Candle smugglers of the world unite! The Berries have loaded up the charabanc and have Barry on repeat. Destination BFP (via the pouch of Douglas)

[happylass]

The small print:

The Berries have strict entrance criteria: TTC #1 for 12 months+, over 30, NO instadiffers, must have a special pimping pot and absolutely no mention of baby dust/dancing. Not that we're fussy

Current passengers

Happylass, 37, TTC since Aug 2012. 2 failed ICSIs. Hopefully FET early May with only frostie. Long awaited NHS appt in June
Beaky 35, ttc coming up 3 yrs, 2x failed iui 1x long protocol ivf cancelled due to poor response. On the pill awaiting short protocol IVF in may
Minx, 34, both tubes blocked, 1 buried ovary, IVF info evening June, IVF "booking in" appointment in July
Nolly, 33, TTC 2.7 years, mc Dec 2014. awaiting ivf August 2015 while dh is off on a jolly.
Wild 40 - TTC for three years. Embies on ice and planning FET with immune treatment in June.
HampshireBlues 36 TTC 3.5 years, unexplained. Cycle 1 chemical pregnancy, cycle 2 abandoned due to cyst, cycle 3 failed. Plan thrombotic profile, scratch and short protocol.
Lumen, 35, ttc since Nov 2011, unexplained, two IVF cycles in 2014, both bfns, waiting for lap&dye and results of numerous bloods, aiming for one last IVF cycle in the summer.
Tigerdog, 34 ttc since Jan 2013. Unexplained and all test results good. Currently in the middle of long protocol IVF, 13 eggs collected and awaiting news for next steps.
Gillster, 41, TTC since Feb 2012. Had IVF in Feb 14 and had 6 one cell embies frozen due to polyp. 2 x 2 day embies finally put back 14 months later on 16th April, BFP 28th April
Smidge, 39 this month, TTC since Jan 2013. Unexplained. IVF#1 Short protocol July '14 BFN, IVF#2 Nov'14 and IVF#3 Feb '15 both Long protocol BFNs. High NK cells immune treatment. 2 frosties due to be put back in natural FET in May or June.
Kuma - 40. TTC 2.5 years. Low AMH high FSH - DH antisperm ABs. Failed IVF June 14 and March 15. Looking to change clinic and try another natural cycle in June 2015.
Lucieloos, 35, TTC 18 months, low AMH & sperm motility. 1st ICSI in Czech Republic in April 2015. Awaiting results.
Barkingtreefrog, 35, ttc since Dec 2011. Clomid bfp summer 2013, mc @ 7 weeks. IUI bfp summer 2014, mc @ 7 weeks. Diagnosed with factor v leiden thrombophilia (but
not thought to be the cause of the mc's as they were too early). Failed IUI January 2015, failed IVF March 2015. No further NHS help. Going private for nk cells testing and a scratch before putting the frosties back, hopefully this summer.
Rain, 33 ttc since March 2012. unexplained. mystery bfp oct 13, MMC Nov 13. NHS IVF starting in June
Spare planning FET with remaining frosties shortly
Pont 1st IVF in Czech Republic in July.

Hi mmmminx thank you for the welcome :)

The appointment went as well as can be expected in these situations, I guess :) We had BMI taken I had another TVS and was told how many follicles etc I had which was reassuring (well as reassuring as can be when I didn't really know what to expect), They've ordered some more tests AMH for me as my doctor never arranged that test for me and another SA for DH. Our next appointment is in July so quite a long wait now, the consultant made suggestions that there is a possibility we wouldn't be funded but I think we both expected that we find out for definite next meeting. All things considered the meeting went well but the wait time between appointments is a bit daunting :(.

Top of the list is fab although late July is a bit of a kicker ! how long have you been waiting ? How have you found the process so far ?

How is everyone else finding it are you discussing details with friends and family or just here ?

hi forty, sorry you find yourself here, but welcome. This is the place for info but more importantly support.

I've told a few people but only when i can be bothered when pissed i mean

not family as mine are b*stards

Yes Minx and Nolly I know I love SAFDG though Minx will def incorporate that! Love that you are top of the list too July will fly here.

Welcome Forty! Sorry you are here though, it's super tough to go through this. These berries are amazing and the support here is unlike you get anywhere else. Why won't you qualify for free fertility treatment? That seems harsh. probs the new government cuts already Also, round these parts we call a TVS a dildocam

Nolly how's the building work going? Any sign of a new job?

Hello forty and welcome! Hope you aren't with us for too long..!

beaky My clinic has got published rates for low AMH and for women with 1.1-2.5 it's a success rate of 16.5% per cycle, so certainly not impossible...

