Fabulous Fecund Over Forties TTC: fertile,prolific,fruitful and productive. Hand over the bfp's and hand them over now!!

[hopefulgum]

Starting the new thread for you wonderful ladies before I fly off into the sunset.

May this thread bring us the happy news we've all been waiting for.

mozza, go for the harmony! i hope it will give you again some reassurance. indeed, the current situation is not clear cut enough to tell DH yet. Try to hold it together and remember the ultrasound markers have not so far shown any risk of abnormalities. bhcg levels vary so much in individuals that i would be less worried about it than, say, abnormal nuchal fold scan. it will turn out just fine. It will. It will!

Jbrd, I am also certainly sick of SWI. three years, beurk! try to have fun!
Pixie, Green - counting days with you until those first scans! And hopeful, lets be hopeful! I also see more and more positives about no new baby, it is the gradual adjustment and not a bad thing. But SWI will not be given up in our household, OV-tests kind Morien sent me will be put to good use and i hope the internet tests I ordered will show up as well, i ordered more than month ago from babymad and still have not got them....

Hello lovely people, and thank you all, as ever, for your kind words. I went to see the GP yesterday and he's put me on half-time until mid-December. Actually he wanted to sign me off completely, but I wasn't sure that being home on my own all day every day (DH runs his business from an annex to the house, but still) was quite what I needed, especially as we're having work done at the moment, so I suggested I work mornings. I started that today - worked, had lunch with a friend, came home and slept all afternoon. Feel much more relaxed already.

green you're absolutely right about the blind spot, that's exactly how it is with my DH and his DCs too. He just can't see that, love them as I do, I simply don't (and won't ever) have the strength of feeling about them that he does. (Although when DSD(3) comes and gets into bed with me for a cuddle, as she does every morning just before the alarm goes (she comes to my side, not DH's), it does make me wonder; I'm fascinated and impatient to discover what it's like to have your own DC).

mozza I'm so sorry you've got something else to worry about on top of everything else. If you can afford Harmony, I'd go for it.

jbrd it sounds like you're getting wonderful care, which is brilliant. And hard as it's been, good to know that there was a one-off (ideally) reason for your last MC. I've got everything crossed for your new, relaxed TTC efforts

sparkly good to hear from you. How's your DH these days? Has he stepped up as he did with DD1? How awful about your DD's friend's mum - that's so sad.

How did your scar check go, diege?

notsoold glad to hear the thrush is clearing...

hopeful I'm glad you're able to be philosophical about things this month...but I'm still holding out for those twins for you I do think it's a good idea to wait a bit to POAS, for emotional reasons as much as anything else, as diege says.

pixie welcome - and congratulations!

A big hello to everyone else!

Mozza, with my dd I was given a 1 in 2 chance of downs . I had cvs & that came back all clear but they then said because of the result she must have a heart problem. All through the pregnancy I was convinced she wasn't going to survive. She is 4 in March & not a thing wrong with her! I can't help thinking these sparkly new scanning machines detect too much!
Bizarrely I fell pregnant last year & again was told the nuchal fold result was very high (much higher than with dd). Again a cvs but this time we found she was downs. It took us a few days to come to terms with it but we ended up quite excited by the challenge ahead. As dh put it 'this could be the best thing that ever happened to us.' Sadly we lost her at 18 weeks due to heart & lung problems but just wanted you to know that whatever the outcome you will make the best decision for you & your family & there is a huge amount of support for you whatever happens. It's a really difficult time but sending you lots of love xx

Oh, Grizzer. What a reassuring and beautiful post. You have made even me feel better about risks and tests and I am not even pg!

