mid 30s thread 2 - lesley, notnow, bear, caip etc

[Caip]

Don't know if you'll all find this or not but wanted to see how you're all doing

lesley how is counselling going?
notnow how was oz? Hope you had a fab time
bear what's the latest with you?
missbrightside if you're there, how are you doing?

I'm good, have got a scan on Thursday to make sure we have a heart beat. I've been feeling nauseous quite a lot which is grotty but a good sign!
Xxx

Caip- I just caught the old thread earlier today and was wondering if anyone had started another, so thanks for doing the honours.

Can I also say massive congratulations to you?! I'm soooo pleased for you. I hope all goes well with the scan.

I'm alright. Just ticking along at the mo. I was meant to have a HSG this month but the consultants were away on the days I needed it. Yes, all of them were on holiday. Quite unbelievable. So I'm kind if waiting for next month and kind of hoping that fate has intervened to give us one last chance of a natural conception before the rocky road if assisted conception. So that's where I am - desperately hoping.

Hope everyone rlse is okay?

How was Oz, Notnow? And how are you doing Lesley?

Hi ladies

Been watching your other thread to see if anyone would use up the last space for a message before starting a new thread so glad to see this one is going and I can save this to my watch list instead! Check things regularly to see the progress everyone is making.

Caip, good luck for Thursday. The sickness is definitely a good sign albeit not much fun at the mo.

Bear, hope you manage to get lucky this month and don't need to go down the assisted conception route.

I'm having my second laparoscopy in a few weeks but with a hysteroscopy this time with the hope of it fixing my heart shaped womb before we start Ivf. They are talking about me being down regulated for three months. Any one had this for that long before?! What are the side effects of down regulation? After nearly three years of no BFP at all I am desperate to start the process ASAP and a three month down regulation isn't filling me with enthusiasm!

Oz was amazing, thanks. I'm at Hong Kong airport on my way home right now. Completely lovely holiday and a very welcome escape from real life. I'm quite excited to be in a thread title! Hope you're all well. Keeping my fingers crossed for your scan, Caip.

Notnow, hope you made it home ok.

Caip, how did your scan go last week?

Scan was great thanks Fabi. We have 1 on board which is fab - she'd had to tell a couple the week before who'd had 2 frozen embies put back in that they were having triplets!!
How is everyone doing?

Caip - that's great news, congratulations! You still feeling pretty nauseous?

Hello all! So glad the thread has continued - I had no idea how to make a new one! Congrats on the scam caip - v exciting times & hopefully you can really start to enjoy it all now?
Not great here - we did one counselling session, she suggested we write each other a letter - he didn't do his just told me he wants a divorce. He's being totally cold and shut down. I'm still in shock - after 3 miscarraiges, 3.5 rounds of ivf and relocating my life to Oz - he just wants to check out.
Apart from regular panics about wtf I'm going to do with my life, I'm just trying to take it day at a time. Flying back to Uk tmrw for a couple of weeks - can't wait.
V frustrating ab

...about your HSG bear. Hold on in there, my neighbour just got pregnant the month after her HSG after 18 months trying. I swear it seems to help somehow.
Another lap fabione? I also had heart shaped womb that they operated on last year - why do you have to have another one? Good luck - hope it goes smoothly.
notnow hope it's ok going home - I'm already dreading the end of my holiday! I've done no work this last month so hoping I can focus when I get back so I don't end up jobless and husbandless!! X

Hang in there, Lesley. I found that work was an absolute saviour - there's something very comforting about having to concentrate on something other than the general shitness of life. I'm really sorry to hear what's happening though - completely horrible for you.

Great to hear the scan went well, Caip. Long awaited and well deserved. Although that sounds weird, somehow.

Fabi, good luck with the op. It seems to be one of those things that might be rubbish or great - so many people have said that they've got pregnant in the first couple of months after an HSG. I felt pretty rough for a few days afterward so take it easy if you possibly can.

Good luck Bear. Hope it all works out without all this bollocks for you.

