We are jolly well going to have the number of babies we want and we will BROOK NO ARGUMENT. Join us if you refuse to take "no" for an answer and like smacking rats.

[Imps9]

We will get there. We will all of us get there. And we will brook no argument.

running I think false positives are very rare indeed I would wait and try again in a couple of days? keeping all crossed.
imps I am very pleased you had a good weekend, sounds great and I see your enthusiasm for displays has not lessened!

HCG is back at 149, I was hoping for over 200 (as it was with DD) but the FRER line today was darker than the control so I know its going in the right direction. I now have a painful 48 hr wait until the next one, I had forgotten how awful this part is, my nerves!!

far how many DPO are you do you think? You could be wrong as well and then of course slightly lower would be understandable. But you are PREGNANT!! congratulations!

Thanks everyone! And Imps - I don't think even the most optimistic Brooker could see a line on this smashed-up, lying FRER.....

I am somewhere between 14 and 16dpo I think which I think looks ok from the charts I have been excessively googling but its hard not to compare......

Oh brookers, I know I should just be grateful for to be here at all and I am but I am just so nervous

yes far it's bloody terrifying isn't it? I think you just have to take it a day at a time. Today you are pregnant. How's your Dh? is this rather overshadowed for him at the moment, poor thing.

Anyway, levels vary loads, so the only real thing is if they are rising, so we you have to now wait 48 hours. we are here for handholding. one step at a time, that's the only way. It's just more wait wait wait until you have that gorgeous squishy baby in your arms, and it's all worth it a million times over.

running this is only month 1, lovely. remind me do you have a dc already?

You are so right keep, I have to remember how awful this time was with DD, I was bleeding at this point too and things looked bleak and of course I did not have her to start with!!
I am trying to keep the pregnancy menkul on the low down with DH as he has bigger woes poor chap.

KeepIt : yes I do, a two-year-old DS. I know we haven't been ttc long, and I did expect it would be a long wait, but yesterday's positive really got my hopes up.

I know I need to calm down and expect some head-fuckery along the way!

I also know that others on this thread have been ttc for a very long time, and I sound like an ungrateful whinge - so genuine apologies for that.

so lay the mental on us not dh far, we understand. and I hope that one day you'll be doing the same for me again. hang in there xx

Yes Far we all have your back. Mental away my lovely, we're right here.

Run, head fuckery is an awful part of TTC no matter how long you've been trying. There's really no need to hold back on here - whinge away. We all know that Brookers are simply not the ungrateful types and gripes and moans are perfectly okay :) Never any need to apologise.

Thanks keep certainly will be, what is progress on that front by the way?

imps you are so lovely and understanding as usual, you are an inspiration to all brookers!

run I totally understand why you are disappointed but it WILL happen, I am brooking no argument at all.

sparkle those digis terrify me as I have had the weeks go up and down even when a pregnancy has been progressing nicely. I have a docs appointment today at the clinic, I am hoping they will take some more betas so I can track the progress and see where this is going. I had forgotten the terror of going to the loo in early pregnancy and being terrified of what we will find!

Oh Far lovely, it's horrible, isn't it. You wait so long for something, then it comes and it takes such a long time to relax and enjoy it. You will absolutely be ok though, I am Brooking No Argument.

How are you today Run? Imps said it perfectly. Head fuckery sucks.

How is everyone else today?

Disaster - I forgot to put deodorant on this morning! What on earth is the matter with me??

Thanks NoMaybe - I'm ok. Tested again this morning and negative again, but still no sign of AF.

Am thankfully facing a busy week at work, and I have some serious last- minute half marathon training to do, so I have lots to distract myself while I try to forget about it!

Also, I have a big night out planned for the weekend, which has been in the diary for ages. If I'm still testing negative, am I allowed to get on the vino?!?

Hope everyone else is doing ok on this beautiful spring morning. I hope the docs appt goes well, Far.

You certainly are running get stuck in!!

imps that happens to me sometimes, in fact during IVF I tried to use natural deodorant stuff which DOES NOT WORK, the whiff was awful, I felt embarrassed if colleagues got too near! Is there a Boots you can dash out to?

Doc at the clinic was great, very reassuring, I have had 10 (!) vials of blood taken and they are testing me for everything - thyroid, blood count, immunes etc. He has also prescribed me a lot of drugs including steroids and the dreaded Gestone (progesterone in oil) injections which I have just jabbed myself in the arse with in a meeting room at work. Gah! He said let's throw the kitchen sink at this pregnancy so we have 'no regrets'.

I am veering between despair and hope and I am hopelessly distracted at work! Must focus. Gah!!

Any word from hinky?

How are you feeling beedle? Hope you are doing ok.
Also thinking of you loopy and hope you are back to rat smacking.

