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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

conception over 40

53 replies

clairerich · 15/08/2006 19:08

i had my first child at 40 and have been trying to have a second. i am now 43, i have had three miscarriages in the last 2 years. does anyone know anything about the rate of success of second or third pregnancies at such a late age. idont know anyone who has two children, who were both born over the age of 40. not sure whether to to persue second child, if the chances of success are very low. as a succession of miscarriages is very hard work. anyone out there know anything. thank you

OP posts:
Nicola63 · 30/08/2006 08:15

I am pleased to report that I appear to have conceived pretty much on my 43rd birthday, while we were away on holiday! I got a bfp yesterday and am still in shock. I had pretty much resigned myself to the idea I was going to have fertility tretament and even then things were not looking good for eventually having a baby.

Having had 2 m/c's I am very anxious at the moment and am trying to take each day as it comes. Keep fingers crossed for me!

evansg01 · 31/08/2006 22:46

Nichola63 - WELL DONE. Hearing about older women conceiving does cheer me up. I've started my superovulation treatment and hope to do IUI in about 10 days. I'm keeping everything crossed that this pregnancy is successful

MickyC · 27/01/2007 21:48

Hi, I have been trying for a baby for 13 months and I am nearly 41 years old. My partner and i have had tests and all seems well. is there any over forties that have been trying like me and got pregnant. how long does it usually take if your over 40. and do you have any tips on conception, what can i do to help it along. I have an 18 year old and a 16 year old, but this is my second marraige and we would love achild of our own. Can anyone cheer me up with some good helpful advice, i could do with a friendly chat.

time4me · 01/02/2007 21:22

My friend had her first child at 17,married the bloke ( still married and in love ),one at 45 and one at ....wait for it...49!
Conceived naturally and totally healthy.
She looks amazing.Her husband is a chain smoker by the way.I think this is going to happen more and more.She went to tell her 48 year old friend that she was pregnant and her friend said Amazing-I AM TOO!
She had a healthy little girl and my friend a little boy.I dont think there is a specific reason,my friend said she was trying for years when much younger ( 20s ) and nothing happened.Its just luck and timing.Im not endorsing the fact her husband smoked-very unwise.Just the fact that you can do things totally right and nothing happens and then this happens out of the blue.I think it will happen much more because we are all living longer and are healthier.Good Luck,go for it,you can be old at 30 and be like a teenager at 50.

mozhe · 01/02/2007 21:42

Sadly fertility declines rapidly after 35....however there are plenty of exceptions to the rule...I had all my children after I was 37, and am now pregnant for the 5th time at nearly 44. I took a huge gamble,( some would say...), and purposefully delayed having my family because I was climbing the greasy pole of my medical career.My mother had nine children and conceived very easily, also fairly late in life.....in your case see your GP sooner rather than later if you are still not pregnant at 43. Good luck !

lfm · 02/02/2007 10:05

Hi, I had miscarriages at 33 and 35 before having DS1 at 36, DS2 at 38, DS3 at 39 and am now pregnant at 41 - baby will be born when I am 42. We thought it might take us a while to conceive this time round but we were really lucky and it happened the first month. I think its one of these things - being older I know loads of people who are older parents - late 30s early 40s. I am aware though that miscarriage rate increases and problems can increase so am keeping fingers crossed that everything will turn out OK.

Nicola63 · 02/02/2007 14:48

It's a long time since I was on mumsnet as i could not face it. The pregnancy I mentioned on this thread last year ended up exactly the same as the previous two, with a m/c at about 7 weeks. I then decided, together with DH, not to think at all about anything to do with ttc for at least 4 months and then to re-evaluate. That has been a relief and I have been able to get on with and focus on other aspects of my life (like my teenage stepdaughter coming to live with us).

