How do you manage the monthly disappointment?

[Portlypenguin]

Dear people,

I have a lovely DS aged just 3 and we have been TTC#2. In 2ww of cycle 4 now. I know it is a very short time but last time we conceived ( by good luck) on cycle 1 so i am inexperienced at waiting. I have had one v early miscarriage recently (feb).

Any tips? I seem to convince myself i am pregnant every month and then am not.

All of DS' little buddies already have siblings and people keep going on about our bigger gap. It was a work/stress/mood related gap decision which was inevitably but now i feel guilty for some unknown reason and like it is my fault i am not pregnant yet.

I know we are lucky to have one child and there are many of you who have been ttc for much longer - perhaps it just gets a bit less disappointing with time.

Advice or just 'cope with it' statements welcomed!

One day and icy - it's so pants isn't it! People who conceive first time don't know how lucky they are! I feel like I'm going insane. I poas today because my period seemed to have disappeared. Of course it was negative but I just felt a bit of hope. Ha. I'm toying with the idea of using some kind of sperm friendly lube as most of them die as soon as they are inside of you because the walls of the vag are apparently acidic. WTF! Anything is worth a shot I suppose but it's about £15. I'm going camping at the weekend and I intend to drink a lot. Ha. My hubby doesn't know how much I poas - he'd know I was crackers if I told him. X

I feel your pain too. Like many other posters I found getting pregnant the first time quite easy but this is more of a struggle. AF is 10 days late but I got a BFN this morning.
I am making the most of drinking wine and caffeinated coffee as well as enjoying quality time just me and DS.
Good luck to everyone on here

The only thing I ever failed was my driving test - and even that I passed 2nd time. We'll be going into cycle 8. Not that long compared to some, but I think longer compared to most. I guess there have to be some poor fuckers out there on the further end of the standard deviation curve, looks like I'm going to be one of those fuckers!

Come on ShitBody just play ball! One job!! Arrrgh

Now I just want the rag to start and coincide with next week's (family - I have step kids for my sins-) holiday so I can get quietly blasted on gin.

Thank you so much for your replies. What great advice from you all ~ thank you. As soon as I got in from work I emptied the beside cabinet of all the internet cheapies that I'd kept and been examining for the faintest hint of a line. I'm determined not to poas unless I need to on Monday if AF doesn't arrive.

A bit like you icy I'm not used to failing. I'm a bit of a control freak in all aspects of my life. We fell pregnant on cycle 3 of ttc but now with the pregnancy, mc and recovery we've lost another 4 months and have nothing at the end of it, it's so gutting.

I can hear the top coming off that bottle of wine tonight ...

I am not a control freak in the planning sense, but I do like knowing what is up ahead. That is what I find hardest about TTC I think- you don't know whether you will be pregnant in five weeks, five months, or five years. I hate uncertainty.

I am due AF in the next few days, and no symptoms of anything. Next month is our last month trying before DH has to go and get tested- in some ways I feel like it is a sort of deadline. I have about six more weeks to get a BFP, after that, we are officially joining the ranks of people who need their fertility investigated and who can't just shag until something happens

Well, I had a bout of acupuncture and AF kicked in this evening. So maybe it sped matters up. Then again my app said P was due today, so maybe it's not related at all.

Big old cry, a relatively healthy dinner, cake and a game of thrones episode later and ... Still feeling shit.

FML.

valerie how come the limit for your other half to get tested? You never know it may all come back fine (although i know with my tests to date I've prayed there is something obvious - and therefore treatable - wrong) have you had any tests done?

Oh, it's not really a limit as such,more of a mental one. DH has a medical condition which causes wonky sperm in 80% of cases. We knew it might have an effect, but we didn't really realise how big a thing it was at first. So as it's been a busy summer, we decided to relax the TTC for a bit, and then if there was still no BFP, to go and speak with the GP in September

I have a 7yr old DD from a previous relationship, and no obvious issues with AF or anything. So it looks like if there is a problem it's going to be DH's sperm.

I am 99% sure there is a problem, to be honest. The condition DH has, he has all the other symptoms/issues- it would be a miracle if he was one of the 20% with unaffected sperm. In my heart, I know that I am not going to be pregnant any time soon. We have not been trying for the full year yet, however, so I hope our GP doesn't make us wait, when it's pretty obvious there are underlying issues.

It's a bit depressing to be honest. At the minute it is OK, because I can still fool myself in thinking there is a good chance DH is fine, and every month I could get just as pregnant as the next woman but realistically I know it is more likely there is an issue, and when I see it in black and white, I am going to go to pieces.

What is it you are getting tested for icy- is it just the bloods you mentioned earlier? Glad the acupuncture went well- I hear great things about it.

I also hear great things about wine, which I am going to crack on with once AF inevitably shows

How do we manage? Badly mostly. We've been TTC for nearly two years now. Some months are fine; I kind of "feel" that I'm not pregnant, and manage to make peace with it before, and other months not so much. It hasn't gotten easier with time. In fact, now I'm receiving treatment (clomid), the stakes seem higher and it's even more disappointing.

The other issue is - freaking friends and acquaintances who are pregnant and have kids, and EVEN WORSE those insensitive sods (mostly single! So YAH BOO SUCKS TO YOU you can't even manage a relationship so shut up) who ask all the time why I'm not pregnant yet. Asking them why they're still single, or telling them that we're waiting until they have a significant other so they can provide free baby sitting 1. help deflects the question some what, though 2. it does make me sound like a complete bitch (the above monologue about them sucking at relationships only happens in my head though - I don't say it to their face. I'm not that mean)

DH kind of disappears every time AF arrives; he gets really upset and it breaks my heart. I get really upset for a day/a couple of days, frantically google both of our medical conditions, success rates, treatment options and so on, and periodically buy something for the baby for when it arrives. I wish it would just happen already, you know? Neither of us have a condition (me mild PCOS, him issues with morphology) that means that there's no chance. The doctors say we have a good prognosis which is partly why (that and some rather incompetent medical professionals) we're only starting on fertility treatments now. It is possible for us to have a kid naturally, it just hasn't happened.

