Fabulous Fecund Over Forties TTC: fertile,prolific,fruitful and productive. Hand over the bfp's and hand them over now!!

[hopefulgum]

Starting the new thread for you wonderful ladies before I fly off into the sunset.

May this thread bring us the happy news we've all been waiting for.

Hi

I went to see Professor Regan today, so am reporting back in case it is
useful/of interest. She was a very straight forward no nonsense kind of
woman (empathetic rather than sympathetic IYKWIM) which is how I like my
medical professionals. She got straight to the point:
-having 2 consecutive MC is quite common, three much less so (hence the 3
MC rule for treatment)

• my miscarriages are most likely to be the result of chromosomal

abnormalities due to our age.

• my history of conceiving twice in a short space of time weighed heavily

in favour if having a another pregnancy in the future.

• AMH test is indicator of both eqq quality and quantity but is an

indicator only not an absolute.

• She absolutely understood the challenges of trying for a baby in your

forties. She was of the view that I should keep trying unless it was causing me unacceptable levels of stress/distress. (She questioned me quite heavily on my mental state/attitude which I found interesting - she referenced women who become so distressed it affects their ovulation etc)

• when I conceive again (her words - she seemed quite confident that I

would ) she will put together a treatment plan to maximise the chances of success if it's a health embryo. Such treatment could include aspirin/progesterone/steroids.

• I have to have a number of further tests (on top the 9 my GP did - which

returned normal) to rule out immune issues/sticky blood issues etc. and a transvaginal scan to examine my uterus/ovaries etc.

• there is no point In pursuing IVF if we can conceive on our own - it will

add nothing extra except cost.

I felt oddly reassured by her despite her saying that it might not happen -
she made me feel that if it could happen, she will make sure it will. I
came home (several hundred $ lighter ) to find I have been accepted for an
appointment at the NHS recurrent miscarriage clinic ......

Its such a difficult journey We face. Somehow I think it may be worse for
those with children already - you know what it is like to bring your child
into the world - for me it is still a bit conceptual. I don't know if
this will work out and if my DP and I will ever get the chance to have our
much longed for baby but we have decided if we cannot we will go for
adoption. I hope that one way or another I be someone's mum.

Xxxx

Greenlizard, thanks for this overview. This, once more convinces me as well that I have, too, checked every option I have. For me it is important that i looked under every stone. Stress seems indeed to be important in all this - my doctor also probes me about my mental state every now and then. She is by now getting it that I am kind of resigned to my fate, so not depressed, even if i hold out little hope. Can worrying about mc make us mc? i seriously hope not, otherwise there would be no success stories with mothers who have had a few mc. we worry, it is unavoidable....

it is intersting you should think it might be somehow worse for mothers who already have a child or few. Good youcan look at it this way - I find it helps to say "there are people somehow worse off than me". and good adoption is a possible solution for you. i know i would go for it if i had no kids at all. For me a child is a child and probably would even now think of adoption, but my hubby would be dead against......and maybe I would not be able to treat stepchild as I treat my own, who knows.....

green That sounds quite positive, I think! Sometimes you need someone to be really matter-of-fact, and it seems that you got that from Prof Regan. Can I ask how you got the appointment with her? I've started reading her book, and she is highly recommended by many many people. I have been wondering if she might be worth seeing... My recurrent mc clinic is fine, but I get the feeling that it's very standardised, everyone gets the same course of treatment.
I've also been wondering about immune issues, but don't know much yet... There is just so much that could be causing the mcs. Apart from the age! The problem is getting access to the specialised care.

willitbe I was so snotty yesterday that I didn't say what I intended to - to you. I have so much respect for your strength after 13 (!!) mcs. OMG. Just thinking of it makes me panick. Good luck, babes. Really keeping the fingers crossed.

Jass Thank you. Does it sound ungrateful to feel sick at the thought of going through this for four more years?! But I'm sure I'll stop if it hasn't happened in the next 12 months.
I was very young when I had my DD. She's now 21. I finished school and worked and just got on with things. Now I feel for the first time that I'm ready for this.
She is such a wonderful young lady and is 100% supportive. I asked her if it wouldn't be funny and she said the best thing ever. That I am such a wonderful mother and she would be thrilled to share me with a younger sibling (which she asked for for the better part of her childhood). But I had 'responsibilities'! :-)

Jolly Thank you. It is so much work, though.