But now the 4 months have passed (I told myself "I won't think about this till February", and now here we are) and I am starting to have sleepless nights. I don't know if I can face a fourth m/c (or if DH can, or if the ensuing emotional turmoil in the household would be fair on my stepdaughter either), but still it is hard to decide to give up completely.

I was thinking of going to see Leslie Regan. I don't know if this will make any difference, though, I was already on aspirin and heparin in the last pg, and have had every test under the sun, nothing ever found (the chromosomes were completely normal in the last baby too). I don't imagine there is much anyone can actually DO, but I suppose I would like a real expert opinion (my obstetrician is great but is not a m/c expert).

Sorry for just babbling on. I'm really unsure what to do next.

jeddah · 03/02/2007 12:06

girls hope you dont mind me joining you on this thread?

Nicola63....high honey I remember you form a couple of years ago.

I am 43 years old and I have had 3 miscarriages all within a year! My last one got to 9 weeks...our baby had a heartbeat at every weekly scan and then it just died...tests showed a chromosonal problem. All our other million amd one tests are normal!

Our fertility consultant refuses IVF cos of my misscarriage and insists that our problem is that my eggs are too old.(i do not smoke, I take regular exercise, I eat organic, I am taking suppliments)

He said our only hope is to keep trying and HOPE! he would consider a donor egg BUT WHERE DO WE GET ONE FROM????????? he says there is no national bank.

The other thing is my FSH last year was 8 now a year later it is 10.2 (he also says this is because of my age)

He gave us the impressed that we are basically stuffed! and I am now too old and the likelyhood of pregnancy is 0%

I just feel totally hopeless.

Bienchen · 03/02/2007 13:22

Jeddah - please do not despair. I conveiced at 41, am 42 now and LO will be born later this month. Yes, the stats show a big decrease in fertility but it is not impossible. I had changed my workload and gone to part-time work to have more time with DS (12) and for myself last May (wanted to do a bit of studying), then unexpectedly fell pregnant early June 06!

I think maybe it helps if you sort of "give up" on getting pregnant and be really relaxed and see what happens. Could you and OH just give yourselves a break for six months and just to couple stuff and let nature takes its course?

jeddah · 03/02/2007 13:35

Bienchen thanks so much for advice. You are very right!.... it is just so hard when everyone keeps telling you that you are too old...its like every month that passes is like a year!....so the thought of giving it a rest for 6 months is very scarey!....

deep down in my heart I know this is a good option... just need to get there!.....Its so strange... I feel like I am grieving for my failing eggs.....I need to give myself a good talking to!

Bienchen · 03/02/2007 13:53

Jeddah - I am sure it is hard and life is a bitch. I was a single Mum for 11 years and had given up on having a "proper family"; thought it was just me and DS and we sort of got used to that and were quite happy.

Just try to see the other side - if you fell pregnant now you'd probably start to worry about mc and risk of LO having Downs and you get allocated an obstetrician who will want to monitor you all the time ...I am not trying to put you off or be smug; if you are meant to fall pg then it will happen one way or other, if you are tense/desperate you just put yourself under a lot of pressure.

Is there any way you can imagine yourself being happy without kids? Am keeping my fingers crossed for your happiness and for you being content - the rest will sort itself!

peanutbutterkid · 03/02/2007 14:03

I met a lady yesterday who tried for 16 years to get her 2nd child -- she had 2 ectopics and other problems but now has 2 boys under 3, both born after 40.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 03/02/2007 14:12

Nicola - I am so, so sorry to hear of your latest m/c. Life can really be so unfair and luck (good and bad) so unpredictable. I hope you get a good turn in your life soon, hopefully a baby.

evenhope · 03/02/2007 14:44

I am 43- almost 44- and currently 33 weeks pg. I had 2 missed m/c immediately before this pgcy- 1st in Aug 2005 at 10-11 wks then again in Feb 2006 at 7-8 wks.