Thanks maybe, how is the little one?

Congrats to those with BFP's, and it hope you started the medication early enough to make it a sticky one Far.

I'm having a hysteroscopy on Monday, which fingers crossed will rule out any damage to my uterus from the emcs/ELCS/ERPC. Assuming that there are no problems discovered, then I think it's just a case of trying again, and taking aspirin and progesterone from next BFP and then heparin if I make it to an early scan, to combat my testing positive for lupus anti coagulant. As far as I know, the only other route is to go to Coventry for NK cell tests and for a scratch, but I'm not at peace with the idea of stopping ttc for 2 cycles after my next AF as my cycles are circa 42 days long, so that's a long time out. I'm 39 this year and don't feel like I have time to spare.

Best of luck loopy, great that you are taking steps and moving them forward. Would they consider you taking heparin from BFP? Just thinking, you seem to be losing them early on, like I do and I am convinced the beans need help with implantation! I know they then like to check its a uterine pregnancy at 6 weeks as ecpotic+heparin is a terrible combination! Best of luck

lurking over here - am also on the aspirin to guard against any iugr issues but feeling a bit overwhelmed with worries that it will all turn out like DS1 and we've moved since then so more rural hospital and don't know if the consultant will endorse aspirin taking.

really sorry to read of bfn and all having issues. truly sucks.

also just found out I'm not getting promoted this summer which with a due date in nov makes any promotion in the next few years look very unlikely. not a big deal in the scheme of things I know but kind of makes me sad

Hi Ratsmackers,
Can I please join? I have been a lurker for a very long time and even got my BFP with DS on tripple wammy Friday.
DH and I have been ttc for about 18 months. 3 mcs later with number 3 confirmed on sunday at st. Thomas's I am feeling really sad and in need of some support from other ladies going through the same thing. We have a 2 year old ds and desperately want another. I am 29. Dh and I are both blind and so can't chart, use opks or even ics which makes testing day expensive. as can only use clear blue digis. I seem to mc around the 4/5 week mark. I am now pushing for a referral to ST Mary's. Dh and I have had to deal with quite a lot of ignorant medical proffessionals, with one even saying "maybe the mc was a blessing in disguise as 2 would be very difficult to cope with in our situation" grrr!

You all seem like a very friendly bunch and so "Hi!"
PS if anyone has any questions about blindness I am happy to answer, believe me I have been asked everything before and am very comfortable.
Gosh sorry for the essay.

it was quad Friday and we didn't even know! I've often wondered if we have many lurkers. Hi nest I am shocked by the consultant calling it a blessing in disguise what a horrible thing to say. sorry you are struggling like so many of us but as you already know you are in the right place.
imps weekend away sounded perfect and brilliant display as per.
far 10 lots of blood! all sounding good so far. one step at a time. I hate early pregnancy it can be such a worry ing time. Hope dh is holding up.
running how dare the peesticks mess you around! hope you find the right one soon.
cups gorgeous pic , aren't 3d scans amazing.
Hope I haven't missed anyone.
Ds has had me up twice in quick succession so I am now wide awake.
I have my doc appointment on Fri when I will ask what if anything will be done for us when ttc / pregnant again. I reckon nothing, my gp is great but the consultant I was under at our local hospital although brilliant did make it clear that she thought the private Nk cell treatment I was having was a load of bollox and all I needed was some positive thinking as they couldn't find anything 'wrong' with me or dh. I need to check what they actually tested us for though. there is a part of me that believes her, when I find out i was pregnant with N I hadn't even been taking a vitamin before bfp. my private consultant made it clear to me that he wasn't sure if it would work as I hadn't followed my treatment plan and started meds before bfp. it's all very confusing and I wonder if I would be stupid to at least have one go at a pregnancy without any help. I have so many ifs buts and when's going through my mind. The nk treatment isn't cheap, all the monthly vits, asprin, steroids and frer's (i think it's 10dpo they like you to test so I daren't substitute a cheaper test ) add up. Then I reckon it was about £600 a month worth of appointments/scans and meds from bfp until around 16wks (some people need longer). I am sure he would at least want to recheck my nks if nothing else unfortunately I think for most they just become more active and mine were already very high. But my gp and nhs consultant don't think I need any of it. My gp is great though and tends to go along with what I want.
anyway am rambling when I should be sleeping I have work in the morning.

