We might be over 40 but we are young at heart, taking our supplements, shagging on time and waiting for the precious BFP!Over 40's TTC, join us here...

[Gumblossom]

Starting the new thread, Cloudjumper.

Anyone over 40, trying to conceive, whether it is your first or 6th (or more), we're facing the obstacles together.

I've been at it for 6 years now, but there are plenty of good news stories from these threads over the years.

Come and join us with your worries, woes,successes and milestones, we are here to support one another in our quest.

Gum

Thinking of you today gum

Thinking of you Gum, hope you get through it ok and you get home quickly.

I had an urge to use up a ClearBlue digital I found hanging around so tested just to see if my hormones are diminishing since ERPC on Tuesday. They're not of course, it's still saying 'Pregnant 3+'. I wasn't sure how long it took for HCG to drop so at least i know to expect the crash next week and I can warn DH about it! That's why these sticks can never really be assuring, they're just sticks after all! I really need a break but I'm so addicted to ttc it's hard to let go.

Sorry have been AWOL. Just popping in to say how sorry I am to hear your sad news. Big unmumsnetty hugs, some and .

As a long-time lurker, I can say I don't know when a week has been filled with so much pain and joy at the same time on this thread. Too many losses, but so much happiness for others.

I wish I knew what to say, but I am posting to say I am thinking of each of you, with the joy and sorrow here.

Thanks everyone. I am home and it went well. I had a long wait as they'd had unexpected surgery in the morning so were delayed by abut 2 hours. But it all went smoothly. I felt nauseous afterwards, but the drugs sorted that out.I came home and had a very good night's sleep, which I've not had in weeks.

Annie, I didn't even think about the crashing hormones! I'm now worried that although I feel okay now, I might have an emotional breakdown later whilst at work or something. I hope not. As I feel perfectly fine physically, I am probably going to head back to work on Monday, as long as I don't feel too fatigued. I remember the last erpc I had,I felt exhausted for two weeks afterwards, so I am hoping it won't be like that this time. How are you feeling?

I won't be poas at all. I know the hormones will leave, and then I'll probably start cycling again. I had a heap of smiley face O sticks and two preg tests which I gave to my sister on Friday. It seems she is now ttc with her new partner. She's 44 and always had trouble falling pregnant in the past. I don't think she's really committed to it, rather, just doing it for her partner and hoping she doesn't fall pregnant. My opinion (which, I know actually doesn't matter) is that she barely copes with the children she has (and only has them half-time), why would she embark on this journey now? It may sound a bit like sour grapes because I've just had a loss, but it really isn't. I'll be happy for them if it happens.

I know I won't be TTC again. It would only happen if my DH came to me and said:"let's try again, but with ivf and donor eggs", which I know will never happen. He's so ready to move on, and I know I couldn't do the uncertain, worrisome first trimester again unless it was with donor eggs.

I'm so glad that Grizzer and calibee have had good scans. I wish it were me too, but I always knew that having a baby after 45 would be difficult.

Thanks, again, for all your support.

Oh gum I don't want to worry you! I just like to be prepared and it does pay off as I've been VERY down today. Crying all day. Have decided to open a v expensive bottle of Sauvignon blanc and since doing so have had a totally unreasonable argument with DH about going on a last min trip to Hampshire this weekend. I think he should do it - for my recovery! - but he has some bloody cycling challenge plan and I know it's reasonable for him not to want to go but I'm bring a brat.

I mean next weekend obvs.

Oh Annie, I am sorry you've had a difficult day. I do understand how DH's can be totally unreasonable You are entitled to be a brat under the circumstances. I think miscarriage hits the once preg woman so much harder than the hubby. We've got to deal with all the physical stuff as well as the emotional stuff.

I felt angry with my husband, because the day after the erpc, he went around to a friend's place to watch the football. In the end I was actually glad because it meant that I could just be alone. I mentioned something about how nice it would be to have a favourite pudding (lemon delicious) that I rarely eat, as a comfort food. He said, "I don't cook desserts", and that made me feel quite sad and unloved. I know he doesn't cook desserts, but could he not actually make an exception for his sad wife? Looks like if I want comfort food, I have to make it. Of course if I did, he'd be happy to eat it.

I actually spent time in the garden yesterday which I found very therapeutic but now I am suffering a flare up of my shoulder bursitis. Ouch! At least I can dose up on anti-inflammatories. After I came in from the garden I felt unbelievably tired and slept for a couple of hours.

I have no idea if I will be able to work on Monday. Goodness knows, as I might feel fine in the morning, but flag by lunchtime? I can take a few days off, I am sure I will be able to get a Drs note, but honestly, writing relief lessons is a pain, and I am supposed to mentoring a practice teacher, and I feel awful about neglecting her. Needs must, I suppose...

