Fabulous Fecund Over Forties TTC: fertile,prolific,fruitful and productive. Hand over the bfp's and hand them over now!!

[hopefulgum]

Starting the new thread for you wonderful ladies before I fly off into the sunset.

May this thread bring us the happy news we've all been waiting for.

We're lucky (in a way) that we don't bother with Christmas much and it's the last night of Hannukah tonight so that's done and dusted :)

Definitely your DH needs to do more!! If he enjoys it then he should work for it!

All is well here. I had some brown spotting but that doesn't worry me too much (although I wish I didn't have it!) as I had it far worse by this stage with both my other pregnancies which were fine.

Oh, green so sorry to hear that you are being left in limbo . I had a similar thing with my first mc, they were very reluctant to do anything, as I was measuring too small for them to actually say that it was a failed pregnancy - even though I was 100% certain about my dates and there was no way this was going to end well. But they have to stick to the protocol.
I also haven't heard about the only 50% success rate for natural management of mc. Not much consolation, but I believe that your body recovers more quickly and better when it is let to take care of things by itself... Out of my ERPC, natural and medically managed mcs, the natural one was the 'easiest' (physically, that is). But it's different for everyone...
Wishing you lots of strength for whatever route you'll be going down

Not much new from my end. Af has finally arrived, after 3 days of weird spotting that really got my hopes up in spite of everything (but I kept getting BFNs). At least that makes it a decent cycle, 27 days. No idea about the spotting though, I never spot before Af arrives. Sigh.
DH and I had a massive spat last weekend, and I'm still grumpy about it - he had a massive go at me about nothing, literally exploded in my face, but all I got the next day was the lamest excuse ever, and he refuses to tell me what it was all about! Hmph. Really p**ed off about all this, I don't need this! Not sure I can bring myself to just let it go, which is clearly what he wants.

Christmas...yeah, sort of started here. Got the decorations out, but it's taking forever. Want to do some baking, but can't seem to find the time. Work is mad and will stay like that right until we break off. We're having everyone here this year, so it's going to be cramped. Not quite in the mood for it all just yet. I barely managed to fill DS's advent calendar

Hi, started coming down with a cold today. No surprises really as everyone at work is ill. Hopefully it'll be gone by Christmas but I'll have probably passed it on to the family by then!
I've got dd's little friend staying over on Saturday so his mum can go out. Going to spend the day making paper chains and decorating the tree (which I will then redecorate once they're in bed!) I've started shopping, got dd a bike but have also bid for a few play Mobil things on eBay. Bit mean to buy used stuff but it's ridiculously expensive & all the bits will get lost in 5 minutes.
Hopeful: think I'm 7dpo trying not to think about it but keep getting twinges in abdomen.....the funny thing is if I was pregnant I'd be panicking about the twinges but now I'm hoping it means something!
Sorry AF arrived jbrd xx definitely talk to dh, I would let it fester & not say anything but they move on and we're left stewing!!
Hope everyone is ok - nearly Friday xx
Woo hoo, just figured out how to bold names!! sighs happily it's the small things.....

Thank you for all your kind words everyone - you really are a lovely bunch .

I have been cramping for a few days now and started to bleed "properly" yesterday, but it has started and stopped a few times and now seems to have stopped again. I just want it to get on with - I even went and bought some raspberry leaf tea as I read online it might help kick start things. If I am honest I am quite scared about going natural. After my ERPC in June I didn't have much bleeding until about 5 days later when I had extremely bad cramps for a few hours with several heavy gushes of blood followed by passing large chunks of "stuff". I am guessing that was finishing it off what the op started and frankly that was bad enough for me . Although i do hope though that I heal quicker than last time (physically and emotionally)...

Re the 50%- the statistic was being quoted in successfully completing unaided following a MMC not a spontaneous MC. Not sure why the difference - I wasn't thinking straight. I also think that I will need to get an anti D injection as I am 0-ve and DP is +ve.

I have mainly been working from home this week as I am too nervous to go to work unless I get caught out as it is a good 45 minute drive to get back here but I do think being at work would be good for me mentally .

