Fabulous Fecund Over Forties TTC: fertile,prolific,fruitful and productive. Hand over the bfp's and hand them over now!!

[hopefulgum]

Starting the new thread for you wonderful ladies before I fly off into the sunset.

May this thread bring us the happy news we've all been waiting for.

Grizzer, many a pg happen whenpeople think they have missed it this month!

My period clearly is affected by agnus castus and/or B6. Period came on indeed strongly the same day spotting started, period pain is similar to my teenage years (weird but it makes me happy, as if it indicates my cycle is somehow rejuvenated - stupid, i know). It is nice to see some change, even if it does not guarantee anything.

Greenlizard, sorry AF coincided with EDD! If you can not get through to thi sparticular recurrent mc specialist, maybe look around this forum, there are plenty of others mentioned around these boards togehther with pros and cons (some are really narrow-minded and seem to offer same treatment to everybody, for example ). i have not really paid attention who is who, since am not in UK, but there seems to be lot of information on the threads..... And if you get through to this specialist, let us know what She suggests! I think it is very good you are taking action, and indeed, i am yet to hear about a man making the first appointment in rmc, it is the girl's business....

Green, what crap timing from AF! All the best for all your tests - and hope you get through to the specialist soon. And congratulations on your new job!

Which reminds me - I have an interview on Jan 21st (EDD Feb 9th) Hardly great timing, is it? but it's internal and it's got my name all over it and I really, really want it. Sod it, all I can do is go along and if they need someone immediately then it's not the job for me. I'm starting ML the following day!

Being back at work is utterly exhausting, even just mornings - and home just got even less relaxing today as they've started work on the living room, ie we won't have a living room for about a week. I was really fed up this afternoon, desperately needed to lie down but the workmen were EVERYWHERE, including in and out of the bedrooms (there are 3 of them)...so my lovely DH got one of the men to help him move a sofa into his office (he runs his business from an annexe to the house) and he brought me a blanket and my book. So that's where I'll be spending my afternoons until further notice (a couple of other people use the office now and again, but he's told them they can't do so for the next week) It was really relaxing, drifting in and out of sleep and hearing snippets of DH's phone conversations.

Gum, I agree with others - you so know what's going to happen, just because you've got that holiday booked...

Well, I hope you are all right about having the holiday booked But I am not so sure. My post ovulation temperatures just don't seem very high. Which has me wondering if my progesterone is high enough. But then again, when I worried about this last year my doctor ordered a test and my progesterone was normal.

I just figure that if I was pregnant then my post O temps would be much higher. Having said that, it is only 5dpo!

Morien, I am glad you were able to find some respite with everything going on in your house. Will it all be finished in time for baby?

Green, so sorry to hear that AF turned up on your EDD, it is so cruel isn't it? Hang in there, I think you will have your THB, keep trying. I have read Lesley Regan's book. I hope you can get into see her and find out if there is anything that might help. I'd love to hear what she suggests.

I can't remember what she said in the book, it was a while ago that I read it, but she might have said something about aspirin. Which reminds me, I should probably be taking it in the TWW shouldn't I? I have been doing this for so long I have kind of let a lot of the supplements slip. I don't take them daily like I should, I think it is because it feels like they've not made any difference so far and I have lost faith.

My AMH was so low it was barely detectable, but I then went on to have two more BFP's,and seem to ovulate every month. But I am not getting pregnant, so perhaps the quality of my eggs is poor. However,I think AMH really only measures your egg reserve, not quality.

I hope you are all surviving the horrible weather in the Northern Hemisphere? There are news reports telling of how cold and wet it is.Here it is calm and warm, another beautiful day. I have been at the beach everyday since Christmas and my DS is getting all brown and lovely. It is great, he plays so well there and we come home and he's knackered and sleeps really well.

Have a great day everyone!

green, you made me laugh! I had to think of how stressful it is lying there thinking of everything and trying hard to O! :-)
Congrats on the new job!
Also, sorry for AF. My EDD is coming in Feb and I'm definitely not looking foward to it.

