In the beginning Mumsnet created the TTC forum and saw that is was good. But many of the threads were full of women complaining that they had not been blessed with their 4th baby. And Lo many women who were evil and greedy for having delayed having babies so they could live fabulous lives and have holidays (and nothing to be with being financially stable and being with the right partner) and they were made sad by the women who already had babies.
And they went into the wilderness and walked for 40 days and 40 nights until they came to the promised land of elderberries and sausages. And they saw that it was good.
And Lo those women did pee upon the stick of OPK and saw that there were two lines and held it to the light and did say unto their fellow elderberries 'tell me oh wise women, is the test line darker than the control line?' And the wise women said that it was and they must make haste to their bed and the elderberries did call unto their husbands and ask for him to lay with her and he said, 'but I have been busy at work and I'm too tired.' And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
And the elderberries did go to the wise GP and speak to him but he didn't understand but sent the woman to have tests on the wrong day. And the woman did say unto her husband 'you must spill your seed into this pot and a man will look at it and see if it is good' and the man said that he was too busy and tired. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
And the woman looked at her fellow women and they all doth say 'but I laid with a man but once and I have had many babies' and another said 'I think thou doth triest too much. If thou stop trying it will happen'. And the women were evil and they thought not for the feelings of the elderberries and they doth call upon their friends to bring them gifts as they were very pleased with themselves for having a baby and could not understand why the elderberries find it so difficult.
And lo the elderberry did find herself reading the scripture of the internet and did do everything asked of her by the soothsayers therein. She did eat manuka honey, she did pee on sticks, she did put a pillow under her bottom, she did not partake of the caffeine or the alcohol, she did put the legs into the air after she had lain with her husband but each month she was visited by an evil spirit. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Our peestick
Who art in the bathroom cupboard
Clearblue is thy name,
Thy peeing on done,
Thy one line only come,
This month as every other,
Give us every other day strength to DTD
Forgive us complaining
As we forgive those who give us advice,
And lead us not to read the internet
And deliver us of a baby (eventually)
For thine is the CBFM
The opk and the conceive plus,
Until we get two lines
Amen.