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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

conception over 40

53 replies

clairerich · 15/08/2006 19:08

i had my first child at 40 and have been trying to have a second. i am now 43, i have had three miscarriages in the last 2 years. does anyone know anything about the rate of success of second or third pregnancies at such a late age. idont know anyone who has two children, who were both born over the age of 40. not sure whether to to persue second child, if the chances of success are very low. as a succession of miscarriages is very hard work. anyone out there know anything. thank you

OP posts:
nicnack2 · 15/08/2006 19:13

i do not have any personal experience but i know that Patricia Hodge (actress) had two boys in her 40s HTH

iota · 15/08/2006 19:17

there are lots of older mothers on this site, myself included - you might like to try searching the archives

FWIW I had mine at 40 and 42, had a miscarriage at 39 but no problems between ds1 and ds2.

Have to say though that I do know a few mums who had problems conceiving after the first one - I think there's something called secondary infertility or something similar

iota · 15/08/2006 19:18

some info here

evansg01 · 15/08/2006 21:52

Hi Clairerich

I'm in the same boat. I'm 43 and have had one miscarriage and no children. Hopefull I've done the link correctly to an excellent paper on women over 40 and IVF results. I'm afraid from my other research, your 44th birthday is the limit for trying to get pregnant using your own eggs. After that the miscarriage rate rises from 50 to 75% and you must be devasted after 3 miscarriages.
I'm trying superovulation with IUI/IVF for a couple of cycles. I'm 44 in January and if not sccessful will probbaly go down the donor egg route. My husband is 12 years younger and I really want us to have 'his' children.
Link One last chance for pregnancy

wishing1 · 23/08/2006 18:50

clairerich:
I am 38 just turned 38 and am trying for #4 but 13 years of being on the pill and now went off in May, no success yet. I work in the hospital and talk to patients all day. I had a patient yesterday who asked me why I looked so sad, there was a baby in the hallway, I said I would love to have another, we started talking about age and fertility, she said she was 40 with the first 42 with the second and 45 with the 3rd one! They are all healthy So there is hope and I know it's hard, if I could buy stock in EPT I would be filthy rich from taking those stupid tests, It's soooo heartbreaking seeing only ONE line, it just changes my mood for days It's terrible because once you start trying, it's so hard not to obsess Good luck and I wish you the best. I have to go for my 3rd day bloodwork this next cycle, hope it goes well.

tissey · 23/08/2006 20:01

Hi, to all out there, I have 2 ddd 26 and 24 and a 4yr old dds, had 4yr old at 41 second husband 12 yrs younger so thought we should get sraight on with it. feel fairly easily, but I am now 46 and think I may be again Af due in a week but feeling a bit strange, feel I am to old and worried about all the things that could go wrong, but also a little excited. not due for another 4-6 days as I only have a 24-26 day cycle, but I have been having mild to strong period like pains forever, it feels like the longest month of my life, any advise please.

tissey · 23/08/2006 20:02

sorry i mean fell pg fairly easily

wishing1 · 23/08/2006 21:28

tissy sp
I would say if your 46 and pg again, great job, good luck to you and who cares how old you are. My cousin had 6 kids "all at home" :O she was 45 when she had her last one and she started quite late with them. I'm 38 and hoping there will be a chance for another one for me, I'm scared, I don't want the disappointment of not being able to have another
Good luck to you!

aviatrix · 23/08/2006 22:07

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aviatrix · 23/08/2006 22:07

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KristinaM · 23/08/2006 22:18

I had one at 42 and another at 43. First one conceived on 2nd month of TTC , 2nd one conceived while Bf the first . So yes it does happen!

aviatrix · 24/08/2006 06:32

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tissey · 24/08/2006 06:36

thanks for all the positive messages, I had dds at home which was brilliant, not sure if they would let me again though I would actually be 47 by the time this one was due thats if I am pg ofcourse. hope all goes well for you "wishing1"38 seems so young to me lol.

tissey · 24/08/2006 06:42

thanks for that although I wouldnt plan to be pg if I am then grt, I had first ddd at 20 she is now 26 and has 3 little ones of her own, i think having a younger hubby helps he is brilliant with dds and would be again.

Gelfling · 25/08/2006 11:19

Hello everyone. Warning - self indulgent moan coming up. Please feel free to ignore or tell me to pull myself together
I had my dd at age 33 after 6 years of ttc.I started ttc again straight away after birth of dd. I'm now 40 and on verge of giving up hope. Had a mc in 2004, ovarian cyst removal in 2005 (they also did lap and dye at same time), diagnosis of endometriosis, and to top it all since having dd my cycles have been rather erratic. They ted to be between 25 - 35 days on the whole but have varied from 10 - 40 days. I'm on cd 30 and foolishly did an hpt today - bfn, no surprise there, but has made me feel so down. I'm on my 4th month of a six month supply of clomid and am seriously considering not bothering with the last 2 months supply, but instead applying to adopt. Did look into it last year but unable to take it any further while on fertility treatmant. So am thinking that maybe that is the way forward and should give up on ttc. It's so demoralising/depressing after ttc for all this time. You can't forget about it at all especially with having to take folic acid every day(Dread to think how much I've spent over the last 13 years on supplements and hpt's).I've always wanted a big family and feel that it's all slipping away now.
Sorry for the lengthy posting but feeling so fed up by it all. My own stupid fault for doing that hpt, I know I should leave well alone but you know what it's like - as long as there is one left it calls out every time I go to the loo.
Right.Enough maudlin self pity.Pull yourself together girl.
Do feel blessed to have dd and have been with dh 20 years next May.
Right, moan over. MN is great, feel better just for getting it all out.
Luck and hugs to everyone.