jbrd you are right but I'm in Very difficult Situation, there is a lot of resentment between us now. When I had a tfmr I would have rather kept the Baby if only he would have Supported me. On the contrary he told me he would Leave if I went on with the Pregnancy and he even threatened to Bring our Other child to China with him.. we argued a lot and I finally gave in to save our family..I can't say which Choice was the right one but afterwards I felt so Angry and devastated that I couldn't stay with him unless he agreed to Try for another child. He agreed but only after Making me swear I would terminate again if we would meet Problems..I Tried to explain that it is impossible to make a Decision before being in such a Situation but he wouldn't Listen. Finally I swore I would because I was too desperate to Try again.now he says I have cheated him because I told him I don't feel I could terminate again Especially a pregnancy for down..I Know he is right about me not being honest but he didn't give me any way to discuss things together.. so I told him about the Harmow test but he's just Angry,feels cheated and doesnt want to Speak with me..so in case I get a bad result I will either have to Split the family or terminate again but I Know I wouldn't Recover From that.. I am also so confused about what is right or wrong. will keeping my Baby affect to much my DD1? how will I cope when older..I just couldn't imagine it could happen to me Twice..Maybe I am the one who has Been selfish and not responsible.. I couldn't find any Other way to get out of an overwhelming desperation and grieving.. now I just can Pray for an Healthy Baby..

Sorry for the Typos

grizzer really thank you for your words..I am sorry for your loss..I wish me and my dp could find a way to face all this together, but on this side we are just too different..
THANKS TO EVERYBODY for your kind words..I will have the harmony tomorrow,results in 2weeks..

mozza, you are in a very tricky situation, I am so sorry. It is so hard when you are not able to turn to DH for support. I am glad you are having the Harmony test. The wait must be awful, but soon you will have an answer. Honestly, I think you know what you can handle. And if that means doing it without your DH, then I think you will be strong enough. I am sure it won't come to that, but feel assured that you are a strong woman and the love of a mother is the strongest thing out there. I really don't like those blood tests. I also had a high one last time, and since speaking to my doctor (a different one than the one I had with DS's pregnancy) I have learned that the bloods can easily be skewed either way simply by having it done on the wrong day, or because some women do have higher levels. My hcg was very high too. DS is perfect.

If I ever get pregnant again, I would like to skip all testing and just have an ultrasound for anomolies at 18-19 weeks. Of course there's no way my doctor or DH would allow that, but I hate all the stress the "screening" tests give us, when most of the time things are fine. I am not even sure if the Harmony test is available in Western Australia, but I would travel to the Eastern states to get it done rather than have an amnio.And I would find the money too, though I am sure it will be very expensive.

However, it is looking unlikely that I will need the test. Temperature has dropped and I just don't feel pregnant. And OMG, I am sick of TTC. My good mood and acceptance has in fact left the building and I have shed a few tears this morning. I just feel that the mountain has gotten so much steeper and I don't have the energy to scale its face anymore. I just want the ellusive F*#king BFP and healthy pregnancy and THB. But how unrealistic is that??It is literally crazy for a 47 year old to think it is achievable.

Bah, humbug!

We had some awful news last night about my FIL. It seems the cancer is rather aggressive and as it is skin cancer, on his face, he was told yesterday that he would have to have most of one side of his face and possibly an eye removed to try and remove the cancer. He has decided not to do it, rather he will have chemo and accept his fate. Very,very sad for my DH and so worrying as MIL isn't well either. She had a stroke this time last year and is very forgetful now, and can't do much around the house. It is grim and very depressing. I suppose it is better that I am not pregnant now as it really wouldn't be welcome news for DH (though in my heart, the start of a new life after an old one is gone, would be so nice for the whole family ). I guess the next few months are going to be difficult for DH's family, and I will have to be a support to DH, so better I am not ill with morning sickness. I have always felt that although I haven't been able to get pregnant that if it does happen it will when the time is right, and maybe it just isn't right, right now...

It is really nice to hear from you Sparkly, what a champion babe you have! To behave so well on the plane. Fantastic! Are you enjoying your baby?

Morien, I am glad to hear that you have seen your GP and that you are able to work less, perhaps the rest is what you need?

Grizzler, I am so sorry for your loss. I do hope your Rainbow baby will join your family soon. I know another baby will not replace your daughter, but I do believe babies are the balm that help heal our broken hearts.

The whole family are very excited about the next episode of Dr Who, so I must use the little smiley !

Mozza....I don't know what to say but I offer a hug with all my heart.
Support from dps are so important anyway, but much much more so during pg!!!
I will be thinking of you tomorrow, ok???
Xxxxx

mozz - OMG. I am so sorry you're in such a sad position. A big hug. and many positive vibes. Will be thinking of you.

