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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Rolling rolling rolling, the February bus is still rolling!

999 replies

juneybean · 09/02/2015 21:04

Here we are...

Rolling rolling rolling, the February bus is still rolling!
OP posts:
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41
victoria401 · 11/02/2015 09:24

We do have a 'date night' which usually involves watching a film of mainly his choice on the sofa! If we do go to the pub for dinner its all so rushed, as soon as I've put my knife and fork down he suggests we leave and he goes back on his game. Even in the summer when we went on evening walks he'd just complain about mud, flies, heat, length of walk "can we go home yet?". Nothing makes him happy, he has no joy for life. He won't see he has a problem, won't see the doc or relate... Its hard on me to keep pushing and pushing for change....

Sorry to take up the thread with my marital issues!

HeirToTheIronThrone · 11/02/2015 09:25

Victoria in addition to the date night, one thing we try and do every day is a sort of debrief - when the second person gets home, we go lie on our bed, no phones or radio on or any other distractions, and have a few minutes talking about our days. I love it. I think others are right though, the computer thing needs sorting ASAP.

Original poster
juneybean · 11/02/2015 09:29

Oh wait I'm not a dirty old man.

Sorry you're having troubles Victoria. I am a gamer I must admit but if I was going to be in a relationship I'd find someone like minded as I can see how it would infringe on family life.

I started pissing on opk today!

OP posts:
victoria401 · 11/02/2015 09:32

Cross posts purdey....

Yes his problems are massive.

Plus we don't live in London, I think we are the 4th biggest city ;-) he actually moved a whopping 50 miles from home. But so did I when I moved here, I'm not a local either. But ive been here all my adult life since 19 and its home. My parents house hasn't been 'home' for years! He's lived with me here 9 years and its not home to him. I don't get it... Where me and our works and the house we bought and decorated together should be home surely?

nightandthelight · 11/02/2015 09:35

There is a big difference between being a gamer and being addicted to gaming. My DH has an Xbox One and enjoys gaming, but he is able to stop whenever and enjoys lots of other things too. I am comfortable with it because I know that I come first and he will always choose time with me over gaming. It does sound like your DH has a major problem Victoria but unfortunately unless he acknowledges that I'm not sure what you can do :(

australopithecus · 11/02/2015 09:36

aen interesting stuff re weight loss and oestrogen!
Vic it's all been said while I was offline but fwiw I send Flowers and gin.
Sorry to hear about the AFs coming today too!
I have no idea how you girls manage the whole legs in the air business? I can do it for about three minutes or until DP gets his breath back and then I'm bored out of skull. Hmm

spinningirl10 · 11/02/2015 09:45

Victoria, I'm so sorry to read that you're still having problems with your dh. I think you need to have a serious talk with him. I know how desperate you are to have a baby. But babies are really hard work and can push couples further apart if they're already struggling. It doesn't sound like you have his support in any way and I don't think he will change. I hope I haven't upset you saying this but you deserve to be in a happy relationship where you are striving for the same goals. Is the dancing a regular thing, and does he enjoy it? Maybe you could do more of that together? Sending you a big hug xx

mummyofonesofar · 11/02/2015 09:47

Victoria him moving is no excuse. I moved 300 miles to be with my DP. Away from everything I ever knew. This is home now and I love our life. Though he does work a lot so I get left to my own devices at the weekend. I can't believe I live at the edge of the Lake District and have done 1 fell and 2 lake in 18 months but life is what you make it. He needs more than a big kick. Sorry if I am out of line but do you really want to have a baby with someone so selfish? You will resent him even more when it isn't just you he is ignoring. Babies don't fix the situation, they make things harder.

Sorry. Will shut up now Blush

spinningirl10 · 11/02/2015 09:50

Victoria, is your Dh from down south? Southern men seem to have quite an attachment to their birthplace. I'm from way down in the southwest and over the years I've had quite a few bfs's and they were horrified if I mentioned living anywhere else! My Dad has remained in his hometown, local to me for his whole life and will never move. Dp is from up North and hasn't lived there for years and has no plans to return.......hmmm I rambling!Grin

PurdeyBirdie · 11/02/2015 09:56

If my DH had refused to go to Relate I would have considered him a no-hoper and left. There is no hope when someone refuses to try to change. I think your husband's disaffection with life is not something that can be cured with date nights. He certainly can't focus on you, or conversations, or meals or long summer walks when the torment of not being in his fantasy world is filling his every thought. What does he say when you suggest counselling (it's not just cure for his addiction; he needs to talk about his disillusionment with life in general; his dissatisfaction at living in the city you are in)?

Are you prepared to make tentative plans to leave him?

PurdeyBirdie · 11/02/2015 10:00

I'm off to yet another tedious baby group. Be back later...

I was wondering where you were Knit Smile

spinningirl10 · 11/02/2015 10:02

Sparkly, how's your chart looking, how many dpo are you now?

victoria401 · 11/02/2015 10:05

Outing myself.... He's moved from Cheltenham to Bristol. Bugger all distance. I moved from south Wales to Bristol.

I actually seriously thought about us separating last year. We were offered fertility treatment in September but I turned it down, saying I wanted to try a few more months. In reality it was because I didn't know if I wanted to stay in the relationship. We had a massive blow out of shouting divorce and who would have the car and shite. Then we had a clinging together teary session where he begged me not to leave and he wanted a baby with me and didn't want anything else from life... So here we are again. Still trying to get treatment, still struggling on...

mummyofonesofar · 11/02/2015 10:20

So he had had 5 months to seek help and change his ways. I think he has had enough time to better himself. Would you be strong enough to make plans to leave?

nightandthelight · 11/02/2015 10:25

I haven't wanted to weigh in and be the voice of doom hence my suggestions of dates etc. However your DH sounds exactly like my ex and I destroyed myself trying to make that relationship work when it never would. You deserve so much better lovely. If he were willing to seek help I would perhaps suggest you standing by and supporting him but I can't see how you can have a future if he won't? Appreciate I only know part of the problem so feel free to ignore me!

mustbemad71 · 11/02/2015 10:26

Morning all had head down getting on with work so tried to catch up but bus moves too fast!