Thank you for the welcome. Its nice to speak to some friendly faces who know what the process is like. Sorry you're all going through it too.

Nolly yes I tend to blurt inappropriate stuff regarding it when drunk on occasion

Beaky Thank you I'm feeling comfortable already here. The FC consultant made rumblings toward my age and possible AMH levels, at our PCT treatment has to start before 39 and depending on waiting list times there's a fair chance I'll hit 39 before then. Dildocam just made me spit my water out, I will definitely be using that from now on :)

Spare Thank you :)

I'm still new to a bit of the lingo .. What is an instadiffer ? if you don't mind me asking

Nolly Sorry half my message to you disappeared, Thanks for the welcome its a horrible place to be but at least there's some lovely company (I'm taking consolation in that)

Hi Forty and welcome, sorry you find yourself here but you are in good company. An instadiffer is someone who gets pg instantaly without trying.

Tiger woohoo, so pleased for you!

Beaky sorry that the nurse wasn't particularly tactful, I can imagine getting that AMH result was a shock, but as everyone else has said it is not the only factor and you should still have some good quality eggs.

So the scan this mornging shows that I still have OHSS but no fluid in the pouch so we went ahead with transfer. We have a really beautiful 3BB in and another that isn't far enough along to grade but in the hour since they had last checked it has carried on growing so will now have to wait and see. I start fragmin tonight and will continue rattling with everything else but now have everythng crossed. OTD bank holiday Monday so exactly a year since we found out that our first was a chemical so trying to focus on the positive.

Minx I'm liking the new abbreviation. July isn't that far away now, it'll soon be here.

then slopes off to put feet up

CONGRATULATIONS Tiger!!!

Wow I took a little time off from here and so much has happened!!

Tiger congratulations, amazing news!

Gil it must have been so exciting hearing the heartbeat!

HB, congrats on being pupo, really got my fingers crossed for you!

Good luck to everyone else starting soon, looks like there are lots of us!

I have been struggling with things a little the past couple of weeks since getting the bfn. I'm just finding it so hard to look ahead and be positive. We are going back to Czech in July for another fresh cycle but I just have it in my head now that nothing is going to be any different and it's not going to work. I know it's really bad to think like that but I just don't know how to get out of this unhappiness. I find it hard in work as well and just can't wait to get home everyday. How do you keep going after a failed cycle and continue to think positively?

We have been in touch with our doctor who says she thinks the failed implantation was probably a little bit of lower egg quality because of age (35) and possibly the effects of low sperm morphology. She wants to keep me on the same protocol for next time but maybe up the Menopur slightly from 225iu to 250iu.

I keep telling myself surely it's all a numbers game and it will work eventually if we are being given odds of 35-40% each time but I just can't seem to convince myself

On phone so sorry if I miss things....

Tiger that's amazing. Congratulations

Forty welcome. Sorry you're here but we're a good bunch . The description of us being tough made me think of old fruit though
I've not told family about our issues as I don't expect they would understand. My mum acci-diffed (new term?) with me whilst on the pill so don't think she'd get it and I'm not close with my dad. DHs parents are a bit of a mare and would constantly plague us if they knew. Have only told a couple of friends one who has now given up ttc and another who questioned me once whilst I was drunk and had just been turned down for my second IVF - I knew she had had IVF so needed to have a rant! Turns out she had 7 tries before having her DS. Anyway, we'll look after you here .

Beaky I am pro DHEA, took it before first IVF and had a top grade embryo. Didn't take it before second try and egg didn't even fertilise. I know it's not a great sample to work from but I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt and am on it again now before my next try.

Can't remember who asked but think 3BB is the grading they give. Website Oregon reproductive medicine has a good page on grading.

Right, back to work, catch you later!

Massive hug lucie
It is so easier said than done, but stay positive. Those odds mean it is more likely than not going to be your time next time!

Just back from day 11 dildocam and things aren't looking the best. Lining is thin - 4mm-5mm depending on where she measured it, and lead follie is small for this day. They are scanning me again on Saturday with a view to maybe doing the transfer on Monday or Tuesday, but the doc did suggest there is a chance it will be cancelled

Oh that's rough spare, but Monday/Tuesday is a long way off yet, so still lots of time to see an improvement... Fingers crossed.

happy how are you doing? Still pompomming away merrily for you.

Going to have to get the computer out tomorrow and write some notes, there's so much going on at the moment. (MrSmidge gave in and let me buy the new modem... So far so good, Internet seems to be back up and running)

Luce I'm sending big hugs your way. I know that it is so tough at the moment, but I'm glad that you have another cycle planned.

