Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

lil here's a bit of PMA for you. In 10 days you will be getting your BFMFP. Next "cycle" will be spent obsessing on the grads Fred about shits and sickness .

If not you will be revered as the oracle here and be able to fill us all in on how this icsi stuff works

Ah, KH, pleased to hear it! Hark at you and your fancy pissy sticks!

Tink, Indigo yeah I am going to be OPKing this month. They haven't arrived yet, still awaiting them. Estimated delivery is from tomorrow. I was too cheap to pay for super special delivery as last time the ICs arrived super speedy anyway, but I am regretting it now. I am also taking evening primrose oil. I might perhaps move to soy isoflavenes too if Project August Baby fails.

God, they spend so long teaching you how to avoid pregnancy, and nothing at all about how hard it is! I was lead to believe that a single shag without protection would lead directly to being knocked up and a ruined life, apparently . Stupid Sex Ed.

Random diversion coming up. So, myself and DH are church-goers, as are pretty much all of our local friends. (It's how we know them!) However, we are thinking about changing churches to one in our town, rather than travelling. But I am so scared that if we do that then I won't see anyone any more. I don't want to do the whole baby thing alone! On the other hand, one of the reasons DH wants to change churches is so we have local friends and our future child can grow up with friends who's houses we can walk to. I have this silly obsession with having a child in the same academic year as my currently upduffed friends, but actually there's no point. They live in different places, they will NEVER go to the same school anyway.

I know that if my friends are true friends then they'll stay in touch regardless of where we go to church, but I also know that when someone "moves away" is inevitable that you speak to them less. What do we do?!

So, I think I know what we do. One of my friends goes to the church we would move to (and is no longer in touch with anyone really because of moving...) so I am going to text her and see what she thinks. Suss out this other church and find out if I will be the only person there my age (hopefully with child) or if there is a good group of people our age there too. DH suggested we go there this sunday, but I'm scared! I think all I can do is send a text message and be brave...

On the other hand, we are both really involved with our current church (I play in the band, for example) so I don't really want to miss out on all of that too. But there's nothing to say I can't do that at this new church too in the future.... oh my gosh, it's so difficult!

Sorry for massive long off topic post. This has been worrying me for a while. first world problems

I'm sorry, I seem to have strayed onto the Just Contrabanding thread... hypocrite, moi?

Sorry about AF indigo - but at least out of limbo now as someone else said. Onwards and upwards. and stinky cheese and pate for you xx

Hugs to all feeling fed up

thanks tink

honey can you perhaps speak to the vicar to find out more about the church and what roles could be available to you if you moved, coupled with going to a service after that chat to try it out for yourself. In the nicest possible way I think you are getting ahead of yourself. you aren't of yet so why not stay where you are happy until it is actually an issue. I mean 3month olds don't really have friends or play dates!

haha popz I might start a just contraband thread. I can be the thread queen!

honey could you pick the church you're happiest with then go to a service at the other just once a month say? To keep in touch or meet new people depending on which way round you choose?

Posted too soon....

Here we have tiny parish, therefore no choice but to go to services elsewhere if we wish to worship every week (I don't). All churchgoers here are oldies at all the different parishes so no fun. Where we used to live we had a nice little gang but I don't miss it - don't think about it.

True enough. There are other reasons to move (DH has never really been happy with our current place) and we're starting to think about it now. I think either way it will be a massive decision.

I've text my friend at the local church to ask about it. We'll see. I don't want to end up ostracized from my current social circle.

la! You little saucy beauty!!!! Xxxx

Think I'm going to buy a Weevibe. I remember a discussion on here ages ago and everyone was raving about them.

I've never experienced the ghost sperm, so to speak, and I think it's about time I ought to, don't you think viroids?

ooh indigo I want one too. don't think I've got a hope in hell of dh agreeing though!

I think that's a great idea, Indigo. DH seemed bemused moderately keen when I mentioned it, but now I'm clearly not getting involved with anything like that, such is The Fear.

Thanks for the Hooya, fresh, I'll keep that in mind. Just a friendly reminder that I'm upduffed every ten minutes is all I'm after. Especially if it doesn't involve me manhandling my boobs.

No, the anxiety does NOT go away! Nonstop fun this making babies lark.

