mid 30s thread 2 - lesley, notnow, bear, caip etc

[Caip]

Don't know if you'll all find this or not but wanted to see how you're all doing

lesley how is counselling going?
notnow how was oz? Hope you had a fab time
bear what's the latest with you?
missbrightside if you're there, how are you doing?

I'm good, have got a scan on Thursday to make sure we have a heart beat. I've been feeling nauseous quite a lot which is grotty but a good sign!
Xxx

[FabiOne]

WARNING RANT COMING UP!

I am absolutely fucking fuming (sorry for the bad language but I am THAT annoyed). Went to Ivf Wales today (for the second time) to get my karyotyping results. Appt was 4pm...went in to see doc at 510. No copy of results in file (nor was he expecting me to come in for them) so he rang the lab to get them....and guess what, they finish at 5pm. I was ready to punch the guy. I am absolutely fed up with Ivf Wales. They are a joke. This is twice now, that I have gone to get these results and they've not been there. So that's two appointments that other people could've had, no wonder the waiting lists for Ivf are so long. Going to write a formal complaint, that's two half days I've had off work which have been a complete waste of time.

Right, I think I have got that out of my system now!

How is everyone? caip hope you're plodding along nicely through the pregnancy. April 16th will be here before you know it once Christmas is out of the way.

yikes hope you're not going too mad waiting for the harmony results. What date are you going back for them? I had to google harmony test as I wasn't sure what they were and the first thing that came up was a link to a mumsnet page that you're actually on from the start of the year. Really praying that results are different this time and that everything is ok xxxx

Hope everyone else is doing alright and not too fed up that the mornings are getting darker and darker and the cold weather is definitely on its way.

I'm recovering after my lap and hyst a few weeks ago and am having my first period since. OMG what a painful and heavy period! After my last lap (when it was just lap and didn't have hyst) the period wasn't too bad but this is the worst period of my life. I even considered it might be worse than the early stages of labour and was actually thinking that maybe i am too much of a wimp to actually be able to go through with labour itself! Had to leave work early yesterday and go home and lie down with a hot water bottle, it was that bad. Anyone else had this after lap and hyst? Hopefully it just means he's given me a really good clear out of endo and maybe some miracle will happen in the next few weeks where after three years of trying I will miraculously fall pregnant naturally. I almost fell off my chair laughing as I write this, it's so laughable!

Anyway, think this post is long enough so I will leave it there.

Look forward to hearing how everyone else is getting on, especially those who've not posted for a while

Take care all

Xxx

[FabiOne]

notnow apologies, just realised I missed you out. Hope you're ok about the exchange of contracts on the house. But at least you have a new house that sounds like it will be a great project to keep you busy. Sure it will be absolutely lovely once its done and will be a great feeling knowing you transformed it. Good luck with it! Xx

[YikesHereWeGo]

Hi fabi - I'm not surprised you were fuming after being messed around by the clinic like that. I often wonder how some hospitals/clinics can be so blasé about giving people their results on time and with compassion, given surely they must understand the significance of the results to people's lives. I hope you get your results soon. That lap & hyst sounds painful; I've never had that myself so can't comment on whether that's normal. Fx it has worked its magic though and that you get good news soon.

I'm 12 weeks today (yippee) but still waiting for results. Due back at the clinic for results on Thursday 24th. It can't come soon enough as DH (again) won't really talk about the pregnancy/baby until we get the all clear. We were out for dinner last night with a girl who announced her pregnancy to us and it was so hard keeping schtum. I'm not sure how I will feel if the results are bad. Numb / resigned / doomed / exhausted I guess. Less shocked than last time (where my reaction was to keep saying "f*" over and over to the sonographer) but I think I would find it very very hard to bounce back. I worked out yesterday that I have been pg for 35.5 weeks out of the last 18 months with nothing (so far) to show for it. It's just so mentally draining. Anyway, got to keep positive for another four and a half days til the results come in. Any more distraction techniques gratefully welcomed. Off to the cinema this afternoon to see the new Woody Allen film, which will waste a few hours :-)

Hope everyone else is ok?

[FabiOne]

Hey yikes hope you're managing to slowly get through the days ahead of thu. I have my fingers crossed that you'll have good news. It's so hard to distract yourself, I wish I had a magical technique but I don't I'm afraid. Have started to check out the daily mail show biz site on a daily basis but after leaving fb cos there were too many preg announcements, I feel like there are far more in the world of celebrity

Need some advice from you lovely ladies. My best friend who ill call (A) who is preg has told me about another friend (B) who is going through Ivf. She told me so I didn't feel alone rather than gossiping about her friend (B), I think. I know this girl through my friend (A) although we are not close at all. Anyway my friend(A) has told me that her friends best friend (C) has recently found out she's preg and just had her 12 week scan but wants to tell her friend (B) in person. Sorry this is very confusing and hats off to anyone who is still following!