Spare sorry that the dildocam was not more positive I'll keep everything crossed that things look better in Saturday.

minx the 3BB is the grading they given the embryo; the number looks at the development stage with 6 bing a fully hatched blastocyst.m then there is a letter relating to the inner cells (bit that makes the baby) and a letter relating to the outer cells (bit that makes the placenta). I can't remember which way round but one of them is A-C and the other is A-E.

Been asleep all afternoon as still exhausted; not sure how I'll ever be ready for work at this rate. Los I am still so bloated from the OHSS that I look about 4 months!

Good news hb

Spare there's still time for things to improve, I have everything crossed. But if they don't then I'm guessing you'd rather wait until it was a perfect squidgy palace of the child than place your embie in a cardboard box and hope it clings on bad analogy but I'm sure you get my meaning

Lucie I was exactly where you are after my ivf failed until I had my acupuncture last week and asked my lovely lady to put needles in all the emotional spots. A couple of weekends ago I spent three hours or more just walking along a river with the dog, crying my eyes out and not having a clue how to pull myself out of the black pit. You will get through it, just keep putting one foot in front of the other taking it one minute/hour/day at a time until you are out the other side.

forty Welcome. Soon you'll be so familiar with the lingo that you ask your consultant what was shown on the last dildocam .
I am in the oversharing camp. Everyone slight exaggeration knows about our three plus years of ttc as well as the iui attempts, failed ivf and both miscarriages, as it gives me permission to not go to baby showers/first birthday parties and to avoid baby talk . It's also a great, blunt response to people who ask if I want kids. If they don't want to hear personal information they shouldn't ask a potentially personal question . I also feel very strongly that both infertility and mc are seen to be subjects women should suffer in silence, and if they want to keep it to themselves that's fine, but they shouldn't feel they have to, so I talk about it very openly whenever relevant. The number of people who then open up to me about their own experiences is quite shocking.
Anyway, you've got me on my soapbox! Excuse me while I jump off and put it away!

Welcome Forty. As the others have said, this is a great place to be in a tight spot. I had actually never heard of a TVS but was fully familiar with dildocam. Guess I must have picked up all my IVF terminology on here!

Lucie I'm so sorry that you are feeling low. It must be a real blow to go through all the cycling and the travelling and the worry only to find it is seemingly for nothing. But as Spare said, those odds give you every chance of getting your BFP on your next go. And it's good that the FC is tweaking your protocol. I can't offer much on how to get yourself out f the slump, but Barking's on the money in saying that in the bad times you just keep putting one foot in front of another until eventually you are through to the other side.

Spare about the lining, but doesn't lining have a way of suddenly plumping itself up? Hope it works out for you my lovely.

Beaky - DHEA is one of those areas where I wish there was proper research and advice! I took it for months before round one and into the cycle. Then I panicked I'd done the wrong thing and DrGoogle told me that studies show that it works well, but also there was the odd case where it made things worse. Sigh. Anyway, all was well for me in the end and I'm glad that I took it.

I was on 2xtablets a day before round one, three is the recommended dose but that felt like too much to me. Even on two a day I found myself suffering a lot of rage and extra fast growing moustache hair. I cut back to one a day before cycle two and did end up with fewer eggs, but who can tell if there's a link? Also, FYI on cycle two I was given a steroid called Dexamethosone which I think is similar (?) and is said to help with egg quality. Some consultants at my FC prescribe DHEA, particularly for low AMH, mine didn't but I was already on it. Are you taking CoQ10? Also worth looking at that.

Sorry for rambling on Beaky, but I'm willing you on and want you to have all the information possible to help get you where you need to go.

Tiger how are you???

Spare thanks for sharing that info! It's not a bad success rate really. In sorry your scan wasn't better, I'll crack the fire batons out for you. Fx your next scan shows a good improvement so you can go ahead.

HB PUPO!! Woohoo. I'm pleased you were able to go ahead after all and hope you are feeling tiptop soon. Glittery pompoms for you my love.

kuma thank you for the dhea info, I'm definitely going to try it then. I've read a fair bit of support for it and I can't see it would cause any harm.

smidge hooray that you got your modem sorted! How are you feeling at the mo?

lucie hugs to you, but great that your consultant is happy for you to get back on to it. When will your next cycle be?

Loving Barkings soap box corner, totally right though.

Tiger how are you feeling now? Has it sunk in?

