We may all have the --rabies-- crazies, but we don’t need no ‘hints’ thanks! Grab yourself a (small) cider, get your sex towels at the ready, it’s Just Shagging 47!

[5hell]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 46 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2374301-Sod-the-elections-we-want-erections-Were-hoping-our-miroids-will-deposit-their-seed-in-our-lady-gardens-and-well-all-end-up-growing-giblets-Come-and-join-us-on-our-magical-new-bedsheets-its-Jus?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE </a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2380377-JS-viroids-are-here-in-their-28th-outing-complete-with-exploding-belly-buttons-Theres-royal-foofs-and-jiffy-bag-gifts-but-most-certainly-NOT-x-rated-colouring-books-at-the-VAGINA-party-HQ" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

5hell my friday night is ending in an early night soon...i'm exhausted! :(

Shell i rocked my Friday night by going to bed whilst it was still light. Wild times.

Honey I didn't know your full medical history before. That's really tough. Twins immediately I say!

Radley sorry to hear that, will he be able to pick up another job? Must be quite worrying.

Night night all!

Oooh, Janey, happy wedding too! Very exciting, remember to have a lovely time!

And welcome bonkers!

Yeh enjoy your wedding janey and congratulations in advance

5hell you aren't insensitive, you Wally!

Welcome bonkers!

So, woman down! Have taken to groaning in bed and trying to sleep. No luck, just stabbing, burning agony. Annoying as supposed to be binge watching The Good Wife tonight. Also supposed to be going out tomorrow. I think not. ouchie!

Apparently I will find labour a breeze. Not sure it's an upside tbh.

Hmm. Did the maths. Have so far spent 2.7 years of my life in pain because of my period.

So, seriously.... Twins and a hysterectomy (including ovaries, the oestrogen secreting bastards) is a good plan, right? Hell, I'll settle for one!

ain why not, I think I'm out but what's one more pissy stick! I'm having cider too half a glass in, I need to wee and I feel tipsy

honey would it make you feel better if I give you hugs? And possibly a wet sloppy kiss? As I'm feeling the love and all...

jelly sorry but crazies have left the building! Sulking has set in instead. So I'm being a grown up about it and doing some colouring in my colouring book ;)

honey it's a plan! You poor thing. You're always so cheerful and funny, I had no idea you had such a hard time, you're my hero!

I went to the neighbours for a quick drink. Home now finishing wedding good prep. If it is janey's I'm catering I promise to wash hands after cm check

So, I got offered my dream job today. I'm want to take it but don't want to stop ttc. If I got pg this month I would be 3 months pg when I start. I think I know I should take it as shouldn't plan life around possible pg etc but want some reassurance I'm not a terrible person if I carry on ttc. Technically it's same boss so I'm not a completely new person in new job but they have basically created a job for me and think wouldn't be too impressed if I turn up pg/get pg immediately.

wine colouring in your colouring book sounds a fantastic idea. I have several colouring books. Hehe.

Haha just I would hope you would wash your hands even if it isn't Janey's wedding. What's the dream job? If it's for the same company and stuff would it not be okay to take it? You never know how long ttc is going to take and if (and I hope it doesn't) you take a while to get upduffed would you regret not taking this job?

Lol you lot are sweet. I promise to stop whinging soon. Its just extra annoying when it's BFP or agony every 25/26 days. Grr. Positive thoughts, etc.

Janey have a fabulous day tomorrow!

Just dream jobs don't fall in your lap all that often. (Clue's in the name! ) so I say take it. Don't stop TTC. If it happens, it happens.

I don't want to out myself by saying what it is. You never know! Basically it's working more with my specialism and better prospects etc. same company different place. I'm going to go for it I think. I would totally regret it if come sept I was not pg and I hadn't taken it.

And yes my hands are always spotless!

just I would definitely take it if it was me!

ain animal Kingdom came today! But I should probably finish my other one before I start in the shiny new one...

honey whinge away, I would!

Wine do you mean This one ? If so that's currently in my amazon basket, but haven't ordered it yet.

Yes that one! I also like the look of the others in that range.

I can't do the fancy linkage, but this one is £6 in the works! www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1782434437/ref=ox_sc_saved_image_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE

just take the job. I am so glad I didn't keep putting my life on hold. I didn't stop ttc when I lost my job and went self employed. that was 18months ago now.

Janey have a lovely wedding tomorrow ',.'-%,';.%'";* (that's confetti )

I'm planning on going shopping tomorrow Wine so I am going to look in the works and possibly waterstones or smiths to see if they have one or two that I like the look of... may also buy a frer to keep in the back of the cupboard, but possibly not as will fuel the crazies!

ain I've finally emailed you! hope its worked as there's quite a lot!

wine now I want to colour! but I already have too many hobbies!

OH mocks me, says it keeps me quiet like a good little girl. I have a frer in the cupboard ready for Sunday. Although by the way my spots are coming up everywhere that's if AF doesn't arrive before

3dpo and I've been symptom spotting AF like some mad woman. Got down about it earlier so ordered a takeaway pizza and scoffed the lot. Then drank a lot of whisky and now feel much better. Shite day, shite week, shite term, exam marking started today, but you lovely ladies, I am officially on half term now so not many fucks have been given tonight!

Good luck and early congratulations on your wedding tomorrow Janey.

And Just, take the job...

I need a hooyah. Googling 'early pregnancy symptoms'. I've been feeling hot a lot the past few days - very unlike me. I nearly always am wearing more layers than everyone else put together! Googled feeling hot and of course it came up as a pregnancy symptom! Arrrggghhhh!!!! (In the same list it also said about voice going a bit raspy and getting a blocked nose - I have both of these. Most likely to be a cold because of the frequent changing weather.)

Never mind about the hooyah. Giving myself a GINORMOUS one!

Lil thank you for the designs. I can open them. I opened a couple just to check, but will have to go through them properly. Something to do this week!

Blackdog contradictory I know but I'm going to give you a gentle hooyah. 3dpo is too early for symptom spotting I'm a fine one to talk Sorry to hear you've had such a hard week my lovely. Make sure you take some time to relax over half term (teacher? secondary or primary or HE?)

Ain Thank you for your gentle hooyah. I once read that having an itchy ear was a pregnancy symptom it was in one post on a twatbag forum but it was good enough for me for an afternoon and of course I immediately dismissed it chastised myself for searching. My AF symptom today was feeling horny seriously that's it as according to my shitty app I felt like that this time last cycle not that I'm glue to said shitty app. I'm glad you hooyah'd yourself as I am in no position to! I work in a College and it's been one hell of a year, roll on summer!

twatbag forum made me smile. Is that a term?
Definitely take that great kob just. That is what maternity leave is for. How can we expect people to consider employing women on equal terms as men if we ourselves as women consider it a potential issue. Stand strong! We deserve a fabulous job just as much as the next bloke.
ain black stop it. Immediately. If you want to think about fertility, I hear the reproductive lives of tulips are fascinating and fraught with drama. the economic history of tulips is equally amazing but I'm a nerd so