Halfway through my TWW and looking for company. Anyone in the same boat?

[ero30]

I've still got about a week to go before I can POAS. DH and I have been trying for about 5 months, but I have very irregular cycles so it's all really hard to judge. I usually go about 2 weeks between periods so following that, AF should be due to arrive before the end of this week. But I'm thinking that would be too early to test and am very impatient! I've also been taking agnus castus this month on the advice of a medical friend so I'm feeling tentatively hopeful. Anyone around who wants to wait it out with me and not read too much into every symptom and definitely not take a test every day this week?

any news brown?

Morning everyone!
haquoi - thanks for the advice - this cold won't shift at all! It's so hard to keep spirits up as I know any day now I'll get my pre af spotting and so I dread going to the toilet - which isn't a good way to live! Have reflexology on Monday though so that should help. It was interesting last time as

Stupid phone, hang on....

She said last time she had concentrated on my ovaries etc but next week's will be different as I will be at a different point in my cycle.
I'm the same as you - no idea if/when ovulated so no idea when I can test - if I get that far anyway! How are you today?

haquoi - how strange the chemists didn't know what you meant! Amazon should have them though. I might try that she-oak too

I know diamond, one chemist even got a strip of opks and tried to see if they would take my temperature!! I had to be like, no, not those. I know what they are. I'm looking for a thermometer... Felt a bit stupid, I don't know why.

Could you reflexologist tell whether you'd ovulated or not? I hope it makes you feel better. Mine told me that she thought I'd ovulated from my left side and worked on trying to connect my ovaries to my uturus. I tell you though, the change in me after that session - I feel almost like my old self, able to joke around and enjoy things without a tinge of bitterness and anger and self-hate. It's been absolutely wonderful and given me a huge feeling of optimism, that my son's death isn't just going to define me in a negative way. Definitely a fan of reflexology now, thank you! :)

I googled ways of dealing with the tww and one was saving your favourite tv programme episodes until those two weeks, or buying loads of books and reading them all in that time. Funny how that never occurred to me before! Another was stepping away from google. I definitely need to do that.

I think, don't test. If we get to the 16th and nothing has turned up by the 17th, then we can test together. What do you think? Did you say you're in cycle 11? You've got one more cycle and then you can go to your doctor for support. I feel desperate and I'm only on cycle 6, so it must be really hard for you. Or do you reckon it's worth seeing your doctor now and asking for advice? (I realise I'm all about the GPs on this thread, which is strange, given I have a small aversion to them!) xx

Hi everyone! big wave
I've taken a week away for sanity reasons to stop myself obsessing. It hasn't worked! Just wanted to check in and say hi to you all and hoping the tww is going ok? Just had a quick read to catch up. Amazing response to the reflexology haquoi! That's fantastic-I'm really pleased you found something that helps relieve some of the emotion.
Diamond, how are you? What stage are you at the minute? I'm due AF on Tuesday. Have tested every day since Sunday (like I said, not doing very well at being normal and not obsessing!). All bfn. I'm so daft for doing it but £2.49 for 5 on Amazon is hard to resist.
Waves to ickle, finding, remember and everybody!

haquoi - I can't believe that at the chemist!! I bet you couldn't wait to escape!
I'm not sure if my reflexologist will be able to tell, I'll ask her though. That's amazing that yours could tell you had ovulated. I am so pleased to hear you're getting back to your old self and you feel so optimistic - I want you to get your bfp as much as I want mine!
Yes stepping away from Google in tww is a good idea, I've managed so far this month but we'll see!
Yes testing together sounds good, although I'm not sure I'll have the willpower if I don't get spotting but you'll have to keep me strong! This is cycle 10. I'm not sure I'd have the nerve to go to the doctors, with having ds and being 37 I don't think they'd want to help. But then again I suppose I'd have to try. Hopefully it won't come to that.
It's really helping to talk on here, I don't really speak to anyone about it in real life - everyone just keeps asking why we don't get on with it and have another - I want to shout - it's not that easy! Xx
Hi hewy - nice to see you again! I'm good thank you - a bit in limbo - not sure when/if I ovulated, am cd24 - going by last month I would be due today but going by previous months it would be towards end of next week. Lol - it is hard to resist at that price - am keeping fingers crossed for you - of course keep us updated with your testing!
ickle, brown, finding, remember - any news?

