Toot, Toot. Calling all dirty chicks! Jump aboard the charabanc with Barry & The Berries. Destination BFP" (thread 26)

[happylass]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+ months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and definitely no mention of baby dust or baby dancing).
Those not abiding by the rules may be escorted from the premises.

Current passengers:

Happylass, 37, TTC since Aug 2012. 2 failed ICSIs. Time to defrost the spare.
Beaky 35, ttc coming up 3 yrs, 2x failed iui 1x long protocol ivf cancelled due to poor response. Awaiting follow up with FC and possibly short protocol IVF next.
Minx, 34, both tubes blocked, 1 buried ovary, appointment with consultant early March.
Nolly, 33, TTC 2.5 years, BFP Christmas Eve, MC New Years Eve. Awaiting "spontaneous conception" before IVF starts, August 2015.
Wild 40 - TTC for three years. IVF double-stimms freeze all embryos cycle started in February - due to complete May/June.
HampshireBlues 36 TTC 3.5 years, unexplained. Cycle 1 chemical pregnancy, cycle 2 abandoned due to cyst, cycle 3 failed. Plan thrombotic profile, scratch and short protocol.
Lumen, 35, ttc since Nov 2011, unexplained, two IVF cycles in 2014, both bfns, waiting for lap&dye and results of numerous bloods, aiming for one last IVF cycle in the summer.
Tigerdog, 34 ttc since Jan 2013. Unexplained. Starting ivf in March.
Gillster, 40, TTC since Feb 2012. Had IVF in Feb 14 and had 6 one cell embies frozen due to polyp. Cancelled FET cycles in Sept 14 and Dec 14 due to more polyps. Awaiting hysteroscopy before commencing natural cycle FET. Hoping to be at least PUPO on the 4th attempt!
Smidge, 38, TTC since Jan 2013. Unexplained. IVF#1 Short protocol July 2014 yielded 1 blasto, BFN. IVF#2 in process - Long Protocol Oct/Nov 2014
Kuma - 40. TTC 2 years. Low AMH high FSH - DH antisperm ABs. Failed IVF June 14 and two cancelled IVFs Nov and Dec 14 due to poor blood results. Hoping for another try at natural cycle IVF end of Jan.
Jelliebabe - 40, Threw the pills away 8 years ago. Unexplained but have a very low AMH, 1st IVF with clinic in Prague, 2 embryo's, chemical pregnancy. 2nd IVF in London branch of clinic - 1 embryo, BFN. BFP Feb '15

Oops, small Freudian typo.....I meant Easter not eater

good luck for tomorrow am, Barking

Everything crossed for you Barking. X

Crossing all limbs for you barking, and sending all the best vibes I have your way for the morning.

It didn't work.

Barking that is just devastating. I'm so, so sorry.

So very sorry barking. Thinking of you. xx

Oh Barking I'm so very sorry my lovely. Thinking of you and sending lots of love

Oh Barking I'm so very sorry my lovely. Thinking of you and sending lots of love

So sorry Barking, this process is so unfair. Look after yourselves.

oh no. oh I'm so sorry, Barking.

I'm so sorry Barking hugs to you both x

So sorry Barking, really gutted for you.

Thanks berries. I've been pouring over the website rain linked to a while ago, but everything seemed to go ok - I didn't over or under stim, 7/8 eggs fertilised, et was uneventful, they put back a good quality blastocyst after 5 days. The only thing was the cold /sore throat after et which could point to an immune response. This is really killing me, as I was torn between going for testing for nk cells after the miscarriages or just going for the ivf, and we just went for the ivf. Now I can't help wonder....

Just spoken to the clinic. Confirmed it failed. Nurse said we'd have to wait a couple of cycles for my body to recover before doing a frozen cycle. More waiting. That'll take us over 3.5 years. I said we wanted to see the consultant first before blindly trying again. If he won't test for nk cells and do a scratch (this is what he mentioned could happen in this situation last time we saw him, on the basis of two mc's plus one failed iui and a failed ivf) I'll sort it out privately.
DH is not taking it well. He's usually the strong one .