X post wild! Thank you for the info it's really helpful. I will def give it a try, do you think it's too late to start for this cycle since I start stabbing tonight? I already have rage at the min (!) and mm the extra tash hair sounds lovely I am taking C0q10 and I've stocked up on more vit d today

Hampshire ah that makes sense thank you kindly for the explanation and the welcome

Iam Old fruit was not my intention sorry :). My DHs parents sound similar just hate to feel like they are missing out on something so would probably be overly involved hence they currently know nothing. Thank you for the kind welcome.

Barking Thank you for the welcome. I totally agree with you re Infertility and mc it's a dirty little secret, unfortunately, and talking about it is the only way it becomes less of a dirty little secret and something to be ashamed of. I have no problems telling people if they ask but I wish I hadn't told some people we were TTC when we started as I stupidly put pressure on myself that I didn't really expect or want.

However the thing I find most amazing is people still ask questions like 'are you having sex at the right time ?' I normally feign surprise and ask 'ooo is there a right time then?' because the other option is to scream loudly in their faces :(

wild Thanks you for the welcome I'm going to have to make sure I don't ask the consultant about dildo-cam at the next appointment. :)

Thank you all so much for your good wishes. It's such a relief to have a safe space to share the news and all the hopes and fears that come with it.

I am frightened that somehow it will be taken away but will take each day at a time for now. Have bought 4 more tests, so I can keep poas to check it's still positive.

Welcome forty you're in the right place. The last 18 months would have been so lonely if I hadn't found this lot. I'll be lurking here a while yet anyway. I have told my best friend and sister but no one else and not the details even then. I also stupidly wish I'd never mentioned ttc to some friends early on. For a year or so it was constant scrutinizing and questioning about bring pregnant, that gradually morphed into a pointed "how are you?" with a concerned tilt of the head.

barking you're brave to get the facts out there. I have struggled with telling people although I've been more open in recent months. You do sound much more positive - acupuncture is amazing!

When anyone mentions the chopper minx I think of Arnie in the Predator film and the immortal line: "RAAAAHHH. Get to the choppa!"

Round these parts we call a TVS a dildocam - beaky you crack me up! Hope you're doing ok. Lots of good advice from these wise ladies. Christ, I really don't need any help on the 'tache front, my Italian genes are enough!!

kuma seven tries - that's commitment. But it shows that it can be done.

lucie big hugs to you. It seems as though they've learnt from your first cycle and it sounds positive for the next one. You'll get there . It's a type of grief really, that comes with years of ttc. Let yourself heal after this cycle and be kind to yourself. Xx

Great news on being PUPO hb. I have everything tightly crossed for you.

spare sorry to hear that your fet might not go ahead. Are you having acu or taking anything to boost the lining. Lots can change in a few days. Fingers crossed for you.

happy how are you doing my lovely?

Thanks everyone, you have made me feel a bit more positive and hopefully next time will be our turn! I'm going through stages at the moment I think where I will be ok one minute and then struggling the next.

I have just sent off for some dhea from America. It was one of the things my doctor suggested. She said it can help with response and egg quality. I looked them up and read a lot of good things. Also a lady who was cycling the same time as me who is 41 had been taking them and she had an excellent cycle and got her bfp a couple of weeks ago. Not to say that they helped but think I will give it a go. I was a little worried about them as I am always wary of taking things like this incase it messes things up even more but hopefully not!

Beaky, I am due to start stimms again in mid June and will be going out to czech the beginning of July. The doctor did say we could start end of May if we wanted to but I think it would all be a bit too rushed.

Spare, I really hope your lining improves before the weekend and you can still go ahead with your cycle x

tiger
I'm sure you've found the 'copter (forty, this is where you graduate to when you get your bfp...) but they have a great motto. "today, I am pregnant."
That's what matters. A day at a time and your goal is to make it to bedtime...

beaky that's for the fire batons but I still think they sound dangerous around all your Lycra. Do you not remember the public information films of the early 90s around shell suits and bonfire night..? This has got the makings of the opening credits of Casualty...

barking wise words as ever. Lucie, there is no right or wrong way to get through these shitty, shitty weeks, but you will get there, especially with awesome berries on your team...

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I always come out of the clinic as a real Debbie downer but have managed to get a bit of a grip this evening and have got some renewed confidence for the rest of the week.
hb how are you feeling?

Yes Spare!! Ahh flammable leisure wear fx for you anyway though.

Lucie that's not too long to wait and hopefully it fly here. Where did you get your dhea please?

Tiger do hang around a while! Have you called the FC yet? Do they do a blood test as well as pee sticks? I'm ok thanks, done my first injection, it's half the effin pen! But gonal f is so much easier than merional! I just have to wait and see how it all goes

forty I hope you're able to get a round in before your birthday. What tests etc have you had?