The Elderberry Pavlovas: Hanging up our fertility crystals, relaying the Yellow Brick Road and chasing that chopper. We want our BFPs and we want them now! (Thread 22)

[happylass]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+ months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and definitely no mention of baby dust or baby dancing).
Those not abiding by the rules may be escorted from the premises.

Hampshire, that sounds horrid! Sorry about the meds too. How your doc is on the case though.

Wild! In only on day 21, I tend to have looooong cycles. Perhaps you me and Tiger are synchronising in some weird lady way! Deffo could do with a weekend like yours, well like yours with the meditation but without the group sessions I think, maybe with massage and you yoga... I'm thinking of a spa aren't I? Doh! Just pass me some Zen please... I've had an irritating day!

Another pregnancy announcement too she was soooooooo excited though it rubbed off on me too .... is it nesting season or summat?

Bushy id say go for it with the meditation weekend, it sounds ace! I'd do it if the opportunity arose I think.

Jellie boo to the news re choir girl, and bigger boos to AF.

Tiger I can't believe that, how annoying about your friend. I bet she just sniffed his willy once (love the Halloween evil grin!) massive grrrrr from me too, and I've had 3 baby announcements in the last day, arghhhhhhhh. It's so frustrating. The dark mornings and the rain aren't helping, we have had terrible winds up here too, it's so noisy in the night!

Wild yep I think your GP is right there but again how frustrating. I've had terrible pains this month so am guessing at cysts again.

HB that sounds awful! You've had such a time of it lately. Are you holding off with the IVF for your next cycle then? Hope you're feeling better soon.

Lumen how's things? Did you have a scan this week?

Lol beaky - terrible wind? Noise in the night? Sounds like regular service here!

Ahh Jellie I didn't know how else to put it! Haha sorry about the preggo announcement

Hello berries. beaky I hope you're wrong and those cysts aren't back.

I had my Day6 stimms blood test and dildocam this morning. I'm still bleeding a bit so I mentioned it to them but they have confirmed not to worry as the down reg drugs can prolong a period. Though they did say to mention it again on Friday if it's still happening then. Blood work fine and although I did get the scary nurse, she used a smaller needle with a tube thing (check out my medical technical knowledge!) which I've only had used previously after they've tried unsuccessfully a few times first, so it wasn't too bad after all. Slight humorous moment when part way through some water poured out of the ceiling and missed me by 2cm.. (Seems the new office still has some air-con teething issues). As for the dildocam I was hoping to make note of follicle sizes but it was just too hard. I spend my time convinced they keep measuring the same follicles more than once and distract myself! Today my uterus was in the way of my left ovary (beats the bowel I suppose) so it was a bit fuzzy looking at that one. Anyway, when I left I could see a few measurements on screen and saw one was 12mm and another just 1.5mm so they don't seem to be growing in a nice cluster! Hopefully they'll sort themselves out a bit in the next couple of days. I should have a good idea of EC day after Friday's scan I think. I'm still hoping I can manage longer than last round, and give my eggs a better chance.

HB that sounds awful. Hope you feel better soon and that it doesn't impact your plans.

Oh I nearly forgot, Pixie do you pick up your drug paraphernalia today? Don't panic (as much as I did) if they talk you through it too quickly, there are instructions in the meds which you can take your time over).

wild the anti coagulant drug I've been prescribed is called 'Clexane'. She gave me some patient notes on NK cells but they're a bit basic, and it looks as if they are often provided to people who suffer recurrent miscarriages too. It says NK cells "engulf and destroy" (woo scary!) cells that are considered foreign. Then it goes on to say that there is much debate about their impact in pregnancy, and that although plausible, studies carried out to date have had flaws - hence conclusive evidence supporting proposed treatment is also lacking! It gives some info about the treatment options, and I was thankful that there don't seem to be many side effects to this Clexane one. (Unlike the steroid option called Prednisone, which doubles chances of cleft palate (though still low risk recommends a 10 times dose of frolic acid to help reduce that risk) AND requires weaning off the drug slowly).