Anyway, from my own experience with my friend (A) I know how heartbreaking and difficult it is when your best friend tells you they are preg. Was wondering, should I reach out to friend (B) once (C) has broken the news to her. If I did I would have to admit that friend (A) has told me about her situation although I'm sure she wouldn't mind too much as she is apparently quite open and honest and her Ivf journey. What do you ladies think? Should I leave well alone or could I be a help to her during a difficult time? Please feel free to be as brutally honest as possible xxxx

On another point, had anyone found that this journey has been so hard and difficult that after a while you almost become numb to the sadness and pain? I don't know whether its because we are almost at the starting treatment stage and I feel like it could actually happen or whether after three years I have used up my bank of emotions and am now in auto pilot mode. Would be good to hear after all this time how you feel generally on a day to day basis to see if I am acting normal or not!!

[Bearfacedchic]

Hello, hello, hello!

Wow - well, it's taken me a while to read back through the thread. It's so good to hear from everyone. Sorry I've been MIA, but work has been crazy and as I sometimes have to work Saturdays too, it gets very difficult to even log on to here and see what's going on, let alone find time to post.

Yikes - what an emotional journey - I was so gutted for you, but now I'm so happy! I hope the good news keeps on coming for you and that it's all going to work out.

Caip - I can't remember if I knew or not that you are pregnant - it's been that long! (It's like I've just found out again anyway - goldfish memory!) So congratulations if I haven't said it before, but that's amazing news.

Notnow - so glad you had fun in HK and Oz. I know that there are lots of weird things going on for you right now, but FWIW I think that ultimately you will end up in a much better place, even if it doesn't always feel like that right now. You will find love again and I'm certain you'll find someone who loves you exactly as you are. You sound already like you've come such a long way, despite the meltdowns. I know at times it will feel horribly unfair, but it will work out for you, I'm sure. Maybe it's a bit soon, but have you thought about going on any dates yet? Also, don't worry about posting about non-ttc stuff - I like the break and you've been here since the start, so keep on posting I say!

Fabi - I'd be pissed off with that too. Some people are so useless at their jobs that it never fails to amaze me. Some are brilliant too, but unfortunately the crap ones always seem to be on my radar!

As for your friend, Fabi - I think it depends on how the friend would feel whose trust you would have to break. I would respect that first before doing anything. If you think she wouldn't mind, then go for it, but if you're not sure then I wouldn't, as potentially you could put two people's noses out of joint and cause a rift between them too. Hope I've understood what you mean correctly.

Finally, yep - I'm quite numb to it all now. I was very upset at the start of all this malarkey and I have down moments, but I guess DH and I keep ourselves so busy that we rarely have time to feel sad. We do actively avoid going out with friends with children now or people who might ask us anything, but that's about it. We just hope each month, but not too much. I've stopped buying pregnancy tests. I push it to the back of my mind TBH.

We have our results appointment in November yes, it's taken THAT long and I had the excruciatingly painful HSG a few weeks ago. The consultant on the day told me that her initial reading of the scan was that all is normal and there's no blockages, which is great, but that means that as we thought all along it's to do with DH's sperm count and the varicocele. I'm pretty sure they'll either want to operate on DH or will put us straight in for IVF. I guess that's also why I don't think about it much, as there's nothing to be gained from thinking about it I suppose. I can't bear waiting either, so I have to pretend that I'm not waiting at all. I haven't been posting on here as much either and I've kind of been pretending to have a real life and not one that is on hold waiting for something that may never happen, or at least not naturally anyway. I'd love to get upduffed straight after the HSG too, but DH had to go away for work this week, so no chance of that. Oh and the other thing is that I try not to think about other people getting pregnant (on here is different though). If I hear someone is, I have a standard good wishes message and then I move on. I don't hang around to ask questions or discuss the ins and outs of it.

I know all this makes me sound really down, but I'm not. It's just self-preservation as otherwise I might fall apart. I'm sure you guys know how it is. I'm fine otherwise.

Hope anyone else I've missed is well. Sorry for the obscenely long post!

[Caip]

all everyone, just checking in to say hi and that I'll respond to every properly later
Fabi - I would talk to B, maybe even before she knows about C. I contacted my cousin recently who I know has done IVF but only through my mum - we're not at all close. I don't think he minded at all and I think it sometimes helps to know other people are going through it and have the same emotions. She can only tell you she's not keen to talk about it
x

[FabiOne]

Hi ladies

Thanks for the advice Bear and Caip regarding friends A B and C. All four of us were at a mutual event yesterday and I was able to talk to B afterwards about IvF as she was being open about it. We are going to stay in touch and are meeting for lunch in a couple of weeks. So all is good, no confidence needed to be broken :-)

Bear hope you're over the pain of the HSG, doesn't sound good that it was excruciating but positive that there were no blockages etc. If the variocele is dealt with surgically does this mean a natural conception is possible? Is there any other medical benefit to treating it or is Ivf the quickest best route all round?