Morien, sounds a bit like our house. We bought a new one (ironic since its 250 years old!). There's so much to do. OMG. I leave at the end of the day and crash into bed. Yesterday I was working in the nursery (?!) and although it was shit work, it made me happy.
Hope your work gets done well before bebe arrives. And your DH sounds lovely. :-)

hopeful.... I want to join you for a sundowner today. Is that too much to ask?!

Be good, ladies. Have to go and cover myself in very old dust.
xxx

hopeful - my successful pregnancy where I temped, my temps were low and stayed constant, rather that going up to a nice peak with my miscarriages. I think for me that lower temps are more hopeful!!!!! This could be it for you!

green - do you know what protocol Prof Regan used for your friend? I went to see her collegue Raj Rai privately, and all he recommended was aspirin following positive TEG test. I am currently trying to find out the protocols that Prof Quenby uses currently, as her research on recurrent miscarriage seems to be the most upto date.

Hello ladies,

I know it's been ages since I posted, and I need to catch up, but I have been thinking of you all, I just haven't had much opportunity to MN over the Christmas break, what with DH having loads of time off (which of course was nice) and DD1 sick for the last week of term.

I hope everyone had a relaxing Christmas and I'm crossing my fingers that you all get your BFPs this year.

Oh dear, my temps have dropped this morning, AF must be due shortly. A day earlier than usual but at least I can have a Friday eve glass of wine.

DD was playing with my empty ConceivePlus box with a photo of a baby on it. She looked inside and helpfully pointed out "No Baby!"

My mind is fried!!!! I hate the few days before af but this is worse than normal.
Wednesday night (10dpo I think) I went to the loo before bed and when I wiped there was some brown blood. I thought af must be starting but I'm not due until 14th so this would be 6 days early. Of course the happy positive part of my brain started to wonder if it was implantation but I feel very 'periody' so I'm sure it's coming. I've also never had an implantation bleed before so seems unlikely to happen now (is it even brown?)
Just can't help still having some hope though because I have thought I was getting af for every pregnancy and then she obvs doesn't show. I'm sure I've never felt her this early though and it does feel like proper af and not just little cramps. I'm constantly going to the loo and checking and every time it's clear the hope creeps back in. I always get af between 14th and 16th of the month so this would be really early but maybe it's just going to build up for another few days.
I think it's partly because my dd starts school in September and if I was pg this month I could start maternity leave a bit early and do the proper calm good mummy taking to school bit instead of the 'what do you mean you're scared? I have to get to work, get in there and get on with it' mother I will actually have to be!!
Going out with drinking buddy tomorrow night so might test tomorrow if still nothing. Realistically I know she's going to show her grubby little face but there is a small part of me (it's not small at all really, it's huge!) thinks maybe......
Green Hope new job is going well. Sorry af showed on edd. Nature can be cruel.
Morien your pregnancy shouldn't go against you in your interview - companies are on dangerous ground there. My cousin got a promotion when she was 6 months pregnant and has just finished 11 months maternity leave on FULL PAY!! I've never heard of any company do that but if you are the best person for the job it should be yours!!
Hello to everyone else, hope you're all ok x

Grizzer that does sound very encouraging. Brown blood could certainly be due to implantation, especially a week before AF is due.And that 'AF is coming" feeling is very common with pregnancy. Fingers crossed this is it for you.

JollyJolly, sorry to hear that your temperature dropped. How old is your daughter? It is a pity we can't just buy a baby in a box! That would make this ttc business much easier.

Feeling really tired this morning. Had friends over for dinner and didn't get to bed til 12 and up the usual time of 5:30-6:00. My DS just won't let me sleep in. Oh well, I can always have a nap later on. Temperatures are looking more decent now, but I've no inkling of being pregnant. Oh well...

Nice to hear from you Sparkly. I hope all is going well with your little girls.