Boo to AF tiger and jellie. mine turned up today. CD38! for the love of god. How freaking hard does this have to be?

Sorry you're having a hard time hB. don't worry, just come and go as you feel able. is always nice to hear from you.

Hope your wind has calmed down beaky ;)

wild your weekend sounds really really good. Must be amazingly good for your concentration.

smidge, you seem amazingly well infromed - it's really interesting to hear about the process. Hope your eggs get their shit together in the next couple of days.

lumen what's new?

Hi to everyone else. Incl rosie if you're watching!

I was a member of the berries back in October 2012. Loads has happened but what mainly hasn't happened is a BFP. I am 36 now and been ttc for 3 years.

So I did go to docs and had a referral to hospital but was totally rubbished away by them due to being overweight and my husband having a child from a previous relationship.

We took a break for a while so I could calm down as got myself into a huge state.

Now I suppose actively trying again this is the first month. Not using ovulation sticks yet but have guaged approx when I am ovulating (now) and having sex as much as possible when you work full time, have a horse who is sick and puppy sitting for somone!

I have another dr appointment in 2 weeks where my friends have told me to be strong and insistant.

Hope I can join you guys again to get some support and to support others.

Instadiffer rage eh!! Tiger's takes it I think. My pg spa day larry out friend said they'd given up, then got pg, she'd be doing keep fit etc so was ( really hate this term) a surprise. Maybe there is something in the not expecting it mindset- maybe it opens up a channel that before has been blocked because we're on too high an alert.

On a ttc note, I had some cm today- woo hoo. Back on the penis express!! Last night Dh was saying when are we getting back onto it... I was too knackered, I don't really want sex, just a really good night's sleep, without waking up 2 or three times a night would do me!! Still going to shake that off & get on it! Maybe will help me sleep.. I would really love someone to hit me with a mallet Mr T style and knock me out for 8 hours. Hoping half term will be better.

Hello badleg and welcome back. Know what you mean about trying to fit sex in!!

Sorry to hear you feel rubbish hb. Are your meds for this condition?

wild crappy short cycle eh but you seem upbeat! must be all that lovely meditation. I'd love to do something like that, love yoga too so would be right up my alley. Where did you go or would that out you too much?

smidge glad things are going well.

Right, must get off here and cook tea. Ravenous & have headache.

Smidge and Pixie, don't forget you tube videos for the drug demo's too! I used them a few times! Also I used clexane (easy peasy,) and took prednisolone. But I needed that instead of diclofenac really for my arthritis.

Bushy Lol at the penis express! Get going girl!

Hi Badleg, I'm overweight (and now overage) so we are now going private! If you go private you can go to somewhere more sympathetic. In any case I hope you get somewhere with the doctor

Hi everyone else!

insomnia is the worst, bushy. lack of sleep makes everything seem a bigger deal :( hugs

Hubby came back from work yesterday relatively excited to tell me that he got into conversation with a lady at work who's about to go on maternity leave and is 39. He said he asked her 'hope it's not rude to ask, but was it done by AI'? I laughed and said "Artificial intelligence?! I think you meant IVF" . luckily he said oh yes, he definitely said IVF at the time!
Anyway, after I'd managed to get my face straight again, he told me that she'd said yes, and had actually gone through the same clinic as us (yay, must work!).
She'd had 2 fresh IVFs, first didn't take, second she got OHSS so had to skip the ET, but they froze some, then she had 1 failed FET and the pregnancy came from the second FET. He was very upbeat and during the explanation of her journey (bleurghh I hate the word 'journey' but can't think of anything better), told me that x number had 'germinated' !! .
Loving the enthusiasm and the fact he suddenly now realises 4 attempts is quite normal. But finding his terminology v amusing. I pointed out that we tend to use the word germinate when referring to plants, and fertilise is the more commonly heard term for IVF!

Ha ha, thought you berries might enjoy this too

Hahahsmidge germinate ! Your DH is so funny. Good that he has a vague idea of what's going on.

