Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

la don't eat them! Even though you know they are probably fine its still a no. Only eat lion stamped eggs. I didn't eat the eggs from our hens while preg. My parents own a gorgeous b&b and they can only use lion stamped eggs. Its a food law or summick.
Does anyone want some hens? I don't like them either. They aren't cute or kittens!

Poor Gaggia. You seem to own every animal except a kitten!

OMG you ladies are fooking strange can't believe I missed all the fun today!

gaggia and honey how did your FD's go? I managed 380 cals!!

lil Ta for the mouth advice. I don't fancy sticking that in my fanjo or back side to be honest. DP would he most upset I think lol.

CM sharing, shit this just got real!

Ok I won't, it's a shame as they are lovely.

'Weird' jelly, the word is 'weird'

As in 'shit just got weird'

I thought we had one actual million hens but its actually only 16

You mean the OPK Leela?

Trying to catch up after work making me do shit ALL DAY! Why?! Why do I have to do things for others?! Stupid job!

We will be through this thread again by the weekend, you realise this? What do you think is the quickest we have got through one?

honey, I wouldn't say those okps are defective. Just some are lighter. I get some that are skinnier in the same batch as well. I bought 75 in my last purchase online (for £11!) and they weren't all the same. Did the same job though.

lemon, I'd call that as close to positive as it needs to be. Get on it!

Why can't you all have normal thermometers?! Stop sticking stuff up your bums! And la, just try and keep it in there! You'll have shat out your kidneys if you keep on!

I'd love some hens gaggia! But so would the cats... it is a future hope though.

what thermometer have you got indigo can you post link?

Work kept me busy all day, so no checking the thread for me. I need to get back on this 5:2 thing. I actually did okay on it when I was doing it before. Right now though I'm stuck in junk food heaven hell. I can't stop snacking! Today has been particularly bad. No lunch, a sandwich at dinner time, but snacking snacking all day! All on the bad stuff too. I need to shake this snacking habit off! (again!). I did go to aqua zumba this evening... Don't think it quite counteracts the chocolate...

honey how do you do the coloured bits on your shield? Is it coloured paper behind and cut?

It's Friday everyone!

Ok, oddly, said channel 5 (prob not channel 5 actually) documentary was presented by Rupert Everett. I know this because he just won an award for it on whatever awards ceremony was on tv tonight and I saw it! Odd that I posted about it earlier! He won best documentary presenter. I told you it was a thing! You can all rest easy in your beds tonight now.

I can sleep soundly now, I was worried I was going to lie awake all night again (it's a Friday night thing!)

why is it a thing?! who are these people! actually scrap that I don't want to know lol!! x

Rupert Everett presented a programme about people posting poo and it won an award? Lemon get onto this. You could get a BAFTA.

I can't sleep!!

Not sure i saw the poo doco but I do vaguely remember something with RE presenting. Did anyone ever watch the weird thing about people marrying bridges and shagging cars??!

Ahh so glad you explained that wil I was scrolling back trying to work out what the programme was!

I'd forgotten about the funky dreams and sleep deprivation pregnancy brings! Wide awake at 5 having had many adventures in my dreams. Same night before. Got splitting headache and I'm knackered

I made appointment with midwife yesterday, they booked me to speak to her early at 5 weeks because of the whole dating thing. I'm 4 weeks today. It's all a bit surreal still and I keep forgetting about it.

It's hard coz I see people and they ask about the mc and I'm like :( but I'm dying to tell them that I'm pregnant again and that they don't have to look so sad for me.

I haven't opened any books yet or downloaded the app, because I don't want to tempt fate.

Off for lunch today with some friends then working tonight. Busy busy

What are you guys on today? Marrying bridges, sending poo, shagging cars?

You must have too much class la and don't spend enough time watching 'Viva' or 'Really' TV. There's a lot of crap you miss!

The sleep thing I share la. Have been up about 6am every morning this week. Think I dreamt about losing it again last night though, trying not to remember too much but sure something bad happened.

Today is very glass focused in the Dulcet household - I'm off to opticians and a double glazing company is coming to quote.

I just had a quality street for breakfast, is that ok?

Today I am waking up from weird ass dreams where I did yoga with my boss (freaky, there was Lycra involved) and my DH said he was leaving me and we had a huge row over who keeps the iTunes account!!! Woke him up to check. He said clearly he would keep iTunes

So tempted to poas. Do you ladies involve your DHs in this? I would prefer to do it on my own but it feels a bit traitor-like if it turns out to be +ve?

You'll get over that the more you test fleur - DH would be ashamed at the amount of things I piss on! I have just told him after if it's positive. (It's less of an event if you do it five days in a row every month on average! )

I'm not on any of that!

Know what you mean about tempting fate, La. It took a lot for me to head over to the grads, and I've only just poked my nose into a June group. Less than a week until scan day...

We're thinking of a day trip to Gent this weekend. It's meant to be just like Bruges but without the crowds of tourists :)

tink I watched that documentary series with Rupert Everett it was brilliant, very graphic but totally fascinating. Rupert is a legend. The last episode with that very elderly prostitute was eye opening.
I would watch it again.

Just the one quality street Dulce??

Don't work too hard La!

gaggia - I'd love some chickens!! They wouldn't get a minutes peace from spaniel boy though...

Also TLC is an excellent trash channel if we're talking hard hitting documentaries.... "Sex sent me to ER" a personal favourite (right up your street gaggia )

Yeah our dogs would dearly love to eat the hens. They do sad dog rspca faces when they get told off for chicken fancying.

Shagging cars or shagging in cars?
Because if it's the first I'm at a bit of a loss man-wise... petrol pipe? exhaust pipe?