We will try anything! The big fat posifrickintivity thread of TTC after MC

[GuffSmuggler]

A new thread for all you lovely, crazy ladies. Here's to lots of BFPs!

Morning all. Sorry for the bfns. They suck. We seriously need someone to lead the way in opening the floodgates in here. guff I hope that is you and rock!

No news here bum on cd12/13 (can't really decide) and haven't been well so no dtd yet. (I know I know). Hoping to put that right BIG STYLE over the weekend which I hope will correspond with a positive opk too.

Thanks for all your kind words :)

I didn't poas today as pretty sure af us nearly here but if it hasn't arrived will test tomorrow (hopefully that will just count as delayed Friday poas so I won't get any fish slaps!) will be 16dpo tmrw.

Sorry emki cam subdance hope you do something nice to forget about it.

oh boo, emki and sundance as well

It's all guff's fault. if she'd only waited til friday we could have had one bfp to cheer us all up.

rainbow i like your evil plan of not telling DH that you're officially ttc. ignorance is bliss...

Well no POAS for me for a couple of weeks now, and even then I may have to wait a week as I'm on holiday for a couple of weeks. I hope there's lots of BFPs in my absence. This weekend we're hopefully properly into the DTD, we managed a 4.00 am shag on Thursday morning after our row on Wednesday night! Today I've noticed some EWCM and I'm 12 days in so I'm hoping that OPK will be positive today or tomorrow and we'll need to get some shagging in this weekend as from Monday we'll be crammed into some tiny hotel room with DD aged 2.7 (and there's no way I'm doing it while she's in the room!).

Ah, shit, sundance. I'm glad I have no tests left in the house or I might be joining you. Used them all up randomly checking last pregnancy.

Feeling a bit shaky today, but that isn't unusual for me pre-AF. Just obsessively symptom spotting...

Good luck with the SWIing squiggly. Hope you get ovulation over and done with over the weekend, so you can avoid those awkward questions from sleepy DD!

Sorry everyone for a crap fertile Friday, I'm very happy to take the blame and be buried under smelly fish.

This means there will be a job lot over the next couple of weeks I know it! Keep positive everyone and watch some Andy Murray to cheer you up.

Guff - Congratulations, great news.

I am not having a great day today (I suppose I am only 10 days post operation) but I feel so emotional, I could just cry. I think it started off with a scan picture announcement on facebook due the same month I would have been...hit me like a bus, and I don't normally care about things like that/doesn't usually bother me. I have only cried once since coming out of hospital, a few nights ago...I just sobbed and sobbed - you know the kind of crying where you are just loud/can't catch your breath. It felt good, I needed it.

I feel like I am having irrational thoughts - but I don't know if I am just going through the normal notions. Maybe some of you can enlighten me/tell me you feel the same...for example: I feel like life is shit. The only thing that will make it better is being pregnant again and having a healthy baby. But this is so selfish of me, because deep down I know life is not 'shit' I have a beautiful DD who I am so grateful for, so why am I so desperate to have another baby so much? Why do I feel so 'depressed'? I feel bad for feeling like this, but I feel like my only cure is pregnancy.

Moving on to my next point...I want to be pregnant, now. ASAP. I don't want to wait 3 months, 2 periods, whatever...I don't want to wait at all. I want to TTC immediately, as soon as I feel fit and well, and the hcg is out of my system. But deep down I know I need to let my body recover, and waiting does have it's benefits. But then I think...I only have one tube. What if the month I wait is the month my 'good side' releases an egg and I miss it! Plus...no one has actually told me anything about trying again. Not one medical professional has spoken to me on this matter. I am only going by what I have read on the internet. I am hoping to see the GP on Weds to answer a few questions.

I'm sorry for the self obsessed rant, but I just needed to tell someone, anyone. I know you all understand. I have posted on the 'Ectopic Support Thread' (2 days ago, still watching as the tumbleweed rolls past) so I'd prefer to stick with you ladies, plenty of chat to keep up with!

I just want to TTC again, so I feel I have that 'hope' every month. But I can't even do that yet my hcg levels were 31000 2 weeks ago, so I think it's going to take a long time to get back to zero. (Then I feel bad for wanting to TTC again already...sigh...)

Hope everyone is doing okay. xx

Sorry for all the BFNs - it's so gutting! I am waiting until next Friday to POAS. I have had dreadful stomach bug this week and managed to convince myself it must be aggressive early morning sickness, but have since realised it was probably the norovirus. Grrrrrr.... Hope everybody has good weekends. X

Overanxious! I have just seen your post. You poor thing. I TOTALLY get how you are feeling and wanted to give you a huge virtual hug. I also know what you mean about nobody posting on the Ectopic Board which makes you feel more shit. I had a crappy day today as well and had to explain to a colleague exactly what an Ectopic Pregnancy was. He then said 'Oh, I didn't realise. I just thought you were being dramatic' and I could have punched him. Suffering an ectopic is HORRENDOUS and I think you have done brilliantly to have only had one good cry. I still have a good cry most months. I also know exactly what you mean about nobody really saying anything to you about conceiving again and believe that the truth is that although ectopics are becoming more common, they are still rare enough for alot of medical professionals to know very little about them. It's also tough for us cos there aren't many people in 'real life' who can sympathise cos they haven't been through it. I was told that I was 'lucky' they operated in time because my tube had already ruptured and I was bleeding out, but the loss you feel is a double whammy cos we've lost part of our fertility, along with our much wanted babies.

