We may all have the --rabies-- crazies, but we don’t need no ‘hints’ thanks! Grab yourself a (small) cider, get your sex towels at the ready, it’s Just Shagging 47!

[5hell]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 46 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2374301-Sod-the-elections-we-want-erections-Were-hoping-our-miroids-will-deposit-their-seed-in-our-lady-gardens-and-well-all-end-up-growing-giblets-Come-and-join-us-on-our-magical-new-bedsheets-its-Jus?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE </a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2380377-JS-viroids-are-here-in-their-28th-outing-complete-with-exploding-belly-buttons-Theres-royal-foofs-and-jiffy-bag-gifts-but-most-certainly-NOT-x-rated-colouring-books-at-the-VAGINA-party-HQ" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Job. Not kob. Oh god.

ain and black hooyah to you both!! Remember, when you ice your body produces a shed tonne of progesterone to keep you uterus nice and soft and hospitable for the egg regardless of if its fertilised or not. Progesterone is the pregnancy hormone so it mimics early pg symptoms such as sore boobs, spotty-ness, hot flushes, increased need to wee etc etc. gx for you both this month though :)

So the cats are going to a cattery for the first time ever today. I feel so guilty right now, it's only for one night but they've never been away from the house. I'm so tempted to cancel it but my friends are round for a party later and they are highly allergic to cats.

Also up at stupid o'clock again

Oh yeh just deffo take the job. As others have said don't put your life on hold for TTC.

FYI regarding soy
For some women it postpones or inhibits ov. Clomid is specifically designed on a molecular basis to block the receptors. Soy has a natural impact so can either block receptors as clomid, but can also block the production of estrogen wholescale. The majority of women will react to it like clomid but a few (normally those with regular enough cycles) will react the other way. Only take it if you are willing to risk it not working. If your cycles are fucked and this is a way of trying to fix them (ie if it works wonderful if it doesn't then just try something else) then try them. But if you are in okay working order and you just want to try to boost egg quality or have twins then do consider that it might maybe fuck your cycle up instead, and that you are happy to take that risk for a month or two.

Oh jel I've never caterised my cats so sympathise! A friend has found one she really likes and her kitties go there all the time and are deliciously happy, so hopefully yours will be too!

Temp rise this morning 3 or 4 dpo. probably the progesterone but I'll just pretend it was my actual inner body working properly

aut my temp rose at very random points this cycle. The day I got my BFP it rose about 0.4 degrees!

Oo-oooh I would love it if it were messy because I actually iced or became pregnant. clings to hope
I'm totally not attaching my fucked up chart for your perusal, jel

Wow aut your hot!! my temps never went above 36.9. Looks good though, my chart was all over the place (I was going to start vag temping this cycle) so much so FF didn't confirm ov for me.

Just, TAKE THE JOB, seriously.

Janey, congratulations, have a wonderful day.

Omg jel it didn't confirm ov? That's really good to know. Makes me feel better because obviously these post icing temps are not much different to pre ov temps so I wasn't sure I even iced. But yes overall I'm always between 36 and 37.7. I think I've only twice recorded a 35.8 or thereabouts. if only I were actually hot

aut this was my chart this month (can't get a full view one)

Just - take the job! I would imagine that lots so women start a new job and then accidentally fall pg go for it!

Auto - thanks for soy info all you ladies are brill

Jelly was it you who said 6am is stupid o'clock? on iPad and can't type and scroll through post at same time, I have to say that 6am in my house is normal time to get up boys can be up as early as 5am some days so 6am is a bit of a lie in all I can say is bloody good job I luff them so much!!!!

As for dh, he's always managed to get jobs, though because of where we live he will have to travel. Oh well we will see.

Have a great day Janey!!

radley I normally get up at 6 weekdays for work but at weekends I normally have lie in's but I've found it impossible the last few days!

Janey have a fab day! Just remember to stand still at one point, take a deep breath and take it all in, enjoy!!

Have a lovely day janey!!!! ????

Jelly, that's your body's way of getting you ready for babies and children!!! No sleep!!!!!

Viroids if there's one thing I wish I'd not done it was putting life on hold while ttc. Don't do it, you never know how long it will take. I missed Glastonbury last year because I thought I'd be preggers I wasn't. :(

jelly your chart gives me hope!
janey be brilliant! Have fun! Eat lots! :)

Thank you for hookahs. Urgh cramps all night. Not symptom spotting though as I'm now sat on the bog with the shits. Stupid take out pizza. No news from my vagina but my bum hurts.

Haha hookahs, sorry hooyahs!

Janey enjoy your wedding day! Try to stop for a minute and take it all in. And try to fit in a few moments in the middle of the day where you and your new DH spend some time together just the two of you. X

Lol. I accept all your hooyahs. Including the one from myself. Though jelly if I have all these 'symptoms' because of progesterone could that mean I'm closer to having a normal cycle than previously? When I had no periods I wasn't getting symptoms like this (apart from in the couple of weeks before I finally got af). if af is the end result of all this craziness I'll take that as a good second option. As long as it's not the months of nothing again...

Ooo just defiantly take the job. if the BFP arrives at the same time then it's just fate.

Congratulations janey have an amazing day!

I have my fingers crossed for you Ain. I have regular cycles but can be very short. Wondering if it's progesterone related. Had many more symptoms this cycle around icing, it was later and it's first time in B50. I'm hoping for at least a long cycle this time and I'll hope for AF for you. Jellys success has really encouraged me.