How do you manage the monthly disappointment?

[Portlypenguin]

Dear people,

I have a lovely DS aged just 3 and we have been TTC#2. In 2ww of cycle 4 now. I know it is a very short time but last time we conceived ( by good luck) on cycle 1 so i am inexperienced at waiting. I have had one v early miscarriage recently (feb).

Any tips? I seem to convince myself i am pregnant every month and then am not.

All of DS' little buddies already have siblings and people keep going on about our bigger gap. It was a work/stress/mood related gap decision which was inevitably but now i feel guilty for some unknown reason and like it is my fault i am not pregnant yet.

I know we are lucky to have one child and there are many of you who have been ttc for much longer - perhaps it just gets a bit less disappointing with time.

Advice or just 'cope with it' statements welcomed!

Day 2 of AF & still feeling rubbish about it & had another cry this morning.

Can I really keep putting myself through myself through this every month! But can I not.

If i'm honest me & OH are having problems DTD. We only seem to manage once a month for a couple of months we did manage twice, and i have been using OPK's to ensure it is right time. After I had DD we didn't DTD for about 2 years & till we decided to try again. He's made it clear it does really clear he want another but it's so frustrating that we can't DTD more than a couple of times a month. It is causing arguments which in turn make things worse. I know I'm probably the only person but its just help putting it on here.

Wishing all you lovely ladies BFP'S very soon!

I meant only person to have problems with DTD.

This is my first month TTC, if it doesn't work out for us then I'm going to enjoy a fine glass of wine and also make the DH go buy me some champagne. We both enjoy that and haven't had it since the start of the month.

Also I'm going to eat lots of cheese, the ones you can't have when you are pregnant.

Can I join you ladies please? I'm on cycle 3 trying to conceive number 2. He's almost two and I'm also worrying about the age gap if this takes a long time. I'm 25 days into a 28 day cycle and have started spotting and feeling that I'm going to get my period :-(

I'm consoling myself with chocolate and wine!

For those who have had miscarriages, do take heart and keep going. It took me a year to conceive my DS1 and I had two miscarriages in that time. It was a horrid devastating time, with friends falling pregnant everywhere I turned and some very jealous feelings on my part, but he is here now and it was worth all of the stress and upset in getting him so do keep going. I read somewhere that even if you've had one or several miscarriages you are still more likely than not to have a baby eventually. I really wish you all the best in trying xx

Yes we are similar with our work shifts MrsD0nnaLyman , but I think he has a low sex drive as we just don't manage more than at the right time of the month & its usually me that instigates it. It's hard when I'm waiting in bed for him and he's just got to finish watching something on the TV first (doesn't make me feel great). Yes 2 years was a long time & was very nervous starting again after so long.

We were out this weekend at a family party DD was with my parents, we had loads to drink and surprisingly did loads of DTD - first time in months & months that we have because we want to without TTC, it was a shame that it was the wrong time of the month.

Yep I'd feel the same too if someone said that to me

Hello ladies, I wish I could respond to you all individually but I feel exactly the same when AF comes around - disappointed and sometimes angry. Why do people who don't want kids seem to get them but I don't, etc etc. Have to remember there isn't someone sitting somewhere deciding who deserves a BFP but it's all down to chance.

I've had a very early mc - AF was late, had unusual spotting followed by a period more than 48hrs later and confirmed by my GP. That was in March and had nothing happen since. TTC for 12 months now so it's getting really hard as everyone my age (23) seems to be having babies, including colleagues at work. Can't escape from it! And of course OBEM is back on tv and I'm addicted to that, thinking through how I would be and trying to imagine that moment.

Come on BFP! I know you're around the corner somewhere!

Period arrived :(

Here's hoping for next month.

Portly - remember that today is day one of your next cycle and each day is one day closer. Sorry to hear that AF has come, maybe treat yourself with an expensive bottle of wine?

I am still waiting for AF. I'm slap bang in the middle of my 36th two week wait. No matter how many times I go through this, the obsessive early testing begins about 9dpo. Don't know why I do it to myself. I also obsessively list the 'many' half-invented reasons why this month is probably The Month.

Sorry 34th, getting ahead of myself!

Few days into AF here. Again. Fed up - feels like the worst one as it marks twelve months of trying.

Four days of spotting & AF is now in full flow from 3am this morning great just what I needed!!!

I've spent most of today crying partly hormones & partly upset that yet again I've not got pregnant, you'd think after 18 months I'd be used. Can't talk to OH because he doesn't understand & ends up having a go at me, at least I can chat on here.