Thank you for explaining your immune tests and treatment. It's very interesting to hear what is happening n other countries, and your FC's leaflet about how the studies are promising but not perfect is really good. The NHS doesn't offer these immune tests and drugs for that very reason. I personally think it could help us and we have to go private anyway, so what the heck. And you are right that immune issues have also been linked to recurrent miscarriage.

Bushy the retreat I went on is linked to this place It is a Buddhist centre but you don't have to be Buddhist to go on some of the retreats and I am not.

nolly 38 day cycle, that must have driven you crackers. It's just more of that infuriating waiting. I'm not too worried about my 14 day cycle now, I'm just hoping my body will right itself in the next cycle. I'm seeing the consultant next week and I think that is what is keeping me upbeat bushy. Onward and upward!

Welcome back HB and badleg, support always available here for those who need it. HB your withdrawal symptoms sound horrible, here's hoping you feel better soon. Go gently, won't you.

beaky I really hope that you are wrong about having cysts again. Do you know what makes you get them, or is it just plain old bad luck? There's nothing more frustrating than the things you can't do anything about. Have you tried acupuncture at all? Could be worth a go, if medical science has no answers for you.

wild and smidge really enjoying the sense of humour from your OHs. Nice to have some upbeat chat to put against the run of bad luck we seem to be having.

my oh said yesterday he feels sick when he thinks about it (from anxiety and despair, I think). I felt so sad when he said that, but what is there to say? It's how it is. :( woe woe.

SOrry to hear your cysts are making a comeback beaky, must have missed that. So frustrating for you. And they have no idea why?

39 day cycle (it turns out) has sent me completely crackers, yes. Not feeling very hopeful at the moment.

haha smidge its all about the artificial intelligence and the germination!

Penis express had me in stitches bushy, really did cheer me up! All board!

nolly I am also not feeling very positive. I blame af arriving and marking more than 22 months of disappointment. I think I also was hoping foolishly that by having a month where we barely thought about ttc, and having accepted a new job I might somehow invoke the law of sod and that I would end up pg. Haha, nice try, appears it isn't that easy to outsmart the universe. Must try harder.

Hello badleg and welcome back.

beaky fingers crossed those damn cysts haven't come back and hope you're not in too much pain.

I have a fearful dog to look after tonight, we are currently hiding in the living room with the TV on about 10 times louder than normal as tonight marks the start of firework season.

Hi berries! Re the cysts they don't know what causes them and tbh they don't seem to care but I dr google think that is hormone imbalances from excessive oestrogen. Still trying to do my catching rainbows questionnaire as it's so long and I've not had a moment to myself. I'm hoping she can shed light on it.

Anyway, Nolly I'm so sorry about AF, and the stupid long cycle. It never gets easier but you will get there, I really hope sooner rather than later. I know what you mean re your dh and being sad about it, mine tries to not say anything so I don't stress but that makes me feel bad in itself. He does always say that he would prefer me and him together and healthy than not at least! I also wonder how Rosie is doing - hope she is ok.

Smidge pleased everything is going well for this cycle, fx for good news at the dildocam tomorrow! Interesting re the anti clotting drugs, have you had tests to be given them or are they standard with your FC? How sweet is your dh with his excitement and his artificial intelligence and germination! Maybe that's where we are all going wrong.

Wild how are you doing after the extra early AF? I've done a brief stint of acu but had to stop due to dh's job. I think I'd need to find someone I prefer as the last one wasn't quite right.

Badleg hello and welcome back to the berries, I hope you won't have to be here too long! Ov sticks and the penis express suck! Love that expression Bushy hope you are managing some sleep too.

Tiger do you have another puppy?! Hope it's ok, the fireworks can really stress them. We definitely need something to pull us out of our slump, but what! Hmm. I think your law of sod incident will be when you start the new job...

Hope everyone else is ok!

