40+ and TTC? Join the club...

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

Hello everyone. I've been a bit quiet as not much to say! Last Af turned up on day 46 so now I am just waiting for ovulation signs. I hate the whole anticipation though, thinking shall we do it tonight or wait for tomorrow. We are very much a once a week couple so it's very obvious to Dh when I am trying to catch the egg! I really hate it being so obvious as it does take the fun out of it

Once a week? Stealth boast?

Hi everyone,
Newera is right Kiwi, it depends what you would want to do once you had the amnio. Is it worth the risk of mc if you would continue with the pregnancy anyway? Unfortunately, I don't think any of us know what we would really do until we're in the situation. I always swore I would never terminate but I was given a 1 in 2 chance of downs with dd & also told she wouldn't survive long. I confess I did start to consider why I would go through a pregnancy & have no baby at the end. I had the cvc test & she was fine (& still is!) now I think I would never make a decision based on these tests. They can get it wrong.
I'm just finishing AF. Having acupuncture on Saturday. I have the busiest week at work coming up so can't imagine having the energy to dtd but will have to try. 42 on Tuesday but I have parents evening from 4.30-9.00! Does this mean I can cancel b'd & stay 41?

Thanks for support and advice, think I will have amino, will keep you updated. Good luck and thoughts to everyone else.

Kiwi I just saw this thread on the Active list. Please can I say try not to worry. I had a 1 in 100 nuchal fold result when I was 40, and worried . I remember the consultant reassuring me it was just numbers. He said well, Exeter have a 1 in 100 chance of winning the World Cup, based on numbers.

Ds was absolutely fine. As you say, it's really unlikely to get a good result if you're over 40, and conversely you might get a misleadingly positive one if you're 25.

Hi everyone, back home after a lovely week away. Lots of lovely food, drink, relaxation, read two novels, did the crossword every day, lay on the beach while DS frolicked in the water, long walks everyday. Bliss...[happy]

Also had really sore breasts, felt a bit ill a couple of afternoons...felt hopeful. But alas, boobs not very sore today at 12dpo, and fully expect stupid AF to turn up. And I think I only have one or maybe two more months trying (I am very close to giving up ttc, my 48th birthday is in November, and I have lost the drive to keep trying.)

Anyway, looks like congratulations are in order for Notsoold - any updates? Wonderful news.

Kiwi, I can understand your concerns, but I do agree with previous posters: it is likely to look like that simply based on age. My result at 41 was 1:178 for trisomy 13/18, but my darling boy is perfect. I went to the city for the amnio and had a lovely professor do the ultrasound before proceeding with the amnio. She told me that the ultrasound showed no signs of anomoly, so we decided against the amnio. I imagine, if I was lucky enough to get pregnant at this age, I'd probably do the Harmony and most likely an amnio just to be sure. Of course we don't know until we are in that situation. I hope all goes well, let us know. I know it is difficult not to worry, so I won't say that, however I will send a hug.

My Dsis text me while I was away (she's 43) to say she had very tender breasts and had skipped her pill this month. It would be just my luck if she got pregnant - as much as I'd be happy for her, she is not the best mum and has split from Dh, is in a new relationship and they have 7 kids between them already. Not that any of it matters, mainly just that it wouldn't be planned and she's not the most responsible of women.. Sigh, I just know how upsetting it will be for me if she does turn out to be pregnant when I want it so much, and I'd have to hide my disappointment for me. God, that sounds so selfish...sorry I think I am ready to move on, at least, I feel I have to, but I can't help wishing I did get my PLB.

Oh well..onwards and upwards, I shall try not to get down - I did just have a wonderful holiday, so I shall try to hang on to that lovely feeling for a bit.

Gum. Be brave. It is at least good that tour sister's baby does not lower the chance of tour own baby coming. But even so I hope your sister has the outcome She truly wishes for..... Seven children close in age would send me on hormon spiral plus condoms I think...

gum your holidays sounds wonderful!!!! Quite jealous!!
It is difficult to see choices by siblings when one can see as an outsider but it isn't much we can do and what a fertile family you have!!!
Thanks for your congratulations! I don't know if you remember me as I was in this fred when trying to conceive ds2. It was about the same time as diege and irish (I know she changed the username but I can't remember the new one.
If you remember you and all the girls helped me a lot when I had my mmc before a successful pg. Therefore you understand my fears ????
I am now 5weeks plus and testing still ( in disbelief and trepidation). Disbelief because it was our first month ttc and trepidation as no symptoms whatsoever. I know it is early days but fears do not acknowledge facts does it???
I told dh and he is very happy and trying to be realistic that things could go wrong. But...today I am pregnant!!!
I am thinking of an early scan. Do I need to wait until 8 weeks for a hearbeat don't I???

kiwi how are you????

Love to all newbies and oldies .

