Don't risk sending piss by post. Get your BFP the JS way! Slip on your disco pants, pet the full moon unicorn, and get jizzy in all the right places (just not the carpet). It's Just Shaggin' Part 25!

[Redshoes56]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

The link to Part 24 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2078980-Come-one-come-all-the-Jason-Doner-Van-is-open-for-business-Don-your-disco-pants-brandish-your-rim-brush-and-get-on-it-Its-Just-Shagging-part-24-Can-we-beat-23s-BFP-hat-trick-flange-wankers?" target="_blank">here</a> 

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2100803-Just-Shagging-Grads-Thread-9-Roll-Up-Roll-Up-all-you-graduated-Viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Wasn't there someone younger than that even a Fred or two ago? Who was that?!

I always enjoy going to IKEA Zyla but wow! that's a productive day. So far my plans (it's late morning here, so I've barely done anything tbh) is to be really lazy and maybe bake a cake at the most.

Twas zenry/something but she got upduffed quickly.

Haha Babble you sound the opposite of me, I'd happily go for 2 weeks.

Hey viroids and fellow twotters! I am cd29 so beginning week of symptom spotting, hooray! Symptom spotting queen popz are you going to get your fix and spot along with us now you're upduffed?

sarcastic hooray! When are you due to test?

purple hang on in there pal, its not over til the red witch drives. Super drug for frer, cheap!

ness owwww mastitis! Didn't realise that was possible before giving birth.

gaggia turkeys!!! Amazing. I have 2 cats and a horse, they take up all my time can't imagine trying to cope with turkeys too.

zyla thanks it's one of those things I know I shouldn't be upset about first world problems but he's my pet and I will miss him. He's going to a nice home though

Had some spotting all day. I know it might not be the witch but deep down I'm sure it is

Implantation bleeding?? (sorry, old symptom spotting habits die hard!)

That's the one wil, thought it was but didn't want to offend in case I was wrong!

gaggia, turkeys and chickens?! Amazeballs! I would love that but house situation doesn't suit it. Welcome!

What's the symptoms so far Lalas?! Come on, we can help!

Ok, AF due in a week, can I start symptom spotting? Had a few gentle period type tugs, far too early to be the real deal.

Definitely upduffed!!

Either that or just a slightly dicky stomach

Oooh Zyla sounds promising!

Turkeys are so easy to care for but just massive and all pecky and flappy. Well December isn't far off .

In other news.......

I AM NEVER DTD AGAIN..... During our afternoon sex today DP had a coughing fit but carried on (missionary) and a massive lump of green phlegm dropped out of his mouth DIRECTLY into my mouth. Back of my tongue to be precise. Im sooooo grossed out I'll never get over it. Eeeeeeewwwwwwwww.

Fucking hell Gaggia - you did well not to vom straight into his mouth!! (green for vommy not jealous!!!!)

Think I would have spewed gaggia don't know how you managed not to! I'm impressed!

I gagged and did a great deal of heaving and told him to get the fucking fuck off me.

Can't even kiss him. I will love him again once his cold has gone

That is awful Gaggia. I'd be put off for life. Thanks for sharing though .

Ooh zyla and lala hope you do a double whammy this month.

Sorry about the witch Purple.

OMFG Gaggia that is grim!!!

My TTC weekend is over and done with. Just about to embark on my first ever TWOT :-) I'm not feeling very knocked up.

Sorry about your horse Lala. I think we might live in the same area - unless War Horse is showing at more than one place?

eeeewwwwwwq! now I never want to DTD again either!

fx lala zyla and pis. I am in the least eventful twot ever. no way I'm upduffed as we can't try this cycle, so just waiting for the witch now so we can get going again. didn't think I'd ever be wanting the witch to arrive again!

hope everyone had a nice sunny weekend.

I got from my dn tonight..he's a very clever 19month old to be buying flowers!

lala 11dys.... Yay....

Wow, at turkeys! I know someone with quail but otherwise no no one with birds. We have two guinea pigs (the pair of them are painfully stupid, although very lovely, who will ignore you the moment they realise you don't have food...) and a hamster. I've always fancied having chickens, though.

It's the fucking witch

Ah purple that's shite

gaggia, that is just disgusting!

Sorry purple, the hag does love to play with our minds

gaggia that's horrifically grim :( there's always doggy

Sorry purple and

at Tabby.

No symptoms - am sure I'm not upduffed this month. We dtd at the right time n all but i just don't think so! Although if I were imagining then there are some womb twinges, a boob ache, slight nausea and acne.

Ta daaa! Happy Monday all x

So, I am a week late now and have been getting bfn at three tests so far. Late last night there was a little blood when I wiped after peeing, but today nothing. Finally the start of my ERTD?