Had my second scan today, Day 8 of stimms. This time last round they told me to come back again tomorrow and I in fact would have been triggering tomorrow night if things were the same. However, it looks as if this regime is working better for me. My follicles are growing slow and steady and my LH hasn't appeared to cock things up, so they have said my next scan is on Monday! So even if I have to trigger that night, it's still 2 extra days of development. I do hope this makes the difference! I have 7 on the left, and 4 on the right that measure over 10mm. One is 15 though so a bit ahead of the others. Hoping they batch up nicely. Am finding I feel way less bloated this time around so thinking the down reg drugs (lucrin) might be suiting me better than cetrotide all round.

< gives herself a massive kick to shut up and stop getting ahead of herself tempting fate>

beaky yes my tests were done as part of my laparoscopy, so not something that can easily be done (it's from a biopsy of cells inside your uterus, not a simple blood test).

tiger I wholeheartedly applaud the plan to invoke the law of sod. I have booked flights back home to England exactly for when my due date should be if this round works! Am hoping my plan isn't too see through...

Gah...! Slowly and steadily. Too much time listening to my adverb-phobic Aussie husband

smidge that all sounds really promising! Fingers crossed for you.

beaky just my puppy but she is so scared of fireworks. Seemed to be a bit better than last year though. She hopped up on the sofa (not normally allowed) and just sat there looking sad. When she is frightened she gets a little drippy nose, and it breaks my heart!

I have managed to get myself in a bit of state this morning over IVF timing. We were initially told that the waiting list was such that we would have to wait till Jan. So, we decided that we would keep trying naturally until April revisit as the timing in Jan would not have worked. Now it looks as though we will be offered the chance to do a cycle starting in November, except that by putting the group session back two weeks to we probably won't be able to fit it in due to cycle timings and holiday. If only I had known this!! Argghhhhh.

I've tried to post so many times but stupid ios8 ruins everything!!!

Yay I can post again

Smidge -read about the bondi protocol. Very interesting regarding nk cells and autoimmunity.

Bushy - penis express? Ahahahaha. I've got a bulging disc so the penis express has been cancelled until further delay.

nolly and tiger - feeling a bit down in the mouth, you two. It comes and goes doesn't it, that miserable mood when you think that it will never be your time. But your day will come. We've got to keep believing that and keep going.

Good work to smidge and tiger with the plans to tempt fate. It has got to be worth a try!

Tiger what exactly is happening with your FC cycle dates? Are they offering you November but you can't fit it in to your existing plans? It is so hard sometimes to get your body, clinic and actual life all co-ordinated. So will you still be going for an April cycle?

Looks like your follicles are doing you proud there smidge. It will be an exciting week next week!

wild it is true. I feel like a bit of a slave to my hormones, as I'm always down around af but I brighten up a few days into each cycle. I don't think two nights of being awake due to really bad period pain have helped either.

Re IVF, there was a chance we could start in November, but actually I have looked at cycle dates and it really won't work with holidays and work committments. So back to the plan of deferring it until April!

Thank goodness it is Friday, am totally knackered! Hope everyone else is ok. Not too much planned for the weekend, friends coming over with their 6 month old for lunch tomorrow, they started trying at the same time as us

Oh tiger those are the worst. I also hate when you started trying at the same time and they have like, a toddler again with the dramatics!, and I dont even have a bump. Arghhh. Well actually my friends baby is now a toddler. I think at least if you stick to your original plan re IVF, you will be prepared for it, but I totally understand the feeling of a loss of opportunity, especially in this situation.

As Wild says, we will get there! Hows your week been Wild? Do you feel the benefit of the meditation weekend?

Smidge it sounds like things are going well, I wouldnt worry too much about being pleased about that, we have to take our joy where we can get it these days!

Ive been so mad today, I think it must be a sign of AF coming along, so so angry about ridiculousness at work. But its the weekend now, hooray! Had a chat with dh earlier too, I feel like the ttc is really stressing our relationship at the moment and I feel like Im not really looking after myself and getting myself in the best shape. I really need to kick myself into gear but am lacking motivation. Hopefully the rainbows plan will help!

Hope everyone else is enjoying their friday evening