Un mn hugs, Absy. That's one of the things that I don't like about TTC: it makes me feel a little bitter. Only with some people- I have friends/family who are pregnant at the minute and I'm delighted for them. But there are two people in particular who I am not fond of anyway, and they moan so much about their pregnancies, it does set my teeth on edge a bit.

I feel sad and achy today. I don't know why, I suppose it's because AF is due in the next few days, and I have no symptoms of anything. So that's me out this month, as I expected. My DD was talking today about how much she'd love a baby sister- she really does love babies, and is brilliant with tinies, so much patience considering she's only little herself.

Is great to read this thread and realise I am normal! Conceived in six cycles last year but then lost or baby boy at 22 weeks in November and am now waiting for my period which is due this weekend and know I am not pregnant again. Each month breaks my heart a little, I am lucky that hubby is on the same page and we are doing everything at the right time and using the clear blue ovulation tests so I just don't know why it's not working. Have made an appointment to talk to the doc, I an worried something is not working after losing or boy and the operation after to remove my placenta....

I started this thread but then forgot about it ! Sorry.

So am about 10DPO now and waiting in anticipation. Cycle 5 for #2. If it doesn't happen this month DH has agreed to me ordering some cheapy ovulation sticks - he thinks its ridiculous though.

We will see what happens.....

Wishing all good luck.

Cycle #5 is out for me now. Got AF today, over a week late so hopes were built up.

We got a bfp in cycle 2 but had early mc :(

Although I haven't been trying that long relative to some I still find it destroys my soul a little each month. Maybe because I am 37 this year and it's been my first chance to ttc (at least I have hope now).

It's tough. I am going to drink lots of wine this weekend!

I'm currently on DPO4 of cycle 19, AF should be due next Sat if it arrives. Wish I could think about something else but it's always at the bank of my m

I'm currently on DPO4 of cycle 19, AF should be due next Sat if it arrives. Wish I could think about something else but it's always at the back of my mind.

Posted that previous one by mistake stupid phone!

So sorry about your mc patience. I had a chemical a few months ago, and was surprised at how terrible I felt about it. Though I'm trying to take a positive from it, that DH and I are working to some extent

AF due any day now. Sore boobs but no symptoms of anything. Don't feel pregnant, pretty sure I'm not.

I always give up hope at about 9dpo, because I feel that I should know by then. I was reading the 'pregnancy symptoms' thread in discussion of the day, and so many women know they are pregnant before AF is even due, if not a few days after conception! So I suppose I'm expecting a radically different feeling, a bolt out of the blue that will make that month feel different.

But then, DD was unplanned and I didn't find out I was pregnant until quite a few weeks after missed AF and I don't remember feeling any different then until I started boking every half hour, six weeks in

A friend of hours nearly got slapped yesterday. He's quite socially inept at the best of times, and now he seems OBSESSED with asking us every time we see him "so when are you two having kids?" Yesterday he just wouldn't drop the topic, even after we asked him to, and then said "well [other friends] got married in December and she's pregnant. Why aren't you pregnant? It's really easy, you have sex". Well of course, that's where we were going wrong. We thought you got pregnant by jumping on pogo sticks. I'm still angry at him

I know what you mean ValerieTheVodkaFairy our DD was unplanned so I was 6 weeks along before I tested. My boobs were sore as they always are before AF due & thought that I couldn't be pg because if it was a pregnancy symptom they wouldn't have been sore so early on, I didn't think you could get symptoms for a few weeks. I had implantation bleeding but I just thought it was start if AF but I didn't get the usual heavy bleed.

I'm currently on DPO 6 I think I'm the same & I'd need something completely different to make me think I'm pregnant, although that doesn't stop me symptom spotting!

Some people are so insensitive Absy I'm not surprised he nearly got slapped!

I'm with you all. Ttc for first time and there are babies everywhere I go. I've signed off Facebook as its babies babies babies. No one tells you about this part of ttc. My body likes to play tricks on me that make me think maybe just maybe I'm pregnant. It doesn't help when my husband asks do you feel pregnant yet..he now knows not to ask that question... meanwhile I'll just spend time with my furbaby.

I take comfort in the fact that he's probably completely ignorant on this subject, otherwise he wouldn't make such a ridiculous remark. I wouldn't wish fertility issues on anyone, it's hideous, but I kind of hope he has a taste of this one day. We had had such a rough week, my period arrived and we're seeing the fertility specialist next week. We had been discussing treatment options (whether we should consider IUI or go straight to IVF, which I'm nervous about) and I had been researching what is actually involved in having IVF (including things like endometrial scratching, hormone treatments and so on) so to have some insensitive twat say it's really easy to fall pregnant seriously pissed me off.

I'm with you on that Skiingcat my body likes to play tricks on me too & then I get hit by the heavy bleed!

We've been TTC our second for 19 months & I know I'm very lucky to have DD who is almost 4. Facebook has been awful everyone who's had a first around same time as me & after me have gone on to have second & 2 pregnant with their third. If I do get pregnant I'm not announcing it on Facebook.

Two of my friends are pregnant & their firs DC's are 18 months & 2 years younger than & I'm finding it a bit hard to swallow them getting pregnant again so easily struggling!

It sounds like he is completely ignorant Absy and not worth thinking about his stupid remark - easier said than done I know!

Hope everything goes well with the fertility specialist.