS cycles in late August provided pesky smear test is sorted by then.

Beaky 35, ttc coming up 3 yrs, 2x failed iui 1x long protocol ivf cancelled 1 BFN following IVF

Tigerdog, 34 (soon to be 35) TTC since Jan 2013. Unexplained. IVF#1 May 2015 resulted in a chemical pregnancy. Now transferring clinics in the hope of a second round of IVF on the NHS and considering an NK cells biopsy in July/August.

barkingtreefrog 36, ttc 3.5 years. clomid bfp summer 2013 then mc @7 weeks, iui bfp summer 2014 then mc @6 weeks. Factor V leiden thrombophilia diagnosed at the repeat mc clinic. IUI bfn Jan 2015, IVF bfn April/May 2015. Currently awaiting nk cells results before a FET possibly in August/September.

Lumen, 35, ttc since Nov 2011, unexplained, two IVF cycles in 2014, both bfns, waiting for lap&dye and results of numerous bloods, aiming for one last IVF cycle.

Kuma - 40. TTC 2.5 years. Low AMH high FSH - DH antisperm ABs. Failed IVF June 14 and March 15. Looking to change clinic and try another natural cycle in June 2015.

Lucieloos, 35, TTC 18 months, low AMH & sperm motility. 1st ICSI in Czech Republic in April BFN.

Rain, 33 ttc since March 2012. unexplained. mystery bfp oct 13, MMC Nov 13. NHS IVF starting in June

I'm so sorry spare, it is beyond shit and mightly unfair. I hope you and DH have a lovely day, as much as is possible in the circumstances. I will be thinking of you.

Ha, happy I was going to trot out my usual line about longer cycles following short ones and vice versa, but beaky beat me to it. Hopefully it will all line up swimmingly for your cycle at the end of the month.

Barking your book club sounds fun. I would suggest 'All the light we cannot see'. I read it recently and loved it. We will be here for OTD handholds.

rain I let my roots grow out (I usually have a T section highlights) and I switched to organic non-perfumed deodorant, shower gel and conditioner in the week before EC. I couldn't surrender my Aveda shampoo though, and I really don't think it made any difference at all! I also went on a cleaning strike after EC, as I didn't want to have any exposure to chemicals. All utterly pointless, to be perfectly honest, but helped me feel a bit in control, and my inner hippy enjoyed being a bit feral.

I am sure there are some good videos on line if you need to see the stabbing technique in action. It is pretty straightforward, the thought of it is much worse than the reality. Good luck!

Glad you had a nice weekend in London seasame. I would love a real Le Cruset dish, I have a cheaper imitation and it is not the same!

clem I have tried to avoid ibuprofen and antihistamines but not always successfully as I get rotten period pain, and occasional hayfever. Other than that, I have changed to organic milk and become gluten/wheat free too, but that one is because of a family history of Coeliacs. I have stopped drinking tea and coffee, and I try not to drink too much booze, although most of this has gone out the window since my failed IVF a couple of months ago, as it just doesn't seem worth it. Plus, I don't know a single close friend who did any of those things. On the other hand, I do know people who are overweight and hugely unhealthy who got pregnant straight away, so it seems pretty insane to think that a small change to diet will make any difference. Again, for me it is about control, it is something I can do.

Grim day here too, managed to pop out for a spot of shopping in the rain, although all I bought was a new blanket for the dog! Not at all looking forward to work this week. I really have lost all interest in my job.

Spare. Thinking of you. I've just put it all out of my mind.

Spare, I'm so sorry, what an awful time for you both. I'll be thinking of you.

Clem and Tiger I also use paraben free shower gel and a specific kerastase shampoo which is also paraben free. And I've bought a new nail varnish which is 6 free. crazy berry I know I don't know what I think about whether it makes a difference but I feel a bit better for doing it.

Sesame that sounds like a lovely weekend! What will you cook first in your casserole?

Happy how long til your holiday?

Rain I was so nervous for my first stab Funky kindly sent me a vid! Once that one is done you'll be grand!

Barking that's rubbish timing, it's times like this I wish the berries were all closer but we will be here for you anyway.

Minx how are you getting on?

I had a mini melt last night, I think it was cheap sparkly should have bought real champagne from the champagne region together with the stress of everything and also having a difficult time with dh being stressed too. Anyway I feel a bit better for talking everything over this morning but generally I've felt very up and down lately, with my moods being all over the place. I'm going to try and set aside half an hour every day to destress and relax doing something I love kind of enjoy hopefully that will help anyway.

tiger - I so know what you mean, about none of this making much of a difference, but it is a control thing definitely...and I'm the same, I don't know any friends who have made any changes like that.

to date, this is what I've changed (but a lot of it was for different reasons, but I now continue with it, in the small hope it may not impact ttc):

• I've gone all natural on my cleaning products too (mainly cause of effects of normal stuff on my eczema, but I'm happy that I use these now).
• I also went caffeine free in my tea (which I drink a lot of), again tho that was more cause it was causing me headaches.
• I've not drank for ages (never a big drinker anyway), but did used to enjoy a bottle of wine, over a weekend.
• I'm trying to eat healthier too (but thats more of a general lifestyle thing, and wanting to lose a few pounds)

sure there is other stuff, it escapes me now.

spare hope you got through yesterday okay. xx

Sorry spare . Hope it was with as little pain as possible

Lifestyle changes - I'm never quite sure what is actually good for you and what isn't. There's so much contradictory advice. With regards to cosmetics, I think my current ones are paraben free by accident, mostly because of my love of LUSH.