I felt ALOT better after seeing my GP. He reckons I probably got the Ectopic as a result of scarring from my C Section but they are alot more common if you've had any abdominal surgery, which made me feel better for having some kind if explanation. He also told me that I should wait for my first proper period after the op, then could try again. They say 3 months for definite if you've been treated with methoxdrate (that isn't the correct spelling, but the drug they use if they don't remove a tube) but the main reason they say 3 months is for you to recover emotionally. I bet your doc will say the same thing. remember that until v recently they used to say the same thing for a miscarriage.

I felt exactly the same as you. I wanted to start trying STRAIGHT AWAY - and I think that feeling is natural. I felt better once my first period was out of the way and, unlike some if the ladies on here, they came back exactly the same as before. I actually got pregnant again quite quickly but that resulted in miscarriage. I was really upset but (and I really hope this doesn't offend any if the lovely ladies on here) a tiny part of me was relieved that my other tube clearly 'worked' and that I could fall pregnant again. I've also been massively cheered by the news that according to a 10 year study of pregnancies in one tubed ladies, that 30% of those pregnancies are as a result of ovulation from the tubeless side. So there is hope for us.

Remember you are still recovering physically and you WILL feel better once those scars start to fade. I definitely did.

Feel free to message me personally if you like. And I do hope you feel better soon. Lots and lots of love and support to you, Lady xxxxxx

onelittletoddleterror - I wouldn't wish it on anyone either. I went to A&E as I just couldn't cope with the pain anymore, it was bloody horrendous & constant. Lucky I went when I did too as I started gushing as soon as I got there. The docs thought I might have a bit stuck in my cervix but couldn't get a look because of the blood loss. Anyway morphine & buscopan sorted me out & I passed it without pain later that day. Except it didn't all come out hence the erpc. Glad that ordeal is all over, definitely not one I wish to repeat.

Its sad to hear so many of us seem to have gone through similar, but I'm glad we have each other for support that its hard to find irl from people who mean well but can't possibly understand bc it hasn't happened to them.

overanxious - I think its normal to feel like things are pretty shit after what we've just been through. I had a pre-booked course last night & arrived to find I'd been placed on the same table & opposite a heavily pregnant girl. That was hard. Then today I spoke to an old friend who lives overseas, & she asked me 'when u gonna pop another one out? surely it'll be sometime soon?' without knowing just how long we've been trying or what has just happened. I gulped & changed the subject as I couldn't face saying it out loud & I knew she'd be mortified if I did.

I'm totally with you re the thoughts that the only thing that'll make you feel better is to be pregnant again. I can't imagine how hard it must be dealing with the extra issues that ectopic throws up too, so I think you have every right to feel the way you do.

Which leads me to how I'm feeling. Physically, I'm recovering & bleeding is slowing up. Had a teary day yesterday but feeling more optimistic today. I'm absolutely terrified of this happening again, but my desire for another baby outweighs the fear, so I think I'd like to get started as soon as bleeding has stopped.

over. You poor thing. Firstly there is no need to apologise for "self obsessed rant". You are free to say what ever you are feeling here and I know everyone will just want to support you.
You have so many hormones and grief on top it's no wonder you are having a wobble.
Someone said to me the other day (about another topic) "time heals almost everything you just have to give time some time" I thought so true though easier said than done.
None of us know what the future holds and all we have is hope that it will work out the way we want it and if it dosen't then at some point we will accept it and learn the joy of life with what we have. I hope!!
I hope you get some answers at GPs. Just remember what your feeling is normal. Big hugs. Go and look at your daughter sleeping and remember you are her world you carried her and you are amazing.

Just checking in to see the POAS results - bummer for all those BFNs. Fingers crossed for next month.

Massive congratulations guff, but you know what's coming... Well worth it though!

over, stay with us here, we'll talk to you lots (mostly nonsense probably). Did you know that there has been some research that shows you can still get pregnant from an egg from the ovary with the tube cut? Sounds weird but there is scientific research that proves it, take a look at the ectopic pregnancy support trust website if you want to read the paper. So try not to upset yourself too much about missing a month from the "good" side.

No POAS or DTD for me today as AF is still here. On the plus side, I've finally been discharged from the hospital as this week's blood test was a negative. No more being stabbed with needles, yay!