Yikes was wondering how you got on with your results but I found you on another thread where you said all was good and the results came back fine, that's fantastic news and such a relief! Bet you're over the moon. Have you started telling people your good news now?

Hope everyone else is ok xxxx

[Bearfacedchic]

That's good Fabi. Nice to hear you can all support each other and it all worked out.

Fabi - not sure about the varicocele - got an apt next week so hopefully we'll have some answers or maybe a way forward from there.

Hope everyone else is ok.

[FabiOne]

Hi Bear

Good luck this week for your appt. hopefully you'll get some answers and know how things will be moving forward. We have our follow up appt at London womens clinic on Thursday and hoping its just a case of getting date to start treatment.

Hope everyone else is well

Fabi xx

[Bearfacedchic]

Hi Fabi- just wondering what happened with your appt? Did it go well? I hope so.

Just wanted to drop by and say we got our IVF referral. It all just needs to go through the system now. The clinic near us says it has a waiting time of 4-6 weeks so we could be getting started in the new year. Yikes!

Hope everyone else is well?

[FabiOne]

Hey bear that's great news for the new year!! Exciting stuff! Is that private or NHS?

My appt went really well. Basically said we had done everything she asked and next step was start Ivf... Told me to ring on first day of period to pay for drugs and can start injecting on day 21. Came on the next day so first injection is nov 28th....so super excited!! We were worried about fitting egg collection around my DH's work but she basically told us to tell her what week we wanted to do it and so said jan 6th and she will plan the drugs around that! Means no alcohol over Christmas but I'd gladly never drink again if it means we can have a baby. Can't wait to start injecting! Need to remind myself though that there is only a 30-40% chance of it working so that I don't get my hopes up. Anyone reading manage to get pregnant on first attempt at Ivf??

bear sounds like we will be pretty close in terms of cycles xx

[Bearfacedchic]

Fabi - that's great news! So it's all happening quite quickly then? Ours will be NHS. Hoping we can get our ball rolling as soon as. Keep in touch x

[FabiOne]

Bear yeah it's all go....finally! I just want to start now but only couple more weeks before first injection. Hopefully yours won't be too far behind. Definitely keep in touch too. Good luck! Xxx

[LesleyKnope]

Just wanted to stop by and say hi! Congrats to those who are pregnant and best of luck to those starting treatment.

My husband is totally missing in action - still no discussion on house or frozen embryos and to be honest I'm keen for things to drift as long as possible to give me more time to get my head round things.

But it's at least summer time here so a good time to hang out at the beach & drink white wine ;)

[notnowImreading]

Hi everyone, another drive-by post just to say hello to you all. Great news about the good results from your tests, Yikes - it must be such a huge relief to you. I hope you have been able to relax and enjoy being pregnant. Caip, you must be starting to get a proper bump now. It's so great that some people from this thread finally made it.

Bear and Fabi, it's good to hear that you have both cleared the decks and are beginning treatment at last. It's been a long road to get to this point! Wishing you both lots of luck.

Lesley, good to hear from you again. I hope you are doing okay most of the time. I still find that most of the time is the best I can manage, although now when I am feeling okay I feel really okay rather than half-okay, if you see what I mean. My last really low point was a couple of weeks ago and I cracked and sent my husband a long text begging for some kind of explanation from his point of view because I was floundering looking for reasons why everything had fallen apart so quickly. Anyway, he didn't answer. It may have been the best thing he could have done because it felt like a proper wake up call in a way that other things haven't, really. We sold our house in October and I have just exchanged contracts on the one I'm buying; die to complete in mid-December. I'm planning my next meltdown for when I have to move out of my parents' nice cosy house and leave the cocoon of mummy-love (take note Caip and Yikes - you'll still be parenting nearly 40 years from now!) and move in on my own to deal with all the builders etc. I'm quite positive about it but I think it will be a big shock to the system to have to put my own bins out, do my own ironing etc like a functioning adult again.

Anyway, all the best, everyone.

[Bearfacedchic]

Just wanted to drop in and say hi.

Great news Fabi. Have you started yet?

Lesley- I'm hoping your husband will come to his senese soon. Enjoy the sun and wind in the meantime though.

Notnow- you're so courageous even if you don't feel it. You're holding it together brilliantly. The days will get better for you. Make sure you go lots of social things and see family over Christmas to take your mind off it. You never know, you might meet someone too.

As for me, still waiting for the clinic to contact us. Think I'm going to make a call to them tomorrow though. Will keep you posted. Hope everyone else is well.