Green Good that you feel positive. I feel so blessed that we have a different health system over here. I've had transvaginal scans everytime I go to the dr. Even for just regular visits.
I don't know if its harder for those of us who aren't childless. Last year, there were 4 women (including me) pg at work. I was the only one already a mum. When I had my mc, I thought, well, at least they can go on to be mothers. I think this was mostly a defence mechanism but it helped me.

green "She absolutely understood the challenges of trying for a baby in your forties. She was of the view that I should keep trying unless it was
causing me unacceptable levels of stress/distress. "

I am sorry not posting for such a long time.. .I am sending a collective hug to all of you.. hopeful selfishly I think it would be all a different thread if you would leave it ... But I agree ttc is exhausting.. It was for me for a much shorter time after my tfmr, I concieved just one year after losing my baby just when I was seeming to accept it wouldn't happen.. Whatever will happen with this pregnancy I think it will be my last one.. As I found everything very stressful.. I still didn't get my amniocentesis results back and I have a late anomalies scan tomorrow and I am terrified as last time it was at this time problems were picked up..
I have been binge eating for a while because of all these worries which I know it's no good for the baby either.. But my anxiety levels are really high.. Please keep fingers cross

Jolly Thank you. She is indeed a beautiful person. She's studying Medicine and has taken a very keen interest in this ttc process.

Mozz Good luck, my dear. My hope for all of us that we not only fall pregnant, but that we actually enjoy our preganciens. But I know that the reality will mostly be different.
I'm going to risk you being angry with me. Which I hope you won't be, of course.
Try to control the binge eating. You wouldn't want to add diabetes to the worries, love, would you? Thinking of you today. Big, big hug.

Good luck mozz it must be dreadful waiting for such important results.
Af for me this morning.....on cd48 of anovulatory cycle. Thank god for provera.
I am being rescanned on cd12 to see whats going on.

Hi everyone.
Good to hear from you Mozza and sorry to hear that you still have worries. I do hope the next scan can put your mind at ease and you can enjoy your pregnancy, but it is completely understandable that you would be feeling anxious after everything you have been through. Do you have someone you can talk to about everything? Could you have a regular pampering type appointment? Perhaps a massage every couple of weeks?

For me, seeing my acupuncturist every three weeks is a form of therapy (not just physical).I am so lucky to have found her as she feeds my spiritual and emotional needs too. For me, that three weekly appointment is not negotiable, even if money is tight,or I am super busy,I always find a way to see her. She has kept me sane through some difficult times. She knows what it is to ttc as an older mum (she was 40 when she had her son) and she knows loss too as her first baby was stillborn. She is in her 60's now, but to me she's just vibrant and wonderful.

Calibee, glad to hear that AF has shown up. Will you be on a course of clomid this month? It's great that you are having the monitoring, perhaps it will make all the difference.

Well, I am 99% certain that I won't be getting a BFP this time. Ho hum...Temperature has dropped.It's 13 dpo,and I haven't even bothered with a hpt like I normally would. There's no point. I do not have any symptoms, boobs no longer tender and temperature's low.

It looks like the end of the road for me, so although quite sad, I also feel some relief. This decision has given me a sense of freedom, and also optimism about our future. Before, the future was murky and it was hard to think about possibilities when there was always the "I might be pregnant, have a small baby, toddler etc".

I am now thinking about how much easier life will become as DS grows older, how I will dedicate myself to him and my other,older, children, and the things we can do when I am able to keep working, rather than taking maternity leave (which is largely unpaid here).

However, were I to wake up and have a BFP tomorrow, I'd take it with both hands, scream with joy, and hold on to it so tightly....

mozz I hope everything is ok?
I am very sorry if I upset you yesterday. I was out of place.
Again. Really sorry.

Hi Mozza - hope things went OK. Sorry you're so stressed - you've had a lot to cope with during this pregnancy, not least memories of what happened last time.

