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Original poster

Having a second baby whilst on benefits?

79 replies

FlowersOnTheWindowSeal · 27/09/2014 18:33

No judgement please.

I have one PFB DD aged 4 and desperately want another baby I had a ectopic 7 months ago and all though that baby wasn't planned and my DP left me I wanted it so much, I was happy and content with it. I'm back with my DP now and he's promised to never leave again but doesn't want children for years yet, but I just can't stop thinking about the baby that was suppose to be here and the fact that I want another one SO badly!

I'm ashamed to admit it but I stopped taking my pill which he doesn't know about in hoping I'd fall pregnant, even though he may leave and I'm still in IS from my DD as I fell pregnant at 17.

I don't know what to do i want this so badly :( but I'm scared of getting judged for having DC #2 whilst on IS and with a different father for the baby

OP posts:
Original poster
FlowersOnTheWindowSeal · 27/09/2014 19:23

my partner does NOT have any children. My DD is NOT his

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/09/2014 19:23

Then tell him so he knows you're not taking care of it... although he sounds a bit dickish for saying that tbh.

Only1scoop · 27/09/2014 19:24

Have some self respect for goodness sake.

SirChenjin · 27/09/2014 19:25

How about you finish college, get a job, make a joint decision with your partner to have another baby, and then pay for it yourselves as opposed to asking the state to fund your lifestyle choice? Y'know - the way most people do things.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 27/09/2014 19:25

Not sure why you posted, you're clearly going to do whatever you like regardless of the responses here.

DiaDuit · 27/09/2014 19:26

Oh what a catch the pair of you sound Hmm

Him dumping his pregnant girlfriend and you tricking your boyfriend into having a child he doesnt want which no doubt he'll run from as soon as he hears the news and you'll be left as a single parent of another baby who doesnt see its father.

So much to look forward to havent you?

StrippedPJs · 27/09/2014 19:28

being a single parent doesn't faze me

alemci · 27/09/2014 19:31

very sensible advice sirchenjin

DancingDinosaur · 27/09/2014 19:31

Rainbow has a fair point. I agree with her /him. I'm an old mum, I waited until I could afford children before going ahead and having them rather than getting pregnant with the intention of other people funding them. And the fact that you are going against what dp want is very selfish and immature.

VSeth · 27/09/2014 19:32

Have you ever wanted to be on Tv because Jeremy Kyle would love this thread?

Seriously grow up before having another child, tricking your DP is not the way forward in a grown up relationship.

StrippedPJs · 27/09/2014 19:32

but that doesn't mean you should trap someone into it. maybe have some councelling sorry for the loss of your DC

*Hit enter by mistake sorry!

StrippedPJs · 27/09/2014 19:32

but that doesn't mean you should trap someone into it. maybe have some councelling sorry for the loss of your DC

*Hit enter by mistake sorry!

DancingDinosaur · 27/09/2014 19:35

Agree with sirchenjin, Get yourself a job and someone who actually wants to be a father first. Like a responsible adult

Fairylea · 27/09/2014 19:36

He sounds like an utter arsehole to be honest. And you sound very vulnerable and grieving. Go and get some counselling. Get yourself a job and in a better place for your dd financially and emotionally. Meet someone better who wants to be a good husband and step dad to your dd. Then and only then even consider another child.

Disneylandkilledmychildhood · 27/09/2014 19:39

Get a job.

Lucy61 · 27/09/2014 20:14

Doesn't seem like you'll listen to anyone here op. It's all very well enjoying playing with your chn ... but will you be a positive role model for them? On benefits, got pregnant at 17, tricked a man into having a baby he doesn't want... You need to do the right thing by yourself and your DS.

By the way, I think this post is a wind-up. No one can be that brazen, surely.

Lucy61 · 27/09/2014 20:15

Dd not DS

Gemerama82 · 27/09/2014 20:19

Let's hope so Lucy.

Beansprout30 · 27/09/2014 21:02

I hope this is a wind up, but it pisses me off so much that actually situations like this are far too common. Grow the hell op, take some responsibility and get a flipping life, seriously. Why should I have waited 10 years to find the right man and be financially stable to support a family, and silly little girls like you think it's fine to bring some poor child into the world and expect to the tax payer to look after you? Yes, im judging.

wanttobeamummyin2015 · 27/09/2014 21:55

Hi flowers

I am young too (23) and DH and I both want kids young and are trying for our first. Age doesn't really matter in my opinion but I do think finances mattwr. I understand that you want a sibling for your LO and for them to be close in age but it is such a big decision. We have money saved for when a baby comes but I imagine that being on benefits and with a child already will be really difficult. I your partner also does not know that you may get pregnant this could also be challenging. To be honest I think it is better to be open and honest so that you can make the decision together and be prepared as I am terrified about the cost of a baby and we both have jobs and a mortgage! I know it will probably be a difficult decision but I think you should talk to him about it, he may feel the same as you in which case good luck as it sounds like a tough road agead

SilverStars · 27/09/2014 22:08

There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM and a partner being a breadwinner or someone studying at college - all of which you and your partner want. So why not let him be the breadwinner and not need benefits to fund your choices?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/09/2014 22:40

If you want another baby go for it. Anyone can have a happy accident and anyone can end up on benefits.

SirChenjin · 27/09/2014 22:43

Yes - anyone can have a happy accident and anyone can end up on benefits. The OP is planning for a happy accident and is already on benefits. Do you see the massive difference there?

I suspect you do and are giving things a big old stir on a quiet Saturday night.

TinyWishes · 27/09/2014 22:52

I am sorry for your etopic pregnancy. They happen for a multitude of reasons and I seriously think you need to see someone to help grieve for your lost pregnancy.

But - to trick someone into being a sperm donor (let's face it - that's all you want) is just scummy behaviour.

regardless of you being on benefits -do you not think it's about time you starting contributing back into the society that supported you when you needed it?? Or is the answer to sit at home doing puzzles and baking for another 4 years the answer.

Stop looking for a free ride and grow up.

littlecrumb · 28/09/2014 12:56

You obviously really want another child and it must be hard being with someone who doesn't want the same things as you. I agree with what most other people have said, you shouldn't trick him into having a baby. Sit down and have another talk about it. I hope you sort things out.

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