After the Feb one and the second ERPC we couldn't decide whether to put ourselves through it again. The m/w we were sent to at the hospital in Feb told us it was "highly unlikely" given our age that I would conceive again. DH took that as a "you can't get pg". While we were still wondering I conceived again (unexpectedly) in June aged 43. When I went for the first scan I was convinced they would say there was nothing there but to my surprise there on the screen was a baby. The sonographer must have thought we were both nuts.

Our older children (now teens) were born while I was in my 20s and all took a long time to conceive, esp no 1 who took 18 months. There is no logic to it at all.

Nicola- good luck whatever you decide to do.

jeddah · 03/02/2007 14:51

evenhope when you fell pregnant this time were you relaxed about it and had given up trying?

nicola63 would love to chat/....how are you doing?

Bienchen......if I really tried hard I think I could.....feeling better already.....you girls don't reaslise how much this is helping me1

foxabout2pop · 03/02/2007 15:09

Claire - I'm also 43 and 36 weeks PG. I had DS at 36, DD at 39 and a MC at 42. It took a bit longer to conceive this time round but I think that was partly because I got so stressed about whether I still could. Once I relaxed and forgot about it I did conceive.

You are managing to conceive anyway, so its worth pursuing. A friend of mine also had 3 MC's between her 2nd and 3rd child.

evenhope · 03/02/2007 15:38

jeddah we weren't actually trying at all (hence the surprise) because we hadn't decided whether to try again or not after the 2 missed m/c. I'm sure that makes all the difference. Sorry if TMI but we only actually had sex twice in the 4 months btween the ERPC and the +ve pg test . Trouble is I know it's hard not to be stressed and "trying" when you are, and you feel like time is running out. Relaxing is easier said than done. We were just lucky that we were at the stage of not thinking about it when it happened.

jeddah · 03/02/2007 16:01

thanks so much girls for all your positive support!

sideways · 03/02/2007 19:24

Nicola - I remember you. So so sorry for your mc, it must have been so awful for you. we are always here if you need to chat.

Jeddah - sorry about your mcs too.

sazzybee · 03/02/2007 20:05

Hi claire

Sorry to hear about your MCs - miscarriage is so hard. I'm 43 and 35 weeks pg with my first baby. This follows a MC at 40 after conceiving without trying.

The risk of miscarriage does increase with age I know but the fact you're conceiving so easily has got to be good.

nicola63 - congratulations. I'll keep my fingers xed for you. The multiple miscarriage clinic at St Marys (under Lesley Regan) have had success with recurrent MC I know. Are you in London?

Nicola63 · 05/02/2007 15:05

I am in London, and I was in fact thinking of going to see Prof Regan. Perhaps will do something about it this week. I have been putting it all off, after 3 m/c's (the last one particularly awful, with infection afterwards, two D and C's and DH away at the time), I just have such a feeling of dread when I think about it all again. I also don't know if there is really anything that can really be done, other than try to have better luck, given that I have already had all possible tests and medical interventions.

wishing1 · 09/02/2007 15:26

Jeddah: Get a new doctor, don't give up until you find a doctor who gives you hope People with 10.2 fsh have conceived and carried to full term with healthy babies. Good luck!

jeddah · 11/02/2007 16:38

Thanks wishing1........starting mu accupuncture tomorrow!

Nicola63.......have you decided to book an appointment with the professor??????? Did you have all the tests me and my DH had??? ours all came back negative.... did yours?
Perhaps you need some more time to decide what to do......GOOD LUCK.

Nicola63 · 28/02/2007 10:04

My obstetrician has done a referral to Prof Regan and I have written to her myself as well, hope I will get an appointment soon.

I have had loads of tests, yes, all the auti-immune and clotting factors etc. Nothing abnormal found, as for you. I kept hoping there would be something, so it could be "fixed", but nothing.

meysey · 28/02/2007 16:03

just a little titbit to share with you all... at a recent appointment my consultant said the oldest patient he had had who conceived naturally was 48.... though he added that women could still be fertile at 50