The Elderberry Pavlovas and the eternal hope for a fresh, springy and healthy Palace of the Child! (thread 15)

[Bunnygirlie]

Here we go again.....

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 6+months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot) and def no mention of baby dust or baby dancing UGH !!! Ooooh aren’t we strict!

Oh barking. Can you refer yourself into a counselling service? It is so normal to be feeling like you are but perhaps talking to a professional will help. My friend found the counselling after her mmc sooo helpful. She struggled on for 5months before deciding to see one. Maybe its better to seek extra support now before it gets that far?
All the best today kitty
bunny glad you are getting things moving quickly. Soon your palace will be inhabited I'm sure!
feather any more news from you?
foody are you pimping today?

Morning! Break a leg kitty!

Well today I will be telling little white lies! Need to tell my manager (already told my big boss) that I need time off next week, I'm going with investigations for painful periods, it is half true innit!

bunny white lie sounds good. Will keep fingers crossed all is ok.

I have been stressing cos boobs not been as sore but poas today and it was all good, so concentrating on feeling positive to feed the bean with positive thoughts! #insane

kitty exciting about your scan! will be hitting refresh for updates!

barking so sorry, I had forgotten that you'd said that the bumped lady wasn't very nice - in this case you owe it to yourself to avoid her as long as possible, til you're feeling stronger, however long it takes. I don't think you necessarily need to be "happy" for her, if she's kind of a prickly person; it's always hard to accept when people we don't like get what we've always wanted. Your only priority right now is getting stronger; if other people are wondering why you're not around so much, then you could always use exhaustion from wedding planning as an excuse. And then exhaustion from being a newlywed. And then exhaustion from life in general. (this is the one I'm on now )

well the dildocam appt last night went fine, but be quick - there's a space empty on the Bitching Bench bc I've left it for the Sofa of Pity. Apparently I have what looks like a small polyp (although could be "a blob of mucous", how lovely) in my uterine lining, and if I don't get pg this month and is still there at next month's scan, Lovely Consultant (LC) wants to do some sort of test to verify that it's a polyp, and if it is, he suggests it be removed . Not frightened of the surgery as I've had a pretty major op in the past, but I do not have time for surgery prep/surgery/recovery - I'm terrified of "running out of time" as it is. Said it would only be an issue in that if an embryo implanted on it, I'd eventually miscarry, so obv would be best to have it removed. Have never wished for a "blob of mucous" so much in my life.

apart from that (which upset me quite a lot bc when I saw it on the screen I initially thought Holy shit I'm pregnant, he's about to say I'm pregnant, why didn't any of my tests tell me I'm pregnant, Ooh DH is going to be sooo excited can't wait to tell him - ad nauseum - then to hear it's an effing polyp (maybe). Two follicles ready and raring to go, plus one large-ish one to boot, so went ahead and did the trigger shot last night. Actually cried during DTD and haven't really stopped. Feeling majorly sorry for myself that it's all come to this, whereas DH had a relatively idyllic conception experience with his first two - with someone else.

Kitty excited to hear scan update! And I thought last Breaking Bad was awesome. First time I've cried at an ep; usually just feel numb / battered!

Sid fingers crossed for mucous (as appalling as that sounds)

Barking glad to hear you have support.

Bunny exciting to have palace prep!

Am back at work after long weekend and already wishing the week away! Good news from DH though: all overtime cancelled so he'll be home more with more energy... DTD frequency increasing imminently

Evening all,

No update from kitty? Anyone know what time her appt was?

Rant alert! Had to do a presentation today which I hate doing but was made even worse by pg lady doing one after me. I never know what to do with my hands when I'm presenting and get v nervous but pg lady could happily rest hers on the top of her bump in a reassuring manner!! Yes envious of the pg but v envious that she had somewhere to put her hands! I've lost the plot haven't I?!

Hello Berries!

I'm at home for a change - so actually have time to post. AF proper arrived yesterday, as expected, and marks the most crappy cycle ever. Anyway, it set the clock for the day 3 bloods so I'm off to get those done in the morning. I don't like blood tests and have quite an irrational fear that they will come back showing bad things ; hopefully I can get some sleep tonight.

sid sorry to hear about the mucus/polyp. FX that it goes away by next time. I can totally empathise with the feeling of it not being supposed to happen this way, and running out of time. But you are making progress.

Hi all,

kitty hope your scan went well today!

barking how are you feeling today? I agree with the earlier berries advice about considering counselling. It helped me sort my head out after a particularly traumatic operation to remove a Fallopian tube 7 years ago - didn't realise the emotional toll it was taking until I had a meltdown 6 months after and went to my gp who referred me.

sid sorry to hear about your news, and hope it's mucous and not a polyp.

yorkie you need pockets! Think Katherine Hepburn looking v cool, swanning around with her hands in her trouser pockets! It is bloody hard being around pregnant women though. I feel like everywhere I turn, someone has a glorious bump which just serves as a reminder of the lack of mine. I need to stop thinking like that though.

kuma good luck with your bloods tomorrow.

I went to the gp yesterday morning and the doc came out to talk to me in reception as I didn't have an appointment. He said to go back next Wednesday if af hasn't shown and he'll give me a blood test form. Gah. Woke up this morning, to find I was having pinky/brown cm again (only when I wiped - sorry tmi!) thought it was the start of af, but it seems to have stopped again. My ovaries have been pinching quite a bit since yesterday too, and I've been in a foul mood. I just wish af would bloody hurry up and get here so I can stop going crazy!

