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Original poster

Having a second baby whilst on benefits?

79 replies

FlowersOnTheWindowSeal · 27/09/2014 18:33

No judgement please.

I have one PFB DD aged 4 and desperately want another baby I had a ectopic 7 months ago and all though that baby wasn't planned and my DP left me I wanted it so much, I was happy and content with it. I'm back with my DP now and he's promised to never leave again but doesn't want children for years yet, but I just can't stop thinking about the baby that was suppose to be here and the fact that I want another one SO badly!

I'm ashamed to admit it but I stopped taking my pill which he doesn't know about in hoping I'd fall pregnant, even though he may leave and I'm still in IS from my DD as I fell pregnant at 17.

I don't know what to do i want this so badly :( but I'm scared of getting judged for having DC #2 whilst on IS and with a different father for the baby

OP posts:
Katz · 27/09/2014 18:35

Benefits aside, You need to tell him you've stopped taking the pill, he has a right to know that his actions may father a child.

Ragwort · 27/09/2014 18:36

Nothing to do with whether you are on benefits or not but is it fair to have a child if your DP doesn't want one? If your DD is 4 and you were pregnant at 17 then am I right in that you are just 21 - you have years ahead of you to have another child, with a partner who wants to be a dad.

Please don't rush into getting pregnant by 'forgetting' to use contraception.

rainbowinmyroom · 27/09/2014 18:37

No judgement? What do you want people to say: that lying to your come and go partner and bringing a child into the world that one parent doesn't want and you cannot support is a good idea?

I hope this is a wind up.

Gemerama82 · 27/09/2014 18:38

I'm sorry about your ectopic. However for so many reasons ( the fact your partner doesn't want a child yet, the fact your relationship doesn't sound stable and the fact you are stretched financially) I wouldn't have thought it was a very good idea.

Original poster
FlowersOnTheWindowSeal · 27/09/2014 18:39

I don't want to be an old mum (no offence to anyone whom is) ever since I was little I'd wanted two children by the time I was 25 and that's never changed. I love my DD to the moon and back and just long for a sibling for her.

OP posts:
leanne963 · 27/09/2014 18:39

Have a baby with someone who wants a baby. No good can come from trapping a man. You are so young, you have years to have a baby! Don't rush!

KeithTheCat · 27/09/2014 18:39

I'm not going to judge you and it's not the benefits I particularly care about.

why do you want to have a baby with a man who left you so easily? you are so young and should find someone who is supportive of you. I hope I don't sound patronising, I'm in my early 20's and had a baby at 19. I got married (not to my DS's bio-dad) before thinking about another baby.

KeithTheCat · 27/09/2014 18:40

x post with everyone!

rainbowinmyroom · 27/09/2014 18:42

FGS. So because what you want is the most important thing, you bring a child into the world by lying to some guy who doesn't want a kid and is a come and go relationship and the good ol' welfare state has to pick up the tab.

No wonder freaks like UKIP are gaining power.

Gemerama82 · 27/09/2014 18:42

You'll find as you get older you don't actually feel it. You don't hit 25 and become ancient! I'm 32 and don't feel old at all. I feel I will be a far better mum now than I would have been 10 years ago.

Original poster
FlowersOnTheWindowSeal · 27/09/2014 18:44

Rainbow you sound like a horrid persons, please refrain from commenting upon my thread again. Maybe take some tips on how to be plea sent to people and not come across as so horrible from Keith thank you, you didn't sound patronising in anyway what so ever!

OP posts:
rainbowinmyroom · 27/09/2014 18:45

You are only 21. Plenty of time to get a job, find a partner who wants a stable relationship and child.

Fairylea · 27/09/2014 18:45

You should never ever trap someone into having a baby. It's just a disaster waiting to happen.

I had my second child ten years after my first because I got divorced and it took me that long to find someone I wanted to go through it all again with. Why settle for less than the perfect partner? Having a child is hard enough as it is!

leanne963 · 27/09/2014 18:46

My mum had me at 20 and I loved how close we were, I always wanted to be a young mum and have kids by 23. But that age came and went and I was like 'nope, not ready' didn't have a steady job and living with my boyfriend. I personally think that being settled and happy is the best atmosphere to bring a child into.
I am 27 now, still so young but much more settled and I am 6 weeks pregnant (suffered MC in June) but don't worry about the whole 'being young' thing!!

Siarie · 27/09/2014 18:47

You can't ask people not to judge you when what you are attempting is just so bad.

It's not fair to your DP who has openly told you he doesn't want another child just yet to trick him into it. Forget the fact that you can't afford the child and your relationship isn't stable, it's all just wrong.

You don't sound very mature at all. How would you feel growing up as that future child?!

eurochick · 27/09/2014 18:47

You are being very silly and selfish. Don't trick your partner. Don't have another child with a man who has left you in the past. Don't have a child you can't support. All just because you have this ideal of two children by 25. You sound very immature.

rainbowinmyroom · 27/09/2014 18:48

PMSL. Sorry but you don't get to dictate who posts and how.

How unpleasant, too, to lie to someone so you get what you want, no regard for his feelings and that he doesn't want a child.

And you seriously think this is okay for you, but others should just show their support?

That is really immature.

Siarie · 27/09/2014 18:48

Maturity doesn't always come with age, your age doesn't matter. It's your actions that define you.

Original poster
FlowersOnTheWindowSeal · 27/09/2014 18:50

My DP has NOT go any children, My DD is mine and not his her father has nothing to do with her and she's grown up beautifully I was single for 3 years raising her single my relationship is stable now.

OP posts:
Gemerama82 · 27/09/2014 18:50

To be fair op rainbow has just said what most people will be thinking.

Ludways · 27/09/2014 18:52

Sorry, I have to agree, you sound immature and selfish. If your partner doesn't want a baby yet then you shouldn't trick him. You have 4 years until you're 25, so why the rush?

Gemerama82 · 27/09/2014 18:53

How is it stable? He walked out on you recently when you were pregnant and now you are lying to him and trying to trap him. It's not what I would call a healthy relationship!

Gemerama82 · 27/09/2014 18:54

The more i think about it, the more I wonder if this thread is a wind up

Only1scoop · 27/09/2014 18:56

You sound extremely immature and I'm shocked at your eagerness to trick your boyfriend into having a baby. Have another child if and when you can support it yourself.

Figster · 27/09/2014 18:57

For god sake grow up it doesn't matter what she you are when you have another child you've got years Ahead of you. Rather than have another child while on benefits get on and get a job be a role model to your daughter? what sort of example are you setting to her?

Regardless of what your oh has said if he finds out you've tricked him into pregnancy he'd have good bloody grounds to leave you.

Maybe get some counselling about the lost pregnancy if you think that's what's fuelling these feelings?

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