This weekend starts of the Christmas celebrations with the inlaws hosting a big family do (I am nervous about travelling an hour away and getting stuck if things start in earnest) and then with my extended family do the following weekend so I am having to do all the present shopping now so we are organised...thank god for the internet! I have ordered all the food we need for Christmas Eve/Christmas dinner/Boxing Day already so that is one job done. decorations and tree are on the list for this weekend.

I normally love Christmas but I fear this year will be different. My first due date was 2nd January and then i should have been 12 weeks with this one - as it is, I am one year older and two miscarriages down without a baby in sight Although it makes me sad, I know life goes on and I have a lot to be thankful for.

Xxxx

Ps. Good luck with all your other halves and their "contributions" to Christmas....sounds like we are all doing most of the work!

Pps. jbrd I couldn't leave that alone if I were you - I would really want to know what that was all about! Men are much more of a mystery IMHO.

green Christmas is definitely not the right time to go trough all this (of course there is no right time..it just shouldn't happen), I hope you'll get physically over it as quickly and unhurtfully as possible and that will be a first step for healing..
I got my harmony results and they're clear! it's definitely a relief,but I still can't avoid worrying for this pregnancy and sometimes get very emotional..Now there is another virus that has been picked up:herpes..I'm both Igg and Igm positive, It doesn't worry me too much but DP is making a great fuss about it..I would need people who help me to calm down while he's the exact opposite..Even when DD has a cold he makes a case out of it and would like to make me feel guilty for not worrying too much!! it's really unbearable...
I should meet a consultant today about the cmv issue..he's the one who has started experimental therapy on unborn babies..I discovered he worked privately for 19 years just the door next to mine..we were neighbors!! He sounds a caring person, I hope he can give me some advice about performing or not the amnyo..after getting the all clear for trisomies I have some doubts..but I would really feel guilty if my baby needed the therapy and didn't get because I didn't do the amnio..and DP just wants me to have it so I may go for it..

That is great news on the harmony results mozzerella - you must be a little bit relieved! Re the CMV test - what is this for? Sorry you are having such an anxious time of it - it will be worth it when you have your LO snuggled in your arms

Mozza, I am so pleased to hear the Harmony results were clear! Hurray!What a relief for you.

Green, poor you having to do the big Christmas with the in-laws whilst having this going on. Do you really want to/have to go? If you don't want to tell them why, there's always the the "gastro bug - vomiting and diarrhea" excuse, which most people happily accept because no one wants to catch it!

I can't imagine having to put on a happy face to my in-laws when I went through the miscarriages. In fact, I became very unsociable for some time. I really do understand your sadness. My first miscarriage started on Christmas day, but couldn't be confirmed until three days later. I had the erpc a couple of days before new years, and just couldn't muster up the energy to celebrate. For me it was the heart-breaking end of something rather than a "new" year to look forward to. I am finding it very difficult to reconcile that it will be three years since it happened, this Christmas. It is just as well that I am very,very busy because if I stop and think too much, I feel the sadness return. I am sending a great big hug, and bucketloads of understanding your way. I wish I had the ability to heal all of our pain and make those babies we want so badly come to us.

But I can't and I have to just keep hoping, knowing that if we do get the prize in the end, it will have been so worth the wait and the heartbreak.

As for the other half's contribution to Christmas, I just can't see things changing much. The problem is that my DH doesn't care for all the nice extras (e.g: decorations, a tablecloth and vases of flowers, a clean house, a tidy yard, a weeded garden, pictures on the wall that have been waiting for months to go up, not to mention wrapped presents, thoughtful presents, christmas baking etc,etc). He keeps telling me to stop stressing, and to just not do it all so that I'm not stressed. I just want him to step up and help rather than dismissing it as pointless, not worth the bother , it is only one day, blah,blah,blah...

Are you sensing a little bitterness in me? I'll be much better on Boxing Day, once it is all over...

Green, what you described as postEPRC bleeding sounds similar to what a natural mc at this stage will be. Do not be afraid, actually after erpc well done you should not have had any bleeding and passing huge clots 5 days later. It shows Eprc did not solve all problems immidiately, as well. my doc explained to me that eprc can similarily result in retained products as natural, so no guarantee, in fact. And natural mc at 5 weeks gestation only (as your pg did not develop further, there is nothing bigger to shed) is quite period like, i sadly can confirm from several occasions....
for mmc the risk of retention is bigger because body did not react properly to the lost pregnancy at the first place. In mc situation (and your body is reacting properly by starting thr expulsion itself) the body had realised what it needs to do.

