New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

[FizzyFeet]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

Yo hags, I'm baaaaack! Just about survived the hormonal mentalness that was two weeks off my HRT while away on crazy work trip. Am proper exhausted and have succumbed to lurgy right in time for feeling at the top of my game scan D day and the beginnings of our IVFness.

Unfortunately my fucking body isn't playing ball for me - either that or the nurses have missed a trick. Grrr. Scan should have shown Marie Celeste like all quiet at the OK Coral, no ovary activity, no lining, nada. Despite telling them I don't always bleed they said it would be fine. It's not. I have lining and one of my ovaries has had a reaction to coming off the HRT. So now I have to take progesterone to clear it all out which delays us getting started for 2 weeks. My donor is probably cursing me and my carefully planned holidays have gone to shit.

In the grand scheme of things it's probably inconsequential but right now I'm a tad irked. Though probably not as much as you Barking on the hen do from hell. Jeez.

Fab and Erica I'm on aspirin now and will get injectables for blood thinning too. I'm resigned to it being the best way forward even if I'd rather not take lots of drucks.

Welcome to the BESH Bothers, solidarity is exactly what you'll find here, these guys are awesome. Ha ha Bugs, luffs how we are champion quiche. Thought that was a savoury eggy pie though, no?

I'm Cherry, 35, TTC since mid 2012. Diagnosed officially barren premature ovarian failure April 2013 which was a bit of a shock to the system. About to give first round of DEIVF a shot. Married to ROCH (rock of coconut household).

Enjoy your fancy hols Rain, bring on the wine, the loving and the gin!

What a pain in the arse with the disappointing scan cherry. How does it work with the donor, do you both get put on drucks that sync your bodies up ready for transfer? At least stress of work trip is out of the way I guess?

Hi bothers, I'm vixen - quite a newb myself, but the BESH fred/quiche has proven the ideal place to rant and get some straight-talk in' advice. My history: ttc 3.5 yrs, unexplained and currently taking a break from iui to investigate possible fibroid. FC has designated 23rd as the day to have a poke around so am on the gin, rare steak and blue cheese diet til that's sorted.

Aaaarghh fucknutsbollocksyarsetitwank. Someone I used to work with who got married THREE years after me is heavily fucking pregnant. Bitch.

Vix I love that diet. It's one of my favourites. Holding onto a toe for 23rd and some answers finally. I feel ya!

Chezz ahh shit that's fucking annoying for you. Have a (sly strokey forehead and) an arm punch in sympathy. I'll not give you platitudes but I will offer the halibut of hope for that bugger of a lining to slim down. Ironically once it's slimmed down you've then got to concentrate on plumping the bastard up again. Go figure eh??

Thanks for the welcome cherry and vixen. Currently busy speed drinking red wine as not only did af arrive, but our hopes for business/house/life changing move to the country have been scuppered this week. Hereby beginning the TWPU (two week piss up)...and so the roller coaster continues - cheers!

I luff you hags! I was going to say that's a gin free statement but I've actually had 2 already and almost forgot.

I know I'm not supposed to luff you but I do, including you Bother, I luffed you from the moment you called the cat a stripey bastard.

I was served by a woman today who spent the entire time telling her (also heavily pregnant colleague) how easily she always gets pregnant and how she usually doesn't even realise til she's 5 months gone. Do you job, stop pissing me off! Urgggh!

Much luff and sardines of solidarity to you all, I'm swamped with work then off on hols so may not be around much but will check in when I can

Vix my donor is probs cursing me right now! Another two weeks of hot flushes and hormonal hell for her. Oh yeah I feel bad. But we have to be in sync for egg collection and transfer so what can you do.

That's shit for you Bothers and Fab, enjoy the good stuff while you can to drown the sorrows. Totally luffing the gin fuelled Blue, let's see more of that badger please sir, you're a cute drunk my luffly. totes respect on a school night dude

I'm being boring and good, back on the gluten, caffeine, alcohol free wagon, eating well, getting lots of vits wagon to help the old bod do it's best with this shizzle. Dull but necessary... Where DID I leave my energy...

Usually don't realise I'm pregnant until 5 months gone?! I usually don't notice I'm drunk until I'm 5 gins in!! If only it was that easy...

Thanks Fab for the toe hold and bad luck Bothers on the moving set back.

Oh, and wow Chezz, complete respect to both you and your donor. It will be worth it in the end.

Oh Chez what a pain in the arse! We are all here holding your toe, though!

Blue you are brilliant, brilliant gin lady!! Wish we could have a few together in real life but alas, I assume you are not passing by Eastern Africa one of these days...?

I got up in a really weepy mood today, hags. I just want a baby so badly and it's been three fucking years and it seems that it will never happen. Mr Erica, who tends to be so positive he borders being annoying sometimes, is losing hope. I can tell. I am so sad, and so fed up with being sad and anxious and frustrated.

GRRRRRRRRRRR! May have a few gins tonight myself, fuck it.