Thanks everyone nice to have support, especially when only told hubby so far as want to wait a bit before I announce anything. Definitely having amino but us lady said us looked good, first day with no vomiting for 6 weeks, yeah. At end of day I am a worried whether 25 let alone 45!! Will keep you posted, bit of a technology's so not always very frequent.

Notsoold, I do remember you. It is fantastic that you have conceived first month ttc. Hopefully everything will go well. Today you are pregnant, and for us older birds, that is a wonderful,wonderful thing. I know it is difficult not to worry, but worrying won't actually help the outcome, so you might as well enjoy knowing you are pregnant. Yes, I think 8 weeks is a good time to have an ultrasound, though you can have a vaginal ultrasound and see a heartbeat at 6 weeks, though sometimes you don't because it is too early which then just adds stress...so, it is up to you.

I just took my morning temperature, the first time since 3 dpo, and fertility friend changed my O date. Which seems rediculous to me. Anyway, the temperature was lowish and certainly not a "oooh, I might be pregnant" type of temperature. Plus, boobs not sore, so fully expect AF some time today or tomorrow. I shouldn't be disappointed.Having sex only twice (once without ejaculation) really doesn't give an old lady much of a chance does it? I still hold out for a miracle though. I will have to put in a bigger effort this month, but starting back at work with full-on schedule today, certainly isn't going to help.

Jass, what you say makes complete sense, a pregnancy for my Dsis won't stop me getting pregnant - it's an illogical jealousy. However, she told me her period came yesterday. She sounded disappointed, though she had told me it wasn't something she wanted.

There's dramas in my family again, my dad isn't well and is in hospital - not sure if it is related to the prostrate, it's a bit of a mystery. Unfortunately my mother is being a total drama queen about it. Oh my god - honestly, she is just so over the top with her reactions, catastrophises everything and is so rude and negative with the nurses and doctors. Of course she's also so flippin' stubborn she won't listen to reason. I know it is a worrying time, but she is acting like my father is a frail old man with a death sentence and it just isn't like that at all. I am afraid she is narcissistic and there's nothing I can do about it. It does make it very,very difficult for me and Dsis to support them when we just want to run a hundred miles an hour in the opposite direction.Big Sigh!

At least I have a nice hair salon appointment to look forward to tonight. A lovely hair-do helps everything

Hello all

grizzer happy non-birthday greetings for tomorrow. yes! I think you should skip at least a year and stay, at most, 41 again. how was the acupuncture?

gum glad you had a great holiday, though I am a little , as you always seem to be away. Hope your DF is ok. Can you get some Valium for your mum?

notso Relax!!! You are preggers!!! Though I fully relate to where you are coming from. I would be the same. Each day you are getting closer to viability. Apart from tiredness, my pregnancy was completely symptomless. In fact I was a picture of health, though the stupid HPs were desperate for it to be otherwise.

AF turned up late last night . It was later than usual by a smidge. Maybe that is the Agnus Castus kicking in. Pmt not so bad which is an utter relief and worth taking AC just for that. I used one of the HPTs that come with CBFM sticks these days earlier yesterday as I was starting to get hopeful - boobs had been unusually sore earlier in week. Spent two hours scouring internet to get conf that they can be read by eye, and that one line =BFN. Bugger it.

gum thanks !!! that is what I thought!!!
I am sorry about your Dad. I hope by the time you read this, they have found the cause and he is better in himself. I am sorry about tour Mum. My dd is like that and it is so draining and uncalled for!!!
I like ff's suggestions regarding Valium
Happy with the new hairdo???
fireflies you are right and I should be enjoying the pg shouldn't I???? Dh reckons that I have the following symptoms....tiredness, insomnia and mood swings but hard to say as ds2 is a baby and it takes out of you....
Sorry about AF. Next month here you go!!!!

Fireflies, that is exactly what I was thinking as I listened to my mum rant about the terrible care my father had, right in front of the lovely nurse who was caring for him: she needs drugs to calm her down. My mother's reactions are so "over-the -top" and unnecessary. I know when people are scared it can happen, but with her it's just silly. My dad has been sent home with a catheter in (he was having trouble wee-ing by himself) and he'll have the operation on Monday for the prostrate. Hopefully that will sort things out and he'll be on the road to recovery.

Sorry about AF turning up, FF. We'll be cycle buddies I think.

AF hasn't turned up for me yet. I thought it might by now, but no sign. However, I am not hopeful: did a test this morning and it is clearly negative. Sigh...I imagine AF will show today or tomorrow.

I do have a nice a hairdo though I love my hairdresser, Jason, he's a great colourist and he always gives me a lovely straight do which is a novelty for me because I have curly ringlets and never take the time to straighten it myself.

