40+ and TTC? Join the club...

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

Hello to the newbies. Wow, Cloudjumper this new thread has attracted a huge number of new members! Yay for us"oldies" ttc.

Chewy, thanks for that book recommendation. I downloaded it last night and I'm rushing through it. So far I have learnt this:
-stay away from BPA plastic
-stay away from Phthatates (spelling?): today I will check ingredients on all my toiletries
-get thyroid, vit d level checked, make sure you don't have celiac disease (have done all that: vit d a bit low, so I take a sup, and I am gluten intolerant, so a yes to avoiding all gluten)

I am now up to the bit about what to take in supplements: so far its folic acid (which I am taking), Co q 10 (also taking that), but that's as far as I have got.

I am looking forward to reading some more today.

What I really love is that scientifically speaking, if we look after our eggs in the 3-4 months run up to ovulation we have a much better chance of producing a healthy egg. It's not the commonly held idea that our eggs are old and therefore crap, we can actually nurture the environment they are in and give the right nutrition to support the production of a healthy egg. It's worth a try isn't it?

Sometimes it feels like a lot of expense and mucking /around for little reward, but in the long run, I think there are rewards beyond getting pregnant (though that, to me, is the lottery win); surely all the good things we do to make a healthy baby contribute to our own health and longevity? I keep telling myself that it might help me look younger for a while. I am getting close to 50, so this is something that plagues me a bit

Diege, my lovely cheerleader, have you found us? I still need to see you waving your pom-poms and doing those classy moves It keeps me going.

Calibee, did you find us? I want to hear all about the IUI.

It's a long weekend here (do you call them "bank holidays"?). So an easy going day for us I think. I am hoping to get out into the vegie patch to plant summer vege, but I am unable to do much weeding and digging due to a shoulder bursitis, will have to get DH to volunteer...

Have a lovely day all you gorgeous 40 somethings...

Girls need a hand hold today. Does anyone else get raging anxiety at 4.30am in the 2ww? I woke up having a panic attack last night re. never being able to have another child and having to try and accept it. Made the mistake of playing with my phone, checked Facebook and got baby bombed with a newborn photo from an ex colleague who was due two days after my due date (I miscarried, she didn't).

She is a beautiful person and I'm not jealous of her new family. Just feel totally desolate, have had only a few hours sleep and just know I'm not pregnant this cycle.

Hiya Ladies, I hope you've all had a lovely weekend.

Nothing to report down my side. I've been a moody cow all weekend with bouts of uncontrolable crying all Saturday. Kept telling DH that I didn't like him. When he sees me having moody moments he just ignores my comments, thankfully!

Monday; bleurgh!

Oh NewEra, that's awful. I've had that lots of times, but for me it's always due to depression/anxiety rather than the 2ww. Awful, isn't it?
My technique for dealing with it is to remind myself that that time is the very worst for feeling alone and worried, and to try very hard to distract myself into going back to sleep, a drink of milk and then reciting lists in my head helps (it used to be names beginning A, B, C etc until I was TTC, now if I need to do it I do animals instead!). If you keep the list going fast enough the other thoughts don't intrude.

Thanks Awomb. It's such a terrible time to let intrusive thoughts win. Too early to get up and risk waking the house, too late to be tired enough to fall back to sleep. I think it's an evil time

NewEra I know how you feel. I have been so anxious that I wake up constantly with my heart pounding with anxiety. The irony is that the more I stress about it the worse that is for ttc. How can I relax when the ttc monthly merry go round is never ending. No sooner have you got over the disappointment of af's arrival than you are planning a week of peeing on sticks to organise your schedule around ovulation followed by two weeks of what if, please god, maybe this month and then....I'm out and it starts all over again...

That's exactly what was happening, thumping chest and terrible thoughts that I couldn't clear. I also thought I'm around the time the egg could be implanting and my body is so stressed I'm not surprised it's not happening!! It's a self fulfilling prophecy!!

Marking my place on our new thread – welcome to all our new joiners – may your stay be short for all the right reasons.

My stats both DP and I 45, TTC #1 since September 2012 (have 2 DSC 14 and 12) MMC at 12 Weeks June 13, Blighted Ovum at 8 Weeks November 2013, then my cycles went haywire. Private investigations at St Marys’ recurrent miscarriage clinic concluded my egg age was most likely contributing factor for miscarriages. IVF with donor egg in June 13 BFP with twins – lost one of them at 9 weeks. Currently 15 + 3 and I am a bit of an anxious wreck Next foetal well-being scan on Friday at 16 weeks.

Just dropping in for a quick hi. Thanks for setting up the new thread Cloud. Super-crap day here. Will come back soon with stats/bio and read and update properly. FF xx

Hi, I have been lurking but decided I would join in as you have quite a few newbies on this thread.

I already have 3 DC, dd 8, ds1 5, and ds2 2 and I had said ds2 finished me off and I was done as he was a very difficult baby. But fast forward 2 years and he is a delightful 2 year old who chatters away to me every day and tells me he loves his mummy!