hi nest that you were there on the historic tripe whammy day. Welcome!! I'm so sorry that you are having problems this time round, did you have any miscarriages before you had your DS? I agree that it's a horrible thing to say about a blessing in disguise. I wouldn't worry about charting etc as it seems as though your problem is not getting pregnant in the first place, iyswim. I hope that you can get some answers from the hospital

trix that's a difficult decision to make re possible treatment. I suppose you could try and get pregnant without anything and see what happened, especially as they haven't really found anything 'wrong'... But of course that could be heartbreaking. it's hard as your treatment is quite controversial and seems that it just depends which HCP you talk to.

as for me all has gone quiet on the frosties front so i need to chase them. I think things are all ready to go it's just getting the date arranged for the couriers. I should be starting my new job in mid/late april so then will step up the natural attempts for a while i guess, before maybe doing a FET in the summer or whenever i would qualify for maternity leave nest i have a 16mo IVF miracle, and 3 frozen embryos on the other side of the world :)

far will you be getting your HCG test results soon today? brooking like mad

beedle thinking of you x

Morning brokers!

Great news keep, nothing like a ironidiff just as you start a new job and if not the Thai frosties await, hooray!

trix I really understand your dilemma, I was unsure what do to going forwards as so much of this is so unproven. My personal view is it that it probably makes a small difference but the heartbreak is just not worth it, especially if you take a while to conceive. The aspirin and pred are not hugely expensive, could your GP prescribe any meds for you? I think intralipids are pretty spenny though aren't they? Lots to think about.

hinky that really sucks and is frustrating, is a definite that this summer is out?

Huge welcome to nesticles! You probably feel like you know us already.
I am so sorry to hear about your MCs and what a complete idiot that doctor was, sadly a lot of us have been on the receiving end of these sorts of well meaning statements from medics, friends and family!
You are MCing at a very similar stage to me and I have done a bit of research on the possible causes. It is worth getting your thyroid checked as a first step, your TSH should be below 2 for conception/pregnancy purposes even though the normal range is up to 5 (so get the actual number, the GP will probably just say its normal if it comes below 5).
It is also worth getting your progesterone levels checked after ovulation to see if they are low, this can be supplemented if it is and means the bean has a higher chance of sticking.
Are your periods very light? This can mean a thin lining, again making implantation difficult.
Thromobilia issues can also cause chemicals - St Mary's is great for checking these, they found a problem with me which meant I am on clexane from BFP, I had my DD successfully 2 years ago on this treatment.
Immunes - this is controversial and you would need to be tested privately but there is a theory that NK cells can be activated after pregnancy and they kill off the embryo/foetus. All of these things can be treated.
The final issue is one of egg quality, do you know what your FSH or AMH is? You may be having early miscarriages because the embryos have chromosomal problems. In which case its a case of getting that lucky egg and sperm together but there are supplements you can take to improve egg quality such as Co enzyme q10 and DHEA.
Phew, sorry that was an essay!
Big hugs to you its shit.

I am awaiting HCG call, gah, nerve-wracking stuff. Had a call from the clinic to say they are not happy with my thyroid levels so have started thyroxine as well. What a cocktail! I may also have to have intralipids next week depending on my results, I am in Italy so now trying to find an IVF clinic that might help me!

Congratulations to hinky and all those with their precious BFPs

Hello nest, so sorry to read about your problems ttc, and what a very insentivite and ignorant consultant you had dickhead

After what I have come to call 'Panic Sunday' a couple of weeks ago, I still can't completely shake the thought of a dc3 for us. Last week I was set against taking the risks of another CS, but I felt ovulation this month and felt sad after DTD when DH, er, withdrew (using withdrawal atm).

My dd2 has recently started nursery for 3 morning per week (every morning from September) and in some ways I appreciate that I will have some time to myself since 2009; I can concentrate more on starting my own business that has been a pipe dream for a while now. I also know that we (speaking financially here) can give our 2 children a great life. We can afford everything they need and most things they want. I can also physically keep up with them and I enjoy having 2 little girls, as opposed to a little girl and a baby. I'll also be allowed to watch what I want on telly in the mornings sometimes and listen to my music in the car

But today I've hit with surprising jealously at dd's nursery seeing some other mums with baby bumps. I don't know if this is a coming-to-terms process or if it's my actual want to have another baby.

I hate feeling jealous. It's a very negative and useless emotion but I definitely felt it today. I do feel like the time I'm willing to give to ttc again (if we went for it) is running out because:

1. I'll be 33yo at least if another baby is born (certainly don't want to get pg after 35 because od increased risks pertaining to 'older' mums, which also increase as I've had one CS)
2. Age gaps between children. Looking at 7y and 4y (dds 1&2) and a dc3. There's 3y between dds so I don't want more than 8y and 5y gap. That's too big for me.
3. If I got pg between April-November, there would only be one more school year between dd2 and a dc3 than there is between dds 1 & 2.

My mind is wandering now. Basically, I just feel very torn between what to do.