Honey I kind of see where you're coming from. We used to attend our local parish church (now there's not an English-language service that wouldn't take near-on an hour to get to). It's varied in terms of age of attendees but very traditionally run (silence in the sermon, very serious discussion). Not really child friendly. We looked around at our other locals, tried a few out for size and then settled back in at our local. It's just easier to get to - and there's a new vicar coming in Spring, so may well liven things up a little when we return! In the end it just wasn't worth all the travelling: if DD were to make friends, she wouldn't be at school with them anyway, so it didn't make sense to keep searching for the perfect parish. That said, our church-going friends are already spread thinly over a number of different churches.

chat you are a trooper after your experiences. Thank god you took that test when you did - you might have still been here wondering why you weren't ov'ing!! No one can blame you for feeling a bit vulnerable but as someone succinctly put it earlier (kato?) today you are pregnant. Cause for much celebration
if it ever happens to me I will be a fucking neurotic nightmare, I take my hat off to you for holding it all together after your bleed etc

I'm jealous. I want to be a church goer, but I'd be the only one in my family and its not dhs thing. they'd all think id been sucked in by a cult. it nearly killed dh to go and gear our bans read - 3weeks at local church (sung Eucharist) and 1week at church we got married in (where I was christened).

I'm already worried about the success of my bfp and I don't have one yet chat!! just try and take it easy and not worry. its out if your hands unlike your boobs

Thanks so much viroids you've all made me feel more excited and I love you so much for your kind messages

Someone at work guessed today - she said I looked like a massive weight had been lifted from me, then sad 'oh my god - you're pregnant!'
Howthefuck?

Love the visits from so many grads today! Miss you!
kato as always such an amazing way with words my lovely! Sad not to be sharing due date week with you anymore but hopefully we will not be too far behind (9 weeks). Hope your 12 week scan went well?

Sorry to see some of you are so sad. I know how frustrating it is and how 'over it' you get. jelly yes it can all invade your brain without being invited!

All I can say is listen to people like lil and dulcet and all the other wise ones who've been here ages. Get to know your cycle and it will happen. Contraband in moderation only, don't let it rule your life!

It can be useful but don't get obsessed! Ive told this story so many times but newbies might not know. I was ttc 10 months no success, then used cbfm for a month only to discover I ovulate 7 days later than I had thought. So for 10 months we had been stopping shagging too soon.

Once I knew that we then concentrated on shagging, coz the biggest mistake people make is to not have enough sex, and also to focus only on day of icing. You need to shag eod in the week leading up to icing, plus on day of icing.

Ghost jizz (aided by female orgasm) and sperm friendly lube are both winning formulas, plus drinking lots of water so that ewcm is obvious. Every time you get ewcm - shag!

I'm like lil I love to temp. It gives me comfort to see my cycle working on the screen and you can confirm icing day from temping so that cuts out the 'I don't know if I iced' unknown factor. But don't get obsessive!

I hope that helps some of you newbies. Also I'm the proof you CAN get pg with borderline short luteal phase.

indigo don't apologise for moaning! Moan away!

honey you will make friends wherever you are. Stay at church you're at if you're happy there x

Ok I'm gonna have to come out as the only atheist in the village....

chat repeat after me - 'today I am pregnant'

Hugs lady, I know how you feel. You're nearly there xx

Oh my golly gosh can't believe I missed a BFP! Congrats la although know how scared you must be feeling. Well I don't know from experience so I don't want to make out like I do but a close friend has been through the same so I have a small idea. Sending you all the positive vibes I can!!

CD5 for me and AF has been very light but still going - hopefully in a day or 2 the ridiculous amounts of shagging can commence! We have friends coming to stay in a week though for 8 days! Hope they're bringing their earplugs

Cat just jumped on the keyboard and deleted the message I'd written. Then looked at me and meowed, all innocent like. bloody animal

Chat yes, that's the problem! Where we go now there are about 40 people in my age bracket, some with kids, some without, some married, some single... it's a great group. There are also loads of kids in the 3-10 age bracket and plenty of retirees too. Really diverse and really vibrant. But, it's not perfect; of course it's not, it's run by humans! We look for 3 things: worship, fellowship and teaching, and one of them is sorely lacking. We are now starting to think we would rather have mid level of all three than the complete absence of one. But, it's a big step.

Indigo Advanced warning of pictures of sex toys.... we have one of these sex toy! and one of these and another! Honestly, we think they are great. We don't use the little one much... it doesn't quite pack the same punch as the other one!

Nah indigo I'm an atheist :)

Scientist here who doesn't believe in god but I do believe in some of the bible's underlying teachings eg being kind to one another. I went to catholic school and was drowned in religion by nun teachers, it kinda killed it on the whole for me.

I thoroughly believe in karma so if I were to follow anything it would be Buddhism.

Bloody hell La - that must be the fastest outage ever!! Hope they'll be discrete.

Yep, the worry never ends. Nosiree. Maybe when it's born... but that's a whole other kettle of fish!

I'll be the second atheist in the village

have any of the lurking grads heard from red?