Hopeful, I am sad for you and also happy that you are able to walk away into the sunset, content with what you have! i know you probably do not want to keep coming here, but i still hope you do. Or, rather, I egoistically hope you might, knowing you should not if you really have put all this ttc behind you.

Mozarella, I seriously am sure that if nothing was noted in harmony and previous us, everything is OK. but pls come and tell us so!

Mozza, I am hoping for some news from you. I've everything crossed that all is well.

Well, despite my going off into the sunset ready to give up ttc, here I sit,at 14 DPO, no sign of AF, none of the usual spotting at 12dpo, and stupidly wishing that it meant I am pregnant Not according to a cheapie HPT. It's definitely negative. I guess AF is just a bit late, just so I can feel those pangs of desire and sadness all over again!

Of course I have been over at Fertility Friend torturing myself with charts that had negative tests at 14 dpo and positive ones later...I should have known it wouldn't be easy to give up this crazy dream. Surely if you don't get a positive at 14 dpo it means really late implantation, which doesn't bode well, right? Jass, you are a font of knowledge and experience on this stuff, what do you think?

I am just now starting to have some AF style cramping, so perhaps she will turn up today after all.

So it seems I am not really finding letting it go all that easy...

Diege, are you around? I'd love it if you could come and hold my hand - we've been together on this thread for years.

I am not quite ready to pop the baby clothes I've collected over the year or so from thrift stores (such cute little things) onto E bay. I may need a while longer before I can look at them...

I hope your torture has been relieved mozza.

gum i feel your frustration. I too was testing past cd14 last cycle but finally had to accept another anovulatory cycle. I also found myself scouring for other experiences of late implantation with a positive outcome. From what I could tell, it does happen ...but rarely. Its the waiting that's hard eh? I find myself wishing the time away until I can test again.

So we wake this morning to the dreadful news that the body of the little boy from Edinburgh has been found. So very sad. The mother has been arrested. I just dont get it!!!!

Hi everyone,
Green thank you for sharing your experience with the specialist. I don't feel I need IVF but maybe a little help is required so it's good to know that not all roads have to lead to IVF. It's so hard for all of us whether we already have a child or not. I know I am so lucky to have my gorgeous dd but I also know she would be an amazing big sister and long to give her a sibling. We have looked at adoption too and I've had a really informative conversation with a social worker. It's good to know that in your forties you are considered young in terms of adoption so we can try to conceive naturally for a bit longer before we go down that road.
My concern is dh is worrying about age. He originally said we should give it until Christmas (just gone) to try and then we should stop. We have agreed to try for a bit longer but I know he is worried. He also thinks I am too obsessed (he doesn't know the half of it!!) so I've got to try to appear like I'm not trying!
I've had 3 sessions of acupuncture to help bloating and possible IBS. That has really helped so today I am having a session to concentrate solely on fertility (not exactly sure what). She wants to see me on cd6 (today) and then during ovulation. Fingers crossed. I was worrying about the money I was spending on it but you are right Hopeful it is non negotiable, even if I just get to lie back and relax for an hour it's worth it!
Mozza I'm sure everything is fine but please let us know. Thinking of you.
CalibeeI feel it every time we hear of a child being hurt or killed. How can they do that? We will probably never know but it's so sad. I think what's worse is that when a story like this breaks my first thought is always 'it's probably the parents.' Terrible but it often turns out to be true.

Hopeful, if a proper test 14dpo were negative, i would say its over most likely, but ic-s are so unreliable and the amount of dye varies so much. so, first tou know not that test really is neg. Second, late implantation may in some case even help, for example if you have immune issues then people sometimes have success exactly with late implanters, obviously somehow fools the system in there.