Oh Lesley, I'm really sorry. I hope you enjoy the couple of weeks back in the uk and can come up with a plan to start the next phase of your life (sorry, sounds corny!)

Just had a phonecall from stupid husband's mother to say that he has lost loads of weight and is missing me. It's been six months. It's too bloody late, not that I'm not missing him, however. Sadly, I haven't lost any pissing weight. He, despite what his mum says, is not answering his pissing phone to tell me when our house sale is likely to complete. I keep dreaming about him. Last night's was a very earnest conversation where he tried to tell me that the secret behind his behaviour was something terrible he did in 1960 (he wasn't born then). I woke before he could tell me what the secret was - woke up so frustrated, as though he would actually have told me had I just stayed asleep long enough.

I've stopped being (quite so) cross now! Spoke to stupid husband, house sale is ticking along nicely, went out with friend...calm again.

Glad you're feeling calmer, I know I'd be exactly the same. And I hate dreams like that!

notnow sorry to hear you're having dreams about your husband. Guess things must be constantly on your mind and must be coming out in your sub conscious. I did a course in mindfulness a while back and found it amazing for helping with stress. If you google body scan you can find exercises on you tube that are great for doing in the evening before bed which might help stop the dreams.

lesley hope you had a safe (but no doubt long trip) over to the UK and aren't too jet lagged. I remember you saying before you have heart shaped womb. When I went for initial consultation at Ivf clinic she wanted it further investigated to see if it was two completely separate wombs or if its just a septum. If a septum consultant will remove it. This is what im hoping for as it means I will be (nearly) normal and won't be at as much risk if I get pregnant. Using my work insurance so at the same time he's going to remove more endo. Has anyone ever told you that it needed to be investigated before Ivf could start? Don't know whether she's just being over cautious or whether this is what normally happens in cases like mine.

Caip hope you're ticking along nicely and the nausea has gone or at least lessened. Feeling really inspired that you're the OP back all that time ago and its finally working for you. Gives me hope that we will all get there one day xx

bear do you have new date for hsg yet?

Hello to everyone else. Xxx

I've just been round to my house to sign the sale papers and sort out who gets what from the possessions. Had a long chat with my husband. Apparently he and his girlfriend have just gone public at work. She loves him. He is reluctant to say he loves her but it's clearly not far off. She is the one he cheated with. It puts a whole new spin on the break-up and I don't really know how I feel about it - not worse, I think. Maybe love can go some way to explain if not excuse her behaviour. His behaviour is what it is. I don't think it matters much why you split up - if the person you love doesn't want to be married to you, that's bad enough no matter what the reason. It does confirm that there will be no getting back together, for sure and for certain and for ever. Next step is divorce, I guess.

Nothing in MY situation is different from yesterday but I feel weird. I thought that he would not stay single and I thought that they had unfinished business and would end up in the sack but I think I am surprised that they are now 'together'. I thought the guilt and self-loathing he evidently still feels would poison it for the two of them.

I think, I THINK, I wish them well.

I really really hope they don't have a baby.

And not to be quite so me me me, how are you all doing?

Hey notnow - sorry to hear about today's developments. (I've been lurking on this thread despite not posting for a while). It's always shitty to hear that someone you've been so close to (or even married to!) has moved on but I'm sure things won't be quite as 'perfect' for your ex as he might be implying. It sounds from what his mum said to you recently that he still has strong feelings for you even if things didn't work out between you, and I'm sure he must be feeling really guilty about splitting up with you. I'm not surprised it's weirded you out a bit today. I split up with my first husband quite a few years ago now and each time we met to sort out the practicalities I came away feeling quite mixed up emotionally. Hugs to you!!! And I'm not at all surprised you don't want him to have kids with this lady, that would be like a knife to the heart. I'm sure you've got a wonderful future ahead of you, it just takes time to readjust after a big upheaval like this but it WILL happen, I promise.
As for me, my (new) DH and I went for fertility tests a couple of months ago and then I had a HSG and hey presto I got pg first month after that, so I'm tentatively at week 6 now and counting down the days to week 12. Was v pleased to read about caip's bfp as I know you've been trying for a long while (and I feel an affinity for a fellow city-girl!)
Happy weekend all,
Yikes (previously somedaysoon)

Congratulations Yikes! That's great news and will be encouraging for Bearface too.