Calibee, are you still reading? We haven't heard from you in a long time. I hope all is well for you?

Grizzer, that is exactly how I felt with my pg last year. I checked constantly because it was 100% AF feeling and absolutely no pg feeling. Then, after being late for a week (the guts not to test!!), my boobs exploded and I knew.
I'm trying to stay calm for you but just remembering how it felt last year make me soo excited.
Keep hoping, though.

Any news Grizzer? You are getting very close to testing aren't you?

I am 9 dpo today and I don't think this will be the month I get a bfp. And I also think I am ready to stop actively ttc.

It has been too long. I don't want to spend another year timing SWI,peeing on sticks, assessing every twinge etc only to pee on a bunch of pregnancy tests at the end of month that are all negative. I guess, at some point I have to accept that it isn't going to happen, and I think I may be at that point.

I know how lucky I am to have had my last child at 41, and he has been such a gift to this family, I just want to concentrate on enjoying him, and my other lovely children.

I am at a stage now where I can remember my little lost babies without feeling desperate and broken. I actually feel that I was lucky to have been pregnant for the 9 weeks each time, that I felt a bond and I looked forward to a new life in our family. And though it didn't happen, I still had that time, which to me is actually better than not at all.

I suppose I will start to think about other things - planning travel with my DH, enjoying the freedom that comes with children growing older and look forward to some lovely grandchildren in the future.

I am not leaving the thread just yet. I will let you know how I get on with this month, and I will find it hard not to come here every day. Perhaps I still will, to see how you are all getting on.

Where is everyone else at? Anyone else getting close to testing?

Well, I am symptom spotting again...

Have had period like cramps, backache, headache, etc for over a week now without AF making an appearance. I feel like it is just around the corner... but hoping maybe not and I am pregnant instead.

Could be 2 days late [if on 26 day cycle], could be due on in two days [if on 30 day cycle]. Cycles have been a bit all over the place since MMC in September, usually 28 days as an average.

Don't want to test yet as am sure will waste a pregnancy test and AF will just arrive as normal. But ridiculously hoping that I may be lucky this time and have a sticky healthy embryo/foetus...

Has anyone else had AF symptoms full on for a week and been pregnant.. or not? Not usual at all for me, I usually get the symptoms and then a day or two later AF arrives. So this is confusing

Nope, I'm out. AF has just made her appearance. Great.

Maybe next month will be my lucky one.

I'm out too, AF arrived this morning. Gutted is not the word even though my head kept telling me no my heart was leading the way!
Oh well, the acupuncturist I was seeing is really pleased with the difference to my IBS so she wants to see me on CD6 and then around ovulation so I'm hopeful she knows what she's doing and all will go well next month!!
Hopeful a really hard decision but I know exactly where you're coming from. It's so hard month after month. You sound very positive and travelling will be lovely. Please stay with us though, we need your support!
Nutcracker sorry AF arrived. It's so disappointing isn't it? Every month I think I'll just relax and go with the flow but every month it consumes me a week before AF is due.
Onwards and upwards!! Ho flippin hum and all that!

Thanks Grizzer.

Yes upwards and onwards... next month will be our lucky one!

I have also just started seeing an acupuncturist. First session was pricey but did seem to do something positive... I felt quite relaxed and had had PMT symptoms [bloating, tender breasts] which eased almost immediately after the session.

How have you found your acupuncture sessions Grizzer? Has anyone else found complementary therapy helpful for this trying to conceive malarkey?

Otherwise I am taking 600 mg co-enzyme, 1000mg omega oils and Maxine multivitamin [independent health food store recommended it and said they have had so many clients get pregnant after taking this, he said ditch the pregnacare and so I did and we shall see if it makes a difference]. Oh, and have just ordered Royal Jelly from Amazon. Have also cut down on coffee and drinking more herbal tea...

Any other recommendations lovely ladies? I am willing to try almost anything except illegal/unethical stuff such as shark fin, tiger claw or rhino horn!