I hope everyone else is well. xxx

Put yourself first Gum. People will cope without a lesson plan for a day. Make sure you rest & do what your body is telling you to do.
I'm a cycling widow too Annie. Most of the time I enjoy the space to get things done but there are times when you wonder when it's your turn to disappear for a weekend! Hope the wine was nice even if the evening wasn't so good.

Ooops didn't realise there was a new thread..
Hi guys just joined the forum. Am 43 trying to conceive #1 been together 10 years but married just over a year. Hubby has always said no to children, nearly started trying two years ago but had a chemical pregnancy then recently started talking about it again. He finally said yes... smile
We didn't properly start trying this month but were not careful..unfortunately after a couple of days of unusual bad cramping started AF so this month isn't the one.
If anyone has any tips of things to do/eat/try when trying to conceive would love to hear
Neet x

Welcome Neet, I am also 43 and I wasn't really ttc this month, but also not being "careful". Anyway, AF has arrived. It was a day late, but I didn't feel tempted to test as I didn't not have the usual early pg sensations, so knew I wasn't.
I wasn't ready yet to face another round of mc, so I feel comfortable with this month's outcome.
Best wishes to Gum and Annie for your recoveries, and to the pg ladies for continued success.

Hi Neetie and welcome. The best thing you can do is keep living life and being happy. On a really pragmatic level you could book appointments with your GP to get your hormone levels tested and DH's sperm tested. And please come and join us on the "Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?" thread!

Thanks fromwest hope you're ok.

I am searching the internet for happy births at 42/43. Then I think how would i cope with a newborn at 43? CAn't decide anything yet it's too early and I should rest my poor old mind.

Gum did you go back to work today? You're brave, but I know what you mean about sometimes it's actually more hassle to be off that to call in sick so whatever is the most stress free for you. I'm going back tomorrow, I've been really tearful and tired so not looking forward to it.

Flotillas how are you doing? Did your symptoms come back? Thinking of you.

Grizzler Grrr those men and bikes. I'm the same, I actually quite like the peace but when it messes with my plans - look out! I am not going anywhere of course it was the wine talking - I can't even face the supermarket yet. Hope you are feeling well.

Calibee hope you are well too and Cloud hope you are having a fabulous relaxing holiday.

Hello to everyone else!

Hi Neet, I've been casually BC free for about 5 months but have just dived into TTC, I have bought my first ever ovulation test kit. I think I'll be ovulating this Thursday/Friday.

Hello, can I join in?
I'm 45 and have 1 8yr old DS.
TTC with husband (not father of DS) for 2 years or so. We've had 3 miscarriages after natural conception in that time. Plus we had ivf so we could genetically test our eggs since dr says likely cause of miscarriages is chromosomal abnormalities due to my age. When we did that we got loads of eggs and ended up with 8 fertilised grade 1 and 2s... They went off for testing and were all abnormal. V sad day. So he said not much point in trying anymore with own eggs since statistically speaking - depressing - only 1 in 13 eggs is normal by my age. SO. After a 7month wait we got a match for an egg donor, she's super young, great, got the eggs, great, got 5 fertilised, great... But now the lining of my womb won't thicken. When I had IVF last year it was fine, it was the eggs that were no good. Now I have a load of good frosties but this is the third month I've been told we can't do ET because lining is less than 7mm. I'm so depressed disappointed and frustrated and sad. I'm being vile to my husband because I hate everyone.
I know this is not a happy helpful post but I don't know what to do now, I feel so powerless and like I'm stupid to even try and have a baby at my age. I don't know what to do now and how long to keep going on this horrible ride. I feel like this is all I've done for 2 years.

Hi Neetie - you should find lots of tips on here! Lots of ladies on here seem great at temping/charting (maybe I'm a bit too lazy). I find ovulation kits (OPKs) are addictive and personally, I find the Clearblue smiley face ones (the dual hormone indicator ones) are the easiest to use, although they're not cheap. Have you Googled 'SMEP' yet? Maybe that's one to try. Are you covering the basics with supplements? There's plenty of lists on here to choose from, but as a minimum, of course make sure you take at least 400mg daily of Folic Acid. Or a good prenatal vitamin (e.g. Pregnacare Conception or Seven Seas from anywhere like Boots) will include your folic acid, plus other good stuff.

Annie - hope your recovery continues smoothly. Just in case it helps at all, here's one more 42/43 year old story for your collection. (I'm avoiding my pre-reading/prep for work tomorrow, you're in luck ...)

