Our new greeting cards are here! We're making vaginal butter and baking in a sneaky shag from behind. Our skittletits can't hold us back - it's JS'ing 43!

[jellypi3]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 42 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2342663-We-let-our-miroids-tie-us-up-and-pee-while-were-in-the-tub-and-the-grads-often-visit-so-we-can-give-their-bumps-a-rub-Weve-a-syncro-pee-approaching-so-heres-hoping-for-a-BFP-filled-JS-No-42?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2344912-Our-super-healthy-fanjos-just-love-getting-their-five-a-day-but-we-draw-the-line-at-frozen-poopsicles-Were-the-25th-JS-Grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

5hell I don't feel young, particularly in ttc terms, and you may be older than me (I'm guessing) but you're pregnant! hope tomorrow goes well. I think the lack of pain is a good sign. my mc was excruciating! stick with the mantra, today you are pg!

jelly don't beat yourself up. sometimes you need that break to get your headspace. it could be you aren't fertile atm and that's why there is no desire to DTD. I can definitely tell when I'm fertile by my sex drive these days. we had to have a month off when I had the hsg. we DTD once that cycle, with a condom as weren't allowed to ttc because of the dye/ x ray.

didn't even notice I'd typed kink! perfect mistype for in here though!

carrot I would consider 2-3 beers every night a heavy drinker and I would be amazed if that wasn't affecting his fertility. but my dh hasn't drunk for 13years and still had duff sperm. my friends dh drinks regularly and smokes and they got pg on cycle 5. everyone is different, all you can do is try to make as many changes as possible to improve your chances. and that is easier said than done.

Ordered some ICs which came over the weekend... now to resist the temptation to use them too early! Have popped them in the bathroom cabinet alongside my ROC, ready for when the time comes.

Jelly my sis tried dtd EOD for months, and then the month that they fell pg they only dtd 3 times. Sometimes a well-timed shag is more accurate than dtd on and off throughout the cycle. Maybe you need a month off, like JC said, to 'regroup'. Might take the pressure off a bit and then next month you might well find you have more enthusiasm for it.

We DTD every other day in what I thought was my fertile week but I had a lot of cramping a few days after and it still doesn't feel quite right down there, I've been quite wet so maybe my cycle is messed up now and I'm ovulating this week, who knows. Feeling a bit fed up today, I'm due on my period on Friday, I'm dreading it coming, being early, being late etc. It's taking my mind back to the week I found out I was pregnant in January.

I was due on the Friday - the Monday before I had a dizzy spell running on the treadmill, I think I ran again on the Wesnesday or Thursday and couldn't run because my boobs hurt so much, by the Friday, my back was in agony. All those symptoms. Symptoms I am not experiencing now. I have a funny sensation in my uterus, which feels like where the baby was last time.

I'm making a list of things to do once I get my period anyway. Boo.

I'm back from the country gals! Cd2 booooo

Hey all. Not much to report here. We are still going for the every other day shagging, which means three times since wednesday. My app tells me that I am due to ovulate this wednesday.

I have no idea to be honest.

I know this is disgusting, but fuck it, what is mumsnet for otherwise - I find it hard to differentiate between cervical mucous and escaping sperm. Since we are dtd every other day, and the sperm seems to be seeking freedom for two days after we have sex, it's like a constant stream of us shoving it up there and it battling it's way out.

Seriously nature, what the fuck?

Can I also add that my last period was quite weird? Like, it came three days early, and even though it was definitely blood (not spotting) and it lasted for three days or so, it stopped much more suddenly than I am used to as well.

Normally it likes to take it's time, peter out to a charming brown rust colour, ruin a few pairs of pants by making a couple of returns when I thought it had stopped, and I won't mention the clots, but you know...I just did.

This time it was just a tiny bit of spotting, then "HELLO I HAVE ARRIVED, AREN'T I BEAUTIFUL" and then three days later "I WILL NOW VANISH WITHOUT WARNING BYE".

Part of me is thinking I should take another test, as I have been feeling under the weather recently, and the rest of me is thinking "Stop being a moron and don't waste your money on something so pointless"

gouda there's no harm in testing :) also the test for semen or CM is to wipe it on some tissue and tub it together gently. If it soaks in it's semen, if it sits on top it's CM. Also you can rub your fingers together with some on your fingers and if your fingers go sticky it's semen but if not it's CM :)

Yeah gouda I also found it difficult to distinguish between the two, there's some tissue test apparently, one soaks into tissue the other does not. Two days after seems a bit extreme, how much does he produce??!!!!

I've googled and it sounds like discomfort around periods is par for the course post miscarriage.