I don't think my (I guess) soon-to-be-ex-husband is painting anything as perfect. It doesn't matter anyway - I don't wish him to be unhappy and love is always a good thing. I just don't want our whole relationship to break down because he didn't want children and so completely let himself out the back door to infidelity, only for him to produce a child immediately - I didn't mean it like a curse on them. He says definitely not, anyway. He says she 'doesn't want anything from him' which is apparently a big advantage. I just think it's very easy to ask for nothing when you're only 30 and have a new boyfriend, whom you love, who has told you he has nothing to give. Oh well. It's her look out.

Anyway, I've taken off my wedding ring and am going to start divorce proceedings soon. Onward and upwards.

Sorry notnow, I didn't mean to cause any offence, I think my message yesterday may have been rather clumsily worded.
Hugs. xxxx

Gosh is that how I came across? I haven't taken any offence - I always enjoy your posts because they make me think. It's really good to hear that you are in this very happy place with a new (or not new but subsequent) partner and a baby on the way after going through a divorce. It's very heartening. I love the fact that people on this thread - which seemed like the unluckiest on the Internet - are now expecting their babies. Well deserved all round, I say.

I keep posting things here that I know are more appropriate for relationships or divorce/separation because I feel like this is where my online friends are (and because the people on relationships often seem a bit rabid). I keep assuming that people don't mind - I usually get one or two supportive comments and then the thread moves on, which is perfect and helps me get things off my chest without wallowing too much.

Please don't worry about offending me - I'm a placid soul and it hardly ever happens. You seem really nice, actually.

Hi notnow
You're doing amazingly, you sound so strong. I don't know what to say about your husband, I'd feel the same about not wanting them to have babies but they're probably way off even discussing that. But I think you just have to believe that you have a new life out there and try not to let what's happened stop you from finding and believing in that life.
Pls do keep posting here, I'm not going anywhere!
Yikes - congratulations, that's great news! How are you feeling? I've hit 9 wks today and have felt much better this past week, weeks 6 and 7 were pretty grotty for me.
I'm not really a city girl - I live in Maidenhead - but am in a lot for work and dinners with friends.
Lesley - are you still in the UK? I hope you're enjoying seeing everyone and are doing ok.
How are you Bear?
X

Aw, thanks notnow, you seem very nice too!! Defo post-away in this section. The different threads in the different sections all have a different 'feel' to them don't they? I've flipped from thread to thread in the past but this has been one of my favourites, particularly when I was lurking earlier in the year at a very dark point in my life. I read the whole thread from start to finish and it was like a novel which you can't put down with characters you get really attached to! Hopefully one that will have a happy ending for everyone
caip - I'm not feeling too bad, just a bit knackered. I'm glad you're feeling ok. The first few weeks can certainly get a bit grotty. I'm not really a city girl either, actually a northerner currently residing in leafy Surrey, but I like to call myself a city girl to justify the daily commute! (I currently have to sit on the floor for my train journey to waterloo, so looking forward to sporting a bump at some point when hopefully someone might offer me a seat!)

Oh bollocks. It's all just caught up with me. What a shitty, shitty situation. I'm frankly terrified of the rest of my life. My self pity knows no bounds tonight and am weeping into the pillow. It's all so fucking unfair. My whole life has been turned upside down and inside out.

Fuck fuckity fuck.

Oh notnow it is shitty and unfair and terrifying and you're bound to have melt downs. But you'll have good days which will then start to outweigh the shittiness. It's still so recent and you'll get there and there's still plenty of time for you to have a family one day.
Stay strong xx