Green CMV stands for citomegalovirus and the test to see if the baby got the infection from me is a late amnio, that's why I will have it in the 20th week on December 23..
It Will be a rather stressfull Christmas, but I also could opt for hopefulgum's bug excuse suggestion..
At least I will have a huge 17 days holiday!!!!

mozarella, the main hurdle is cleared. You can carry this baby to term, there are no genetic issues. harmony did not indicate any. from amnio, you would of course get over-confirmation on that as well. CMV test - even if it is positive - will not mean baby is in any way affected. So, there is nothing you can do or must decide, apart from treatment in utero, if there is a higher risk. But as far as the pregnancy is concerned, try to enjoy it as much as you can and explain to DH that it is mostly now out of your hands. termination is no more an option - a risk of damage from CMV is not actual damage, no one will terminate based on that, you can tell your husband to stop obsessing about it all and hope for the best.
I am sure it will all turn out right, but since your hubby seems to be of the opinion that if the baby is ill you should not have it, and your baby can not be confirmed anymore to be so ill, so the main discussion subject between the two of you is over, isn't it? it is an awful thing to put it this way, i know - and we all believe and think your baby has no CMV issue (chances are low, we know), but since for you and DH the cause for tension was differences in opinion for terminating in case of proven illness, then this tension at least should now be totally over. Merry christmas on that and remember, after amnio you really should put your feet up for a couple of days - your DH has to do cooking and washing up for this year 's festivities. remind him that and let him start worrying about that rather than low chances of CMV caused illness. That is not a probability, that is certainty that you will not cook or clean this christmas!

Green I know Christmas is a busy, family time but it's important you put yourself first. If you don't feel up to seeing people then they will understand, especially if travel is involved. Only do what you feel up to x
Mozza great news about harmony result. I hope you can relax a little now. Have they told you how being infected might effect the baby? An amino has risks too so I guess you have to weigh up which risk is greater. Don't feel pressured by anyone, it's you that has to go through all these tests!
My thyroid blood test was all clear. I've now been given an appointment for a pelvic scan on Saturday. They're checking for cysts I think but have to drink loads before hand so all seems a bit weird. I didn't realise they carried out these tests on a Saturday either, hope it doesn't take too long - might interfere with visit to local 'winter wonderland' with dd and nephew and niece - very excited! DD's letter from Santa came today from NSPCC. So lovely xx

Good morning ladies - came over to say Hi and report the arrival of DS2 on 2.12.13
A reminder - I'm 45, DS1 born when I was 42, both natural conceptions. DH 52.
Nursing my LO this morning and weeping with joy.
Keep the faith!

huge congratulations, catdoctor!
we do not notice maybe enough that there are loads of women who have no difficulties whatsoever to concieve and carry to term! here, those who stay longer are mostly just a lot less lucky.....

Cat - congratulations on your kitten - hope all's going well.

Congratulations catdoctor and welcome to the world little kitten !

Mozza great news about your Harmony results,hope you can relax a bit now.

Green hope you're coping ok, it sounds like you have a lot on at the moment while trying to deal with the turmoil of miscarrying too. Like others have said, opt out of some of the arrangements and take it easy if you need to, I'm sure everyone will understand. The anniversaries of due dates are so hard to go through too xxx

Hi to everyone else, was just checking in quickly while making dinner, need to go and rescue the lasagne now!

Decorated tree today with 3 yr old dd & her friend, followed by making cards, painting Santa masks & plaster of Paris decorations. Just about to do stories & then hope they both sleep. Question is do I deserve to have a glass of wine or two or should I be good? 8 or 9 days dpo. So tempting but there's always the little 'what if?' thought.

Grizzer, I did not even think about not having a glass of wine while ttc dor my existing children. And i did not mc and they are quite OK bunch. Only when i started to mc, i got parano about coffee and wine etc., have done abstinence etc., it did not stop me from miscarrying nonstop. So i would go for that glass.....

