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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Um hello, newbie, ttc, needing a place to talk to people :)

999 replies

Fruityb · 05/01/2014 20:23

I've been reading the site for ages but decided to sign up as need an outlet and place to talk as ttc is quite secret and it's not something I have loads of people I could talk about it with. Plus I'm quite shy and my ovaries aren't something to bring up at social gatherings!
I'm 31, came off pill in October and me and boyfriend have been ttc since. I didn't know how long it would take to get back to normal as had been on pill for eleven years. Turns out it took four weeks, and am now on third AF since coming off, so annoyingly normal in one way! I'm getting my head round all this tracking stuff but don't want it all to get clinical with the fella as it takes the fun away!
So just wanted to say hi and hopefully share in people's stories. It's not all as straightforward as I always thought, and I'm always the one that would start panicking something was wrong with me. I'm pleased I found somewhere I can just write it down if nothing else.
So, hi, and hopefully can take some good advice away.

OP posts:
weebairn · 04/02/2014 11:41

Oh hazel. I wish I could give you a big hug. This stuff is so emotional. Are you going to start using contraception again? Or are you still mid-argument and everything up in the air?

Alcohol won't necessarily stop you trying to conceive at all, I wouldn't even really think about things like that till I'd been trying a while and nothing happening. Think of all the people who get knocked up accidentally. But 9 units a night is loads and bad for your health in lots of ways so TTC is a good a reason as any to try and get a bit healthier.

Is there no chance you could make a compromise - that he can drink but not get drunk, or something like that?

Neither me or boyfriend have ever given up alcohol before I got pregnant.

Please ignore me if this comment is unhelpful. I just wonder if you are stressing yourself out unnecessarily. MOST people can get pregnant in a year just by having regular unprotected sex and I wonder if it would be less stressful to save all the ovulation-charting, lifestyle-changing info for people who are having problems.

Hazelbrowneyes · 04/02/2014 11:50

Still mid argument. I appreciate I'm probably over-reacting but it's not just about conceiving. It's life after that as well. I don't want to be stuck at home with the baby whilst he's at the pub every night.

I have no problem with him drinking generally but mid week I think 2 pints is ample. He will generally have 3 pints each night (4 last night) and at the weekend this can increase to 5/6/7 AND wine. Yet he thinks this is normal. Unfortunately we live in a small village and some of our closest friends are alcoholics. All social events revolve around drinking. I'm so fed up of it. The other week he drank 30 units in 1 night. Did it shock him? Nope.

I don't necessarily need him to give up, just cut down to the guideline limits and I want this for more reasons than just TTC - he looks old, he's losing his hair, his skin is awful and he's grumpy most of the time.

weebairn · 04/02/2014 11:55

I understand. I remember going through the same realisation when me and boyfriend were about 24. We were drinking a bottle of wine every night, usually two, and that was just on weeknights! We did a bit of an overhaul (I was better than him) and I felt loads better and lost lots of weight etc. So by the time we got to the pregnancy issue I was already only really drinking a small glass a night, which is ok I think. Boyfriend is not as well behaved, but it's not like it used to be.

It sounds like a wider issue that maybe TTC has brought to the forefront.

I can totally see why you wouldn't want him in the pub every night. It's not fair to you when pregnant and it's not possible when you've got a baby.

Hope you manage to have a decent resolution to it. Maybe now you've said your piece he'll stew on it and make more of an effort or do a bit of a detox with you - hope so anyway.

weebairn · 04/02/2014 11:57

I once made me and boyfriend keep an alcohol diary - not cut down, but be honest and write down everything we drank and then at the end of the week accurately calculate the units. That scared the shit out of us and we cut down for ages!!

Hazelbrowneyes · 04/02/2014 13:30

I hope so, wee.

I feel much calmer now so hopefully tonight we can sit down and have a proper chat.

