The BESH plumbing is blocked up. Where's a man with a big tool when you need one?

[FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn]

Welcome to the BESH plumbing thread, where we have blocked pipes, dirty u-bends and leaks aplenty.

Newbies are welcome to seek out the BESHtionnaire submit highly inflated quotes for consideration. Instadiffers will be massively overcharged and sent packing.

Hmmm, this job is gonna cost a bit

Ladies, ladies, beeatches, hags, etc etc etc

I was being ironik innit. No joke, but I have had that said to me by about eight different people over the past few weeks. Even my boss said it and I nearly stabbed him in the neck with my fucking biro. Not good for career development.....in honour of the BESH, I did fix him with a steely glare and told him that a failed ivf round, ttc for four and a half years and a MC did not make for a particularly relaxed person. He mumbled an apology and looked at his shoes. Silly twat.

So, twonks have a tweak of my Norks and please be my friend again. . . If you beat my 'oh see, that's what happens when you relax' count, I shall buy you some elasticated trousers (they are the fucking future) and undercrackers the size of Wales. In the meantime, I shall be avoiding the deadly assassin, euro.

bugs even though you have also disowned me I would quite happily send euroassassin to your friend to give her a bit of a bitch slap. That's just downright RUDE and quite staggeringly offensive.

bear good luck for Foof Cam and appointments etc. well on your way now.

driz good follie action there luv. That seems like a great crop to be growing so far.

faif I have fucking fat feet. I have Fat Pat's feet. But I am grand apart from that. How is Faiflet ? Behaving herself ?

draff good luck for your appointment too tomorrow.

Hello to all you other beautiful BESH ladies. Pleeeeeeeeeese be my friend again. Here, I have the Flounder of Friendship (multi-pack).

Norkynorkynorknorks xx

norks I guessed you were being ironikal innit but I feel my jokey tone did not cross over well. So though I was always your bosom buddy I will still snuggle up to your bosom. Oooh cosy.

Excellent comeback, Norks - your boss is a dick.

Have you all seen the hoo-ha at Le Tour?! Disgraceful behaviour by fans, I am quite sad. Yesterday Cav knocked someone off his bike (accidentally), the race officials said no harm done, but today (it's a time trial stage today so all riders are on their own rather than in a peloton) some disgusting twerp has chucked piss all over Cav! I am hoping Gary Imlach and Chris Boardman will be telling me wtf is going on later...

Oh and you did vair well not stabbing your boss, and your response was perfect. Hopefully he'll engage brain before opening mouth in future.

I am off to see World War Z this afternoon. Zombies scare the shit out of me. I'm not sure why I've agreed to do this popcorn

Eww draf dirty fuckers! Poor cav.

I know! It's utterly revolting.

Blimey twonks you ARE enjoying yourself in there . I shall keep them open for the entire afternoon, just in case you want a comforting after being scared shitless by the zombies. Say hello to Sir Bradley Fitt for me please.

draff noooooo ! SHADDAP. Cav is well fit and for that reason, he should absolutely not have someone's weewee thrown all over him. Nastie.

twink my erm meant pretty much what draf sed ("I think she was crossing a line, even for black humour, bugs! What a thing to say").

frank droid is actually a good thing. I know it's a BFN - the clinic blood test confirmed that. So I just wanted to get droid over and done with. And it needed to come now as any delay ran the risk of the August cycle clashing with biz travel, and that would have got stressful.

Norks I just wanted to say, once again, how much I luff your writing style

I was irronikal too, but less funnily so. Sending out slapping assasins to bugs colleague and nork's boss. Oh my... Impressed with your answers.

We should like, make a movie or something.

*posting

*though I'm sure you all pose beautifully

arf at posermoll

This is all just so much to take in!

at black humour friend Bugs. Although TBF I get a bit ed when ladeez call each other bitches in RL anyway. Guess I am a meek and mild type?

Speaking of which, Draf, yes, I did see the TdF yesterday. T'was very exciting for the last 6km or so. Have not seen it today though and how disgusting - I hope whoever it is gets arrested or summat.

Thanks for all your stories. I did not in any way expect dildocam on my first visit so thanks for the warning. Must remember to tidy prune the lady garden. It's interesting that you've all had slightly different experiences. So, the consensus is we're basically going to get tested again, then diagnosed, then some action will be taken. All sounds good. Would like to Get On With It Now, please.

Love the fact that you have 'best white pants' Twink. I'll be lucky to find any white ones - mine are mostly grey. I avoid these though and they lie unloved at the bottom of the pant drawer. Must go underwear shopping. Plus, Epping Forest is gorge. I'm imagining you riding your horse through there and it makes me think of Lord of the Rings - Liv Tyler's character when she saves Frodo.

Norks - glad you put your nobbish boss in his place. Also, who is Fat Pat? Pat Butcher? I have to also admit that I, too, have a BESH crush on your writing style.

Sorry Bugs what's the next step for you?

Oh yes, noks. Giant feet - I had that! Faithlet is grand ta. Had her 12 week jabs yesterday so was a bit grumpy but has perked up. I've had an IUD fitted today to prevent me dropping the butter dish. Not a pleasant experience and I have droid like pain now! Ah well, hopefully it'll settle down soon.

bugs I am at your colleague's attitude.

Sorry to hear about droid/lack of implantation euro :(

Aw bugs I'm sorry :(

World War Z, predictably, scared the crap out of me. HWCA had a good laugh at me leaping out of my seat every 5 minutes. Not as good as the book though.

bear less Liv Tyler, more like an orc on horseback. But yes the forest was gorgeous. You nearby?

Contraception? Bollocks to that.

Yes bugs, what a faff. Had to go to family planning appointment with GP to discuss options then go on waiting list and then a half hour appointment to have it fitted! CBA with a pill though, I don't think I'll be reliable enough. Very weird though yes. I know your approach is different dor! :)

Oh yes and :) at being the 'nice' ESH.

Was it worth watching anyway, Twink? HOTB and I have been idly considering going to see it.

Using contraception is WEIRD. We have been sternly told (by letter) to use barrier contraception until after next week's appointment, as they might potentially want to do a practice-run ET (why, fuck knows), for which I MUST NOT be diffed. Of course, we have managed to have a condom-fail for the second time in thirteen years of cheerful shagging during this time period... Bets on ironi-diff?! I'm not at all worried really - I think the DR-drucks and my essential barrenness will have put paid to any potential diffment, but honestly, talk about incompetent fucking