Grizzer - Sorry for your loss. I'm very happy that your husband was so supportive.

hopeful - I feel with you. Just got AF and I didn't even have the energy to cry. So I think my optimism and energy and good eggs are all in the same place - OUTSIDE OF MY BODY! I'll be 42 in January.
I sometimes think I'm ready to let it all go. But DP isn't. Far from it.
xxx

mozarella - i would not tell my hubby neither unless i were already sure of the fact. Men do not get it. Lets hope harmony tells you what you need to know. but if it does not you need amnio before you can be sure.

So, fingers crossed harmony result is all clear and if not, then you can seek 100% reassurance that you have a problem. All your husband needs to accept right now is that there is a risk. Risk is no reason to terminate, so no discussions until you know there is a problem.

Right now there is a probability of a problem, you do not have to accept the idea of termination based on that. if needed, tell him it is not now the time to discuss options. time for that is after amnio if things really are bad. Right now - they are not that bad you have to discuss options. So, he also should not discuss options what if.... you are not there yet.

there is always a risk - a baby can be damaged at birth, fall ill and get something terrible after birth. Risk is no reason for discussions of this gravity. Make him not to touch the subject, tell him that you will only turn your thoughts to options if you knew for sure. But for now, for all we know there is very high probability your baby is all fine. So, no reminders of who promised what to whom and when. wait it out, together.

HOpeful, so sorry about your FIL. Looks like we have gloom and doom day here. So sorry for all those who suffer acutely now or from sad memories.....Thinking of you all.

Morien, i hope less of the daily trouble is the solution for you. i am a bit angry with the system where you are more or less expected to work until you give birth and then only have about 4 months of paid leave. my comparatives are just so different - back home you stop work at week 32, the leave is 100% paid, then when your baby is 2 months old, you get parental leave for 18 months fully paid ( unless you earn more than 3 times national average, in thatc ase you get that said 3xnational avg). And all that in country which is, by Europran standards, poor, and has low tax levels.

on the contrary, i have just learned that Luxembourg which pays for pitiful maternity support allows pensioners to take three weeks in spas, staying in the hotel at spa ( eve if they live 30km from the spa), and that based on GP prescription, NO special ailments needed, fully paid by healthcare, incl hotel fees! Pensions tend to be higher than young peoples ' wages here, so they teally do not need this state aid. Where are the priorities in this place? luckily i am not paying these taxes,as I pay EU taxes, but I have to say i was shocked....

Thanks jass,you are right it's useless to discuss things before Knowing the actual Situation… I just hoped to bring hin closer to my position...but I agree now it's better to wait the harmony results.
Hopeful I am really sorry for your FIL, f Cancer… hugs!!!

Hello lovely ladies....its been a while.
Warm welcome to those of you who are new.

Its just a quicky from me really. I'm currently sat at the airport waiting to fly bavk to NIreland having spent the most fantastic week with dd1 and new baby Sonny. Its amazing how you bond with them so completely and utterley....even when they are once removed as grand children. It was hard saying goodbye for sure.

Nireland and army life is much the same. I have found a few ladies who are on my wavelength now and tend to just keep away from the gossips, drama queens and judgemental wives. FB is a constant scource of amusement for me with their sly jibes at each other and outright slanging wars. I have to say....its like Jeremy Kyle......I only watch it as it reminds me who's best. Hehe.

I do still read regularly....i just guess I am slowly weaning myself off the ttc obsession. I realise that in a few months i will turn 44 and with DH off to Afghan in August our time is shorter and i know my stressyness over the constant opk's and bfn's puts a strain on us.
So for now I will pop up every so often. But be sure i willbe cheeleading and sharing comiserations with you all. Much love to all x

my 44th is approaching too....Good you are in a good place, Calibee

Hi calibee, it is really good to hear from you. It sounds like you had a lovely time with your DD and DGS. It is good to hear you have some friends on your wavelength too. I so hope you are able to conceive before your Dh goes off to Afghanistan.

jass, some countries treat mothers with a lot more respect than others don't they? Our new Prime Minister has at least come up with 6 months paid leave, where before it was about 3 months. I find it to be insulting - why do they think it is okay for a baby to go into care at 6 months or sooner? Or that families should struggle on one income (which we have done with every child we had, except the last one, where I got 12 weeks paid leave, but then struggled and got into debt whilst I stayed on leave for longer). For all the talk of valuing families and children, the western world doesn't necessarily act upon it. And it isn't just about the money - I have been disadvantaged career wise, and with the retirement entitlements - financial- too. My DH has a great deal more superannuation put away than I have. Luckily he will share it with me - but legally it is all his.

