Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

.dulcet I think I agree about scan. Thought of going in 'that' room again where I found out baby wasn't developing fills me with terror :( I think I'll hang on and wait. Last time I knew something was wrong from dropping symptoms so I'll judge it nearer time

Spot on video, La made me smile.

I too have a refrigerated Nigeria - seems they are indeed quite common. Mine's also heart-shaped just to add to the complexity.

I think it's about 8w you can get away with a transabdominal scan, Dulcet. I know they tried with me at 7w and couldn't - but that pesky refrigerated Nigeria was causing issues.

Honey, yes we're all fine here, thankfully we went for quiet suburban living rather than city centre action! Shame it ended badly as apparently all day it was very peaceful. Few idiots I guess.

Fresh red spotting this am. I just don't know what to do. I don't want a scan to be told everything's fine when I know full well that it might not be tomorrow, but I completely hate this.

Morning! So, its CD8 and my temp dipped. Will dtd anyway but surely its too early? I guess I'll see what happens with opk, but looking back at my graphs, it always seems to dip a few (5 ish) days before Ovia thinks i ice. I tend to get ewcm a day or so later (than temp drop.) Thoughts?

mountain be careful, it's grim up North!

Oh Chat! I'm sorry you're going through all this anxiety. All you can do is sit tight and try to relax. Do you have mini-Chat in the day, or are you working, or at home alone? I guess an ideal situation is a busy mind and still body. Impossible!

My goodness have I been away from this for 2 days or 2 months?? Wish I had more time to devote to joining in! Have had a good laugh reading through the discussions though, I lold a lot at the bum sex bits!!

Gingers crossed (learning the lingo) for all you BFPers, I know nothing anyone can say will stop you worrying but hopefully you've all got happy and healthy pregnancies ahead!

AF over so time for me to start shagging! Only CD7 today (my cycle was good enough to start on Nov 1st so easy for me to keep track) but going to do our best to DTD every other day until AF arrives again and see if anything happens this month! Hubby won't know what's hit him, I'm guilty of not being a mega frequent shagger so I think he is excited haha.

Morning all.

chat thinking of you today hun.

Good luck honey and gaggia today!!

Dulcet I also didn't cry at the JL advert. It annoyed me that they thought that any just buying any old lady penguin would do. What if he didn't like her?

I keep convincing myself that I could be pg. Symptoms:-

Boobs seriously hurting (more than usual at this time of the month)
Crampy feelings (usually I just get these at AF time)
Tired (but I do have a cold)

But:-
We only dtd a couple of times, first month of no contraception (we have been using condoms)
I did not cry at the JL advert!

I will not test until Tuesday, I will not test until Tuesday.....

I bought my first pissy sticks yesterday, they are now taunting me.

chat it's quite possible you might just bleed now and then through pg :( my mate is 22 weeks and has had it the whole time. I do think seek advice to put mind at rest x

Get shagging bat and honey! Enjoy

Going to have to watch this advert...

I know fleur! That relationship is doomed from the start with all that pressure to love each other. And has that kid consider how his life will change with Monty having a gf?

chat, what's you GP like? When I bled last time she sent me for HCG blood tests to check it was going up. Saves the trip to the scan room but doesn't change your worry about it not meaning things won't change the next day. Could help for now though... Plenty of people do bleed throughout so it could be anything,

Fleur when is AF due? Hooyah for you for the symptom spotting!

DH says we can shag tonight. Wasn't having any of my early morning molestation. He's not a morning person.

John Lewis advert... Sweet, but the inner feminist objects that he can just buy a woman, and she will love him. The song wasnt as catchy either.

Haha honey I'm with your DH on that one, strictly a post noon shagger myself! Get very grumpy if I'm forced to do anything remotely energetic before then - especially if I'm woken up specifically for it!

dulcet honey and fleur you are all dead inside! it was a toy penguin, it wasn't like the kid could go all ala villa black and run blind date for him! lol

honey re your temp, STOP OBSESSING. forget ov drops, they don't always happen, forget triphasic charts, they don't always happen. you are just looking for a biphasic chart with temp rise at ov. the rest is academic. I'm sending you a hooyah!

cilla not villa grr

Hooyahs all round! Get back on the awesome penises girls and get shagging!

dulcet I may have just fished out all my ic strips for last 2 days and laid them out, plus put frer where I can see result every time I open the bathroom cupboard. You've started a new craze.

JL advert... Cute, but all I could think of, was what if it was the blokes he was lusting after?
Poor thing, saw a fitty, thought he'd get some of that and the bloody kid buys him a woman... And that's not to mention the trafficking of what is essentially a penguin sex worker!

I MAY have looked too much into it.

Our 3 amigos, hope you're all ok today, once again 'today we are pregnant'.

ness what a fine collection indeed. The organiser in me especially likes the colour saturation a going on and I can plainly see Nigel is well impressed too! He looks like the guardian of piss sticks.
Go Nige the sea less gull!
Plus, if you remember how many I did, you don't have anything to feel that you're gone over the top, on.
I peed on one a few weeks ago, to test the theory that the line disappears when pg. It didn't. Took me way back.
Good times!

I had a little cry at the ad. Not sure it was the ad that did it though... I did think it a bit off that it was essentially an arranged marriage Reading too much into it maybe.

We don't have GPs here, Dulcet. There are family docs but they are just community generalists - you don't really 'belong' to anyone. Which is a bit weird. But that's what we got. Not many midwives either, they're all independents, and don't do scans. Had a quiet word with DD's lovely teacher this am, she spotted me a mile off last week - there's no such thing as EPU here either, so it's A&E or sit it out.

MiniChat is at school today, then gymnastics later which is always good fun. I'm supposed to be having a French lesson but our tutor has cancelled so I'm using the opportunity to finish my cross-stitch and not build the wardrobe that's been sitting in our hallway all week. Nor will I be attempting to repair the bathroom cupboard door that fell off so dramatically this morning. I will clean the kitchen though...I do wish I had some proper work to do.

Happy shagging honey and bat!

Ouch, hooyahs hurt! Thanks for keeping me sane lovelies.

Chat sounds like a good day to me!

Many apologies Nigel The Gull!

La carpal tunnel is a preg thing but not sure if its a bit early for that...?

noniks how are you? Come back and let us hug you!

Nigel the gull is the new full moon unicorn!

Roll up, roll up. Stroke the amazing Nigel. Protector of piss sticks and guardian of bum sex!

la I noticed early pg that my joints! especially knees ached like mad. It went away most of the time, which was nice.
Probably something to do with relaxin hormone.

how are we up to 725 posts in a week!!!

Welcome Nigel (waves)

I have gas, indigestion, brown spotting, sickness and am tearful on CD10. Even before ov. Dammit; these are not symptoms are they! I never get good symptoms at the right time. I've either come out in sympathy for you lot or i'm sick. Just in time for the weekend. Gah!