Afternoon all. Been busy today with work - sadly mine is a 7 days a week profession so no long weekends for me.

Haquoi wedding is booked for September 5th - only 17 weeks to go!! Everything coming together nicely; next job is to go and lodge documents with registrar to prove we're entitled to get married.

Boiler finally got sorted out yesterday afternoon after the plumber spending best part of 4 hours working on it. It had better not give me any other issues between now and moving out of the flat later in the year. Went over to visit dp's cousin yesterday and met his latest addition - a 10 week old son (their 5th boy!) Been promised, if we have a boy, we can have any of his baby stuff we want - dp was very excited to tell them of our plans and they are very happy for us!!

I bought the Babymad thermometer from Amazon. It was £4:95 with free next day delivery on prime membership. It arrived yesterday and I started temping today.

Not a whiff of symptoms today. Am 8dpo so would be too early to poas yet. Will try and avoid it until my d21 bloods on Thursday.

How is everyone else getting on? I think 3-4 of us are on our tww. When are people planning on poas?

Morning everyone
remember - how exciting about your wedding - not long at all!! Glad your boiler is sorted.
5th boy? Wow! That sounds a busy but fun house! That's nice you can have the baby stuff.
Yes there are a few of us now on tww- so you are waiting til Thurs? I think haquoi is planning Saturday and I should wait till then too but not sure I have got the willpower to hold out til then! I will try though.
Anyone got any symptoms? I haven't

I wasn't due AF until Tuesday, but here she is this morning ????. Oh well. Maybe next month. Think I might need to start temping-my cycles are mostly too short and think I'm ovulating much sooner than average. Ttc is draining and frustrating.
Keeping fingers crossed for the rest of you over next few days. It would be FAB to see some BFPs. xxx

Oops. Question marks were originally sad faces and angry faces (among other faces!).

hewy - sorry to hear that - I've heard good things about temping so that sounds like a good plan.
I agree, it's utterly draining and frustrating - when af arrives it always make me feel dreadful, angry, sad - you name it.
Lots of for you and onwards and upwards to your next cycle, fingers crossed it's the one xxx

Morning all!

hewy!!! Lovely to hear from you again! I have my fx for you. What cycle are you on again?

remember, really good news about your boiler and fantastic news about your wedding :) That's so exciting!

diamond, no symptoms really. I keep thinking I've got a pinching feeling, but tbh I get those a lot and its nothing like last month. Other than that, nada. I wouldn't even expect my period to be coming, the amount of cm that's coming out.

Well I've massively reverted - after posting yesterday I suddenly got really stressed and angry (I've got a deadline and creative block) and took it all out on DH. Poor man. We then spent the day apart, me reading (so I'd stop yelling at him) and him tidying and sorting the house. Only just made up this morning really. I s'pose I should have expected that I'd have a come down from the good feeling, just didn't realise it'd happen quite that quickly! I tell you what, I hate ttc. It's such a horrible, lonely (apart from you all) and stressful journey. All I've experienced of motherhood is pain so far (apart from the reflexology laughter that came from nowhere) - is all of this worth it? Are kids worth it? I mean, I know its worth it for my DS, because he's already happened and I love him and miss him so much it kills me to think about him, but maybe I should just stick with him. I almost feel like I don't deserve to have another baby, if I couldn't keep my first alive, who am I to deserve another chance? I also know that's bullshit, but I have no real rational reasons to put myself through all of this crap apart from I can't stop myself!