I am so sorry Barking but glad you have spoken to the clinic. I think that you are right to push to see your Consultant before starting a frozen cycle and seeing if there is anything else they can add in. I know that it is easier said than done but try not to think of the "I should have done x". We could all say that about every cycle, IVF or natural and it would drive us all mad. Sending big berry hugs x

Barking

Thinking of you barking xx

To those who have done more than one cycle and still not got your win, does it get any easier to put yourself through it? And do you then begrudge the massive amount of money you've spent on a failed round? Or glad you tried? I took a massive pay cut when I left teaching for my office job (which I still resent, as I really miss the classroom but I knew I couldn't continue to balance it around the fertility treatment and stay sane, but then the thought of being in the classroom this week and trying to hold it together while my hormones crash is worse than the thought of being in the office) so a private cycle really would be a major decision - pretty much that or moving house, couldn't afford both. Now we really are facing the reality of the end of our nhs treatment and next step is adoption, there's that tiny voice saying 'maybe one more try...'

But then unless we can learn something from this one, would we just be throwing more money after it for no better hope of a result?
Maybe we should stop trying. My MiL tells me that'll get me diffed immediately .

And I know, it's too early to be thinking about all this right now.....
Meanwhile there will continue to be a stream of pg women sat in the smoking shelter with a fag outside the maternity wing.

Sorry, with my stream of consciousness there I forgot to say thank you to all of you for the support. I know you all get it .

To those who have done more than one cycle and still not got your win, does it get any easier to put yourself through it?

I found my second cycle and the failure of it much easier to deal with.
I was devastated after the first one failed but not so after the second one.
We were lucky though in that we had all three rounds on the NHS.
I think the problem is that it can get very like gambling. 'May be this next one will be the winner.'

I also found that the longing for a baby wore off after a while too.

Barking hope you're doing as well as can be expected and that you are both taking some time for yourselves and having some nice treats.
I too found the failure of the second cycle easier to deal with. I can't really explain why - maybe just because I'd been there before and I knew that we would work through it and that I'd eventually feel better about things and ready to try again. I think it's natural to feel slightly bitter at all the money and time we've thrown at this already but not in a 'wish we hadn't tried' way, but rather that I wish it'd worked (obviously!). I think it is very natural to want to keep going and thinking that the next time may be the one. But I also think that it's good to have a limit - and only you will know what the limit for you is.

Finally some progress for me. Had my scan this morning and we've finally got the go ahead to defrost the kids . Transfer will be on 16th (Weds).

Was slightly disconcerted when the nurse thought we were there to start treatment and then didn't realise that I was on patches rather than tablets. She then did us our timetable and mentioned the words "so they'll defrost the embryos in the morning of the 16th and transfer them in the afternoon of the 16th." I then said "don't they leave the embryos to divide overnight?" She then said, "not with blasts". I then said "we don't have blasts, we have PN1s". So she then had to go away again and redo the timetable. Didn't exactly fill me with confidence! Now waiting in the hospital pharmacy queue for more patches and if we get a BFP have to continue on them for weeks until I am weened off them.

Hope you're managing to get through today Barking.

Tiger, hope the DRing is going OK. I double checked my IVF info booklet and three weeks of DRing seem entirely normal so sure you'll be fine.

Thanks pip and happy that's helpful. In a similar way I think I found the second miscarriage easier to cope with than the first even though the initial blow was harder, my first scream being 'not again'. Given my first round of clomid worked, and my first round of iui worked, I suppose part of me was expecting my first round of ivf to work - I've proved I can get pg after all, and this was the best of 9 eggs - and I was more fearful of a third miscarriage than failing to get a bfp. Also, I think all the positive thinking and visualisation through the hypnotherapy actually made failure harder to accept.

Yes, it's exactly like gambling isn't it, and not knowing when to stop...

gill hooray!!! Not so much for the hapless nurse who can't read your notes though.... Do they defrost all of them? Can they refreeze those they don't put back? (probably stupid questions, but I have no idea).

So sorry to hear your news Barking and I agree with Happy I think we all have a limit and only you will know when you have reached it. Would you now consider going private? I know its horrendously expensive hence where I am planning this trip to Prague.