Victoria I am so sorry to hear that of your struggles with DH. I got divorced a few years ago after staying in a marriage that had been over for a decade. It's so tough to make the break but for me, it was the right decisions and I'm now with Mr Right. I agree with Purdey and would urge you to try Relate. Spinning is right too - a baby will just open up any cracks in a relationship - not fix them. Sending you a hug x

Aen - welcome! That's really interesting about fibroids. I'm 43 and have two mahoosive ones albeit on the outside of my uterus. They have definitely grown recently as my weight has crept up a bit. Been checked out by gynae and shouldn't cause a problem. Had a CP last month so taking that as a positive. Just small problem of ancient eggs!

Purdey enjoy baby group! I used to find them deadly dull but forced myself to go as sproglets enjoyed them. Just about bearable if you can find a kindred spirit or two to hang out with!

BananaRaces · 11/02/2015 10:26

Can anyone help? I am SO confused!! Confused

Monday night (cd 25) I had pink spotting and thought... Oooooooooh, too early for AF (usual cycle is 29 days)... Implantation?!

Yesterday morning, lo and behold, it looks like it's the witch. Heavier spotting, slight back cramps so I write myself off for this month and come on here to sign myself off the bus... but full on AF doesn't start... The spotting and the cramps stop yesterday afternoon and I think "well maybe that WAS implantation after all. Maybe I should do a HPT...."

So this morning (cd 28) I do a HPT with FMU and it's a BFN... What the hell is going on?! I feel as though my body is deliberately messing with me!

I think my only option now is to wait for another 2 or 3 days and if my AF still hasn't started to do another HPT. Anyone had something like this happen to them before? Argh - it's so frustrating and confusing!! Angry

victoria401 · 11/02/2015 10:28

I don't want to lose my lifestyle, my house... I still have hope that the guy I couldn't get enough of in 2006 is still in there somewhere....

victoria401 · 11/02/2015 10:32

Currently experiencing odd bleeding too banana. Ive had false starts several times over the 2 years I've been off bc. Ive no idea what the cause is...

BananaRaces · 11/02/2015 10:38

Thanks victoria, I'm so sorry to drop my random talk of odd bleeding into the middle of people offering you help. I didn't read to the end of the thread before I posted! Maybe what your DH needs is a big shake-up of some sort... Now I would never be so mean as to suggest accidentally breaking someone's gaming console, but... Grin

MarysPrayer · 11/02/2015 10:38

Could I just offer another perspective? Please don't flame me anyone . .

Victoria, your fella is probably feeling very inadequate and may be blaming himself for not making you pregnant. Men are generally rubbish at acknowledging any bad feelings and are far more likely to retreat in their 'cave' and shut out the world. Don't get me wrong, I am totally on your side - you deserve so much more from him. I'm just concerned that, if you confronted him in the 'wrong' way (maybe when either you or him are feeling particularly low and tensions are running high) then he may simply retreat further. This is where Purdey's suggestion trying Relate would come in.

There must be a good bond between you, as you have been together for so long. But, as others have said, you need to be at your strongest before having children. I heard someone say once that "a baby is not a sticking plaster for all the wounds in your relationship, it is a magnifying glass." This is sooo true. Dh and I are very lucky to have a good marriage but we have never sniped and bickered at one another so much since dd was born.

I really hope you can work something out and be happy again. Sod the hugs, have some Cake and Wine xxxx

victoria401 · 11/02/2015 10:53

Thanks for everything girlies :-)

We may now resume talking about banana and I's random bleeding patterns Grin

NorthernStep · 11/02/2015 11:13

Wow, you lot are talkative, I try and pop back as often as i can but pages of comments have gone by! I must try harder!

Anyway… so, obviously when I’m ovulating DH is ill. Like 102? temperature ill and while he tried his best to DTD last night it just wasn’t happening. It might have been a day late anyway as I peed on my ov stick on Monday afternoon and there was a very solid line, but then we went to watch Phoenix Nights Live in Manchester and didn’t get back home until past midnight. I still had work Tuesday morning so sex was not happening.

So I can hope that we sent enough swimmers up there on Fri/Sat/Sun and pray one’s feeling up for a challenge but I have a feeling I’ll be hopping on the March bus. But it’s not over until AF shows her face so I can still cross my fingers.

I think DH has been a bit taken aback but the amount of sex there has been (I absolutely had a schedule!) but I’ve told him until the end of the month he can set the pace then we’re back to the schedule. Pretty sure once he’s used to it he won’t be complaining about all the sex.

kissinggiraffe · 11/02/2015 11:23

Bollocks. Bfn on a frer and a clear blue plus this morning.....I was so certain I was going to get bfps.
Oh well just have to wait for af now.
I'm heading to the march bus, hoping I don't see many of you there.

spinningirl10 · 11/02/2015 11:24

I need your help please lovely ladies. I've had our results back. My AMH was 11 which is apparently ok for my age? All other bloods were also ok.
Dp however has 13 million sperm when it should be about 39million. Help please, what can he take to improve this? Doc said vitamin C ?and wellman conception vits. I've read that Brazil nuts are good but what else. He's happy to take anything.
Got Accupuncture this afternoon so I'll ask her advice also.

Oh and Purdey, can I ask how much your ivf was please. It's £4,000 where I am.