Exercise - I did this anyway, though I had been doing Crossfit until December when I was struck with bad lower back strain/pain/stifness, followed by a horrible long lasting tummy bug. Prior to that, I'd wondered if it was too much/too intense so these days I am at the same gym and taking it easy whilst I recover my fitness and dialling back how often I go. Have started yoga as well.

I try and eat right, but I am a sucker for cake, biscuits and chocolate. And besides chocolate, most caffinated things make me feel nauseous anyway. Never much of a coffee drinker anyway, but even green tea makes me feel icky these days. I had gotten all excited and though I was pregnant, but nope! I probably still symptom spot way too much then is good for me. For example, I'm on CD28 and had little in the way of spot breakouts which is unusual for me. Talk about winding myself up ;)

dizzy why is stopping symptom spotting so hard (each month I tell myself, that I am going to rise above it, and just ignore everything)...yet each month I always end up obsessing over the symptoms...

I dunno. I naive sense of hopefullness in my case perhaps.

Also my spotting has stopped now so that's new.

So...Place your bets now on what comes first for me - POAS or AF. Can I resist doing that? Will someone give me a ruddy great slap remind me why it's bad to be too hopeful. Ofc it would be a grand birthday present for the DH for me to present him with a piss stick bfp but it's all likely to be my imagination getting carried away again ;)

dizzy have you decided when you are going to take a test (assuming af hasn't arrived by then)?

I'm waiting till sat, as my recent cycle lengths are varying from 27 to 35 days. (not sure if my will power will last till then tho )

Well seeing as how my cycles aren't very regular it's hard to tell. The last two cycles have been a bit more normal for me at 30ish days, as I used to have 30 day cycles like clockwork. Usually I would say after 30 days, so after Wednesday, but I dunno. I just don't want to give myself false hope.

But then I don't want to be a pessimist either

dizzy that’s only 2 more days to wait, I hope you can hold on till then…

clem that’s a good list of changes, I agree that a lot of it is definitely about having more control

spare how did you get on today, did you manage to relax and do some nice things?

beaky I’ve also been very up and down lately, and know how it feels. Good idea to take some time to de-stress, what kinds of things are you doing? And did you have a better day today? I’m not sure what I’m going to make in my new to me casserole dish. Possibly soup, as I’ve been batch cooking a lot recently, so I’ve always got something home made to reach for out of the freezer. Although if anyone wishes to suggest any nice vegetarian recipes that would also be welcome...?

I’m feeling a bit down today. I’ve had a few days off work and go back tomorrow. I’m also having an extra long cycle right now, after my failed treatment. I really want to try again at the start of my next cycle, but my clinic would prefer me to wait another month. Also, I get a sort of feeling of anxiety and dread every time I contact them. It’s not about the clinic, they’ve been very helpful – earlier today, I got a reply to some questions I emailed them. It’s just that I can’t quite face getting back in touch with them right now.

Spare, have been thinking of you today

Hope everyone else had a good Monday!

Clem Dizzy there's nothing wrong with still being optimistic! Fingers crossed for you both

Sesame today was fine, so far! Haha. I've got some hypnosis tracks I listen to that I've had for a long time so I'm going to make a point of that, and I think thinks like spending half an hour doing a bit of Pilates which I really enjoy. Sorry to hear you're feeling down, I always find getting back to work after a few days away is awful. I've had two cycles since my last IVF and it does feel like forever, can you plan something for in the meantime to help distract you until your next cycle? I know what you mean about not facing getting back in touch with the clinic, even if they are lovely, it just reminds you of the difficult times you are having to go through or you wouldn't have to see them at all. I'm planning a little weekend away for after our next cycle to give me something to focus on either way. Arghh it's so stressful sometimes.

spare I hope today has been manageable, have been thinking of you and DH. Sometimes just continuing to put one foot in front of the other is all you can do.

beaky do you find the hypnosis track stuff actually sinks in at all? I have a few nice meditation tracks for fertility shiz but I always nod off after about 5 mins! I guess the R&R in itself is good enough therapy!

Oooh dizzy, I'll be optimistic on your behalf if you're finding it hard to deal with! It's such a mindfuck when you get to the last few days - I think that's the second thing I am most excited about now we've started our IVF cycle - no ttc sex this month, so no crazy symptom spotting!

sesame i often dread getting back to work after a break but usually after a day or two I'm glad to be busy again. Is your work particularly demanding/stressful? Maybe make some plans for some nice things to do in the evenings to ease yourself back in?