I conceived DD age 43+3 (first go naturally) having previously had apalling advice from a fertility MOT at an IVF clinic, who said we needed IVF + ICSI. Obviously we didn't. I had a crazy busy job at the time, plus a new diagnosis of hypothyroidism, so it took the best part of a year (not TTC) to find the time (yes I know that sounds ridiculous) to get back to the clinic, at which point they refused to treat me - WTF? So I went home, cried a lot and must've got pregnant about a week later. Anyway, DD should've been my 44th birthday present, but turned up 10 days early. Had a jaundice-y start, but caught up well and since then has always been >95th centile. She is hard work, just because she sleeps less than any kid I know (I'm sure other mum's think I'm lying when we compare sleep times), but as I don't know any different, I just get on with it. And we seem to be doing OK, e.g. nursery want to move her up to the next class early because she's bright, apparently.

I don't think my experience is all that unusual, I know a few people in RL who had babies at 42/43. Plus I think there's been a good few on this thread. I'm sure Fireflies conceived her DS at a similar age - FF, apologies if I'm mistaken - and toddler FF sounds like an energetic, dynamic little boy. Everyone's different of course, but if you and your DH feel its the right thing to carry on TTC, then IMHO, being 42/43 shouldn't of itself be a reason not to try.

My problem is I'd love a full sibling for DD and the prospects at 45 are supposed to be ... 'less good', shall we say. But whilst hormones and everything else seem to be in working order (minus a blip for some bloomin' cysts) we'll carry on TTC for a few months at least. The idea of having to give up seems (shudder) just awful ... If we were lucky enough to conceive, no doubt we'd fork out for extra antenatal tests like Harmony again, but they're decisions for another day. And if we were super-lucky enough to carry to term, I can't see why I'd suddenly be less able to cope than I was a year or two ago.

My current dilemma is just that I need to try to speed things up. I've tentatively enquired with four IVF clinics who claim to specialise in treating older women. Each report live births with own eggs up to 48, albeit only a few. For example, one said that whilst they're picky about who they accept for OE treatment, of the 4 women 'over 45' treated in 2013 (their most recent year with live birth data) there were 2 live births. Hardly any of course, but still, 50% is pretty amazing. We'll see ...

Givemeababy - sorry, X post (page hadn't refreshed so didn't see yours). I'm sorry you're feeling down. Obviously I don't think you're "stupid" for trying to have a baby at 45.

May I ask, when you had IVF and produced loads of eggs that were 'abnormal', was it ever suggested that lots of stims might not have helped? Perhaps there are as many theories as there are clinics, but I'm tending towards possibly trying natural or mild stimulation IVF, as the idea that too many stims is counter-productive for egg quality seems quite persuasive.

(DP and I discussed donor eggs and decided jointly that its not for us, or at least not for the forseeable future, but its not on the table as a solution at any rate.)

Giveme - I'm a bit distracted (dipping in and out of mumsnet in between plodding through some thorny case reports, is not good practice ...) I should've clarified, I mentioned donor eggs by way of explanation, really, that unfortunately I just don't know much about it.

I'm sorry to hear of the lining issue. We're most of us having totally frustrating waits of one description or another, but I can see that must be particularly annoying.

I remember asking a gynae in the past about periods sometimes being a bit lighter and if there's any relationship with sufficiency of lining, but was told it would just be 'natural variation between cycles' and nothing to worry about on U/S. Although I vaguely recall a recurrent MC Professor I saw saying something about how U/S lining measurements were unhelpful and not especially predictive of implantation/pregnancy success.

Hopefully someone can suggest something to help. Perhaps you're experiencing a 'natural variation between cycles' and next month will be fine. On the other hand, I must admit, I thought that if you're having FET then there would've been some drug that they could give you to proliferate the lining beforehand?

Also, at risk of sounding me, me, me, if you did have any thoughts on stims and loads of eggs vs natural IVF (trying to maximise quality from one or two), I'd be interested to hear?

Giveme - I'm a bit distracted (dipping in and out of mumsnet in between plodding through some thorny case reports, is not good practice ...) I should've clarified, I mentioned donor eggs by way of explanation, really, that unfortunately I just don't know much about it.

I'm sorry to hear of the lining issue. We're most of us having totally frustrating waits of one description or another, but I can see that must be particularly annoying.

I remember asking a gynae in the past about periods sometimes being a bit lighter and if there's any relationship with sufficiency of lining, but was told it would just be 'natural variation between cycles' and nothing to worry about on U/S. Although I vaguely recall a recurrent MC Professor I saw saying something about how U/S lining measurements were unhelpful and not especially predictive of implantation/pregnancy success.

Hopefully someone can suggest something to help. Perhaps you're experiencing a 'natural variation between cycles' and next month will be fine. On the other hand, I must admit, I thought that if you're having FET then there would've been some drug that they could give you to proliferate the lining beforehand?