So this has made me think I would like another but I'm now 41 would be at least 42 when a 4th DC was born (if it happens) and although I have only gone through it all 2 years ago I do feel I'm too old now I have turned the big 40!!

You lovely ladies have made me realise I'm not, although I don't think that's the response I will get in RL as most thought I was mad to want a 3rd DC as majority of friends have 2.

I also think a 4th would make our family dynamic work better too as dd and ds1 are very close so I do feel ds2 will be left out a bit and would be nice for him to have another sibling.

Anyway enough about me, I'm now awaiting my appt to have my implant taken out of my arm before we can start TTC.

Good morning all. thanks for the new thread Cloud and welcome to all the newbies.
I'm 44 and have been ttc about 2.5 years now. I Have 3 dc's ...24, 20 and 17 from my first marriage and 2 beautiful grandchildren age 4 and 10months.. but meeting and marrying my (much younger no dc's) man has disturbed a maternal side I thought was truly buried with the trials and tribulatians of single parenthood. We were able to conceive first try on Clomid but sadly lost pregnancy at 10 weeks in January 2013. I carried on taking Clomid without a sniff of a BFP before DH was posted to Northern Ireland (he's a soldier) last year. I have found the fertility services over here to be a breath of fresh air and very supportive of my husbands work. We have been lucky that they have arranged to have DH's swimmers frozen and for me to receive IUI whilst he is deployed in Afghanistan (he is currently 2 months into a 7 month tour). I am currently on my 3rd day of gonal-f injections and due my 1st scan and bloods on Thursday. I sooooo hope this works. love and luck to all.

Hello new and old, I am still here and lurking furiously. Life has been grim, not just because of the mc, but we are struggling out of it. If only DS would let us sleep now! Will update properly later and respond to the enormous swathes of news since I last ventured on here!. for all.

Are you in NI then, calibee? Me too!

yay...waves to womb. I'm in Lisburn x

Have PM'ed you!

Hi haven't been on for a while, I am now 12 weeks still vomiting and just wondered I am definitely going to have amino if all continues to go well so midwife said it is not worth doing nuchal, what do you think? Obviously needs to be done soon if I do it, thanks in advance.

Hello! Just checking in as one of the resident graduates/cheerleaders!
I had dc 6 at 43 (last year), very unexpectedly, though I was still taking agnus castus to regulate my cycles which won't have done my ttc chances any harm .
Good to see everyone, old and new!

Hi everyone, just reading about the stress of TTC that some of you/us are suffering. For me, a hectic full time job & a 4 yr old dd who has just started school & has been thrown in to breakfast club & after school club all add to the stress of life which, of course doesn't help TTC. I have started a Mindfulness course (through work so I don't have to pay!) I'm only one week in & am not totally convinced it's for me but the basic is idea is relaxation & meditation which, in theory sounds great. Finding the time to actually sit down & do it is another matter but there are plenty of books/CDs/downloads that can help. I tried 'Headspace' for a while which is just 10 minutes a day so a bit more manageable. Might be worth a try?
I'm a week away from AF & have felt so stressed in the last couple of weeks there is no way I've managed to fertilise!! I'm already on to next month in my head! And so to the deep breathing.....

Grinch, so sorry to hear things are difficult right now. Come on here and vent as much as you like. That's what we are here for.

Hello, Diege, it is good to hear from you. My cycles are very regular, but I wonder if agnus castus might be good for making my hormones better? I dunno, I am scared it might screw things up? What do you think?

Kiwi, I can't believe you are already 12 weeks. How amazing and wonderful! You inspire me. Were you doing anything to enhance your fertility?If you are doing the amnio, there's no point in the nuchal. The nuchal is really a screen to help you decide whether to have the amnio, so I don't see the point in both. However, in your shoes I'd be looking at the harmony test first, though I know it is expensive. Is it too late at 12 weeks? I think it is routinely done at 10 weeks. Diege will know.

Grizzer, The stress management strategies sound really good in theory, but like you, I would struggle to find the time. I find that exercise is good for me in terms of stress, and at least getting some exercise. If I didn't exercise I would worry about not doing it, which gives me more stress...So, getting outside and walking is really good for clearing my head, or swimming laps. Sadly I have a shoulder bursitis so no swimming right now, but I've been doing an hour walk most days, with the dog (who gets so excited when I start to put on my walking shoes, it's very funny). Unfortunately I now have a sore knee!

Getting old is a bastard in so many ways. Obviously it sucks to have declining fertility, but I also hate that it is much harder to lose weight. I have been the epitome of good: I haven't eaten any sugar for 10 days now, have had a low carb diet, and yet the scales have not budged - along with the extra exercise. Bah! And then there's the sore bits that stop me from doing more exercise, and the lack of libido...