Fireflies - I am not away all that much really - the odd knitting weekend here and there I suppose, but I envy all you ladies who are able to just pop over to Europe when you want to. I haven't been to most of Europe and I do wish I could visit Paris, Sweden, Denmark etc I am hoping that will all come eventually: I have two daughters to get through Uni, and then there's my youngest, too, though I think I will drag him around Europe, or leave him with his big sisters...A baby might change all that, but it is increasingly unlikely for me.

I hope everyone else is doing ok. jass, are you still ttc, or taking the not trying/not avoiding approach?

Can I join please? 41 and ttc#2. Managed to get a bfp first month of trying but mmc and lost pregnancy at 7 weeks last month. I knew something was up as was testing like a woman possessed and the cb never went above 1-2 weeks. Got positive opk this month and so still hoping for a bfp this month. I am not due for another week but already testing and symptom spotting. Trying not to test again for another week!

I had a straightforward forward pregnancy at 40 so can also offer a wee bit hope! Would love to have another but realise how lucky I am to have to have one lovely dc!

Hi crispie. I am so sorry about your mmc. It's just so sad to have it happen. Hopefully you'll be pregnant with a sticky baby soon. Welcome to our lovely group of hopeful oldies!

Just to update. Went to review meeting with recurrent miscarriage specialist. All the bloods came back negative so his advice was do not do ivf as we do not have a problem getting pregnant. He also referred to the side effects and lost months of ttcing and said Just keep trying naturally and hopefully we will get lucky. It is is both a relief and but also causes me to feel so out of control. At least with intervention you feel you are actively doing something.

So I have started counselling to deal with my miscarriages and also to start accepting that we may only have one child but she is all that we need. She is enough. It will be difficult to accept but I feel we must make the most of the wonderful child we have rather than living the dream of the child we don't.

So I have to start weaning myself off the constant trawling of the internet, the boxes of opks and hpts and stop living my life in blocks of 28 days.

I wish you all the best and of course if by some miracle I do get pregnant (and sustain the pregnancy) I will let you know.

Hello pessi

Sounds like a sensible strategy and possibly one I need to
adopt as well. Though I know easier said than done. Who knows maybe when pressure is off it'll happen or be easier to accept. I'm going to try clear blue opk again this month but no more internet cheapies when these are done. It is becoming a bit obsessive for me and I want to enjoy the child I have. 'll still be trying though around ovulation times but dont want it to take over.

Hi girls.

So sorry AF turned up Fireflies

Well it's been a good week so far. Had my colposcopy yesterday and got given the all clear. Although I do have active HPV in my system, apparently my cervix is showing no sign of it at all. So the nurse thinks my immune system is either sorting it or my cervix isn't reacting to it. Either way they don't want to see me for three years so I am delighted.

Secondly I had my day 3 test. My doctor got confused and thought it was my day 21 test so wanted to see me re. low Progesterone. Cue me having a slight heart attack and then realised she was analysing the results of the wrong test!

So my day 21 test will be done on day 17 due to short cycles and I'm not sure what I think the result will be. I know I ovulated for definite last month, and I will know if I've ovulated this month by about day 14. But the question is whether the eggs are immature and crap quality because of my early OV. If the Prog result is crap is there anything they can do to improve ovulation? My understanding is Clomid isn't advised for our age group.

newera, there is a drug called "femera" which does the same thing as clomid but is a better quality of drug (maybe more expensive) and is more often used with older women as it doesn't have the side effects of clomid (drying up cervical mucus). I know they use it in ivf, not sure if you can get it without fertility treatment, I don't see why not. You can also be treated for low progesterone in the second half of the cycle.

I am glad to hear the colposcopy went well. I had that treatment years ago and have had all clear ever since which is a great relief.

Well, my body is doing weird stuff and I don't know what is going on. I am willing to bet it is all because I am getting close to menopause. I really should have had AF by now: usually once the tender breasts stop it is only a matter of a day or two at most before AF shows up. Well, I am now 15 dpo and I think the boobs stopped hurting around 11 dpo, and all I have had is some cramping yesterday and a tiny bit of brown mucus last night. I thought for sure I'd be bleeding by now, but instead, my temperature has gone up and there's no blood.

However, as much as I'd like to think it means there might be a chance at a bfp, it seems so unlikely as I usually have tender breasts and other symptoms when I am pregnant and my previous pregnancies always showed a bfp by 14 dpo.