Hello! So sorry I've not been around lately. I have been reading but am absolutely wiped out with multiple night wakings by multiple dcs...Just as Laurie is getting through the night, then dc5 starts waking on hour, and also dc4 who shares a room... Also have become addicted to Breaking Bad, and trying to watch an episode a night when I get my second wind. Anyone else a fan?
Gum I really feel for you and admit to shedding a tear when I read your post about how grateful you felt about having your Los who didn't make it, even just for a few weeks I can see why you might feel that it's time to hang up your ttc boots, but I think while this may at some point be the right route for you to take, that you don't need to be so tough on yourself as to make a definite decision just now. Would it be worth getting a few tests done (of the type you've had in the past) to inform your decision more? Then of course though the dilemma on interpreting the results which often don't say that much at all Wish you were around the corner so I could come over for a chat, and xxx...
mozza hope all is well with your results - did you have the initial set through?
calibee sorry for the wtf cycle - extra stressful on top of the usual ttc stresses. Is dh at the base at the moment?
Jass I do enjoy reading your posts - always a fascinating snippet of info' that helps on the ttc journey. How are you feeling?
grizzer hope all is well. Are you having tests after all?
Hello to everyone else, merry, tadpole, and probably loads of people I've forgotten!

Diege, you clearly have a handful there at home! it is tiring even to read about it all! Good that all is well, even if hard work.....

i feel OK, too, thanks for asking. My four-year-old is keeping me busy and i find it quite overwhelming sometimes, which makes me think what if I get another little one of this type - could I cope at all? i am a strong believer in reasoning and discussing, active listening and all this Gordon stuff, but what do you do with a child who basically just bites and hits when he does not get hos way? Today I basically retaliated and was rather nasty with him, even slapped him (gently though), and it made him back up and come back later to make friends. I do not want this to be our relationship - me losing nerve and hitting back does not sound like great long-term solution. he is a clever mite (can read, speaks 3 languages and does adding up into hundreds), but oh so refusing to do what is necessary. He has no inhibitions to let out a terrifying yell say, in restaurant, when his pizza does not look exactly as he wanted it to look, and I find it tricky at the moment to break through to him. Also, he is insisting he is a little dog and hence the biting, but it is really hurring when he does it.

TTC wise, OV is imminent and need to get busy on that front :-)

Hi Jass! Interesting to read about your 4 year old - my 4 year old ds sounds very similar. He is a real 'kicker' and can be very difficult to reason with, though very much tied up with tiredness for him. Bedtimes can be a real battle of wills and I have to admit to be so tired and desperate to get him in his room that I have bribed him with snacks to take up - even choc biscuits to eat in bed Strange how my standards drop when I'm knackered! Your parenting philosophy sound very impressive, and the very fact you are reflecting on it shows how good you are at the whole thing. I think Gum also has a 4 (now 5?) year old?
Thinking about the tiredness with a new baby at our age, I do think it's linked in my case to this being number 6. The toddler/baby/reception age combo is the killer for me, so don't let it put anyone off! I can say I'm truly done though, not even a glimmer of broodiness!

My DS is 5 and also has a few behaviours that are less than desirable He is very cute though - big brown eyes and blond hair, a lovely tan from all the sun, so looks pretty angelic, but when he is tired he's really hard to deal with, and I too resort to all sorts of bribes! By the end of the day we are both frazzled and I let him snuggle up with me on the couch and watch telly when I ought to take him to bed and read a few stories, but I honestly don't have the energy.

Which does make me think that having another little one would be extremely difficult. But then again, it would all be fine I think. We have a way of just getting on with it and making things work. Of course the sleeplessness you are feeling Diege, must be awful. I know my coping skills fly away when I am sleep deprived.

Well, I am glad AF has arrived this morning, because I knew all along that I wasn't pregnant (of course a girl still holds out hope against hope that it will be her turn). I guess I have a long LP these days. I suppose that is good. Unless of course Fertility Friend isn't pin pointing ovulation right? It doesn't matter anyway, I am relieved because it means I did ovulate and that I am not imagining ovulation and that's got to be a good thing.

But then again why does it matter when I say I am no longer actively ttc? Because in my heart I still haven't given up hope. I think of your acquaintance, Diege, the 48 year old having twins, and wonder if maybe I will get a surprise like that? Maybe this is how my journey is supposed to go, so that I don't knowingly get knocked up through timing, temping and planning, so that I will be as surprised as DH would be?