Hopeful, I hear you on wanting to move on. the day i do I will take the following with me from this journey:

• i will appreciate my grandchildren ever so much more, because I will always miss that last baby I never had. I just appreciate new life really much more. i do not take pregnancies for granted anymore.
• I love my two boys still at home far more than i really knew how to before i lost the ability to make new little people
• I learned and will teach everyone at least in my own familiy never to ask people silly questions relating to their reproductive plans: they may be suffering from infertility without me knowing it.

this is a testament of a former instadiffer as people like I was called on the struggling threads around here. I think somehow I am richer for what happened. and, oh, I have not had to be on contraception since i turned 40, if this secondary infertility had not got me, i should have had to continue birth control until 55 or sth.

I am not giving up, I think this will come when I am 46 or thereabouts. But I am more and more accepting that it will most probably not happen. until hope again rears it head, only to be crashed yet again....

And, Hopeful, after all, we are not exactly childless, to put in the crude way. many people think 4 or 5 is above reasonable limit as it is :-))))

Some wise words there, Jass.

I agree, I appreciate my children, and the mystery and beauty of conception,pregnancy and birth so very much more now that I have experienced secondary infertility.

I too was an "Instadiffer" with my other children. Even my last baby, at 41, was conceived relatively easily - after a vasectomy reversal and 7 months of ttc.

I awoke very early this morning - I seem to do this the week before AF arrives - and lay in bed next to my beautiful little 5 year old son and my heart swells with love and happiness as he is the boy I thought I would never have. Although fairly easy to conceive, it took three heart wrenching years to convince my DH that it was a good idea to have another child and to have a vasectomy reversal. I remember well, sitting a the desk in his bedroom, looking out the window (at the age of 38) being hit by the realisation that I simply must have another baby. It wasn't something that crept up on me, it hit me suddenly, but from that point on I just knew I had to try to make it happen.

And it did, and for that I will always be grateful.

I have just enjoyed being an older mum so,so much, that I really would have liked another go at it. It's greedy I know, but you only live once

However, it is likely that it is too late now, so I must let the dream go and enjoy what I have (which I already do, but it will be nice to not think about ttc anymore).

So sorry about AF nutcracker and Grizzer. Next month is another chance.

I had just posted out a big reply to you both hopeful and jass and then lost it

But the gist was, thank you both for your wise words.

I agree that for me the innocence of conception and pregnancy is lost. I also conceived almost instantly with all three of my pregnancies. I have two healthy happy boys but then my third surprise pregnancy ended in MMC.

I desperately feel that I am missing my third baby but time is running out and this task looks almost impossible. I am 40, my amh is hideously low at 0.9 [although all other hormones and AFC are average and reasonably good], DH is very reluctant to conceive a third and mostly wants to use condoms... so having to match up the odd occasion he doesn't and my fertile window is pretty tricky!

I don't mind being an older Mum. I may feel more tired on occasion but I know I have much more patience and sense than I did in my 20s or early 30s.

I feel I need some magic to conceive this third child now. Otherwise I probably just have to come to terms with the fact that I was only meant to have two and to be grateful for my lot [which I truly am, I know there are others struggling to conceive their first or second child].

However I am not completely out yet... There's a stubborn part of me which will keep trying to convince DH that a third child is a good idea irrespective of our ages [he is nearly 46 now], that I can conceive with a shitty low amh and that I can carry a healthy baby to term.

Hopeful - as you know I can fully understand the point you have reached. It feels strange being back pregnant now. We had stopped ttc and moved on to new things, it helped me to appreciate my youngest too (like yours he is now 5 and born when I was 40) one thing I had to do which was hard was stop coming here to this thread for a while. I am not sure how long I stopped totally before I allowed myself back to see how you all were.