Yesterday was a bit sad but sweet, my 2 year old nephew was told there was a baby in my tummy when I was first pregnant and it obviously hasn't been mentioned in two months, and he cuddled me and pointed at my tummy and said 'baby in there'....if only! I can't believe he remembered!

gouda Just take a cheapie test! If its negative you wont be in a position to think its a false negative and then can just relax with a bucket of tea and wine later this evening.

I'm fighting the urge to pee on things today at 10dpo so please entertain me with your POAS result!

On the subject of cutting out alcohol for guys - does it have to be for the whole time of ttc or just take a week off before icing?

Ooh, Gouda POAS - just so you know.

Stoaty you never know. DD was the first to tell me I'd conceived back in July, even before I was late/any symptoms appeared. She's weird but sometimes they just know...

DH cut down his wine intake for the whole time we were TTC. Not drastically but a little - single-figure units/week for the most part.

Meh, okay. In which case I will do a test tomorrow. I am 99.9% sure it's going to be a negative though! I've been off wine recently as well - we were at a party on friday, and whilst everyone else was hammered, I was drinking tea with one of our pregnant friends in the kitchen. I just...didn't feel like it?

It's very, very rare for me to only have three glasses of wine during a massive party! Plus my boobs don't seem to have gone down from their usual pre menstrual boost. I think I've put on weight though due to my lack of any intentional exercise for the last month or so

I have a theory that I have months where I don't ovulate, which are the months I don't turn into a greaseball, and aren't in complete agony for the first day of my period, just a bit uncomfortable. I'd be surprised if I was pregnant, as last month there was no grease and I didn't even need a paracetamol!

By contrast I am greasy spotto central right now!

Anyway, sorry for rambling!!!

I feel your pain ewu. I've just been lurking the past few days because I'm starting to get that 'must. pee. now' feeling even though I'm symptomless and only on cycle one.

Don't know how you viroids do it, so much respect for you all.

stoat my first post mc AF is just finishing. its been lighter and a not shorter than normal and absolutely no cramps, even though I normally need a hwb on cd1. maybe you'll be OK when/if AF arrives. but remember cycle length may well be longer in wtf cycle. mine was a 7week cycle but my lp was still as it should be at least

ewu sperm takes 3months from creation to get to ejaculation so I'd say reduce it to as close to zero as possible while ttc the whole time. same goes for egg quality. there are new studies that suggest there is a 90day cycle for eggs where you can improve the quality with diet. the longer you stick with it the better your reproductive functions will be. I definitely think ditching his caffeine addiction increased my dhs sperm quality.

This will be my second period unfortunately lil, it was very light to start and then was the heaviest of my life, I seriously thought the whole world was about to drop out. It was very long too, and I am confused about the bearing this will have had on my icing. I just don't know how long it will be before it arrives and when I'm going to be icing. I am considering going contraband for next month, getting me some opk action. I feel really miserable today. I don't know what I was thinking of ttcing. My mental health can be quite fragile and I'm not sure I'm strong enough for monthly disappointment.

Thanks for clarifying lil . Think I'll struggle to get DP to reduce drinking full time though. I should probably make an effort to cut down on tea too :s

fallen I'm on my second cycle so still getting over excited about everything. It has helped to write down all the symptoms to refer back to. Hope to see you at the piss party on Saturday.

stoat this isn't what you probably want to hear, but it took my cycles around 6 months to return to whatI would call normal after MC, I'm not sure I ovulated during all of these, and this was why I started to use contraband. at first that was more of a head fuck than a help. My cycles varied from 22 to 44 day and have only settled in the last four/five months. Obviously everyone is different and some get their BFP straight away or soon after mc but unfortunately for others it takes much longer.

Flippin' 'eck Viroids, you are going to be very cross with me....
So the spotting came back again today, barely there really, more like discharge (sorry) than spotting. But when I got home there was a little bit more, so I piaroc and then sat there for ages looking at my own piss trying to decide whether or not if the spotting was a bad sign that I would like to know that I was upduffed even for a short time. Eventually I decided that I did want to know so that if it all went wrong and I got preggo again I would know what it felt like. (I have had a very specific/odd feeling in the uterus department since last Wed).

So I dipped my IC in said piss and this happened:

And then I dipped a CB plus and this happened

Congrats One!

Then after that I had to have a cup of tea and a sit down.

Spotting seems to have stopped again and still have the same feeling in my womble (kind of crampy but different), and I've had that and the spotting since Wed/Thurs last week. That, plus the strength of the line with afternoon wee makes me think that I probably am pregnant (Eep!) But it is a bit scary with the 'spotting'.

Yayyyyyy shakes Pom poms congrats one

Congratulations Pud! That's amazingly clear from an afternoon wee! Yay! Today, you are indeed upduffed!

Congrats pud! Haha I love your story of disbelief! But today you are pregnant