We may all have the --rabies-- crazies, but we don’t need no ‘hints’ thanks! Grab yourself a (small) cider, get your sex towels at the ready, it’s Just Shagging 47!

[5hell]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 46 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2374301-Sod-the-elections-we-want-erections-Were-hoping-our-miroids-will-deposit-their-seed-in-our-lady-gardens-and-well-all-end-up-growing-giblets-Come-and-join-us-on-our-magical-new-bedsheets-its-Jus?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE </a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2380377-JS-viroids-are-here-in-their-28th-outing-complete-with-exploding-belly-buttons-Theres-royal-foofs-and-jiffy-bag-gifts-but-most-certainly-NOT-x-rated-colouring-books-at-the-VAGINA-party-HQ" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Thank you viroids! aut you're right!

janey happy wedding day!

Done a quick catch up and want to wish Janey a fabulous wedding day.

Honey - you def deserve a break after that medical history...

Hope everyone has a fab bank holiday... x

(Oh and news from my vagina is that it's farting because we've been JSing this morning!!!)

Another one saying take the job just
There will be a position available in the grade above me later this year, when someone goes on maternity leave. I wasn't going to go for it as I'm ttc but decided I'd be a fool not to. Loads of people have told me I'd be great at it, and it's still on a part time basis so I don't need to worry about childcare for dd. I will go for it when the job officially opens up, and when I do get a bfp. ...well ill cross that bridge when I come to it.
but if they have created these dream job for you I'm sure they will wait for you whilst you're on maternity leave.

I've just caught up after a busy few days!

just take the job! and congratulations on it!

janey have a marvellous wedding day

honey those medical issues sound horrendous and I love your positivity

Speaking of hooyahs, I need one myself for POAS yesterday at 9dpo. In fairness, my LP is usually only 10 or 11 days long. It was pristine white apart from the control line and I'm crampy today so feeling disappointed and definitely not hopeful for this month.

Oh and welcome to coldfeet and bonkers [cider]

Afternoon. I'm still in bed, but have just about reached the magic "drug equilibrium" point, where I am no longer in pain. Unfortunately it does involve sacrifices. Unless I want to overdose I have to stop taking them in the evening.

If I spread the recommended dose throughout 24 hours it doesn't work at all and I'm in pain the whole time. So instead spend morning building up concentration until I get relief from about midday to about 5pm, then I have one dose each left of drugs for the rest of the day, which isn't enough, so just stay in bed and try to sleep.

On the plus side DH is great, and provides regular refreshment delivered to bed and superior cuddles too.

It's so fun being a girl, huh?

Going to attempt to leave house at about 3pm, going to local County Fair then to in-laws. Fingers crossed it goes well!

If men had to endure what women do they'd all long ago have killed themselves. True story.

blissfully remembers that time of such awful period pains she seriously considered knocking herself on the banister out so they could pass without her having to know about them

Auto.... Would that work?

plots

Do you mean the knocking oneself out or the demolishion of all things male?

It's quiet on here today, is everyone gatecrashing the wedding?!

I'm trying to motivate myself to do some more clearing out. On a decluttering mission.

Interesting day so far. ..nookie, 12 week scan appointment letter and then spotting! Hopeful its the end of the wtf cycle. Was a bit surprised at the letter - thought since midwife knew about mc they'd cancel the scan!

nut i too often get during and post shag vagina farts...so sexy, but has us in fits sometimes. Why is it?

I'm here... Have been doing loads of odd bits and pieces.

Out shopping, walking the dog, started tidying up the garden... Now watching last weeks Britains Got Talent, debating cross stitching at the same time.

5hell that's pretty shit about the letter my lovely. Hope you're okay.

I'm doing jack all due to a clingy upset teething little boy. Lots of cuddles though. Feeling sorry for myself today so I hope he's not picking up on it.

5hell wow. That really is shit

I'm out, started spotting

Ah pants Wine.

5hell, sorry that you had to receive the letter. for you.

ain yes i would say your cycles are regulating a bit :)

5hell and wine sorry your not having a great day :(

Hello viroids! Not been on for a few days so need to read back probably a good few pages think AF has arrived however seems light just now, i'm sure she will be in full force tomorrow! Means i had a 43 day cycle which is about right as i thought my cycle would be 36-45 days.

5hell thats so shit

5hell that is rubbish of them :( sorry

wine oh no!

sarah wine miserable for you and your witchy afs! :(
5hell that is indeed poor style. I think your mw slipped up on her admin; as I understand a note should have been made on the system that send though the info and cancels all such appointments automatically. I'd let her/them know as it seems you're still actively pregnant on the system so you might end up with more letters about all sorts of shit. It's a bit rubbish of her tbh not thinking of her patients and it also wastes nhs resources and they are always complaining about us wasting them by not turning up for appointments all the time! It shouldn't be your responsibility to have to cover your tracks after going through this.

A question for those who totally don't use contraband - temping, can you just use a normal digital inner ear? And what CD do you normally start from

Wine sorry about the spotting. I don't know about temping, but I want to know the same things as I will start temping next cycle.

Maybe I should start using FF too when I start temping. Does Glow draw nice pretty graphs too?

DH is watching Eurovision. I have retreated to the office to carry on with my cross stitching.

I have just downloaded glow. I have the free FF too. plus two others

Wine no you need basal body temperature and take orally or vaginally. First thing in morning before you die anything

Hooyah to people poas under 10dpo
gives stern look and wags finger

Hi newbies!!