Overanxious - do get your doc to do a blood test. I think your hgc levels will be really low by now, which will make you feel better. And those three scars on your abdomen will heal quickly which will make you feel better too. I've just been re-examining mine in the mirror. My belly button used to look like an upside-down penis after the operation - I kid you not! - but it looks fine now. Better than it did before cos it was all saggy after having my DS - I guess we get free belly button lifts as well! Am not trying to be flippant, btw, just make you feel better. And we all agree that miscarriages, ectopics and all pregnancy losses are TOTALLY FCKING SHIT. As Misspositivity* just said, just look at your beautiful little girl and keep your chin up, Missus x

You are all so lovely, thank you. I knew talking to some of you on here would make me feel better.

kat You are right I do need to clarify the TTC again with my Dr, patience will be hard but it is definitely needed. Thanks for the much needed hugs and kind words. x

badhair Thank you for your really helpful post, I totally get what you're saying about Dr's not knowing all that much about ectopic, it's not as easy to find clear information either. I will PM you if I think of anything I could do with a chat about. x

omama It's horrible, isn't it? I don't want to tell anybody the truth about how I feel/what I'm going through, but equally hate putting on the smiley face and spouting the "Ohh hopefully soon, next year etc etc" I actually just feel like screaming at them! I am glad that you are physically starting to feel better, teary days are good as it means you are not bottling it all up. I felt that I started to feel much better once the bleeding had all stopped after my first MC. x

misspositiv Thank you for your truly lovely post, I have just peeked at my sleeping beauty and had a little smile remembering that I have carried and birthed a healthy baby once, I pray/hope that I can do it again...x

penguin Yes I have read that about the tubeless side/egg, seems bizarre and almost unbelievable but I suppose it is an extra glimmer of hope. for you for finally being discharged, and the start of your next journey...wishing you lots of luck. x

badhair Blood test is a good idea, to give me some idea of where I am at. I'm not too fussed about the scars (not the physical ones anyway!) my belly button was already scarred from a belly button piercing...they are still quite sore though. Everything I've read seems to suggest that the soreness/pain dissappears within a few days, but I am still quite bruised and definitely very aware of my scars to the touch - were you the same? x

Yeah - it took me a while to wear jeans again cos the button used to rub me. I felt bruised and tender for a while but I was so much worse after my C Section that I felt the physical recovery was quite quick. My baby used to kick me in the stomach, which wrecked but it got better soon. I was in the most pain from having an ulcerated throat after having the breathing tube pulled out, to be honest. I never actually knew my hgc levels but after two nights in hospital, was told they had come 'right down'. They came down quickly after my miscarriage too, which was a natural one. Ectopic was at 7 or 8 weeks and miscarriage at 6 weeks. Unless you have any other complications I'm sure the doc will say you can try again as soon as you've had your first period. Fingers crossed for you. Some of the ladies on the Ectopic board conceived within 3 months, you know. Don't lose hope! I never phoned anybody at the Ectopic Trust but apparently they are really helpful and know alot more than the doctors. Maybe you could give them a ring?

over, so sorry you are having a tough day today. The NEED to be pregnant ASAP really resonates with me. It was all consuming in the early days. But, after the first post-MC AF was out of the way, that feeling reduced a bit. It is still such early days for you, and you have been through such a lot - give yourself some time. Things will get easier

Oh over I hope you've woken up feeling a bit better this morning.
Try and do nice things if you can his weekend and make sure dh and dd spoil you rotten.

Hooray for penguin gettin the all clear

Over, sorry you've been feeling bad, glad you got such great supportive replies.

If it helps I relate to feeling guilt. I adore my DS but, for me, the terrible truth is right now he's not always enough to stop me feeling bad. Once he was my entire world and all I needed so feeling depressed feels like a terrible betrayal as his mother.

I cling on to the knowledge that these feelings will ease and I will feel happy about life again. Already i feel better than a week ago. You've got a bigger physical recovery but you too will start to have brighter days.

Definitely be nice to yourself. When i felt like moping i got new pjs, a beautiful new soft blanket and made the most of lying around. Being outdoors over the last week has been great for lifting my mood.

I hope today is better xxx

Hi over
I was pretty similar (not the ectopic part but I have one dc and had a MMC and erpc) and felt horrific afterwards. So down and felt life was shit. OH didnt undrstand as we have a lovely child and great marriage, so what was my problem? It's the disappointment, the fear, and hormones raging round your body to name just a few. I was (and still am) desperate to be preggers again. And I did ttc straight away (well two weeks after op as suggested) but my body is taking time to recover I think. But the fear is still there and so many new babies and pregnancies in my face make it hard to deal with. I have 4 friends with babies due within a week of my EDD, which is rapidly approaching.

I think it's ok to feel like you do. So don't worry about those feelings and having a good cry (I do even now) is therapeutic. I don't think I cried enough at the time. Noone thinks you are ungrateful for what you have. I felt / feel the same and feel guilty for feeling like that.
I would do what you feel is right re ttc from what you can cope with emotionally.

Big hugs xxxxx

Over sorry you're feeling so low all the ladies on here have given you some great advice.

Well no need for me to poas today af finally arrived yesterday evening - gutted!! So tonight I am mostly going to get drunk!!

Yes, hurrah for your negative blood test Penguin.

Boo to bfns yesterday.

Kat i laughed about your DH being a hero to us for lying back being waited on and getting no effort lovin'!

Hope everyone has a nice weekend