Our new greeting cards are here! We're making vaginal butter and baking in a sneaky shag from behind. Our skittletits can't hold us back - it's JS'ing 43!

[jellypi3]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 42 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2342663-We-let-our-miroids-tie-us-up-and-pee-while-were-in-the-tub-and-the-grads-often-visit-so-we-can-give-their-bumps-a-rub-Weve-a-syncro-pee-approaching-so-heres-hoping-for-a-BFP-filled-JS-No-42?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2344912-Our-super-healthy-fanjos-just-love-getting-their-five-a-day-but-we-draw-the-line-at-frozen-poopsicles-Were-the-25th-JS-Grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

That did confuse me La! What did you do? We finally finished planting out 7 million bulbs, and then installed log roll along two edges. One more to go today! Will need to get some more slate chips though to fill in the extra width we're putting in. Its a very sunny border so if there is no slate there are 190,000,000 weeds.

My friends new baby is beautiful! Apparently not a fan of sleep though

Jelly I'm still snotty too. Can't taste anything, its so miserable. Good time to go on some vile juicing diet, me thinks!

We've tidied, put in raised beds, planted vegetables and wild flowers. Got garden bench from freecycle.

It looks lovely and is very nice to sit in

I'm jealous of your gardens. Ours is a disgrace although looks much better with a new fence, but we still need a new shed and paving. Have to find some time to do something about it...

Bite the bullet carrot, it won't take as long as you think and you'll love having somewhere to sit in summer

Ah I see Fallen, I had a 38 and 48 day cycle post AF, I didn't use opks so was having a bit of a guess about icing. I'd say test again when you get chance and then if BFN then keep shagging just in case! I found EWCM a useful indicator if used with cervical position. I did sometimes just randomly get EWCM by itself too. Long cycles can be frustrating!

Wow, you didn't do that all yesterday? I would like to plant veggies. Have a very sunny piece of land next to the garage I could use. Would have to be container based as it is gravelled over. What do you think night grow well?

I'm a bit jealous of all this garden talk! We don't have a garden (first floor flat). However the new flat we're in the process of buying is ground floor with French doors which open out onto a small-ish "communal" patch of grass. We can obvs use it but can't do anything with it like planting veggies or pretty things. Still, better than nothing!

If you've got any room for pots you can grow things like spring onions or carrots, it's not difficult. You need lots of compost and remember to water daily.

We used to use pots when we only had tiny balcony space.

For raised beds you mark them out, line them then soil and compost. Need to water lots as the water evaporates easily from raised beds. They're good option somewhere like my area where soil is crap clay stuff.

Also if sunny then you can plant lovely flowering plants.

Didn't do all of it yesterday honey - built the beds a few weeks ago, filled them and left to settle. Planted them up yesterday. Will need weeding lots as shallow soil attracts evil weeds which will choke any newly growing seedlings.

Get a book - we have the alan titch marsh one that tells you what to do with garden each month during year. We didn't know anything about gardening but we are on our 5th year now and loving it

Built raised beds here too yesterday. I always grow loads of veggies. I find beetroot, leek and carrot reliable for whoever asked. If you can only have pots you can grow mange tout and other climbing beans, and cucamelons...tiny grape sized lemony cucumbers that are amazing in g & t

Ooh gardening Viroids! Carrot it is definitely worth putting in the effort to sort out your garden. We had quite a small space in our last house but that was good in a way as we did the whole thing from a pile of rubble to lovely garden in 3 (long) days. It was like having an extra room in the house. Our new house has much bigger garden and we are scared to get started! (Not a stealth brag, the garden is A MESS!)

Beetroots, peas, rocket and lollo rosso grow well, as do carrots (geddit?!)

I am well jel of all your green thumbs... Can't keep a cactus alive...

Glow app (which is ace) says today is my most fertile day this month and changes to cm seem to support this. Not to mention that I've got a grip on my cape like a puppy nipping at the hem of a trouser leg... Poor DP he's exhausted!

Ooh and for those of you with poas addiction there are comment threads on Glow where it's just people posting frers and ics for analysis. It's shameful totally addictive

Here's my patch of land. That's a garage alongside so its pretty long.

Going to get lots of containers... The ground used to be a meadow, so the soil is absolutely terrible.

It's not my garage (I know, stupid or what?) but it is my fence, and it gets the sun in the afternoon and evening, so better than the garage side anyway.

I'd like to grow beans, potatoes, carrots, parsnips... Salad leaves etc. Stuff I usually buy! I am not going to attempt tomatoes though.

Ooh we grew tomatoes the first year we had a garden. They went COMPLETELY mental and took over the whole garden. We had hundreds of them and we don't even like tomatoes that much! Ended up making homemade ketchup though which was yummy.

Hee hee hee someone is not a fan of our vaginal butter (but I think has misinterpreted what VB actually means!)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?pg=1&order=

Well done Stoat

Where's lil? She'll soon put them straight!

Lol, that thread is funny. We're so badass.

My first MN bunfight. We're all goady fuckers

Lol, yes we are Stoat.

gag inducing goady fuckers to boot.

I've been restrained. I wanted to say vaginal butter doesn't make me feel nauseous but phrases like 'missed miscarriage', 'viability scan' and 'retained products' do but thought I'd look sanctimonious. OP seems to have fucked off. Interesting that. PMSL at the typo though which I chose not to jump on, I felt our response was strong enough without resorting to that. I like 'there, their' for our next fred title.

I can't stand the word cervix, I wonder if I can ban everyone from using that...

How funny, honey stoat Maggie you showed her! One womans comment It's the one forum on here I have always seen 100% support & 100% understanding of each other was very sweet, and true!

Some people are clearly far too easily offended, she must be a baby dancing type. boak I am far more offended by her homophone boo boo than the thought a vagina might be mentioned on a ttc board.

I can understand why some of the thread titles might be a bit much for some people, but what I can't understand is why anyone would think it is a good idea to start up a thread specifically to make the masses aware of the fact that something made you clutch at your pearls.

I mean, who really cares that much???

Oh how exciting...Being fairly new to MN I've never before been on a fred that warranted discussion on another :)
Top responses from all u viroids!

Back to the filthy vomit - inducing topic of gardening. .. I'm tending cu and tom seedlings, and planted out pea, mange tout and sugar snaps yesterday. Now its shed tidying tine so we can tear it down and build a new deck!