I am beginning to think I ovulated later, or it is an anovulatory cycle. I don't know and I will try not to think about it too much

notsoold Congrats! That is great news, crossing everything for you and wishing you a boring and uneventful pregnancy. I would recommend waiting until at least 8 weeks for a scan, as before that seeing a heartbeat can be really difficult and can lead to unnecessary stress.

pessi Good luck. Having the nothing-is-wrong diagnosis is a double-edged verdict, isn't it. Of course it's a relief to know that there is nothing fundamentally wrong, but at the same time, having a specific diagnosis of something would make it easier to accept why it is all so difficult (not to mention the possibility of having treatment). I wish you all the best!

newera As far as I know, low progesterone does not necessarily mean that your eggs are dodgy... (and vice versa - I have good prog levels, but seem to have issues with egg quality...). Low progesterone can result in difficulty for implantation, for example. It is quite easy to treat, they can give you the pessaries for that to either take from ovulation and/or when you get a BFP. It is almost a standard treatment now for women who suffer from recurring miscarriages or struggle with falling pg, so it might be worth asking your doctor about whether it might be suitable for you.

I'm trying to make up my mind whether to give ttc a break until the new year... It appears that I am ovulating as we speak, I had a +ve OPK last night, although I am only on CD11! I used to be a regular CD13/14-girl, no idea what is going on. Not using the Cbfm this month, as I am currently trying to sell it (although might change my mind about that...).
However, even though I had the +ve OPK last night, I did not manage to muster enough energy/motivation for dtd. Didn't help that DH was working late and came to bed long after me, by which time I was fast asleep! Will have to try tonight, but am feeling really 'meh' about it all
My counsellor suggested why not have a bit of a break, to try and get some distance and focus on other things. I'm very busy at work, lots of new responsibilities, and I'm also thinking about applying for a promotion - sometimes my head feels like it's about to explode!
I think a heart-to-heart with DH is imminent, he seems to be so blissfully unaware of all this turmoil, and I am fed up of trying to deal with everything by myself. (But then again, how often have I said that in the last few months...)

Have you tested Gum? The fact your temp has gone up does sound positive!! If you haven't tested then I would go and get one immediately

That information was really helpful thank you. To be honest I was apathetic to any testing being done as I thought there was nothing that could be done even if they found a problem. So that makes me feel a little better. I am on cd 8 and have no EWCM which isn't normal for me. I am hoping that means I might OV on day 12 instead, but my more pessimistic self thinks it might be one of those cycles where I get no EWCM at all and I may or may not ovulate. At least now I have my snazzy monitor I will know either way! Lots of fertility lube instead I think.

Cloud jumper I have already decided that if I ever get another BFP I'm going to buy Cyclogest pessaries and take them for the first trimester. I have found a reputable company online who I can source them from. I can't stop wondering if it was low progesterone that screwed up my pregnancy in January. I had a small amount of bleeding that just wouldn't go away completely, it was brown cm on and off and eventually I miscarried. To my mind that's indicative of implantation issues but I know I'm not a doctor!

I think with TTC you can do it in a more half hearted way without having to make a decision to stop. I know lots of people don't want August babies so decide to quit TTC over Christmas to prevent that, but personally I just want to try every cycle I can, August baby or not.

Sounds like you have a lot on so I completely agree about not trying to shag at stupid o'clock just because a test strip says you should. I want to be one if those women who falls pregnant unexpectedly after one drunken shag when the condom split. I hate the 'trying' aspect. It's bullshit.

Cloud, I had a heart to heart with DP this week, I feel much better. Because I want a baby more than him, and I'm the one doing OPKs etc, I was starting to feel like I was trying to trick him into having a baby, because we didn't really talk about it.

He was rather taken aback by how stressed I've become about all of it, but things are a lot better now.

Hi everyone.

Cloud, I can understand the desire to take a break. It's taxing to think about ttc all the time, no matter how hard we try to make it something in the back of our mind.It is always there, we take supplements, we use opk's, some of us track our cycles. To me, I feel better doing it all because it feels like I am somehow in "control" (we all know that's not true, however I like to think it). But it does mean it is always there hanging around like a little grey cloud.

Like newera, I wish it could just happen without too much effort on my part. Sigh...I remember those years, when I was young, stressing and the sheer relief when AF turned up because I didn't want to be pregnant.

So AF did turn up for me, this morning. I knew it would, as much as I would have liked a surprise bfp, I just didn't feel pregnant, and I have been pregnant 10 times, so I am familiar with the symptoms (though I'm still foolish enough to recognise symptoms, when in fact I am not pregnant )

I have just looked at my chart for forward planning, and it looks like my DH will be away for work in the days leading up to ovulation. So I may be taking a break without choice. It's only about three weeks til my birthday, so I don't think I'll be ttc for much longer. Despite telling myself that I am past it, it is silly to keep ttc, I still haven't come to a place where I am definitely ready to stop. I only want to stop once I have my last baby firmly in my arms.

If nothing else, ttc has been a journey in learning acceptance. For a control freak like me, that's a huge learning curve!

I have rushed home from work & am now waiting for dh to come home so we can dtd before picking dd up from after school club. How terrible is that? He's taking ages to get home too but I can definitely feel my ovaries beckoning...... Totally my month (again)