It's O time for me, so I have been trying my darndest to be amorous but DH is being pretty unreceptive in that department. I think I may have ovulated yesterday, I have a positive opk the day before, but we DTD the day before that, and tried again yesterday morning (day after the + opk) and my DH failed to ejaculate So, now we have those issues to contend with. I then tried to seduce him last night, in a last ditch attempt to catch the egg, but he was tired and said, "maybe tomorrow"...Grr. Now my cervix is shut tight.There's no point (in terms of TTC).

In the past, I would have been devastated by this turn of events, but I am not, I just think, Oh well, I can try again next month, or maybe it isn't meant to be, or, when the time is right, it will happen. I guess I am also getting used to the idea of it not happening.

We are going on holiday on Saturday - our annual trip to the island, and we go with our very good friends, so there's always lots of wine, gin and fun, so in a way I can relax knowing there's little to no chance that I conceived this time. I won't overdo it, but I won't abstain either.

Hi - need to read up properly and post again soon - its getting lovely and busy on here! - but for now, a msg re scans for kiwi

I'd started to dip into the last thread now and again - kiwi, is it right you're 45? Me too, so I'm extra excited your pregnancy is going well, with reassuring sickness too! Congratulations!

Yes nuchal scan would need doing soon; I thought the upper limit was 13 + 6, but just checked NHS website and it says up to 14 weeks + 1 day.

Aren't you having an NHS dating scan? If so, they do the nuchal measurement in the same scan. So can't understand why your midwife is saying don't bother - it seems like doing you out of an opportunity for a check up on baby (growth etc) that you're perfectly entitled to.

But also, I thought NHS wouldn't even offer a diagnostic test (amnio or CVS) unless your risk from the nuchal scan is 'worse' than 1:150. And of course you can't have an amnio until 15+ weeks.

But maybe you were thinking about paying for a private amnio? If so, had you considered a Harmony blood test first? With my DD, I wanted to avoid an amnio if poss, so when I found the NHS risk concerning (1:50), I had a nuchal scan at the Fetal Medicine Centre. It came out better (1:625), because the FMC put more soft markers into their calculations than the NHS do. Then the Harmony test came back at 1:10,000, so we left it there.

A few places do Harmony but personally I rate the FMC:
www.fetalmedicine.com/harmony-test - they say:

"- If your pregnancy is 11 weeks or more you can have a package which includes (a) nuchal scan (11-13 weeks) or mini-anomaly scan (14-17 weeks) or anomaly scan (18-32 weeks) and (b) HarmonyTM test ... for 500.

• If the Harmony test suggests that the fetus has trisomy 21, 18 or 13 we will carry out CVS or amniocentesis at no extra cost."

So would be interesting to see what others think about this, but FWIW, think midwife is being a bit bizarre and you should start by having your NHS nuchal scan, defo.

Hope to catch up later. Insomniac signing off.

Sorry, Xpost with Gum. Kiwi - seems like Gum has similar ideas. Laters.

Hey girls, so pleased this thread is busy . Great to hear that your pregnancy is progressing beautifully Kiwi xx

I am 7dpo and just feel like this cycle is a dud even though I know I ovulated and we had well timed sex. I just have no real belief anymore that it's even possible to get pregnant. It's ridiculous.

Hello again! Good to see it so busy on here. Am just flying in and out again as I have a meeting to prepare for this avo. Noticed some refs to Agnus Castus on here. I was going to get it from H&B but couldn't bear to fork out £9 for a months supply, on top of everything else. Found Neals Yard do it in tincture formula and it's only £3 a month! Result!! I've only just started taking it again, so can't report on the effects yet. I did ovulate a day later than normal, don't know if that's good or bad. I thought maybe it would just help generally.

NY do another herb with is supposed to help with fertility generally for women. I will check the details and post soon, along with my mini bio.

Blimey, I have ITV+1 on as a rare treat while DS naps. Amanda Holden really has overdone the botox this time! Is letting us fabulous forties down with it.

Hi there!!!! Been lurking for a while but back to ttc so hoping to get good vibes from you gals...
My stats ...
notsoold,44, DD20 , DS1 15, DS2 11months my first seriously month of ttc.

DH thought that DS2 would be enough but came to my line of thinking!!!
He is now 11months and I feel that being 44 I need to rush for hopefully another DC. Hope I am not too late.
We dtd through a bout of D&V in our household (I told you I was serious about it).
The two months I took Agnus c I got pg so I will be buying some more for next month (unless I am really really preggers and in that case I won't :)
On the most dread tww not (actually longer since my period is every 35 days!!!(gulp)

Lovely to see you all xxxx

Does anyone on here have short periods? I feel like a total freak but it also makes me feel I don't have long left as my OV is getting so early. I OV on day 11 with a 12 day LP. It used to be day 12 but after mc2 it changed and got shorter again.

I've read about Vitex but people tend to talk about it bringing ovulation forward and I font think I can cope with it being any earlier!!!!