As long as I am not using contraception, there will be a chance, but I am realistic about the chances, and also know I'm heading down the menopause road. But that doesn't mean there will be no eggs at all, just perhaps not as regularly.

Diege, I don't think I will bother with the tests, I don't think they will have any good news, and it won't make a difference to what I do. I don't want to take hormones or anything, and I don't think low progesterone is a problem. I am sure it is all down to older eggs (and perhaps older sperm too).

I am taking DS to the park this morning to meet up with my brother and his two little boys, and my sister and her two little boys, so I am sure DS will have a great time. I'd better go and make a cake for their morning tea....

Fridays results:Amniocentesis was clear but the ultrasound showed agenesis of the corpus callosum as last time. Last time however there was also ventricomegaly and cysts in the brain and one in the kidney and a chromosome issue was detected with Amniocentesis. I will continue the pregnancy but I am obviously very worried. It's rather a final decision as in Italy termination is allowed before 24weeks and I am now 23+2. I don't think I would survive a second termination and I am grateful this time the picture is not as worrying as last time. I just hope going on things won't get worse and here I ask your thoughts and prayers.... All anomalies last time were finally attributed to the 17q12 DUPLICATION which was de novo.. It could have not been so. Current worries:..if agenesis of c. Callosum last time was unrelated to 17q12 duplication was it due to some undetected hereditary illness or is it just me or my partner who have such a corpus Callosum ? And what about last time other anomalies?. Will they show up? my gynaecologist and my sister (genetist both say it's good to have a clear amnio... Even if we all know many problems can't be diagnosed with amnio. I did the full analysis including CHCG array so many issues are excluded but..
I am scared and puzzled, but at peace with my decision...

. I really need your support..

Deige - hi, remember me your old list keeper? (A different Irish name then!). Anyway 6w2d today, and actually quietly hopeful! It would be a little miracle, but I trust it could happen.

Gum - I am sorry that af finally appeared, but glad that it was able to start you on your new journey of not-ttc just hoping for your miracle. I hoe that not ttc brings you some peace. But most of all I do pray that you get your little surprise in the future.

Mozzarellamummy - sorry to hear that the results were not all encouraging, but it is great that the amnio was clear and you are at peace with your decision.

Mozz Big hug. I must confess that I have absolutely no idea what all the big words mean, but I do know worry, worry, worry.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Mozz sorry to hear you're going through all this worry It is indeed good news that the amnio is clear, and I see you had a full one too so no concerns there. I know a little about the condition you mention (only from the work I've done around screening for my job) and I'm aware it's one of those things where there may be no issues at all, or some that relate to hearing, developmental delays etc. Just an anecdote (and I hope you don't think I'm making light of this) but I was at uni' with a girl who had this diagnosed as an adult on an MRI scan. She was doing her masters (and is now a lecturer at a big uni' in Wales) and there were no notable issues I can remember. The only thing she linked to it (after chatting with consultant) was that she had always struggled with 'getting' jokes, and took some things a little literally. That could just have been her personality though! FWIW I think you are absolutely doing the right thing continuing with the pregnancy xxx

Gum you have inspired me to get on with my baking plans. Shortbread and flapjack today, mainly for the packed lunches next week, but also for cup of tea and something sweet ritual I have at the end of the day. Woe betide anyone who rings or interrupts me at this time! Re: ttc .I think you're right not to have the tests, esp if you wouldn't do anything anyway. My colleague is due her triplets very soon; she has had some health problems, but of the sort she had when younger in her other 6 pregnancies. I think her experience proves anything can happen, esp when you have proven fertility. She wasn't even ttc, and was dtd at the 'safe' time of the month. Her husband sadly still hasn't come round to the idea of the triplets which is another story altogether.

willitbe many many congratulations!!! I do indeed remember you and am so pleased to hear your news. IIRC you were quite despondent about ttc-ing when you left the thread so this is such amazing news!

Love to all. Plan today is baking, ironing, getting the dcs' homework out of the way, and generally trying to tidy up a bit. I have a student coming tomorrow to the house for a tutorial (long story) who is a social worker - eeek!- so better get the hoover out