It is still a man's world in my opinion, and it seems very difficult to change it as long as women are carrying babies and giving birth to them. Having said that, I wanted to have my children and loved being at home with them, I wouldn't want to change that, but I would have liked more help, perhaps state paid cleaner/cook (does this happen in France? I thought I heard it did), or cheaper childcare so I could work a little bit, rather than work alot because it is so expensive.

I am more than sure I am out this cycle. Just waiting for AF to show in the next couple of days I think. I didn't take my temperature today, DS was in bed with me, and woke me at 5:15 when he wet the bed . My poor bed has taken a hammering with his wetting! He has been dry for weeks, then this! So I didn't take my temperature. But I just know - my boobs are losing the tenderness, there are no other symptoms, etc, etc. The egg was not golden, the time was not right

I have a nice day planned. I will be sitting at the hairdressers for a couple of hours, getting a colour and cut, then this afternoon I am taking DD's to see the new Hunger Games film. I am also going to make some chicken soup for PIL for DH to take out to them at their farm tomorrow.

Enjoy your Saturday,ladies

Yes, hopeful, it is true that politicians count on us wanting kids anyway, so why bother with childcare that much. i do not know about state-paid childminders or cooks in France or Luxembourg, maybe they do exist. When i talk about homeland I mean Estonia, and that is a nation of 1 million - our survival depends on kids, we can not allow that much immigration and assimilate and remain estonian-speaking nation. immigration is kept at bay anyway by living standards about 60% of EU average together with nasty cold climate, so the country needs kids really bad.
maybe also the decent system is a relic of the Soviet Union, where womwn could not chose to be SAHM but were state- supported until kids where at least 1 yo. Then they had to return to work. we got rid of the compulsory work for women, but maintained an understanding that mothers stop working when 7mo preg and will not restart before kids are year and half. i hope our poiticians stay trained that way!

Hi ladies. I've had a tough weekend: here's my whiney little post on chat

Feeling much better this morning. DS didn't wake too much through the night, just to ask for drinks - he must be so dehydrated, and is still asleep, thank goodness. I am sure he'll be full of beans today, though I am not really, so we will be having a quiet day at home.

So, not much to tell: Af is here and I am contemplating taking the clomid I have in my cupboard, but then again, would it make any difference at all when I am already ovulating? I have heard it can help with egg quality, but how? And that it helps raise progesterone, is that true?

I am looking for advice, I am so fed up with not getting pregnant and wonder if I should make one last ditch attempt?

Calibee, you have loads of wisdom about clomid - what do you think? What cycle days should I take it, and how much should I take?

Wow, hopefulgum you've been through the wringer.
How's your fil? My dad has inoperable lung cancer, diagnosed about 16 months ago. His cancer has responded really well to the chemo and targeted medication and while he has chemo every 3 weeks and will have to for the rest of his life, his quality of life isn't bad at all. In fact, in a couple of weeks he's going to make a 12 hour plane trip to come visit me! Fingers crossed for your fil, cancer treatment is improving day by day.

I'm in the us and maternity leave here is awful. I'd get 16 weeks paid leave from my employer which is considered good. Legally women here are entitled to 6 weeks unpaid! I'm the main breadwinner and my husband is part-time so he'll be home more with baby if we're lucky enough.

I came off the mini pill over 3 weeks ago and I've no idea what's up with my cycle. No period and I got opks but hadn't had anything until I got a faint line today (so of course I did a hpt!). So let's hope my body's finally doing what it needs to do! I've got an appointment only next month to see an ob-gyn.

We had a lovely family over this afternoon. They have a beautiful 10 month old baby and the mum was 41 when she had her. So of course I interrogated her about how, when etc!!