Thanks Bugs - The bit about the Virgin Mary made me laugh :)

You know, my gyno told me exactly the same thing about my chances being good etc . He's always telling me to be positive and patient and that we'll make it work. Bloody Pollyanna he's sometimes (joking, he's awesome).

Good gynos/fertily specialists are worth their weight in gold.

Ah Blue - Luff you too...luff Pinot Noir, luff chilli heatwave doritos, luffed Norman's 'Pieful Tower' on the bake-off last night....do NOT luff Thursday morning hangover or slightly dronk and pointless argument with Mr Frogs Legs last night.

Cherry am going to try and take a leaf out of your healthy book and lay off the booze and crap food on a more consistent basis...am good at the exercising but luff food and booze soooo much. Always say it's a good job I'm not lazy as well as greedy coz I'd be the size of a house!

Happy Thursday all. x

This place is warm'n'fuzzy central! Blue you lush - so proud of your weeknight boozing (and you Bothers).

Erica I haven't had one of those wobbles for a month or two, I hate it when they creep up on you (thinking I'm overdue one). Bugs (as usual) gives some excellent reassurance there - science will more than likely win you that baybee if you can just manage the not knowing in between.

chez sorry to hear you've hit a minor pothole en route to diffage - toe hold till your lining plays ball.

How's this for some ridiculous woo-age; went to see the awesome Kate Bush last night (she's so fucking crazy, I really luff her), and during Cloudbusting when she sings "I just know that something good is gonna happen ... just saying it could even make it happen" I was inspired - while everyone around me was singing away - to proclaim out loud 'I WILL have a baby!'. I then got a bit teary and had to avoid eye contact with everyone around me (apart from the teary man next to me who'd been crying basically the whole way through the gig!). Yes, I am a weirdo.
Still, she didn't have her son till she was 40, and she truly doesn't give a fuck about what anyone thinks so I am choosing to make her honorary BESH and believing that my odd little proclamation will somehow transmute into getting diffed.

Sorry to hear you're having a down day Erica but hurrah for the appearance of the Virgin Mary story! Warms the old cockles on an autumnal evening that does.

If biblical proclamations work then there's totes no reason why a bit of Kate Bush affirmation shouldn't do any harm either Rain. Luffing the woo conviction, get it out there girl and get it off your chest. We WILL all win our baybees, diffage potholes or non.

Bothers I was always the same 'til my endocrine system crashed out on me last year big stylee. I saw a mad scary nutritionist lady who put me on a hardcore diet to help it all level out again. I learnt what a massive influence that diet can have on well being and it's massively changed the way I eat now. I don't stick to it religiously but it is a bit of a security blanket now and it really helps the old energy levels. So, here's to the greens and the whole foods. Parp.

bugs just Wow! Enjoy mat leave
cherry all the being good will be worth it .
blue oh to have sailed through in bliss only to realise you're 5 months pg .
Erica hope your day improved
bothers Ooo, pinot noir, a particular favourite
rain my woo book is all for positive affirmations said out loud, 'this the way forward.

This not teaching lark has its upsides. DCW (a teacher) worked until late, came home and then worked some more. He's grumpy because he's going to have to work this weekend. I left work at 5, met some mates for a bike ride and got back home at 8.45, just in time to eat the dinner DCW had left in the oven and head to the pub for a couple of gins . Never would have happened on a school night in my last 13 years of teaching.

Just dropping in off my hols to say thanks for the warm fuzziness, awesome BESH attitude, biblical proclamations, woo positivity and Kate Bush love.

You know what, I do genuinely believe that it will happen... We just don't know when. Cloudbusting is a particular fave of mine and I'm a bit jel of Rain. I would've done the exact same thing. Fuck it- concerts and art and shit and meant to move you. If you aren't moved by it occasionally then you are either a stony hearted cow or the art/performance/whatever was basically crap.

Bugs hope your last day at work went well and you managed not to cry.

Erica I've been there many a time and it's the worst. The absolute worst is when your normally positive OH gets just as down about it too. I'm sending you a special eel of encouragement, lap pal. Glad you have a good gyno- try to believe him.

Right, enough with all that. Making me feel a bit spewy now

Oh and how rude of me not to introduce myself to the newbs

I'm Fankle. 35, ttc since sept 2011 with one miscarriage in Jan 2012. 2012 and 2013 were very sad years not understanding why we were failing to get diffed every month. Had lots of tests, 3 months of clomid and felt like it would never happen. Joined the BESH at start of this year (where it's ok to be bitter and evil), had a laparoscopy which revealed mild endo, went back on clomid and geared up for starting iui. Well, I only got diffed in April (total fluke as we'd shagged twice that week either side of working away). Found out in may, 2 days after my first appointment at the acu to discuss starting iui. Am nearing 23 weeks and still in shock. Admittedly, I feel a bit awkward about staying with the BESH as don't want to come across as a smug differ. Feel especially bad about Erica who had pretty much the same experience as me but then miscarried. So much fucking shit has happened to the BESH this year it's really about time there were a few more moving on to join the PESH (where it's just Bugs, Cunty and me at the moment). We need some company!!!

Dear BESH
I would like to submit my BESHtionnaire, as follows:

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   Obviously. It's in the name.

