40+ and TTC? Join the club...

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

Ooohhhh dh corrected me I am 43!!!! Not 44!!!

Grizzer....the whole ttc is a stressful thing isn't it? My ovulation monitor is always I am ovulating when I don't think I am and af are here to annoy us....
Send you hugs

Notso sending good vibes. Completely understanding the trepidation...

My AF turned up, too. More than 40 days since I miscarried and 38 since the cleanout. And it is such a bloodshed after so long. It was anovulatory cycle, I think, but looks like the lining has grown like crazy. Third day of heavy bleeding, before I had two days of light bleed. Terrible. i had to travel, present on a rather big forum, travel back, all the time making sure i have night size pad and a super size tampax to make sure I will not leak. Why does it have to be so ridiculous after mc? But at least i can expect an ovulation sometime in next 10 days now, if this bleeding finally stops:-)

read back now. Notso........ if my vibes can at all be good, considering my history, i would add some. grow and stick, babyNotso!

Haven't caught up properly, but did see notsoold's latest. Not so old for TTC indeed! Fan freakin tastic news!!!!!!!!! Best wishes for a lovely sticky bean. And hopefully you've also christened a lucky thread for everyone. CG x

I'm 42 almost 43. This is the first chance i've had to even try to have a child. This is the third month of trying so i guess early days. Taking supplements, cut down on alcohol and caffeine.
Also having plenty of sex during the right times.
I'm healthy and happy so hoping that it happens but trying to keep a level head.
Wondering how long to leave it before i seek GP advice.

Thanks all!!! Your support is great!!
lastminute I am sure someone will pop along and be more helpful than me but 3 months is not long and you are doing the right things....
cf I hope it will be a lucky thread for all of us!!

Last go to the doc now and lie and say you've been trying for over a year. ;-) Ditch the booze and caffeine completely and go organic if you can possibly manage it.

Woohoo and for Notso

Hi to everyone else.

Lastminute first of all have a huge hug , second of all we cannot guarantee results on here but we can offer huge support.

I'm not going to kid you that TTC in your forties is easy or even possible for some people. The stats of conception and increased MC aren't great, BUT people do manage to conceive and have children at this age so all is not lost.

I would definitely think about acupuncture. That's my next port of call once AF turns up. If you go on the Zita West website I've been told she has a list of affiliated acupuncturists, could be worth a look. Otherwise take vitamins, eat a good diet, try to cut down on caffeine and alcohol. Make sure you are accurate about when you OV by tracking your temp for a few months and a huge amount of good luck to you xxx

I wonder what you guys are doing in the ttc department. I have had two natural pregnancies which ended in mc and an iui and ivf that both ended in mc. The last one in May. We were told to continue natural but 5 months since last mc and nothing. I would like to try Ivf at least once more but I am not sure whether to do one more round or to just hope nature takes it's course. We seem to get pregnant just cannot keep them.

What path have others followed ? Our Mc specialist had initially said just keep going naturally but time is ticking should we consider intervention.

Thanks for the advice everyone. Will take it all on board...
x

Evening all!

Have finally found a bit of time to post on here. So here’s my history:

I am 45, and have one DS, age two.

I was diagnosed with a blocked fallopian tube in 2010. In 2011 we had two rounds of IVF, the first ICSI. Results were pretty good in terms of number of eggs retrieved and quantity and quality of embies. I have a frozen embie saved from second round, but both rounds failed. DS was a natural conception the month after the second round failed, which came as a complete and utter surprise. My first and only pregnancy went to full term, which seems pretty odd, but good at the age, then, of 42!

After the failure of the first round I did some research on failure to implant as I thought that was the issue, and stocked up on supplements and got DH onto a similar regime. I am quite sure that is why the second round of IVF was so much better. I ditched booze and alcohol, did away with as many chemicals in the house etc. The only thing I didn’t manage was an organic diet, which I had for the first round.

I’ve been on this thread since 2011, and it’s so good to share experiences and have some hand holding from time to time. I hope some of the newbies on here will stick around, but all for the right reasons, IYSWIM.