But when I tried stopping ttc, I needed to not be tempted to think about ttc by reading about other people ttc. I virtually stopped coming on mn, but when I did I stayed away from the conception/pregnancy threads. I only stopped temping for a brief time, as still wanted to track cycles for warning of when period was coming and when dh and I could have fun with no worries of risking pregnancy (sorry TMI!). But I did not temp religiously as I had before, ie stopped as soon as ov confirmed. Did nothing re vitamins or other things to encourage fertility.

i also started looking at other ways of filling the void that the miscarriages and non-last baby left, along with the time spend thinking about ttc. It took time to adjust mentally. But the first step of stopping was the hardest and took me about a year to do properly, fairly much like yourself.

I don't know if my current pregnancy will work out or not, but I do know that going back to not ttc will be ok for me. I have done it once, and can do it again, for peace of mind (although there would be something unsettling at stopping at 13 miscarriages, even though I am not superstitious, I don't like odd numbers (hence why I want 4 children!!!)

Anyway I am waffling now, I just wanted to support and encourage you Gum.

Oh my god- You have me in tears, hopeful.
I know where you come from and as 42 approaches, I think I should also start accepting that it might not happen. But that has me in tears. Absolutely gutted right now.
Especially after starting work on the new house. And the nursery would be so lovely!
I'm 10dpo. AF should arrive on Saturday or Monday, if she decides to play the same trick as last month.
Just the same AF symptoms which since my mc in June, are very like pg symptoms, without the tender boobies.
Ok, I'm gonna have a good cry and then go on with working on my dream house.
(Please don't go just yet, hopeful.)

Just a little sneak in here to let you all know that I am in the same place. I do read the thread every few days.
I don't know how to fill the void of obsessive ttc or the void that is baby shaped in my home. Or the fear in my heart of how my relationship will be in 10 years time should DH realise he "needs" to have a child and time has run out for sure.
.............its hard to be positive when time is short.

Well, all these very lovely messages show we are all in different places. Cali, if I where you I would worry about exactly the same issues and probably would be lookng also into DE solutions, and if that is not an option, then adoption. Your case is so different to mine or hopeful`s, unfortunately.

Tad, do not cry. On this board, you are young. YOu have at least 4 years ahead of you to try. And you give it your best.

Nutcracker, you again have a worrysome issue w condoms interfering. maybe try to convince husband that it is highly unlikely anyway and you can let fate take the course, instead of interrupting the fun with thin rubber? But I feel for you. Luckily again, you are somewhat younger, so still time to have that oops!

Willitbe, your number of mc is staggering even for me.... It will be great hope for me if you now succeeded! Fingers crossed!

Ladies, you are all amazing - so much heartbreak, so many decisions that need so much careful thinking and weighing things up against each other. I wish that everyone of us can come to a conclusion that she is completely happy with, whatever it may be!

Tadpole I'm 42 as well and hoping and praying that I have at least one more baby in me... I nearly gave up, but am now resolved to keep trying (for now anyway). I also have a nursery that is currently empty, and it would be so lovely if someone new were to move in.

4DPO here, heading right into another 2ww, sigh... Lots of action around my ov date over the weekend (but FF still only 'awarded' me a 'Good' rating for my efforts hmph). Only just managed to avoid another bladder infection, so annoying that this keeps happening. I'm fed up with being ill! Really want to start exercising regularly again, but it just doesn't happen with all the illness .

hopeful - your positivity and enthusiasm have kept me going for these last few weeks since I joined. your post has me in tears but there are many wise words in there and also in all the responses. i feel it is purely selfish of me when i say please don't leave, as other posters on here have expressed far better compassion towards you! my DD is 23 months, and I am still drawing hope from the fact that you had your last at 41.

tad - the house sounds like a nice project. Good luck for this cycle!

JBrd - I started with FF and backdated all our attempts over the last few months. I was awarded mostly 'lows' due to lots of attempts but with no actual results from DH which can't help things along can it!! But I got a 'Good' when I thought we'd done stunningly well, so perhaps they're just low markers?

nutcracker - the very best of luck with convincing your DH, they can be difficult creatures at times!