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Technically both – the Boy Wonder is both four years younger than me and in possession of a lot more money.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.
   I've evidently been getting this one wrong. Any suggestions?

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.
   a), and kick 'em in the shins while I'm there

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.
   b). I am a dutiful lurker and know this one.

6. Number of pets?
   One (evil, misandrist) cat

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   Paul Hollywood YES I KNOW he's a terrible human being.

8. Lesbian crush?
   Dunno. Mila Kunis?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks
   Erm. What, this week?

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above
    Both. Everything. Hate.

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!
    a). I've definitely been trying for a lot more than one year.

Me, briefly: 34, married to BW (Boy Wonder – 30) for seven years. Came off Cerazette in November 2011: two miscarriages since then (one mmc in September 2012 at 13 weeks, one at 8 weeks confirmed last week) Currently regrouping for a couple of months of no-intervention sex and if nothing by Christmas, time for medical intervention. I am dealing with my problems with black humour, swearing and alcohol.

I am currently sat on the sofa "working from home"/recovering from Failed Pregnancy 2's final scan yesterday. Subjected to low level incompetency – somehow the scan technician, who showed me a successfully cleared ("it looks LOVELY!") uterus and confirmed that I was DEFINITELY NOT going to need another bloody (ha) ERPC, managed to write "missed miscarriage" on her reports. This resulted in me being profoundly patronised by the nurse I saw afterwards who KEPT trying to explain that "my body hadn't understood what was happening yet" in the face of me explaining that something must have been miscommunicated. Seriously, everybody involved is fully aware of this miscarriage. What with the bleeding and so forth.

Then she left me alone in an exam room to go and talk to the doctor, and another nurse wandered in and discovered that there was no record of my presence on the computer, no paperwork/notes to be seen, nobody else appeared to know who I was or why I was there, and obviously I had not registered the first nurse's name in the slightest so had nobody to refer her to. Fortunately first nurse returned before Nurse 2 came to the conclusion that I was clearly a lunatic who had wandered in off the street, so I was not removed from the premises by security (not that I was threatened with it, but I was beginning to worry that it was going to move in that direction...)

Anyway, I successfully managed to communicate NO ERPC REQUIRED THANK YOU, the bleeding has stopped, and I had a nice glass of wine and some pate for dinner yesterday. Hooray! On we go again. I am currently repeating to myself how you are much more fertile after a miscarriage, you know, so obviously I will be pregnant again in five minutes. Obviously.

Rain that gig sounds amazing! Inspiration.com!

Bugs Hope your last day goes well! I would be emotionally wreck too!

Fankle My lap pal! Don't feel bad! Please keep popping by, we'll miss you otherwise Have a great holiday, lots hag-like hugs going your way, lady!

Welcome Vesper and sorry to hear about your mcs. I miscarried for the third time three months ago. We've had a lot of drama (two failed IUIs, then discovering I had asymptomatic endometriosis etc) but we are also trying semi-naturally until Christmas or so (I am taking Femara) and reassessing if I'm not preggers by then. Next step will probably be IVF.

I also keep telling myself about post mc increased fertility! Fingers crossed!

Urrgh, I typed big reply and it's gone!

So in summary, I luff the PESH too! Maternity leave and babies are genuinely ace when they come from
a BESH so don't feel the need to be shy here. How is cunty?

Vesper - sorry to hear the shit, you sound like a true BESH to me.

I'd write more but I'm premenstral and actually want to throw the phone against the wall for deleting original message so id better go get gin

Glad you're enjoying your new found freedom Barking, congrats Bugs, you're on fucking maternity leave, how did that happen?!

Fankle we're tryyying... I'm out for the September cluster diff but rooting for those on the post MC fertility high.

Hey up, more fresh meat... Vesp, sorry to hear about your miscarriages and the accompanying shizzle you've had to got through. Anyone who uses black humour, swearing and gin as a coping mechanism is good by me.

In other news I am snappy as hell on norethisterone. Poor ROCH. Last day tomorrow thank god now come the fuck on lining.

I've forgone the gin for some antioxidants red wine tonight. And used it to wash down a beautiful rare steak. Even my experimental rhubarb puddings hit the spot so I am basking in my own culinary glory. Cheers hags.

bugs maternity leave already! Hope your last day was good and now you get a bit of well earned rest before buglet makes their appearance!

fucking hormones! The one thing I always really crave when they strike is a really hot bath, but I can't ever bring myself to do it cos of the stupid bloody 'what if' every month.

barking sounds like a great changeabout in work/life balance for you - can only be a good thing!

fank we need the PESH to keep stopping by, you guys are our motivation! Tell cunty to get her arse over here and tell us how she's doing!

Hello viper - I feel like I recognise your name. Were you on the ttc after mc thread a while back? Sorry you've had such a crappy time, but welcome in. Despite your weird Paul Hollywood leanings!

I'm off to Mauritius tomorrow hags, so I will be off the grid for about 10 days. I'd say I'll miss you but hopefully I'll be too busy having fun for that - is rum an acceptable substitute for gin?