[Saznut]

Hi everyone. This is the first time I have ever joineda group. I feel likei know you after reading your threads and was wondering if this thread is still going and ifi could join in? I have been ttc for 2 years this month. I'm 35 and ptn is 28. Would love to know how everyone is doing now, with the run up to xmas and everyone saying is for the kids when I don't have any! Apart from cbfc I haven't tried anything else and getting fed up with others popping them out.was even offered by a 'friend' she'd be a surrogate for me! Would love to find a group to havea rant to without Being judged. How to hear from you, though I can see last entry was a while ago so you may haveall moved on by now lol. Thanks

[notnowImreading]

Hi Saznut, nice to see a new face. To be honest, we've gone a bit flat recently - we started off as the unluckiest thread ever with no pregnancies at all for a year, but then MissBrightside got lucky, followed by Caipirinhas and Yikes. Lesley and I have ended up in the enviable position of splitting up with partners who decided that the TTC struggle just wasn't for them and the last women standing are Bear and Fabi, who are about to get started after Christmas with IVF. I think most of us look in occasionally but not as often as we used to - it really does seem to go in waves when it's all kicking off and lulls when no one's really saying much. Stick us on your watch list or rant away - you might just revive us!

[notnowImreading]

PS, Bear

[Saznut]

its really nice to hear about miss brightsides success, the Old link I wad reading stopped so I didn't know. Sorry to hear you're news not now, what I can say is from reading the thread I know you have helped at least 20 people, and that's not including the lurkers, you are an inspiration and thank you because with out even realising it you have helped so much. Best of luck to the ivf ladies, that whole idea scares me sh*tless and until recently I've not even thought about it. I guess in the new year I will bring myself to get checked up. just dreading the outcome. Definitely an ostrich over here!lol.

[Caip]

Just thought I'd say hello to everyone
I'm pretty much 5 months now and luckily feeling fine. The closer I get the more real it becomes and the 20 week scan and now feeling movement have kind of made it feel like this might actually have a happy ending! I really appreciate how lucky I am too.

notnow - have you exchanged now? It's great that the next phase of your life is starting. Not what you had envisaged I know but a new adventure!
Lesley - how are you doing? Hope you're ok and get some answers soon so you can move forward.
bear - did you hear from the clinic? Fingers crossed for your treatment
fabi - how's your treatment going? Fingers crossed for you too
saznut - good to hear from a newbie but sorry you're here too!

Would love to hear how missbrightside is doing
Xx

[notnowImreading]

That's great to hear, Caip. You definitely deserve it.

I've just completed on the house but I'm not moving in for a couple of months - there's a lot of work to be done and I think I'm going to need a hard hat, a lot of nerve and every penny I've ever earned to pull it together. It smells disgusting at the moment: damp and also I think mice. I'm trying to channel my inner Sarah Beeney! Mum and dad have said I can stay on here until it's done so it takes the pressure off. I'll pop back every now and then to rant and update on progress.

Have a lovely Christmas everyone. X

[FabiOne]

Hello ladies

Sorry I have been away for a while. Hope you've all been ok.

Lesley sorry to hear still no joy from DH. But glad the weather is lovely and you'll have a warm Christmas

notnow good luck with the new house, although it is daunting, it will be great to have your own place and you can do whatever the hell you want when you want!!

Bear any news from the clinic yet?

Saznut welcome to the group! Although it sucks you find yourself here after TTC for two years. Have you had any tests yet? Don't be scared about the IVF process, it is a big step to take but anything is worth trying if it means a baby at the end of it. You're right in what you say about this thread helping people. Hopefully there's lots of lurkers out there who are benefiting from what we are writing. All lurkers are welcome to post! We need more people to share their experiences!

caip WOW 5 months already!! That's fantastic news! You planning to find out what you're having?

As for me, I am two weeks into treatment, down regging for last two weeks or so and still got another fortnight before starting stimming, egg collection first week of January (all being well). Trying not to get my hopes up of things working and just taking each day as it comes.

[Saznut]

feel a bit of a plonk this morn. Did a test when I know I have no symptoms at all and know af isn't due till Wednesday. Just thought it would be nice, but now I just feel a bit of a div. Think my new years treat will be a chat with the gp. wow I really know how to spoil myself.
Was really nice to hear fabi and caip on their journey. well done ladies. xxx

[Bearfacedchic]

Hi all, Hi Saznut- nice to meet you. Yep this definitely goes in waves on this thread as Notnow said.

No word from clinic yet for us. Ridiculously today was the first chance I had to ring and there was no answer. Going to try again tomorrow.

Good to hear you're doing well Caip- so exciting for you.

Glad you've got your house Notnow. Here's to new beginnings for you

Hi to everyone else!