MARCH BUZZ..Come and get thy babbies!

[PurdeyBirdie]

STATS LIST

Are you fed up of your glittering career? Do you want to destroy your sexual relationship with your uvver 'alf? Do you like to imagine the impossible, like conceiving on your first cycle? Do you like ferretting around in your cervix, hoping to find something resembling a bellend covered in snot? Are you, like, so over being slim and having pert tits? Then come and join us in trying to make a baby.

Hello all! juney I didn't realise I'd left the fb group? I thought I clicked hide notifications?!! Clearly I have a) fat stupid phone fingers and b) a lack of ability with modern technology Can someone please re-add me?

In other news, I feel kind of car sick all the time. And have whisper horrendous wind that DH keeps commenting on I'm def knocked up right? RIGHT?

Am on cd 21, approx 9-10dpo. Anyone poas on monday or so care to join?

Yay babs a fellow crazy person :) optimism is the way to go. I am trying not to get my hopes up too much but feeling so different this cycle to my others. The fatigue has really hit me today and just read that is one of the most common symptoms at 7dpo! Had a dream about implantation bleeding last night, was devastated to wake up and not have one :(

How many dpo are you? When will you test?

I cannot tell you the depths of displeasure I am feeling making this blasted birthday cake. I hate baking. Hate it. All that wrist work and stiff-mixture-beating. I have such pathetically limp wrists, too. It's difficult to believe men used to pay me for my wrist action

Focus on the fact that it's fo your gorgeous Npants purdey!

Can you not buy one? -defeatist-

Thanks babs, if I thought it was ttc stress then I'd have a bit more sympathy but it's not. He's pissed off because he sold his motorbike so we could get a mortgage for the new house. Now we've decided to leave moving for another year he feels like he's sold it for nothing. Evidently this is all my fault, even though I told him at the time not to do anything hasty. I didn't want him to sell it. I told him this yesterday and the truth must have hurt. He's got a history of making silly decisions and sometimes it's all too easy for me to point out his faults heartless bitch

night symptoms sound promising!

Night only CD18, so no poss for a while. Have achy hips but figure that's all the dtd!

Oh dizzy he's just in a grump with himself and taking it out on you.

Ah dizzy. Then I revert back to my first statement. Boys are really silly!

Dizzy, what did you say to upset him so monstrously? Did you suggest his washing up efforts were feeble? That's enough to send my DH into apoplexy (so I say it all the time).

Forceps were not my plan, believe me. I was booked into a midwife-led unit (which I fought tooth-and-nail for as they refuse to birth anyone over the age of 37, but I kicked up massively, went all Rambo on their asses and they gave in.) My suite was gorgeous with a big double bed for DH & I to cuddle up in (we didn't cuddle when the time came, as it happens; I was on all fours screaming and he was hunting for my contact lens case whilst I was howling, 'GET MY F*ING CONTACT LENSES! I CAN'T DO THIS IN MY GLASSES! I CAAAAAAN'T FOOOOOOOOOOKIN' DOOOOOOO THIIIIIIIIIIIS!')

Then, just I was about to step into my beautiful water pool in my carefully-chosen two piece from a designer water-birthing store (ie. my washed-grey sports bra and no knickers), the midwife yelled that there was meconium on my pad and I had to go to the proper hospital in Preston. I was blue-lighted there and never felt pain like it in th'ambulance. I was screaming so much the midwife kept telling DH that I must be 'almost fully dilated'. When I got to th'ozzie I was only 7cm

I spent the rest of my labour with two midwives, one of whom kept calling me Zoe (I've never screamed such profanities at anyone in my whole life) and the other called Rory who was the spitting image of the Norwegian serial killer, Anders Breivik.

One of my two midwives.

Thanks guys :) am aware that it could just be a lurgy so mustnt count my chickens...

I am CD20 so not much longer to wait at least :) AF due a week today. Fx for you babs!

purdey you do crack me up! Is it wrong that your experience makes me feel more confident about birth than the usual 'I listened to whale music and breathed through the experience' (I know it's like that for some people but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be in that category) I'm definitely the kind of person who expects everything to be absolutely bloody awful so am always pleasantly surprised if/when it isn't

I am pretty sure I will be an absolute arse to dh and a whole horde of medical professionals while in labour. I'm not very nice

dizzy these men are strange creatures. There's seriously no explaining them. Hope he returns home in a better mood.

Purdey I know I shouldn't laugh...but I am!!! a Norwegian serial killer!!!! My labour was uneventful in comparison! (although I had to have my fucked up episiotomy done three times!)

I am not getting involved in anyone's symptom spotting. I refuse. There are just too many variables pointing to why we all may be fatigued/bloated/squirting copious amounts of creamy cm/headachey/crampy/feeling 'heavy'. I'm such a spoilsport, aren't I?

Dizzy, yes, your husband is being puerile. Do you want him killed? I know people. Anyway, he won't have time for a motorbike when your baby comes. He'll be too busy pushing t'pram

My cake is out of the oven (unlike my head), the cinnamon-flavoured butter cream is made and my royal icing is rolled out. I am piping Nancy & Joseph's names on the top. I have never piped before. I've never even piped down

You are right purdey, luckily the JSers just gave me a kick up the arse :)

Knit, that was exactly my attitude before the birth: it will be the worst pain I have ever experienced; I will probably not end up birthing in the pool; I will need the drugs. But, even though I had mentally prepared myself this way, it was even worse than I had imagined. I'm not trying to alarm anyone unnecessarily. The cord being wrapped twice around the tot's neck meant that all the other stuff had to follow. It was just hard cheese. Little things like persistently being called 'Zoe' - as funny as it now seems - really made things a whole lot worse. It turned out that this particular midwife's last birthing lady was called Zoe and she couldn't get her name out of her head. DH eventually had a quiet word with her, telling her I was about to inflict some serious damage on her skull if she didn't address me properly, and she disappeared, returning five minutes later with my name written in biro on her hand

I don't have any regrets about the birth. Labour is surely supposed to be one of the most surreal and painful - brutal, even - experiences of our lives. It is a Herculean task to bear that kind of pain for those many hours (I had only gas and air for fourteen hours). It is shocking and gruesome. Traumatic for some. My only regret is that I didn't get to push her out naturally. I would love to feel my body expelling a baby how nature intended it, rather than giant iron forceps hauling what felt like a grown adult out of my vagina.

Night, who are JSers?

The just shaggers purdey :)

Ha ha purdey That wouldn't do though as I'd be left spunkless!

Hope your piping goes smoothly, not like them celebs on comic relief bake off who are completely hopeless!

He'll come around eventually. I would imagine there'll be a bunch of flowers coming my way soon

I'll be hopeless when it comes to child birth. I can't even cope with AF pains without vomiting with the pain.

I still don't get what's the big deal with forceps though? Surely if you're in that much pain they can't make all that much difference, no?

Dunno, Dizzy, maybe that's what it feels like for everyone expelling a baby out of their vagina. All I know is, when they pulled her out with forceps I honestly thought, for a split second, I would die from the pain of it

Plus the pain of labour is completely different to what I felt as she was pulled out. The labour pain was like period pain times a hundred and the pulling out of the vagina felt like my arse and fanny were literally being ripped in two. Sorry for graphic description.

Starting to hope that I'm not pg this month! Perfect way to deal with all my symptom spotting purdey