I need to check the supps which I am taking now so will post a list in a day or two. I think I am missing some like Omega.

We have been TTC #2 since the start of this year. I am still BF my son. I was worried about taking all the supps but I have it spaced out a bit now so I don’t think it’s too much of an issue. I am mentally preparing myself for DS to be an only child.

I am wondering, do any of you have any experience using Dang Gui? It’s listed in a Neal’s Yard brochure as; ‘A traditional Chinese medicine primarily used as a tonic for women. It is used to regulate the periods, relieve period pains, increase fertility and treat a range of menopausal symptoms.’ So I wonder if this is worth adding to the list??

Sweet, fertile dreams all. May you soon be upduffed. And sticky vibes to all you preggers, fabulous forty somethings too!! In fact, we're all freakingly fantabulously fabulous, aren't we??!! FF

Fireflies, that's a lovely story, do delighted you have your wonderful son now

Well AF has arrived this morning. I was hoping it would revert back to 25 days but nope, 24 days this month with ovulation day 11.

I think this is successfully destroying my relationship. I just can't shake the all encompassing sadness that descends every month when I'm not pregnant. My partner pleads with me every morning not to be sad. I tried to explain to him that it's not actually a choice as though I'm picking the colour of my clothes for the day, but I know he feels like I'm slipping away and he is right. I'm getting smaller and smaller personality wise and it must be very difficult to watch.

We've only been together 3 years so he has never really seen me like this before and I feel so fucking guilty. Which of course just makes me want to leave so he doesn't have to deal with me anymore.

Oh NewEra, that's awful. My DP is totally helpless when I feel so sad too, and it's so tough on a relationship. He too just wants me to stop feeling this way, but of course it's not rational.

10000, I take Fu Ke Zhong Zi, which my acupuncturist tells me "aids the receiving of the sperm". I was also on another herb which was to "clear dampness" from my system, but I've run out of those and can't afford to get more so I'm concentrating on the ones that she said were specifically going to be of benefit fertility-wise.

Thanks AWomb. He just finds it so difficult to deal with me I think.

I guess it's in their nature to 'fix things'. When I was single and feeling upset I would just go to ground for a while and see no one. Of course having a child and living with a partner makes that impossible (frustratingly so sometimes). I think he is pretty bloody lucky I am still functioning, I don't think he realises that true depression can be completely disabling to the point that the person can't even leave the bed. I am still doing everything as normal, I'm just bursting into tears every now and again too lol. Poor sod.

Well I emailed my acupuncturist and asked for my first appointment. I have bloods being taken by my GP this cycle. I know I did ovulate last cycle, which is something, so I suspect it will show ovulation, the question is what the numbers were. I also have a colposcopy on Monday which is fun. Especially since my toddler will have to come too!!

NewEra TTC can be very hard on a relationship - since my last mc, I have been really struggling with lots of frustration, sadness and anger, a lot of which was directed at DH. I don't think that they can understand the complexity of feelings that we are going through every month, this relentless rollercoaster.
Men still see themselves as the 'one who fixes things', and this is something that can't be fixed just like that.
Have you tried appealing for your DP's help? This is something that my counsellor has suggested to me - again, trying to use the 'I'm the fixer of things' angle that many men come from. Just saying how frustrated/scared/alone etc you feel with this whole ttc business and literally asking for his help. Could be little things (that cup of tea brought to you in the morning, doing stuff around the house), or any task you feel you'd like to put on him. Give him a chance to get (pro)active, to become more involved that way. It's something that my DH responds to really well, the asking for help.

It's not easy! I struggle with verbalising my feelings, and DH is not a mind-reader at best of times...

pessi Did they ever discover the reason for your mcs? Like you, I fall pg quite easily, but struggle to hang on to the babies.
I've had 4 now, two of which were discovered to be due to chromosomal abnormalities. Unfortunately, there is nothing that we can do about that (apart from going down the donor egg/sperm route, which neither of us wants).
Clotting issues or hormone imbalances are a common reason for mcs, again, this would need to be established by testing. And there is quite a bit of research going on about high natural killer cells causing recurring mcs, which can be treated by steroids... There is a thread here for people with recurring mc problems, feel free to join.