3catstoo · 25/08/2006 16:44

Clairich, I have 4 close friends that have had all of their children when they were over 40. One of them tried for 18 mths before getting number 2 and has just had her 3rd. Number 3 was not planned and was a complete miracle as they had unprotected sex once and thought it would be impossible after trying so hard for the 2nd.

Out of my other friends 2 of them had 2 babies in their forties and the other had 3.

I think it took a bit longer than usual but not too long. The only thing they have all said is that it pregnancy really takes it's toll when you are older.
I'm 31 and have 3 children. I'm not sure if I would have felt any more tired if I were 40. I was tired at 25 when I had my first. I guess it depends on each individual.

Hope you get what you want soon.

KristinaM · 25/08/2006 23:58

gelfling - sorry you are having such a tough time. Please please dont give up - I knwo its really hard but honestly, its much much harder to adopt. It will take at least 2 years and you wont get a baby of a few weeks or months old. Adopting a "baby" in the Uk means a child of up to 2 years old. Some areas will not allow you to adopt an under 2 as you are over 40.

You need to be really REALLY sure that adoption is what you & your Dp want & you have completely exhausted all the other options for you.

Please keep going with your clomid. Otherwise you will always think "what if....."

Nicola63 · 26/08/2006 09:10

It's nice to hear good stories about over 40's. I've just turned 43, have had 2 m/c's in the past 18 months (no cause found) and have no children. Am now under fertility clinic and probably will try IUI in a month or two. My DH (7 years younger and has 2 children) is rather concrened about my age and how old I would be as a child is growing up, and we have had some disagreements about this, but he has agreed we can try for a while more. We have a few problems between us (I had some intrauterine adhesions, he seems now to have a low sperm count despite having impregnated me twice), so things are rather difficult at the moment. I want a baby desperately.

Gelfling · 26/08/2006 22:14

KristinaM - Don't worry,this isn't a spur of the moment decision,DH and I have been discussing adoption for a year now. I spoke to a social worker last Aug who said that in this area the approval process takes between 8 months and a year. He sent us all the relevant info and we discussed what sort of age range we should consider.He was very helpful and keen to have a face to face meeting.The only proviso is that they would want a 2year gap between dd and the adopted child.DD was 5 at the time so we would have been considered for a child of up to 3 years.We would not be looking to adopt a baby to be honest, more so a child of between 2 and 5. The only reason we did not take it any further was that I had an appt with the fertility clinic a few months later, and we wanted to see what would happen - I was given 6 months supply of clomid. You can't begin the adoption approval process whilst on fertility treatment, which makes sense as they want to know you are 100 percent focused on adoption and have laid to rest any issues regarding ttc.
Actually I'm feeling a lot more positive today and will probably finish the clomid first.
Hugs

KristinaM · 26/08/2006 22:22

I'm glad to hear you are feeling more positive. As you say, you need to have finished all teh fertility treatment first, so you will want to feel you have given it your best shot.

I am not trying to put you off adoption, just to be relaistic. Remember you need to add on the waiting time before you can start the approval process, attending groups ect, waiting to be allocated a SW, then getting approved, then waiting to be matched with a child.Especially if you are going for an older child.

I guess I am just trying to encourage you to go on TTc until you are absolutely sure you cant go on anymore. Adoption is really really hard for everyone concerned.

Good luck

bogwobbit · 26/08/2006 22:37

Claire, I 'know' (from another parenting site I visit) two women who have just had babies. One is 47 and has just had her second baby after a number of miscarriages - her story has recently been in Mother and Baby magazine (August or September issue) and another has had her 7th at the age of 43. Both babies are perfectly heatlhy.
Hope this helps.

Gelfling · 26/08/2006 22:37

You sound like you have experience of the adoption process ?
The social worker I spoke to was the head one at the adoption dept and he seemed to think that from beginning to end it would be up to a year. We live in a rural area and I already know the Social Worker that covers our area. But as you say it's not a decision to be taken lightly.
Thanks for your encouragement, but am feeling that I'm not exactly the most fertile of people. 13 years of ttc, 1dd and 1mc is not a great track record, and the endometriosis doesn't exactly help. Ah well, will give the clomid it's chance, and then make some decisions.
Hugs

Gelfling · 26/08/2006 22:44

Sorry that last post was to KristinaM.
And Clairerich, so sorry for hijacking your thread.

curlew · 26/08/2006 23:27

I had a miscarriage at 37, dd at 39, another miscarriage at 42 and ds at 44. I really think that (so far) there are no disadvantages to being an older mother. I was tired - but I was tired when I was a high flying civil servant too! And my current "job" is hugely more satisfying and rewarding. Don't give up - and good luck to all the "older" people trying

emismum · 27/08/2006 10:08

Hello older ladies, I too had my first baby at 43 and then lost a baby several months later at 12 weeks. I felt very low after the MC but am encouraged by all your stories and so hubby and I have decided to TTC at the next opportunity. I'll be approaching 45 by the time the baby arrives if we conceive in the next few months. I was very tired during the later months of my first pregnancy and really sick for most of it, but the joy of having a lovely little girl to cuddle and love is great. So carry on trying as long as you can stand it, you may get lucky !!!