Put on your capes and rub the Unicorn belly aka "my dear, please pour baby gravy on my egg!" - JUST SHAGGING PART 18!

[ZingWantsCake]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share and with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo;

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

The link to Part 17 is here

Happy shagging shaggers!

no grad thread link sorry, can someone else add this please?

DP wasnt in the mood :-( I told him to man up but it didnt help...

Hello spreadsheet queens and pineapple eaters! Sending virtual strength to those in the TWOT - stay away from the symptom spotting (I say this partly because I am trying to convince myself that, no, my sense of smell is not heightened and, no, it's not suspicious cramping but probably just gas).

So, you shaggers will appreciate this. Last night a woman who sings in choir with me waves wildly for my attention across the whole back row of altos, and proceeds to whisper to me mid-rehearsal: "Are you pregnant?"

Now. First of all: I am not a slim girl. But I really didn't think I looked quite that bad (considered burning my outfit when I got home). Secondly: Who the f*ck asks that?! Unless a woman is in the hospital, in labor, you don't ask her if she's pregnant. Actually, even then, you should keep your mouth shut - better safe than sorry. That was truly the definition of adding insult to injury. I think she means well but is just so socially awkward that she can't help herself. She obviously knows nothing about our struggles to conceive. Still, that should be even more reason for her to keep her mouth shut. Not her business! Mortified. I kind of both smiled and shot her the look-of-death, and mouthed back, "No." We were mid-rehearsal! I didn't know what else to do.

What is wrong with people?!

Essie do let us know how the colposcopy goes!

Oh no Red - how rude

DPs GTA has arrived - I'm holding it ransom and have sent him snapchat pics to that effect... I said he could have it after we have sex... his response....FFS!

Well played, auntie!

auntmaggie I like your style!

red oh ffs what a cow. Some people don't know just to keep theie mouths shut. Im not slim and carry most of my extra weight round my middle I'm always worried people will think I'm pregnant and say something awkward and hurtful.

essie let us know how it goes.

Cd8 here so just getting ready to get the cape on. Although things still not great between me and dp. Taking evening primrose this month until icing to try to help get some ewcm. Not sure how long it will take to work.

Maggie whats a GTA?

OMG Red, whats the flipping matter with people? Sorry you had to deal with that, was she mortified too? Or was she oblivious? But yes, the rule is definitely that you NEVER ask someone if they are up the duff, protocol is that you wait to be told!

I need some help re my Mother. I am at the stage now where I feel I should tell her whats going on cos she thinks I am being careless and wasting my fertile years by not ttc and she's convinced I will leave it too late. I can't bear to tell her we are ttc, cos she will become obsessed, but at the same time I want to put her straight when she tries to lecture me and I also want to avoid having to have the 'don't leave it much longer' convo again cos it's painful.

Red - nobody the f*ck should ask that - how rude!!

AF's due tomorrow, and I went out for lunch with DP today and ate too much greasy food. I'm now trying to convince myself that the queasiness is due to early symptoms rather than just the fact that I'm a glutton.

Essie the latest grand theft auto game... if it works I can see a theme...

Btw do you stay laid down for a while after dtd or get up? I always worry if I get up too quick all the sperm will come out...

Essie I think she was equal parts oblivious and mortified. She was mortified to be wrong and to have essentially called me fat, but oblivious to why asking me at all - nevermind in front of the alto section mid-song - was inappropriate!

I am in the same boat re: telling family. I haven't told my mom yet because I didn't want her to get her hopes up just in case (and considering the long road we are on, it was the right choice - she'd be totally upset for us). She really is wonderful when it comes to letting me live my life and would probably never bring my ticking clock up to me, but because we haven't had a conversation, she's gone and made the assumption that I have no interest in having a family. She has even told other relatives that "they're not going to have kids". Once again - what the f*ck? (That's my mantra today.)

I was planning on just telling her "Oh, P.S. we're pregnant" when it does happen. But if the diagnosis is that I need surgery or that we are going to do an IVF cycle, that's pretty significant information we should probably share with our parents. So I'll fess up, and I'll encourage you to do the same. :)

Oh my God red, that's so awful! Someone could be about to drop but I wouldn't bring it up unless they do. I'd hate to be the person asking, let alone being asked! So many women carry their weight around their middles, it's nature. Just never ask!!

Excellent idea re GTA maggie, can you hide it every o we day to get him on schedule!

I've considered when to share the challenges of TTC as well. I have maintained that I don't want kids for years, even though that changed aggggeeessss ago. MIL is keen for us to spawn in particular and even I am sad I haven't been able to do that for her. Think I've decided to maybe share at the stage I'm told there is a problem. Which, depending on the results of the tests we are currently having, could be soon!