Af got me a few days ago, but it didn't really come as a surprise, we/I made very little effort. I'm wondering if I should take a break from ttc until the New Year, I feel so fed up and mentally exhausted with it all...

NewEra I am so sorry to hear you're feeling so down and depressed. I don't know if this is of any help for you to hear at the moment, but you're not even 40 yet! Can you bear to take a break from TTC for a bit? I don't think it would make that much difference at the moment. There is a lot of scaremongering about it being much more difficult to conceive after the age of 40, but the really steep drop is at around 44 onwards. You've had a tough time with two recent MCs, so maybe a break would help? Also, having a plan B could help too. Be good to yourself and have some fun and have some dates with your DP. And have some The acupuncture sounds good.

I was interested that your cycle is a similar length to mine and you ov on the same day. Then I remembered this sketch. Hope it makes you laugh too:

My DH has the same PMA. Doesn't allow me to feel sad. Always points out the positives. Is good to a certain point, but I am sure women tend to need more down time emotionally. I find he doesn't want to listen much to me moaning when it can be cathartic.

Awomb wow, I love the sound of welcoming sperm! It's making me want to find a herbalist!! And the dampness bit made me laugh!!

Commiserations to all caught by AF again. I am expecting her to put in an appearance any day soon. Am feeling super bitchy, not to mention knackered. No online stalking yet, but some fairly obsessive shopping to report so far.

PMSL 1000Fireflies, that video just made me

She's marvellous, a very no-nonsense benignly smiling middle aged Chinese woman, her idioms do make me chuckle.

Excellent newera! Glad you liked, though apols if it put your pelvic floor under strain. I also prescribe listening to four X-tra at bedtime - lots of comedy. Am currently watching Green Wing on London live. Definitely helps take your mind off things.

awomb she sounds fab.

Pre-AF symptoms a plenty here -

• feeling hot and sweaty while shopping. Tick
• compulsive bulk buying of shite. Tick
• desperate need to eat carbs regularly. Tick
• overwhelming desire to sleep much of time. Tick
• feeling the whole world is out to get me. Tick.

Having a short cycle is crap because you've barely recovered from AF when it's time to get jiggy, then a few more good days and PMS starts kicking in. More shots at TTC per year though. There's always a silver lining.

I'm feeling a little but better tonight for some reason. Had a lot more PMS symptoms this cycle which is positive. Plus OV day falls conveniently over the weekend so we are going to BD some mornings and evenings on key days and keep our fingers and cervixes crossed.

Hope AF stays away FF. I used my last hpts this cycle. That's it for me now. Knowing early in the cycle that I'm not pregnant just makes me miserable for longer. It will be easier just to let AF arrive and cling onto some hope in the meantime.

Hi ladies just to update I looked into the harmony test but it is unavailable in my area, so went for a private nuchal risk was 1 to 30 due to age, she thought the nuchal looked good but results came back exactly the same. A bit disappointed it didn't change at all or do you think at 45 it's as good as can expect, think I will have to definitely do amino as worried sick.

I don't think 1 in 30 is bad Kiwi though I can totally understand your concerns.

If it was me I would be considering what I would do if the news is not good. Would you definitely chose to terminate for example if the child had DS? In the past I thought in that situation I would end the pregnancy, but now I'm not so sure.

If you absolutely know that your family could not support a child with extra needs than i think I would opt for the amnio.

Hope my post hasn't come across badly here xx

kiwi for you. At our age I think the lowest score you could get is 1:50. Even so I would be worried sick too, and doing lots of research into it. Amnios do not have the risk they are often thought to. As they are done with ultrasound these days they are more accurate. I googled and found mc risk under 1%, and then even that not necessarily directly attributable to amnio. More

Glad you're feeling better newera

No idea why I'm not more depressed knowing AF on way. Wish it wasn't though.

How's everyone else doing?