Dreamt I was pregnant last night. Had a little bump and was talking to a friend who is due very soon (in real life, she's v pregnant with her second in a year). Woke up and felt sad and sorry for myself. Hey, is there any room on that pity patio?

How is everyone else doing?

Ps. Re Breaking Bad finale - AMAZING.

Hello all. Sid, I'm so sorry. I know that awful feeling from other contexts if being abso bloody lutely convinced someone is about to give you good news, and then......

It's a massive crash down.

For right now, maybe just focus on the day to day, see if you can plan the next two cycles. Try not to think about that longer term, because it'll drive you mad.

I am CD10 now and v v faint line on the opk this morning, so might be about time to start trialling DH new meds tomorrow. In the meantime, catching up on The Killing whilst he is at choir practice.

He only joined last week and I think he was secretly really proud when they told him he was a bass I think it makes him feel all manly.

Ah all went well thank you guys! I literally burst into tears when I saw it and only stopped when I remembered I had a dildocam between my legs haha

sid if it still looks like its there next month you can ask for a saline scan but they cost a bit if you're private. If it is a polyp I think you'd need a hysteroscopy but again, this could cost you unless you get it on the nhs. My mate is going through the same thing, although literally meant to be starting ivf next month

Ahh kitty must've been such a happy moment, really envious over here!!

Hadn't even considered the cost factor - gulp! If I asked for it on the nhs though I can't imagine they'd be in any rush to get it done, so private might be my only real option yet another reason that it would be awesome to get pregnant this month!!!!

kitty So pleased to hear it went well!

RP LOL about your DH - my choir needs some basses under the age of 70 so I'm always pleased to hear of younger singers

sid it WILL be you soon! Surely if I can get pg (after 2 1/2 years ttc) then you all can?!

Guess it will depend what clinic you go to but they've quoted my mate £750 for the saline scan and £2k for the hysteroscopy I think. Been trying to get her on mn tbh as know she could really do with the support of you guys. Ttc would have been so much harder without you all

Glad your scan went well, Kitty.

Yorkie, you can add the 'having somewhere to rest your hands' envy to our special Berry list of 'stupid things of which we are jealous'! I still hate the stupid moon...

In my world, my temps this month have just been utterly bizarre. Very glad that it's our follow-up appointment with the FC soon even if she has no idea about anything.

kitty I would definately recommend dexter!
monk I have not pimped today - was not hpt's at post office but some bloody incense I ordered weeks ago!! Also have had more spotting today (TMI - very dark brown) so think is likely early AF. Hope its as a result of me pissing about with B6 again.
Either way if this is AF thats OV on CD18, AF on CD26 (though I know you not meant to count as AF until 'full flow') according to fertility friend AF not due till next tues as it calculates by days since OV, but my cycle put me at AF due on Friday.Will wait to see what tomorrow brings.

sid sorry to hear about your experience, but here to fx for mucus! and you never know about the NHS with it likely being a day procedure they might get you in quick!

kitty x x

Barking you prob should go see your GP, and get referal for councelling - I put it off then felt like it was too late and really regret it now, which I had had the balls to go! also you could try taking Nytol to help you sleep?? it has a sedating antihistamine in it - obvs you would need to think about where in your cycle you want to take it - would suggest you talk about it with your gp or they may give you something stronger? I am not a pill pusher, but sometimes just one or two good nights sleep can make all the difference and get your body back in a pattern too.

Now I'm kind of freaking out about it - that sort of cost would cover one round of IVF,which we'll have to pay for ourselves...am wondering if it truly needs to be removed?? I understand that it would cause a miscarriage if an embryo implanted on it, but odds are one wouldn't .... Can I ask why your friend is having hers out? Maybe a size issue or something? In a perfect scenario I'd have one out in a heartbeat but waiting or the nhs to take care of it, plus missing however many cycles of ttc in the meantime ...

Sorry about the polyp news Sid, sounds like you're in a similar boat to me with my pesky fibroid. Might be worth seeing your GP to try and get a NHS referral. When they discovered my polyp in May I had the op within 2 months although there wasn't actually a polyp there in the end but there is a fibroid. I actually called the hospital today and it looks like my op will be mid-November so the wheels are turning slowly again for me. I think these polyps/fibroids are fairly common in ladies around our age. Although it might take some time, I would try and get it sorted before IVF though. It's bloody frustrating but you want to give a potential embryo the best chance of snuggling in.

Great news on the scan kitty, does it feel a bit more real now?

Fingers crossed with the blood tests tomorrow Kuma.

Good luck with DH's new meds RP hope they do the trick.

I resorted to buying some pre-seed today. Has anyone else used it? Any top tips? . I usually get packages sent to work but didn't want to chance someone opening this one. DH not yet aware of my purchase. Day 4 of clomid here too.

Gill dont use as much pre seed as the instructions say... Especially not if you're using in secret! Less than half of what they say is what you need unless you want to be sliding out of bed also it needs 5 mins to warm up after application (again relevant if you're using it in secret)!

Thanks for the tips Merk. DH might raise an eyebrow if I suddenly slipped out of bed

Stupid question, but WTF is pre-seed?!

www.preseed.co.uk/
flop

Is it safe to click on that link or is it dodgy?

its fine!