I've just ordered an OPK with dual hormone indicator which tells you best 4 days to conceive. I think if that doesn't do the trick then maybe it's time to give up.

I do that too Solaia list many reasons why this is the month!

I know exactly how you feel Impatienceisavirtue

Bobsy I've just ordered the clearblue fertility monitor after seeing your post and thinking about it last night. Af was here for me at the witching hour of midnight! Was a total of £120 including the sticks but it tracks everything on the screen and works it out for you. You poas when it tells you, insert it into the machine and it monitors oestrogen and lh. Also does pregnancy tests. Gives you 6 fertile days - high chance days and then tells you when you get your lh surge. You can input when you dtd and period flow.

Working it all out myself will be too time consuming and effort for me and I don't want to be obsessing. Using this machine for 5 mins a couple days a month will mean it won't be on my mind as much as doing it diy. 12 months of just dtd is enough now I want to feel in control.

Oh have you ladyboluna I looked at that & it looks great but its just a bit pricey but would get if we had the cash. AF doesn't half pick its times! I was spotting for 4 days then on a night out it arrives in full flow!

I've downloaded an App called Fertility Friend and on it I have to put all my information in & it works everything out for me so yes I'm obsessing a bit. It asks for your cycles length so I just gave it the length of my last cycle alrlthough my cycle lengths do vary from month to month so it's a good job I use the OPK as well. I've also started taking 'Trying for a baby' tablets.

I know what you mean we've been trying for 18 months & just not got anywhere so I feel I need to do as much as possible now.

Thanks Donna, we shall see...!

I bought a CBFM on eBay for about £45 and I buy sticks on there too. It is a great piece of kit but it does cost about £12 in sticks each month - great if you are actually fertile but I am beginning to require a small mortgage

I have been using FF, but I'm going to compare what CBFM says in comparison to FF and then let you guys know if its any different. I kinda hope it is to prove that CBFM was a good investment!

I'm on my 19th cycle MrsD0nnaLyman and about to ovulate - I'm going to test tonight. I've been using CB OPK with dual hormone, I'm not finding it great though (for tonight's test I'm reverting back to the normal CB OPK). Fertility Friend thinks I will ovulate tomorrow but that's working off a 31 day cycle and they are not all 31 days.

Having problems with DTD, it just makes it so hard having to do it at a certain time and OH lack of sex drive doesn't help. It's all been putting a lot of stress and pressure on us both. Fx we can manage DTD while I'm ovulating. We did once earlier this week but it was too early which was the fault of the OPK!

Good luck, hope you get your BFP

I'm onto cycle 35... I'm heartbroken again but just plodding on. Every month we edge a bit closer to IVF and our dreams.

I found dtd was really tricky after about the 18 month stage. Thankfully it has really picked up again and the last 6 months or so have been ok again. But yes there was a year in the middle with some issues. Just another way infertility can silently hurt you.

I'm smarting today from yet another round of pregnancy announcements on fb - there are at least 2 or 3 per week and each one (even friends of friends) pisses me right off. So irrational!

That AF arriving every month is heart breaking Solaia I know how that feels and I haven't been TTC for as long. How long until you can go for AF?

That's good then, I hope ours can pick up too, I've got to try not to keep mentioning it, I just feel I have to prepare him in advance but it probably doesn't help me telling him at the start of the week what days we need to DTD!

I've started to keep of FB for that reason, there has been 3 announcements recently and I just burst in to tears, 2 pregnant with second and 1 pregnant with third, their first are all younger than my DD.

I've bought a booking from Amazon called Trying to get pregnant (and succeeding). It's a very interesting read and makes a lot of sense, I just need to programme my mind.

We are on the IVF waiting list, six months in and it is supposed to start within 12 months so we are half way there! I'm pinning my hopes in that now really, I'm accepting that naturally just doesn't seem to be for us. We'll keep trying to dtd at the right times though just in case.

It can be tricky to dtd on a schedule, it definitely is not as much fun. It is like another chore to be done of an evening - feed the cat, lock the front door, dtd... We've accepted it for what it is though and both just try to enjoy it!

I have not put my life on hold. It's too short! In the early months I stopped drinking etc in the two week wait. I even decided to stop buying clothes because I would 'soon need maternity clothes' so it would be a waste. When it became apparent nothing was happening I gave up alcohol, cut back on caffeine etc, still nothing. So now I live my life completely normally and just happen to dtd at particular times each month, be on the IVF waiting list and have my heart split in two every time someone announces a pregnancy...

and to all