Me too, Jass, Grizzer,I would definitely have that glass of wine. For months I avoided drinking, just in case, and frankly,after so many years of ttc I was feeling a bit like life was on hold. Now, if I feel like a glass or two, I have it. I had a couple of glasses of champagne yesterday and it was lovely and fun.

Our lunch out took up most of the day, even though I didn't go partying with DH. Surprisingly he was home by 10 and isn't very hungover today. I had ovulation pain and a + opk yesterday, and we had SWI in the morning, so I feel that's an adequate effort. I am happy to leave it at that, but may put in another effort tonight, depending on how I feel. We have another social engagement tonight too.

I briefly saw my parents last night, and I know this isn't a "parents are bastards, AIBU" thread, but can I vent a bit???

I feel very cross with them, but never feel I can tell them.God it's frustrating. I feel powerless, mainly because I cannot get through to them at all, I talk and they just don't listen. They do the same to my sister. Anyway the story is that they live in a town about 2 hours from where I live. They seldom visit, but occasionally they come to my town because they own property here and have to check on it etc. My sister lives in my town part-time, as she's separated from her DH and now lives with a new partner in the city(4-5 hours away). My sister is here this weekend. She asked my parents to look after her kids while she had another comittment. They agreed. They came to my town, but did not contact me to tell me they would be here. I only knew because my sister told me. I dropped in to see her (and them) on my own yesterday evening. My mother told me she was going to phone me that night to arrange a visit today. I was so cross that they didn't bother calling before then (they had known for a few days that they were coming down) that I lied and told them that we had a play-date in the morning (partly true) and a BBQ in the afternoon (also partly true), and that we wouldn't be able to catch up, although I know I could have squeezed them in. I just knew it would be stressful, because my parents are so critical and my DH is playing golf all day. I just didn't want the worry of all the cleaning and cooking them lunch.

But what's worse is that the whole time I was there, they talked about themselves, their illnesses etc, their friends, my brothers and their children, ran down my sister's parenting skills but did not once ask after my children, knowing they wouldn't see them today!

I am at a stage in my life where I want to cut them off, and yet I can't seem to do it. I also can't say the things I want to say. I wish I could tell them that they are inconsiderate pricks who have given up their rights as grandparents because they don't really care about my children. I heard all about how my SIL is so stressed and busy with her two daughters and her part-time massage at home business. When I tried to tell my mum how busy I have been and how nice it would be to have some help, she completely ignored me. OMG! They make me feel so shit.

I need to find a way to not let it get to me. I probably need therapy! I usually get it by hashing it out with my sister, but she's back to the city today.

Sorry to dump this on this thread, I know it is completely irrelevant!

thanks for listening

Love to all. Thinking of you Green

heh, hopeful, nobody has perfect parents! better not think too much and go on on your own way, in your own way!
My mum never calls me. Never. Unless i am in the town, but to call when I am away and talk to kids, She never does that. So, i call or make kids call about once a month, when I remembr, and I do not think about it much. maybe it is her way of coping with the 2000 km distance between her and me (my older kids live in the same town with her and they have contact). Maybe She does not care much (she is a lot me-me-me person, always has been ). I just do not think about it and live my life. I have plenty of kids to keep myself feeling as if someone cares about me, too, and if she can not be bothered, i can not be neither. Do not think about it, full stop. Bot worth the trouble, in my opinion!

My Mobile just Erased quite a Long post...
jass you're definitely right!
Gum really sorry for your parents attitudes
Griz..CMV Consequences can be very Serious up to Severe mental retardation, Cerebral palsy and Perinatal Death..but of course they can be milder or even no Problems at all..However Knowing there's a treatment I feel I have to do amnio in case my Baby did need the treatment.. I hope and Pray I won't be Unlucky Twice...

mozarella, 80percent have nothing, nothing at all.....not even the slightest problem. by the way, why are you so sure it is a fresh CMV infection? I understand an old one would be almost no risk at all, it is only if you got it during this pg. actually, CMV is so common a virus that half the population anywhere carrys it. It gets into genome, so you can even inherit it and never get rid of it, but it cannot be really too bad looking how common it is and that not half the population has celebral palsy, hearing and vision troubles etc. I am so sure everything is OK for you andyour LO. It

Thanks Jass and Mozza. After my venting I felt much better and have decided (as I have done in the past, unfortunately seeing them just rubs salt into the wound) that it isn't worth letting it get me down. I will just see them as little as possible and like you Jass, phone occasionally. My parents also will not pick up the telephone and call me. I cannot understand why it is so hard to give your child a call? Anyway, that's by the by, I am not going to let it hurt me. Like you Jass, I have a bunch of my own lovely children to love and care about me

And I am feeling happy today, knowing I have ovulated as my temperature has gone up, so now the wait begins. And even though its been months of trying I still feel a pang of excitement and hope at the start of the tww, because anything is possible.