Thanks for everyone's thoughts r.e. Cosmetics/chemicals/other changes you have or haven't made. All I've been able to conclude from our gang plus countless hours googling is that no one agrees! So, I am going to keep my hair appointment but post EC until OTD (and hopefully beyond!) I am going to keep perfumes and harsh chemicals to a minimum (MrP can take a turn at cleaning, bonus!)

mmminx glad to hear stabbing is going ok, you are my inspiration! I start on Thursday (thought it was Friday, lucky I actually checked the calendar today!!). Won't have to deal with stabbing 'in the wild' till next Wednesday by which point I'm hoping I'll have the hang of it!

to everyone

Not too long to wait then Minx well done on the stabbing in the wild! Also I took this for you...

Rain I don't know whether it sinks in but what I can say is that I only have to hear the guys voice on the track and I immediately feel more relaxed so for me it really does help in that way. I always have to double check my treatment plan to make sure I get the dates right! I've decided to wait to get my highlights done until after the cycle.

Oops forgot the pic...

I'm suposed to be packing and getting organised for our trip. But I'm still in bed (10 past 9) and being very lazy as usual. I operate better with tight deadlines!

I've started my DHEA - supposed to be taking it three times a day but I keep forgetting! happy how are you getting on?

We've got our follow up session with AliG tomorrow. I think MrSmidge and I are both a bit over it really and wish she'd just call us to say what she thinks we should do next. A phone call might not cost as much either!

Having my usual spotting since just after ovulation post-treatment cycle. Getting v annoyed with it all now. Think one more cycle (prob with the Prof) potentially split between collection and FET is going to mark the end of this journey for us. she says today, likely to change her mind tomorrow

Good luck for the pee-stickers. You never know!

Hope everyone else is doing ok

smidge I was absolutely, totally, definitely giving up in June this year. But then we had frozen embryos. And then the MiL offered to pay for a private cycle. So this nightmare isn't ending just yet...
I hope Ali G has something useful to say today.

spare /pip hope you're both hanging on okay

I have nothing to contribute to the pimping conversation. I can't remember the last time I pimped that wasn't after iui or ivf, doesn't even cross my mind that I could be pg without help now!

Smidge I've been rubbish with the DHEA too! I started with just 1 tablet a day then the plan was to add in a 2nd then a 3rd a few weeks later. I wanted to do it gradually due to my phobia of growing an extra head! I always take one before bed and mostly manage the 2nd when I remember but getting the 3rd in is a struggle. I'm not too worried though given that the consultant said I didn't need it. She seems convinced that my egg quality is fine
I We have set our cut off point at this time next year as I think 4 years of TTC is as much as I'll be able to take. By that time I'm hoping to have done the 2 NHS cycles plus given donor egg/embryo a shot abroad too. Might be a bit ambitious and am sure that a spanner will be thrown in the works somewhere along the line but that's what I'm working to at the moment.
Barking I'm exactly the same with pimping now. Doesn't even cross my mind unless it's after treatment. Quite sad on one hand but very liberating on the other. At least we don't have to go through the hell of symptom spotting every month.

hallo all. Holidays and return of Mr Nol combined to make me fall off the thread. Not had time to catch up yet, stupid work, but I'll read later. Felt a big wrench reading spare's post. I hear you. So sad.

Hope you're all ticking along fine, and welcome to newbies. I've caught D&V from my nephew (small children. they ruin your life I've heard).

happy/minx totally agree, sad but liberating that you never have any expectations unless it's following treatment. I think it makes the 2ww following treatment so much worse though, because it feels so decisive .

Nolly Welcome back! I'm currently without dh. He left at stupid o'clock last Wednesday morning and I can't quite get my head round the fact that it's still almost 3 weeks until I see him again. Not heard anything since they set off into the mountains on Friday, could be easily another 2 weeks or more before I even get a text...

minx loooooong protocol for me! EC is pencilled in for Aug 26th.

Welcome back nolly! Hope the d&v clears up soon

I admire those of you who can see where the limit might be for you. I guess I'm not going to even start to know where that is for us till this cycle is complete, but if we are unlucky and it doesn't work I'd like to think I could draw a line (even if I don't stick to it) somewhere, I do want my life back at some point!

barking I hope you've got lots of fun things planned while DH is away?

Watching the house that £100k built. Would so love to do that one day! Course what they never factor in to this achievable sounding £100k is the land, where we are you'd spend quadruple that on a crummy little lot wedged between five thousand other people.

rain no, nothing much fun planned due to doing the ivf. All things I consider fun are high intensity and I'm sticking with a short cycle to work and dog walking rather than outdoor swim training, 100k bike rides and fell runs . I had all the above planned for the last week but my mum convinced me that rest was more important as I was feeling tired with all the 6am dog walks and would have had to push myself to get out. I've mainly been reading, knitting and watching The House that £100k Built .