Hi there - just checking in. Gum - I'm so sorry to hear about your DFIL. I hope he's not suffering too much and I know exactly how your DH feels. We're in a sort of limbo too. You feel grief but it isn't the moment to grieve and there's so much to do practically that you feel bad if you're not able to help though in my case they're not always ready to let me. I see that s a good thing though - it means they're still fighting.

Sorry for all the sickness too. I had a dose of that last week when both DD and DP got a bug and I did all the washing/mopping up etc. It is that time of the year here. Germs sprouting everywhere.

Hi to all the new recruits. May your stay be short and fruitful! Shakshuka - glad for your dad that they've been able to stabilise him. Sadly it isn't always the way it goes. Enjoy his visit.

Morien - I hope you can find some help and support. I remember being knocked off balance by my pregnancy and the idea of having my first child at 42. I didn't feel too great some of the time though physically everything went well. At 22 weeks, I tripped over into some building works and came home and went to bed for two days... I hadn't really hurt myself I was just overwhelmed. I also towards the end got a bit sick of all the build up to the birth. Once she arrived I was swept away by her in such a lovely way though. Look after you.

Mozza - you poor love! Look after yourself. I really hope for all the best things for you.

AFM - Still no AF (three weeks late) still no BFP; but I seem to have ovulated again. We'll see. Perhaps I didn't actually get there last time despite the positive opk? Havent started temping but I'm signed up and ready to go.

Hi to everyone else. I think I've gone long enough

Isadorable

I just looked through the thread and saw what is happening with your Dad. I'm so sorry, it sounds like he's suffering a lot, but I'm glad that at least the radiation therapy is working.

Unfortunately I know all too well about cancer which doesn't respond to treatment because my Mum died last month from metastatic breast cancer. She was only diagnosed in mid-July (she'd been treated originally about 5 years ago - the cancer came back) and died 3 months later. It was horrific, I can't even put into words just how awful it was. She was also in a lot of pain. We'd all been so worried about my Dad and it turns out that my Mum was the one we should have been concerned about. :(

Shakshuka - I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. Life can be very cruel. My mum had breast cancer too 15 years ago and she's fine, but we've had a few scares over the years. Enjoy your time with your dad. Thanks for your kind thoughts about our situation. What an awful situation you've been dealing with, how terribly hard for you, your dad and all your family. My heart goes out to you.

Gum.....I have just seen your post. Currently have no landline or broadband and mobile signal is hopeless. Currently waiting at hospital whilst DH gives sample. As soon as i am up and running (tomorrow all being well) i will message you x

isadorable

It's not a club any of us want to be members of :( but once you're in, you're in.

I hope your Dad gets some relief from his symptoms from the treatment. And I hope he won't be like my Mum who suffered a lot with the pain because she 'didn't want to be any trouble'. There ARE plenty of pain relief options and no need for someone to suffer in silence.

I think the thing about cancer is that each cancer is so different. My Mum's was very aggressive, my Dad's - while officially stage 4 because it's spread beyond the lungs - isn't as aggressive. There are also so many more effective treatments than before that what used to be a death sentence is now often treated like a chronic disease. You're right, of course, that cancer still kills and doesn't always respond to treatment. But many cancers do and the number and effectiveness is slowly increasing as new cancer drugs come on to the market every month. Just a few years ago, the drugs my Dad takes to keep him alive wouldn't have been available.

I think the only way to cope (for me) is to just take each day as it comes. I'm incredibly thankful for each day my Dad is alive and in relatively good health - the median life expectancy for someone with his condition is just nine months! But there's no point fretting about what will be. I know that eventually his cancer will become resistant to the treatment, hopefully they'll be able to change his 'cocktail' of drugs and something else will work but there's no guarantees.

Keep us posted how your Dad is doing.

I wish you as long as possible with your dad in good health. And as short as possible time till you fall pregnant. Everyone here is a great support on both fertility knowledge and emotional support, and since you work analysing fertility stats, dont be surprised if we start trying to get information out of you too! My cycle has gone haywire this year just as I decided to try for a second one. I am sure we haven't been trying hard enough - we're going to have to up the ante a bit I think... Going to start temping if AF ever comes.