Just started to feel period pains ;(

[johnandkymberley]

Hi all, title says it really!!
I'm f*#%!?g gutted!! I really don't think I can deal with it, we have been trying for a month and I know it's stupid to feel like this but I can't help it! I feel like I'm a failure...AND I have no chocolate in the house!!!!
Sorry just needed to let off some upsetness!
Baby dust to all TTC xxxxxxx

[alicebear]

buggerlugs that seems a little harsh. I think it's normal to be optimistic & hopeful in the first months ttc.
OP I've had frustrating times with late AF and BFNs for days before getting a BFP. Afraid you're just going to have to keep waiting. Let us know what happens.

[FriendofDorothy]

I don't thinks bugs was being harsh, honest ad straightforward mainly.

johnandkymberley - when did you stop using contraception and have you had any periods since coming off it?

[johnandkymberley]

I can understand where bugga lugs is coming from, but I agree with Alice bear as there could have been a better way to say it lol!

I hope my AF doesn't come but in the meantime I've just got to play the waiting game I suppose.....

[johnandkymberley]

And I've been off my contraception 6 weeks, had a period 2 days after I had it out I was due around that time as well!!!

[FriendofDorothy]

I'm which case it is entirely possible that your hormones are just settling down and the period you had just after you stopped your contraception was just a withdrawal bleed.

[johnandkymberley]

What's a withdrawal bleed?

[MrsHuxtable]

Sounds like you just had a withdrawal bleed and no period.

When you are on the pill, the bleeding you have is not an actual period. When you stop the pill, you get a withdrawal bleed, essentially just what you used to have when on the pill. Your first real period comes only after that and some women taken quite a while to settle back into a cycle after stopping hormonal contraception.

[johnandkymberley]

Okay thanks for clarifying that :) do I have to have a full period before I am able to become pregnant??

[FriendofDorothy]

No, you can become fertile before you have a period, but you are not likely to know about it so easily.

You can check cervical mucus, use temperature charts etc etc but I suggest you chill out for a few months, shag every couple of days and enjoy it.

The reality is that if you don't get pregnant easily then TTC will become very ritualistic and less enjoyable, so enjoy the time you have without all of that.

Also, and here is just a small word of warning. There are a lot of people on these boards who have struggled to become pregnant and have taken years and years to get pregnant, if they have managed it at all. It is really very frustrating when someone who came off the pill 6 weeks ago starts a thread saying, 'am I pregnant?', 'why am I not pregnant?', 'do you think I could be pregnant?'.

Long-term TTC is joyless and frustrating. You may get lucky, you may not, but please spare a thought for those who are stuck in an endless cycle of hoping month on month and hugs disappointment.

Sit tight, wait and see if your period pitches up and shag lots.

[johnandkymberley]

FriendofDorothy, thank you for the advice. I'll bare it in mind.

Also thanks for your small word of warning, I didn't come on here to offend anybody. I assumed that as every other person on this forum is also trying for a baby that we'd all be feeling similarly, regardless of how long they have been trying and the contraception they were on before they started trying. (I wasn't on the pill.)

Seeing as you're such an expert, I'm surprised it hasn't happened for you yet?!

FriendofKymberley says; "you should take note of your own advice"

Good luck and I'll keep you updated.

[FriendofDorothy]

It has happened to me. I was one of the fortunate people. I now have a lovely 5 month old son.

It took nearly two years, a round of medication and a procedure to check out my tubes for blockages.

That two years were very sad and disappointing and hard work at times. I made good friends on here, some of whom have managed to get pregnant and some who have not yet.

[willitbe]

Johnandkimberley - please be careful what you say "as you such an expert surprised not happened to you yet" is a truly insensitive thing to say. Fertility is not a competition about how good or knowledgable a person is. You can know nothing and become pregnant, you can know virtually all there is to know about fertility and still be infertile.

You have yet to experience months on end of trying to conceive and failing, or experience the hurt and emotional trauma of a miscarriage. You are at the start of a hopeful short and exciting journey to motherhood. But please listen to the advice you have been given.