Helen87 · 04/02/2014 13:58

Good luck Hazel Smile Smile

mrsb87 · 04/02/2014 16:17

Good luck hazel, I know what pubs in small villages are like, I used to work in one and honestly, the amount these people were drinking every night shocked me into being really careful myself.
It's something that he would probably get grief from his mates down the pub from if he was actively cutting down. Peer pressure is a big thing in those places!

Hazelbrowneyes · 04/02/2014 17:09

Yes, the alcohol consumption is shocking. He wouldn't get grief though, he'd get a "what, you're cutting down?" with a shocked face and that'd be that. One of our group never drinks and another has 2 pints then goes on to lime & soda.

Thanks both for the good luck messages, I'll update once we've had a chat.

misskgb · 04/02/2014 17:20

I think I'm out :-(

Helen87 · 04/02/2014 18:30

Oh no misskgb, I was just wondering how you were getting on. You alright or disappointed? You on cycle 3 now?

binkybunny · 04/02/2014 19:18

Hazel good luck tonight. Hope you can both come to an agreement so you don't have to stop TTC.

Oh no Misskgb! Hope you're ok too!

Lmw1985 · 04/02/2014 20:56

Hi all,

New to this lark and completely off tangent, sorry!

Has anyone else convinced themselves that there is something wrong with them?!

We've been TTC for first baby since Nov and only had two cycles. No joy yet but got it in my head it won't happen! Stupid I know! Sad

Helen87 · 04/02/2014 21:33

Hi lmw! Yep I have convinced myself of this many times now! TTC sends you crazy!! Have you been on the pill or anything? I was on for 10 years so it's even harder ttc when you have no idea what's normal for your body!

Fingers crossed for this month!!

misskgb · 04/02/2014 22:59

Yes Helen, cycle 3 so still early on. A bit disappointed but trying not to show dh too much as 1) I promised him I wouldn't get my hopes up (!) And 2) dh had a bad car accident last week. He's fine, luckily no injuries but both very thankful he's still here so thats the main thing. I had hoped it would be extra lucky if I were to get pregnant after that but hey ho. Ive missed my wine so will celebrate with a glass or 3 at the weekend & get back to dtd as soon as his back is ok to do so!! :-)

Lm60 · 04/02/2014 23:00

Helen87 was on marvellon and microgynon for 14 years. Now 28.

Are you trying for your first?

Good luck Smile

Helen87 · 05/02/2014 07:41

Lm- yeah cycle 2 of trying for my first! Body has been all over since coming off the pill in october so this is my first cycle when I'm actually hopeful because I had a lot of spotting last month etc. I'm 26 and the last pill I was on was yasmin! How have you found coming off the pill?

misskgb- I hope dh is alright. Yeah I need to make sure I'm not too disappointed if af comes because it's early days etc etc. But it ia still rubbish. Jealous of every one who get their bfps first month! Good plan about enjoying the wine, there needs to be some perks of not being preggers!Smile Smile

misskgb · 05/02/2014 08:59

so hiding my disappointment from DH didn't last long. Climbed into bed and promptly started crying!! I think it's only when AF arrives that I realise actually how much I want this. DH just says not to put too much pressure on myself. WHAT DOES HE KNOW?!?! I really felt different this month and whilst I wasn't trying to symptom spot or get my hopes up, my subconscious got the better of me!!

Helen next then.....fx for your bfp!! Smile

Hazelbrowneyes · 05/02/2014 09:11

So I had chat with DH last night. He said he's realised he's drinking too much and he's determined to cut down. He stayed in last night and didn't drink, despite there being an open bottle of wine on the side. I was DYING for a glass of it but thought that would be a tad hypocritical Wink

I suggested that if in 6 months time he was still struggling to cut down then he needs to seek help. He said no, he'd only give it 2 months before seeking help if need be. So that's a bit positive.

