Candle smugglers of the world unite! The Berries have loaded up the charabanc and have Barry on repeat. Destination BFP (via the pouch of Douglas)

[happylass]

The small print:

The Berries have strict entrance criteria: TTC #1 for 12 months+, over 30, NO instadiffers, must have a special pimping pot and absolutely no mention of baby dust/dancing. Not that we're fussy

Current passengers

Happylass, 37, TTC since Aug 2012. 2 failed ICSIs. Hopefully FET early May with only frostie. Long awaited NHS appt in June
Beaky 35, ttc coming up 3 yrs, 2x failed iui 1x long protocol ivf cancelled due to poor response. On the pill awaiting short protocol IVF in may
Minx, 34, both tubes blocked, 1 buried ovary, IVF info evening June, IVF "booking in" appointment in July
Nolly, 33, TTC 2.7 years, mc Dec 2014. awaiting ivf August 2015 while dh is off on a jolly.
Wild 40 - TTC for three years. Embies on ice and planning FET with immune treatment in June.
HampshireBlues 36 TTC 3.5 years, unexplained. Cycle 1 chemical pregnancy, cycle 2 abandoned due to cyst, cycle 3 failed. Plan thrombotic profile, scratch and short protocol.
Lumen, 35, ttc since Nov 2011, unexplained, two IVF cycles in 2014, both bfns, waiting for lap&dye and results of numerous bloods, aiming for one last IVF cycle in the summer.
Tigerdog, 34 ttc since Jan 2013. Unexplained and all test results good. Currently in the middle of long protocol IVF, 13 eggs collected and awaiting news for next steps.
Gillster, 41, TTC since Feb 2012. Had IVF in Feb 14 and had 6 one cell embies frozen due to polyp. 2 x 2 day embies finally put back 14 months later on 16th April, BFP 28th April
Smidge, 39 this month, TTC since Jan 2013. Unexplained. IVF#1 Short protocol July '14 BFN, IVF#2 Nov'14 and IVF#3 Feb '15 both Long protocol BFNs. High NK cells immune treatment. 2 frosties due to be put back in natural FET in May or June.
Kuma - 40. TTC 2.5 years. Low AMH high FSH - DH antisperm ABs. Failed IVF June 14 and March 15. Looking to change clinic and try another natural cycle in June 2015.
Lucieloos, 35, TTC 18 months, low AMH & sperm motility. 1st ICSI in Czech Republic in April 2015. Awaiting results.
Barkingtreefrog, 35, ttc since Dec 2011. Clomid bfp summer 2013, mc @ 7 weeks. IUI bfp summer 2014, mc @ 7 weeks. Diagnosed with factor v leiden thrombophilia (but
not thought to be the cause of the mc's as they were too early). Failed IUI January 2015, failed IVF March 2015. No further NHS help. Going private for nk cells testing and a scratch before putting the frosties back, hopefully this summer.
Rain, 33 ttc since March 2012. unexplained. mystery bfp oct 13, MMC Nov 13. NHS IVF starting in June
Spare planning FET with remaining frosties shortly
Pont 1st IVF in Czech Republic in July.

I meant to say - hurrah for being PUPO Beaky.

beaky that's all such good progress. Glad the stuff was helpful. The implantation track is also very calming so keep it going if you can!

nolly the swarthy sons of toil sound hilarious! Perhaps they are trying to serenade you?!

Oh wild hope you've not got the post-holiday blues too badly. Work sucks. Still, can't be too long until your FET so some exciting times ahead.

happy decorating and holiday planning are our current coping mechanisms too. Mr T has cleared entire skip worth of rubble and earth from the garden and I've painted the porch. At least it is productive! Hope you have a lovely break away with DH.

Still deciding on the holiday destinations. Mr T wants to do Croatia but I want plan a trip there with a bit more time than we have, so leaning towards Greece and a week of chilling out. Maybe Kefalonia, Crete or Skiathos. All the hotels I like the look of appear to be booked though!

Off to meet a friend for dinner. One of the only ones who knew about our IVF and what happened. She never fails to cheer me up!

Tiger we are off to Kefalonia in August for the first time. Skiathos is also on our to do list. We couldn't get the resort we wanted though and we booked over 3 months ago. A lot less choice than on the more main stream islands I think. Enjoy your dinner!

Thanks berries.

minx congrats on getting moved in!

tiger I'm definitely going to keep using them they are very calming! Enjoy your dinner. All of the Greek island options sounds lovely!

Beaky - Hello and all the best for the two little beaklets on board! I'll keep things crossed for you :) Yes, the dreams are a bit weird and odd. It is really, really hard when people say to you try not to get stressed out about things. The stress is manifesting itself into my dreams definitely!

Tigerdog - Hello and thank you!

Smidge - Hello! After the first set of tests the doc said the results shows everything is normal which is good and bad. Good because well, we're normal so far and bad because it doesn't explain why its not working. It is frustrating! I'm hoping they'll be able to give me more answers in a couple of weeks. Scary!