Also, at risk of sounding me, me, me, if you did have any thoughts on stims and loads of eggs vs natural IVF (trying to maximise quality from one or two), I'd be interested to hear?

Giveme - I'm a bit distracted (dipping in and out of mumsnet in between plodding through some thorny case reports, is not good practice ...) I should've clarified, I mentioned donor eggs by way of explanation, really, that unfortunately I just don't know much about it.

I'm sorry to hear of the lining issue. We're most of us having totally frustrating waits of one description or another, but I can see that must be particularly annoying.

I remember asking a gynae in the past about periods sometimes being a bit lighter and if there's any relationship with sufficiency of lining, but was told it would just be 'natural variation between cycles' and nothing to worry about on U/S. Although I vaguely recall a recurrent MC Professor I saw saying something about how U/S lining measurements were unhelpful and not especially predictive of implantation/pregnancy success.

Hopefully someone can suggest something to help. Perhaps you're experiencing a 'natural variation between cycles' and next month will be fine. On the other hand, I must admit, I thought that if you're having FET then there would've been some drug that they could give you to proliferate the lining beforehand?

Also, at risk of sounding me, me, me, if you did have any thoughts on stims and loads of eggs vs natural IVF (trying to maximise quality from one or two), I'd be interested to hear?

Oops - didn't mean to post it twice!

Three times? Jeez. I'll get this into 'active' all on my own.

Greetings from France! After 2 days of rain, it finally seems to brighten up...

Welcome newbies, may your stay be short and sweet here.

I was 12 weeks yesterday, and while I know it's no guarantee for a good outcome, I'm getting hopeful... My last pregnancy ended at 17 weeks due to trisomy 18, so it'll be the big milestone to get to. Got my dating scan and screening bloods on the 29th. Thinking that it's a good thing I'm on holiday, at least I'm distracted.

Oh cloud, I am so pleased for you. I know it doesn't mean you're out of the woods just yet, but everyday is a step in the right direction.

Hello to the newbies. giveme - I suppose the Drs at the ivf clinic give you estrogen or something for the lining? I have no experience of IVF, but I was worried about my lining being too thin as my periods are light (however, having recently been pregnant I think that maybe a light period doesn't necessarily mean a thin lining). Anyway, I did a bit of research and the natural things to try included nettle tea, pommegranate juice, aspirin and red clover (tea or supplement). How frustrating for you - I do hope you can have the transfer soon and that it is a success. Hearing you say that the quality of all those eggs was poor helps me accept my fate: not having a viable pregnancy the last 5 times. I imagine that all my eggs are dodgy too and that's why I keep miscarrying. I have come to accept that it is my lot, and that's ok as I do already have a lovely big family.

How are you feeling Annie? Last night I felt very achey in my joints and muscles and worried I was getting a cold. A work colleague was telling me it can be a side effect of the anesthetic and it can take a month to leave your muscles I had no idea! I went to work today, very tired after a rotten night's sleep, and struggled through with ibrupropen. At one point, during a free period, I lay on the floor and shut my eyes for 10 minutes!

I am now feeling a drop in the hormones. My boobs have no soreness whatsoever and the evening sickness is barely there, same with the metallic taste. And I feel low. Up until now I have been quite philosophical about it all, tried to rationalise it, tried to keep the emotion out of it, but today I feel very sad that I had to lose another baby, that I won't get to birth her and hold a newborn, my newborn, ever again. I know I am so very lucky to have 5 beautiful children, and one day I will be a grandparent, but still, I could have easily been a mum again, and I know now that I won't be ttc again.

That in itself is pretty difficult. TTC had become a way of life for me, I suppose. It had become my routine to take my temperature daily, take my supplements daily, pee on loads of sticks, have times sex etc,etc. Now I will have to look into contraception (I haven't used contraception for about 17 years)!

Grizzer and Calibee, I hope all is well for you too.

oh Gum that's really sad to read. It's so hard to know when to stop isn't it? Really difficult to make that decision.

Chewy thanks for your note. The problem is that i'm not ovulating, and it's that process which sets off the lining to start thickening. I had this Prostap injection to stop my ovaries working, to get my cycle in line with my donor. the idea is that you do that, then you take oestrogen to thicken the lining, but i didn't respond to the oestrogen and haven't ovulated since - that was 3 months ago. it's only supposed to last a month. Maybe i'm having a long cycle and will ovulate next week. That's what I'm hoping.

What really is bothering me is how to deal with the emotional side of it, i'm really upset this time and sort of hate my husband for putting me through all of this emotional turmoil. Even though i want a baby and am very willingly doing it all. He's ten years younger than me and doesn't have kids. i have one already so it means less to me (she says, sobbing into her lunch because she's still not pregnant). i am being a bitch and i don't know how to deal with that, even though i know i am, i can't stop it.

sad face.