I feel the same about my MIL, dulcet. She is sweet as pie and would never push about having grandchildren, but she and my FIL could really use something positive (my husband's brother, uncle and grandfather all passed away last year within six months of each other). Good luck with your tests. I wish I'd gone sooner, frankly.

I fecking hate this. Why is it so easy for some people? Why do some people get pregnant so easily with no health problems or anything? I have nothing to wear tomorrow that fits properly because of my stupid health issues that have caused my stomach to bloat. I am so dreading someone asking me if I'm pregnant because I think I'll lose it if they do. I wish I had a crystal ball at least then I'd know if all this is worth it or whether I should just go back on the pill.

ERTD is now 2 days late. Tested this morning. BFN. Feel sicky, but that may be the meds.

On the plus side it looks like DH will be home for a month to get him back on his proper rota!

Might use his copy of GTA as an incentive to encourage him to dtd as required. Am a bit worried he may become distracted by it thou.

dhs GTA doesn't work cos he doesn't have a bug enough hard drive in his Xbox! lmao at him right now. luckily he's not an obsessive gamer so no hiding games will help me.

sorry everyone is having a rubbish time with insensitive a holes and the general "why isn't it me". I think my brain is fed up of it all. I'm not even sure what CD I'm on which is not like me at all. too much else going on to worry about at the moment I guess.

Fingers crossed for you civic - would be good to have another celebration! (Because yes lil we are otherwise in total a-hole land).

auntie - I have been going through the same tornado of crappy thoughts. I keep trying to tell myself, everyone has their struggles, but eff that. Sometimes you just need to bitch and punch something. Here's a pillow. Go buy yourself some new things to wear that you feel good in and eff everyone else.

Thanks Red

DP isn't an obsessive gamer really he just really has been looking forward to GTA... it did the job!

Off to another day in another city - no wonder I'm so bloody tired and miserable atm.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Fingers crossed for you civic, it's gone a bit quiet on the bfp front here since the last flurry so statistically we must be due another one!?

I am doing an utterly shite job of keeping it together before my colp. Don't know why I've worked myself into a total state about this one. I'm terrified. I look like shite cos I have no make up on at work, and my eyes are puffy, but there is no way I'll get from now to the other side of the appointment without crying, so figured I'd put it on after. It's our annual company conference this afternoon too, in which I play a pretty massive part so need to get myself together and somehow tidy up before the entire company has to look at me. Appointment at 10.30.

Maggie et all. I don't frigging know why some people get up the duff so flipping easily and we don't. Quite frankly its utter bollocks. However, I am not taking it lying down (harhar), I am gonna give it my best shot, as are we all. Then when we get our bfps, we can say in our heads in your FACE fertile people. We can do it too.

Oh what a depressed bunch we are. Eventually we will all get there, one way it another.

Got told I am being moved to a pretty big project at work. Will be a pain in the arse but pretty good opportunity. Felt a little guilty as obviously trying to make babies but need to do what's right for me, yes? Reassure me! Haha.

I am four days away I think and having stabbing pains in the important areas!

Dulcet definitely go for it. Can't put life on hold etc and when you get upduff then you'll work it all out, but better to regret doing things than not doing things.

Coploscopy was ok, but my cervix is mangled, which explains the traumatic smear a few weeks ago where the nurse 'couldn't find' it. It's badly scarred after the two rounds of LLETZ I had to have to remove the bad cells, and has all but closed up apparently. So now I'm being referred to gynae to have it dialated! Joy of joys! Under general too. Boo. However, consultant said while there is usually pain associated with a pin hole cervix (yes this is an actual condition!), which I don't have, she thinks it could be affecting my chances of conceiving so she recommends I have the op. Feeling ok about it. I knew there was going to be something less than brilliant about todays appointment, but at least its progress hopefully in a positive direction.

That's what I need to hear, thanks essie! Sounds like you appointment was quite positive, even if uncomfortable and not great news. It's good to know what the problems are and have a way forward. Did they say how long until referral comes through?

essie good luck for the inspection of your vestibule, I hope things go smoothly!

red some people are just naturally insensitive! As soon as we got married people started asking and it hasn't really stopped, now thy just stare at my midriff a lot. I've not been great health wise either and it hasn't helped the questions.

Symptom spotting here, but it's probably just stress.

How long to test now aloho? Think we were similar timings and I'm due 22nd Sept.

Sounds positive essie that the ball is rolling, BFP is no time now :)

Think I'm in FW at the mo, no hint of icing on the OPKs though.

Pretty overdue a BFP aren't we?