Oh hewy, I'm so sorry to hear that xxx

why don't you join us on the sperm meets egg plan hewy? We were all going to do it next cycle as an experiment. spermmeetseggplan.com/smep-step-by-step/

But I also think temping is a great idea, that's my plan as well x

haquoi - I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling like that. My heart really goes out to you. You absolutely do deserve to have another baby and you will. It is worth it, it is devastating your darling DS is not with you now but please don't think it is your fault in any way xx
Kids are so worth it, please stick at it, you've always got us to speak to and we'll always listen to you xx
I hate ttc too, it's draining

Oh haquoi, it can be such a lonely place when you can't explain the crushing feeling every month when AF rears her ugly head. So many people make light of ttc but don't want to hear the stories when it doesn't work straight away or when our bodies conspire against us.

Thanks diamond and remember. You are lovely, thank you. It's hard to speak to the people around me - everyone thinks I should be ok by now, or that I should be moving on. Or that I should be grateful for my life and that I can actually have babies (well, I can conceive). Or they just don't know what to say and go quiet. They don't realise that I've done my best at putting interesting things in my life, but there always seems to be a negative twist to everything. And yes, they make light of the ttc, or ignore it. DH doesn't really seem to understand either - well, he understands, but its all so different from his point of view. We're trying to make sense of each other at the moment (a good, but hard thing). Grrrr!

But I'm feeling better now - I've had a bit of a cry, which always helps. How are you both doing?

brown, ickle, sleeping, how are you all?

Hello ladies - just catching up as we've been away for the weekend.

Remember - lovely news about your wedding. Sounds exciting.

Haquoi - i really don't know what to say. I've never been through anything like your past experiences and I'm not sure how I'd cope in a similar situation. I imagine that there will always be days that are worse than others but you hope that those days will get fewer with the passage of time.

My update is that I'm on cd 13. I've finished taking the clomid this month and I'm halfway through my oestrogen supplements. We are supposed to be dtd as often as possible but that's easier said than done when you're staying with family. We're back at home now so things should get back on track.

haquoi - sometimes people around us don't get it at all and it can feel so lonely and frustrating. Thinking that you should be okay by now is so wrong, you need support not for things to be ignored or made light of, unfortunately I think generally people aren't able to understand in difficult situations and prefer to take the easy route rather than help. Tell me about it- DH is the same as yours, he will understand things to some extent but his point of view usually differs to mine- it's hard sometimes!
I'm glad you've had a cry - that always does me the world of good. Are you going back to your reflexologist soon? I'm there tomorrow - can't wait!
I'm okay - no symptoms, unsure what to think really, I'd written this month off but when af does appear I think it's going to hit me really hard. Me and DH have got date night on Tuesday which will be nice, things are very stressful at the moment so a bit of time together is needed.
Hi finding - your month is progressing well - have you got any more side effects at the moment then? Lol, it is easier said than done! Good you're back home at the crucial time!

Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven't been around much! Just was trying my best not to think about ttc, I got my AF this morning. :-(

Hope everyone is well, will go back and re read what I've missed!

Ok I'm in for the Sperm Meets Egg plan (suppose I should check with dh first, but after today's breakdown, I think he'll agree to anything!!). I'm off to Amazon to get some opks - anyone got any recommendations, or does it matter? Opking is new. Maybe I'll leave temping for a month or two and give this a try. Good to have a plan to get me through AF days.

Hi brown - sorry to hear af arrived but at least I suppose you're out of limbo. Onwards and upwards to next cycle
hewy - great - join the SMEP club for next month, brown - you too if you want? Haquoi has put the link on on a previous page. I use the clearblue digital opks but only after months of the normal ones which are perfectly fine too - Amazon have got them - I think they'll all as good as each other

haoqui Im sorry to read about everything you have been though. You have had a really tough time. Sending hugs xx

update for me: af arrived about an hour ago after being in agony with cramps all day. brown I will be joining you on the next cycle! I have ordered my bbt - should be here tomorrow :-)