Hello peeps!
Finally feeling string enough to get back on here.
Am having a bit of trouble catching up though, blimey you guys are chatty! All good though and there really is no support the same as what you guys give each other here.
So we had our big holiday in oz and thailand, it was amazing, but sadly much of it overshadowed by the mc end of May, with me having far too many moments of "I should be ....weeks now" and that kind of thing. I will admit I did take full advantage of being able to drink and go on a couple of speed boats etc, but you know you take the good bits where you can.
Soooo this means we are not back on with TTC, after much fretting and trauma on my part as to whether i would ever be ready to start again. Kept thinking I just don't think I am going to be able to get past what happened and worried if I will break myself (and us) completely if it were to happen again.
Seems for me though that that was keeping me stuck. making the decision to start ttc again is terrifying but i feel so much 'lighter' somehow since we first DTD unguarded a few days ago.
So already have unrealistic expectations that we will be upduffed immediately despite the fact it took us 18 months to get there last time.
Really not sure whether to go back to gp about fertility referal as was on waiting list when got pg last time - will they consider that i managed to get pg as a reason not to see us?? so confused 
and have been avoiding seeing my gp cause I have been such an emotional wreck (did think about some sort of councelling, but kind of in denial).
[barking] I am so sorry to hear your news, it is truly, truly awful. I know I an sadly not the only one on here with experience of this too, but if you want to pm me please do, about anything at all - might not be able to help, but can give it a go! massive hugs.
Also guys, I am a pain but have you had a list lately??