I remember feeling like you do now, and I was one of the lucky ones becoming pregnant with my first child after only four months of trying. The same with my second child. Following my third child, I had to go through years of fertility investigations and 12 miscarriages. So by now I think I am quite knowledgable about fertility, but it does not stop my current infertility.

Please stop thinking of getting pregnant as a race to be completed quickly. Please try to relax and enjoy "practicing" these early months. If you are one of the lucky ones that is great, but don't assume everyone feels the same way about ttc.

[PuppyMummy]

johnandkymberley that was a ridiculous and totally insensitive thing to say. fod was spot on with her advice and trying to help you.
You have no idea what its like, cycle after cycle to do all the right things and not be lucky to get the elusive bfp.
I can guarantee cycle 17 (for me) and upwards from that for many on here, does not feel like it did in cycle 1.

[QTPie]

Sorry, thread lurker...

But, becoming pregnant has very little to do with "knowing what to do" and a lot more about dealing with the hand that Mother Nature has dealt you... Some people at every lucky and get pregnant straight away, others take years and/or medical I intervention, others (like my SIL) not at all.

I have DS (3 years and 4 months), but have spent the past 16 months (and one round of IVF), so far unsuccessfully, TTC DC2.

People on this forum are not all in the same boat, sadly:. Some will flit through here during the one month they TTC before moving on to the Pregnancy forum, others will be here for years. And nobody knows - until it happens or doesn't - which group we will be in.

Good luck.

[EuroShaggleton]

OP, what a nasty insensitive thing to say to Dorothy.

I suggest you try to mature a little before you bring a child into this world.

[tametortie]

=(

OP, this is a tough lesson to learn. To post on the conception/infertility boards in such a way is totally insensitive. Many of us have been TTC for years (6 here), have endured loss, sadness, heartache.

Please try to be a bit more sensitive to the situation of others.

And let me assure you, if knowledge of TTC ensured success- I'd have a fucking 7-seater car by now, not a yaris.

[Sh1ney]

92 messages devoted to some woman who has been trying to get pregnant for five minutes and decides to post in conception? She would be better off shooting the breeze about this nonsense over in chat.

Insensitive , crass and embarrassing. ( and I speak as someone who has had her babies and well and truly past it all now. I'm just cringing here and feeling the pain of countless women who use this particular topic for what it's meant for )

[Sh1ney]

And this reads like a wind up to me anyway

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I know this isn't AIBU and I don't want to pile in here unnrcessarily but I also think that was a very unkind thing that friendofkymberleysaid and that kymberley then repeated.

I' had great support on the conception boards when I was trying to have DS. I was one of the lucky ones who became pregnant quickly but one thing that struck me is that the posters who helped me the most were the ones who had gleaned the most knowledge because sadly they had been trying for quite a while. That didnt stop them helping me and being genuinely delighted when I became pregnant.

Which I think just shows the kindness of mumsnetters - which we don't really talk about!

[OrangeLily]

OP fuck off

That was rude, insensitive and utterly crass.

[jass43]

I can get the "not getting" the issues of infertility when you are starry-eyed neophyte in this game. It just made me laugh when I read it first time. I do not see the reason to feel offended by blissful ignorance.

But I strongly advise the OP to undertake an attitude shift. Why the rush? Contraception is bad, unhealthy and unnatural thing. You are off it now. A few more months of ttc gives you a few more months in life living without nasty hormone interventions. Until you have no proven problems (and it takes 12 month of ttc even to suspect it) enjoy this time of looking forward and anticipation. Soon your pregnancy is here, then it is over and you might feel it went far too fast.
I remember the months of ttc as the ones most happy in my life - I believed it will happen and lived in anticipation. Of course, once it takes too long all this changes, but why rush into worry and being a nervous wreck after one month of trying?
Now suffering secondary infertility I fondly think back on the days when I did not have reasons to think something is wrong and lived in exited anticipation, enjoying the thoughts of not just shagging but importantly making a baby. Enjoy this time in your life and do not spoil it with impatience, lady

[tametortie]

Mrsdevere, totally agree. I find the naivity of thinking it will happen the first month really sweet and it really made me smile. It was the insensitive comment to fod that pissed me off!! Like having loads of expert knowledge helps any of us at all???!!!