Jass, grizzer, any symptoms? When will you test Jass?

We went out yesterday and I had about three glasses of wine, I have to admit to feeling a bit yucky last night (or maybe it was the two helpings of dessert) and this morning I feel a bit foggy headed, so I think I shall go lightly on the booze the next couple of weeks, mainly because I don't like the after effects. The warm glow at the time was lovely!

Hopefully a swim this morning will blow away the cobwebs...

jass the Infection should have been a few Months ago so most Probably before Conception but not too far From it.. or it could be a recurrence..I Know the risk is low, the consultant Estimated less than 20% of Transmission of the virus to the Baby..However there have been cases of Serious consequences even with an old infection..since last Time I got a chromosome Issue with a Frequency of 1 in a million I can't avoid to worry a Little.. I think it all depends on what I have gone through..I Know I should try to relax..it's just so hard!

mozarella, of course it is hard to relax. i had with my last the scare of lime's disease - it is as bad as syphilys for babies, so do remember the panic. But somehow when baby was already moving and ifelt his presence more, my fears subsided because there was nth i could do. i resigned myself to the fate and decided at least to make the most of the happy expecting time in case the future with my baby would be less happy do to illness. Somehow i managed to rebalance, but i was better off in the hopelessly endlessly silly optimism of my husband who just could not start to imagine anything could not be OK with his baby. He is silly optimist even now, every time i fall preg he still thinks this is it and it will end with a baby. I have to say i have moved to the stage when pregnancy would start from heartbeat. Just bfp is just a step,similar to OV - necessary on this way, but no guarantee for the baby:-)

Hi Ladies

Thanks for your kind thoughts. My bleeding increased at the end of last
week and I miscarried on Saturday. The pain was manageable (except when I
passed the pregnancy sac - the cramps then were ouchy) and I carried on
bleeding heavily on Sunday but it has eased up since then and I am now back
at work. I am still very tearful - I went to the familly do on Sunday but
it was all a bit much - cried all the way home in the car but had to hide
it from the SC;s in the back. I really don't think I have cried so much
in my life and just when I think it has stopped - I start up again. I look
really terrible and appear to have a swollen head!

I went back for my follow up scan this morning. They were short staffed so
sent me up to the normal scan area so I got to sit with all the heavily
bumped ladies and next to the scan picture machine - a nice toucj I thought
Went in to have my scan the sonographer was massively pregnant (FFS
) so by the time she cheerfully asked how I was I burst into tears
(again!). Actually, I felt quite sorry for her and the nurse as they
seemed genuinely taken aback quite taken aback that I had had a miscarriage
and been sent to them to scan. Anyway the upshot was my miscarriage was
complete and my body has done a good job of clearing everything out. It
looks like a "non-pregnant uterus" and that I am ready to start cycling
again. I then had to go back to see the gynaecologist who had a very young
student doctor sitting in who looked terrified and gazed at their shoes
throughout the whole consultation. She said that I should ask my GP to
refer us to the recurrent miscarriage unit as I have had two miscarriages
in quick sucession and basically we can't wait about to have a third as we
are old- the GP may not support the funding but she stressed she thought it
was reasonable to ask for support to ascertain if there was another reason
(other than crap eggs/sperm quality) that would mean we would struggle to
carry a baby to term.

She finally said that I shouldnt' give up on having a baby - that she
reguarly sees women my age and older who have concieved naturally and go on to have perfectly healthy babies and women who have had multiple
miscarriages then all of sudden has a health pregnancy and baby. It gave
me a bit of hope (in between my bouts of weeping obviously).

May we all get our BFPs, ones that stay the distance and don't give us a nervous breakdown in the process! Roll on 2014....