Nolly - Hi and thank you! When I hit 30 we both agreed that I'll come off the pill and just see what happens. we weren't in any particular rush to have children but if we got caught, brilliant! After 6 years of nothing we started to think hang on a minute, surely we should've had something happen by now so started on the ov tests to check that I was actually ovulating and also started taking folic acid. 10 months and not a peep and so off to the docs and here we are. Yes, I'm definitely going insane. Jelly wombs?! My brain is giving me excuses on why I can't get pregnant and the best it came up with is a womb made of jelly. Seriously?!

sparechange - Hi and thank you! I shall now repeat after you: "I confirm that a Berry I am and 'transvaginal ultrasound' is henceforth DILDOCAM" - This made me laugh more than it should! OH came in with me for that, he felt a bit guilty that all he had to do so far is provide a cup o' sperm. His face was a picture when she got the DILDOCAM out, poor bugger!

Wildflower - Hello and thank you!

happylass - Hi and thank you, it is frustrating when its unexplained. There have been two instances where I've been 3 and 4 days late and both were just false alarms. Anyway, we're doing something about it now, we are going through the process and one way or another we'll (hopefully!) know what's happening and what our options are next :)

mmmminx - Hi and thank you! They're not really scary, just really confusing! I'm sort of half aware I'm dreaming so when he said that I was all 'Right, wake up. This is bloody nonsense'!

Pipbin - Hello and thank you. Oh I did go loopy, I absolutely did. Two of my friends have had babies and I didn't want to go and see them at all. Not because I'm not happy for them but it drove home how much I felt as a failure as a human being. Luckily, I'm not in that mind set anymore and I have seen them both and they are beautiful, happy, bubbly babies. I still feel a twinge of sad but knowing the start of these feelings coming on I can do something about it so I don't get into that horrible guilt feeling. I guess I'm not the only one to have felt those feelings either. Glad I'm able to feel happy for my friends now and enjoy their company :)

beaky
How are you feeling today? Nice and relaxed I hope

I've got a potentially rather dumb question - can I pick your brains with it please? Does being on the pill have any impact on ovarian reserve? If we have to take a break from ivf, would going onto the pill save a few eggs, or make no difference?

Spare not daft at all! I've often wondered that myself! Or do the eggs just wither and die even if they don't get used?? If the pill does preserve some I'm screwed as I've only taken it for a limited time due to not being allowed back when I used to get really bad migraines
Another potentially daft question. I had a fair bit of EWCM and OV pain this month around cd8 which is obv really early. However, my last AF was 6 days late due to the Cyclogest. Is it possible that my follie went ahead and grew and I OVd at what should have been the right time even though the Cyclogest was stopping me bleeding iyswim??
Antonia lol at your OH's reaction to the dildocam. When I had the scratch a few weeks ago my DH nearly keeled over when the nurse pulled out the scratching tool! He said "I think I'd better wait outside". Never seen him move so fast

Happy I'm polycystic, and have often wondered what happens to the little follies. Do they whiter and die away or wait til it's their time to shine?!
It would feel so odd to go back onto the pill though.

Anyway, I think I'm out for this FET. I've had a few twinges over the last few days which I was kidding myself might be implanation aches and pains, but in the last couple of hours, they've gone to proper 'day before AF' territory. And I realised that it would have been due today, so presumably the cyclogest is only doing a minimal job in keeping her at bay. I'll test in the morning and if it is a BFN, come off cyclogest and see what happens. Fuck it. Massive ballsy fuck.

I'm keeping everything crossed for you. No sign of calm here, am so ill I've spent the last couple of days coughing and sneezing fairly violently

Re the pill thing, as far as I understand it it's mostly thought to deplete ovarian reserve. Also if it helped then surely mine would be better after at least 10 yrs of of it!

Just popping in to say congratulations to Hb so pleased for you.

Lots of activity on here, wishing you all the best at whatever stage you are at.

Re the pill & ovarian reserve, my AMH was pretty poor & I was on the pill for a long time without a break, then had a break & went back on it when we weren't ready to ttc. I wonder whether it had any effect on my fertility. I don't think I could comprehend going back on it now.

spare any news? so hoping you are wrong

Any news Spare? Keeping everything crossed.

Bushy what was your amh? Hope all is going ok for you and bushlet!

morning beaky feeling any better?

Not really Nolly, just taking paracetamol and trying to sleep it off.

BFN
I know I'm a couple of days early but I'm out. Will stop the cyclogest today.

So that's us done. Don't really know what else to say. Need to discuss with DH what we will do next but either way, I'm going to get fit and lose some weight and probably enter an autumn half marathon so I've got a new focus.
I wanted so badly to be pregnant again by the time of my due date, which isn't going to happen, so need to now think how I'm going to tackle that when it comes around.

Thanks for all the cheerleading and support ladybros

Shitting hellfire spare. I'm really sorry

I'm so sorry Spare I was hoping that this was your time.

I'm so sorry spare

So sorry spare

So sorry Spare. I think your new plan of focus is a great idea but give yourselves time to grieve too. You responded well to treatment in the past so hopefully in 6 months time you'll be in the right place mentally and physically to give it another go if that's what you choose to do. Big hugs. X

That sucks. So sorry Spare.

Aww Spare that's more than rubbish. I'm so sorry

So sorry spare. How utterly unfair .

Bollocks to it all Spare