With regards to TTC, the ball is firmly in my court. He doesn't want to stop trying, I'm still unsure. I don't know what to do. My head says wait but my heart is telling me I've wanted this for so long, it'd be daft to give up already when it could take months, even years.

So, all positive stuff with him being determined to cut down but I'm still confused about what to do.

So sorry you're out kgb x

Helen87 · 05/02/2014 09:30

Misskgb- Aw you poor thing. I think I will be exactly the same as well to be honest. Even though in my sensible mind I'm saying I would be really lucky to get pregnant this month, in the back of my mind I'm saying I know lots of people who got pregnant really quickly, so why shouldn't I, so I think that part of my brain will make me upset if AF comes. It's just so sh*t you have to go through a whole month of trying and getting your hopes up before you can find out. I'm definitely not symptom spotting though, I think I've realised that symptoms don't really tell you too much and it adds extra stress and craziness! AF is due towards the end of next week so still a while to wait for me.

Hazel- it's good that you managed to have a chat about it and he seems to be commited to wanting to change. I think if the issue is just about him drinking affecting his sperm, then I don't see any reason why you shouldn't just keep trying. But if you're worried about getting pregnant and him still drinking and going out etc when you're pregnant, then maybe you need to see some evidence of him changing first. But like you say it might take a long time to conceive so you might regret not carrying on now. Life's so complicated isn't it!

Helen87 · 05/02/2014 09:31

Oh and yes misskgb- my DH always says don't put too much pressure on myself, life would be so much easier if they just got how hard it is for us and how easy it is to become obsessed!!

misskgb · 05/02/2014 10:41

Helen- I really want to tell DH about talking on here, but I don't want to make out I can't talk to him. We were friends for so long before we got together that we can genuinely talk about anything, but I don't want to make ttc into a really big deal for him as it's taken him a while to realise he wants children. Sooooo glad I have you ladies though otherwise I'd have had a meltdown by now!!

Hazel- why don't you not chart; date check; OV count; all that for a few months, but continue not to use protection in any form. That way you won't actively be ttc, but you're not stopping it from happening. It will release some pressure for you both and give him time to focus on cutting down/out. Could be a fair compromise?

KikiThePea · 05/02/2014 10:47

Morning everyone!

Sorry to hear about AF, misskgb. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for your bfp soon!

And to Hazel too - sorry to hear TTC is getting even more complicated than it is in the first place. I hope it all gets resolved as soon as possible.

Helen - I'm cheering you on through the tww. Fingers crossed that this is your month!

I feel like I've missed so much by not being here for a few days. I'm really glad you guys are here to talk to as well - it really helps!

Helen87 · 05/02/2014 11:02

misskgb- I ended up telling my DH about talking on here. I don't think it's saying that you can't speak to them, more it makes life easier to talk to people who are feeling the same way as you! I think you're right though, as much as it annoys me that my DH says to relax etc, it's so much better than they are like that. I think if you were both stressed out about it then it would put more pressure on you! I don't feel too stressed out at the minute, might change as AF/BFP is starting to approach though!

Hazel- I think misskgb's advice is good advice, as long as you can take the relaxed approach with it.

Kiki- welcome back!! Thanks for the wishful thinking. I keep trying to imagine how I would feel if I got my bfp next week and I really can't at all! I can't imagine what it would be like to be pregnant either. Think we spend so much time thinking about the TTC bit we forget about what happens afterwards!! Hope the sickness is easing off for you a bit.

Lm60 · 05/02/2014 11:06

Found coming off pill ok, cycles quite normal.

Fingers crossed! How about you?

craftycat89 · 05/02/2014 11:10

Hi guys,

Am all new to the site n just need a place to vent really. Its all a big secret and none of my friends are ttc so would like a bit of company if thats ok. I'm 24 ttc#1 am in cycle 5 now AF just showed up and am a bit disappointed to say the least! Ttc is definitely not all its made out to be lol

lmw - am right there with you on thinking its not going to happen and going crazy as a result too